When men only commit to trash

[basil67]

May I say basil that you are good and kind, which is why many of the people you know are also good and kind. Like attracts like.

 

I still say, there are all kinds in this world. And like attracts like. If a man (or woman) is willing to commit to a "trash" woman (or man) who will be dishonest, lie, and cheat on him... Well then, they will get exactly what they deserve (or what they chose).

 

As my dear mother used to say, at least these two people won't ruin another perfectly good relationship...

 

Ah, yes...note the word "most" in my description. I have known a handful of dreadful people in my time and yes, best to leave them to themselves.

[basil67]

In some cases the "trashiness" is obvious - The way they dress, the way they talk, the way they act, etc.

 

I forgot to mention, when I see someone who acts vastly different to me in this respect, I find that a lot of it is socio economic and cultural. And because of that, they will be perfectly acceptable to those who share that background. I reckon it would be uncommon (but not impossible) for a man who was raised in a very different place by very different people to be attracted to a woman who's so culturally different.

 

So, yes, some people - male and female - may make poor choices in partner. However, if *every* man you've lost has gone to a woman that you describe as trash, then I would wager that you're simply viewing them through the lens of the green eyed monster.

[guest569]

Yeah looking down on people for the way they dress and talk is called being a snob. It's not a good trait. So you can look down your nose at all the "subpar trash" and spend your time being angry and jealous. Meanwhile the "trash" doesn't give a crap what you think and is busy living life. It's really up to you whether to just let go and focus on more important things on the world, or carry on being angry and put everyone else down so you don't have to look within.

[bathtub-row]

A few months after my husband and I separated, he apparently had time to think things over as to what went wrong between us. One day, he told me that, while we were together, he had been too busy being the perfect husband. This is the same guy that I had multiple conversations with about what was wrong between us, told him if they didn’t stop I would leave him - but he just never listened. Of course, I’m just an idiot who didn’t appreciate Mr Perfect.

 

The thing is, people invent all kinds of things in their minds as to why things fall apart in relationships. Most people don’t want to look at the facts or look at how they helped break things, no matter how obvious it is to others. Whether a guy gets hurt by someone who’s trashy and invents his version of the truth, or whatever the circumstances, it seems to be human nature to skew things to fit our reality.

[guest569]

You seem to be unable to see things from the male perspective. Most guys don't care how smart, charming, popular, or successful a girl is. That is crap you ladies value in men, but not the other way around. Men want a hot, fun girl. Period. We would take a hot, fun girl that was unemployed over a smart, charming, successful girl 9 times out of 10. Especially if that smart successful girl becomes bitter and starts hating on men.

 

That's just another bollocks generalisation. It's not true. Aside from the last sentence. I love the bogus statistic though, makes it sound more legit.

[guest569]

For the most part, I am right. Men don't care. We don't care about a woman's job, her education, none of that, not really. Sure, you will have some outliers that do care, and even more men that pretend to care loud enough for the educated, smart girls to hear, but in reality, it's just not a priority of ours. That's why you have so many older guys chasing after young girls because those young ladies are generally hotter and more fun than older women. Sure, the older woman has had time to finish college and work on her career, but again, we don't care. Everyone in these forums knows which girl most guys are going after. It gets mentioned often enough.

 

Women in general just have different priorities, and sometimes some ladies have some difficulty in understanding things from a male perspective. Besides, why should we care how much money a woman makes when she still expects us to pay for dinner regardless

 

If you put in a fake statistic then I would totes believe you But no, I am not buying it. This does not align with my experience - but I've always been an odd one and I like it that way. In my view, there is no 'male perspective' versus 'female perspective'. Everyone is unique and likes a very specific set of things in a partner. When you talk to someone after a breakup, they will come out of it with new likes and dislikes, needs and wants.. it does not come down to 'hot' and 'fun'. That is so oversimplified. We are talking about 'settling' remember! Not just friends or casual dating.

[guest569]

it seems to be human nature to skew things to fit our reality.

 

I would think that human nature includes reflection and how to refine our practices so that we have the best chance of survival, that's why we have advanced so much. It seems against human nature to just shrug and say 'oh it's not my fault, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing'. You keep looking in the same place for food but come home hungry time and time again. They're the ones that died out.

[basil67]

For the most part, I am right. Men don't care. We don't care about a woman's job, her education, none of that, not really. Sure, you will have some outliers that do care, and even more men that pretend to care loud enough for the educated, smart girls to hear, but in reality, it's just not a priority of ours. That's why you have so many older guys chasing after young girls because those young ladies are generally hotter and more fun than older women. Sure, the older woman has had time to finish college and work on her career, but again, we don't care. Everyone in these forums knows which girl most guys are going after. It gets mentioned often enough.

 

Women in general just have different priorities, and sometimes some ladies have some difficulty in understanding things from a male perspective. Besides, why should we care how much money a woman makes when she still expects us to pay for dinner regardless

 

I asked hubby about this and he said it was a bit more complex than Enigma says. But after a bit of thought I think that both Fair and Mortensorchid would categorise me in the 'trash' category.

 

I am intelligent, but uneducated. I have a heap of common sense. I do not have a career but (with the exception of being a carer) I've always had a job. I have worn short skirts with high heels and shown cleavage. I have a bawdy sense of humour. I think farts are funny. I've never been popular, but I have a small group of core friends. I laugh a lot and I talk too loud. (I didn't realise how often I laughed until my parrot started to copy my laugh...then I discovered that I have a goofy laugh). I get on well with my partner's friends. I come from a blue collar background and my broad Aussie accent sets me apart from those who grew up with parents who were educated white collar. I laugh at myself frequently because I do stupid things. I've had one night stands. I've had sex on the first date. I make the first move. Back in the day, I wasn't beautiful, but cute in the 'girl next door' kind of way. And I really, really like men. I think that most people are good and kind. I couldn't be elegant to save my life, but by god I can be fun and sexy.

 

And all this combined....I've never had a problem finding a man.

[elaine567]

Enigma makes good points and the points he makes are in evidence all over this forum.

Men "in general" here have difficulty attracting/finding/keeping women who are "hot" enough for their sexual requirements and women "in general" here have difficulty attracting/finding/keeping men who they can "connect" with, men who will make good "best friends", husbands and fathers.

Almost ALL problems here are variations on those core themes.

[bathtub-row]

For the most part, I am right. Men don't care. We don't care about a woman's job, her education, none of that, not really. Sure, you will have some outliers that do care, and even more men that pretend to care loud enough for the educated, smart girls to hear, but in reality, it's just not a priority of ours. That's why you have so many older guys chasing after young girls because those young ladies are generally hotter and more fun than older women. Sure, the older woman has had time to finish college and work on her career, but again, we don't care. Everyone in these forums knows which girl most guys are going after. It gets mentioned often enough.

 

Women in general just have different priorities, and sometimes some ladies have some difficulty in understanding things from a male perspective. Besides, why should we care how much money a woman makes when she still expects us to pay for dinner regardless

 

I believe this is very true and it’s because the sexes come from different places in the process of mate selecting. Women need to know that a man can take care of her children and that ability is typically tied to his mind, resourcefulness, expertise, etc. Men, on the other hand, want a healthy woman he can mate with and produce healthy children. That’s why men don’t concern themselves with a woman’s career and why women do. Those are very old evolutionary processes that work within us at a very subconscious level, not necessarily something we think about consciously.

 

Having said that, this original thread is about men picking trashy women and then saying that they were too nice and that’s why they got stomped on. I think picking a fun, healthy girl is different than picking someone who’s trashy. Most men are discreet about that.

[nospam99]

For the most part, I am right. Men don't care. We don't care about a woman's job, her education, none of that, not really. Sure, you will have some outliers that do care, and even more men that pretend to care loud enough for the educated, smart girls to hear, but in reality, it's just not a priority of ours. That's why you have so many older guys chasing after young girls because those young ladies are generally hotter and more fun than older women. Sure, the older woman has had time to finish college and work on her career, but again, we don't care. Everyone in these forums knows which girl most guys are going after. It gets mentioned often enough.

 

Women in general just have different priorities, and sometimes some ladies have some difficulty in understanding things from a male perspective. Besides, why should we care how much money a woman makes when she still expects us to pay for dinner regardless

 

Lots of truth here. BUT ... I'm a man and I care about 'some stuff' (perhaps I'm one of enigma's outliers?).

 

While I want to be with a woman I want to **** and have no interest in a relationship with a woman I wouldn't enjoy ****ing, 'we' are going to be spending more than 90% of our time together doing things other than ****ing. I want a woman who shares my interests and my attitude and behavior about living a healthy and active life, who cares about my well-being, who is willing to 'be there' for me when I need a best friend. And I wouldn't be who I want to think I am if I wasn't 'signing up' to reciprocate.

 

So AFTER my threshold about her 'looks' is satisfied, I do care about intelligence, education, and VALUES. Also I'm an 'older guy' and, unless you count the 'under 60s', I plead 'not guilty' to chasing young girls. Get real - young girls would only be interested in my money. If that's what I wanted, there's seekingarrangement.com.

 

Addendum: I have a buddy who uses seekingarrangement. He likes to email me nudes of the young girls he's 'with'. I admit, I'm both 'stimulated' and jealous. Doesn't mean I'll take that path though.

Edited September 29, 2018 by nospam99

[MaleIntuition]

Enigma makes good points and the points he makes are in evidence all over this forum.

Men "in general" here have difficulty attracting/finding/keeping women who are "hot" enough for their sexual requirements and women "in general" here have difficulty attracting/finding/keeping men who they can "connect" with, men who will make good "best friends", husbands and fathers.

Almost ALL problems here are variations on those core themes.

 

Ooooor, men and women are not that different and are both looking at a partner whom they are simultaneously attracted to and with matching personalities.

 

These boards are obviously inherently biased towards dating situation which are not going well, and the common theme is that they are always characterised by an imbalance in interest level and/or anxiety.

[Happy Lemming]

I laugh a lot and I talk too loud. (I didn't realise how often I laughed until my parrot started to copy my laugh...then I discovered that I have a goofy laugh)

 

This is GREAT!! It must be so cool to have a parrot mimic your laugh.