When men only commit to trash

[Fair]

That women who sleep with a range of men are trash? That all men in the world only commit to trashy women? That all women in committed relationships are trash and looking to cheat? The trashy women look trashy, men don't care about looks. All the single women are Marilyn Munroe lookalikes but would be nagging, boring wives and theyre somehow good qualities in a relationship and men don't know what they're missing by passing up on the boring nags. And also, wah.

 

Insert evidence here.

 

Again... talking general character of women who sleep around and can't be faithful or trusted. No one said all single women are Marilyn Monroe look alikes of stellar behaviour... just saying there's a lot of what I mentioned going around and it makes the dating world bewildering and difficult. Among other things that make it difficult. In fact there's so much that makes it difficult one wonders why bother at times.

 

Note my post is titled "WHEN men only commit to trash." Not that they're all doing it... but it seems to be popular.

[basil67]

I suspect that the woman you see as 'trash' would be what I describe as fun, personable, good self esteem, sociable, attractive and with a positive outlook on life. Because this pretty much describes most women I've seen men commit to.

 

I don't see men committing to women who are bitter or judgemental about others.

[Chilli]

Actually it's all true. I'm utter trash, a complete shrew and nag my husband constantly. I make his world an utter misery. It's the only way I can keep him.

 

 

ya crackin me up

[carhill]

Note my post is titled "WHEN men only commit to trash." Not that they're all doing it... but it seems to be popular.

 

That's a fair point and I noted it in my response.... and was thinking of a friend's daughter, so bad he disowned her, six kids by three men, the last one, father of three, still with her, entitlement program pro. One father has been in and out of prison. Don't think any of her kids have been to prison but not sure. It takes a lot for a father to cut a daughter out of his life.

 

The catch? She's attractive, even worn down by drug abuse over the decades, and projects that aura of desire that draws men in, especially that subgroup of men who like the strange. I was copying some old VHS tapes for his other daughter where she showed up in them as a young woman, teenager actually, and it was like she jumped out of the screen. No doubt why the guys would want to do her, even with all the 'stuff'. Breeding draw. Some women have that in spades.

 

I came to look at such dynamics as those people are just not for me. Bad match.

[basil67]

Note my post is titled "WHEN men only commit to trash." Not that they're all doing it... but it seems to be popular.

 

Your title is made redundant by the generalisations in your post.

 

*Because good women are given a bad rap... we're all trying to snare/trap men... we're future nags and/or boring... not enough of a challenge... will strip all the fun from men's lives. That's really how we're portrayed in society... *

 

Untrue ^ The good women I know are either in a relationship or single by choice.

 

*men go for the liars, the cheats, the no gooders who look like more fun until they fall for them.*

 

It may be true that some men and women go for the bad guy/girl. But those who do this tend to be damaged themselves in some way. Like attracts like. Whereas solid people usually gravitate to those who also have their life together.

 

*why do nice guys finish last and weep and weep and weep...*

 

Exactly what you're doing here. The thing you have in common with those 'nice guys' is bitterness and an inability to look at all the happy people in relationships and realise that these generalisations are untrue.

 

*Then they get a good woman by a fluke and treat her like she's garbage. She leaves him. He forgets her instantly and starts chasing another tramp. The good woman ends up with another creep because she's seen as easy prey because she really does have a good heart and he's out to take advantage of it. Now everyone's getting used, abused and hurt and there are no happy endings. *

 

Where are all these tramps you speak of? I can't say I know any....

 

And if a "good woman" keeps ending up with creeps, I would say that she's not as emotionally solid as she likes to think she is. Rather, she's a woman who, for whatever reason, makes bad choices. Nobody's fault but her own.

[mortensorchid]

At first blush, I thought "mortensorchid" wrote the opening for this thread.

 

Speaking from experience, some of these "trash" women (your word, not mine) are really fun in bed... Uninhibited... Like to experiment... Don't say "no" when you ask for sex... And don't put a set of rules down in the bedroom. So, yes sometimes we (men) go for a woman, that is more fun.

 

Can dating be tough?? Yes, but it can also be a lot of fun.

 

Am I that obvious? Ha ha ha ...

 

But yes, I am glad that there is at least one other woman out there who feels the same as I do. I have been thrown over for a trashy woman I don't know how many times. What's worse is these idiots end up marrying them or getting into an LTR with them, and they are in for a ride with these women. One I couldn't believe when I heard this 2nd hand - he said to my source (who was a woman) if I see you at this event, don't be offended I can't some up and say hello to you because my wife (who he married after knowing her for about 6 weeks barely a year after he dumped me in a very abusive, cowardly way and declared his new marriage on the front page of a newspaper which went on the internet and millions of people worldwide read it after he lied about where he was that weekend - long story) has trust issues and she doesn't like it when she sees me talking to other women. His wife ended up taking full advantage of him. Long story short, she had him supporting her, her two children, probably her lover in some ways, and paying for her daughter's education all the while she was living in another state/city having a wonderful time with her lover. Three years later, she divorced him, married her lover the day after the divorce who became husband #4, and barely a year later divorced husband #4. That was about 8/9 year ago now, I think she's been married twice since. And my old bf? No one's heard a word from him, I think he's ashamed.

 

But like I said, trash girls.

[BaileyB]

It boils down to poor character. The women they chase are never faithful, truthful or discerning or sometimes even particularly attractive. A lot of women who sleep with everything are downright ugly. They're not Hollywood's definition of sexy at all. But Men can't handle a woman who has too much going for her so this is the kind they run after.

 

Sweeping generalizations are not helpful to anyone...

 

Seriously. The bitterness in your writing jumps off the page and that will not be attractive to any man. Which will no doubt, at least in your mind, propagate your "theory" that most men are not attracted to a "good" woman.

[BaileyB]

It may be true that some men and women go for the bad guy/girl. But those who do this tend to be damaged themselves in some way. Like attracts like. Whereas solid people usually gravitate to those who also have their life together.

 

I believe this to be true.

Edited September 28, 2018 by BaileyB

[thefooloftheyear]

Women who struggle, just like men who struggle, really don't know why it is that they can't have what others get relatively easy...

 

SO they come up with ridiculous justifications, rather than looking at themselves to see what it is that they don't have or don't bring to the table...

 

There is a saying...

 

" A poor craftsman blames his tools"

 

 

Think about it...

 

TFY

[Shining One]

How does one define "good" and "trash" women? I imagine we'd get nearly as many definitions as there are posters in this thread.

[BluEyeL]

I didn't read but the initial post, but it is not true. Just a generalization. In fact, what I consider "good women" usually get men to commit to, on average, more than what I personally don't consider such "good" women.

 

 

But the definition of "good" is different for everyone. And, like sometimes we see "good" women choose "trash" men who con them, abuse them, treat them like c.rap, there are also situations when men commit to less than "good" women who do con them, abuse them etc.

 

 

Generally, this happens because of insecurities of the chooser. And also, if you think you are a "good" woman who doesn't get men to commit, I suspect the problem is you are too eager, too needy and too available. While what you call "trash" women may behave a bit differently, with more confidence.

[BluEyeL]

Not likely to happen..from an evolutionary perspective, the reason women will not drop these standards in their 20s is because they on some level in their conscious/subconscious are looking for the right person to breed with (eg good looks, good height, fitness characteristics) which is why some women date broke handsome guys in their 20s and don't necessarily need a rich guy like a lot of men believe.

 

.

Unless women in their 20s are open to dating a significantly older guy, most guys are broke and handsome in their 20s. OK, fewer may be handsome (although because I'm old I see most "kids" in their 20s, boys and girls, as good looking), but definitely most of them are broke !

[SmartDude]

Because she sat down and started talking to him at a bar, or while he was out with friends. There was no hesitation, she was not playing hard to get. He got comfortable. End of story.

[Fair]

I suspect that the woman you see as 'trash' would be what I describe as fun, personable, good self esteem, sociable, attractive and with a positive outlook on life. Because this pretty much describes most women I've seen men commit to.

 

I don't see men committing to women who are bitter or judgemental about others.

 

I don't see how being dishonest, a cheat and liar is attractive. How many times do I have to point out poor character?

 

Sigh. I can't help it if people want to interpret this thread their own way.

[Shining One]

I don't see how being dishonest, a cheat and liar is attractive.

Show me a male OLD profile in which a man specifies he's looking for these attributes. I expect you won't find one. Some men may find a woman attractive despite these attributes, not because of them. Some men may be unaware a woman exhibits these traits before becoming emotionally invested in her. It's not like women advertise these things about themselves.

[Fair]

Show me a male OLD profile in which a man specifies he's looking for these attributes. I expect you won't find one. Some men may find a woman attractive despite these attributes, not because of them. Some men may be unaware a woman exhibits these traits before becoming emotionally invested in her. It's not like women advertise these things about themselves.

 

Except when they do find out it doesn't make a damned bit of difference. My whole point is that these men DO know. When they find out is irrelevant.

[BluEyeL]

Except when they do find out it doesn't make a damned bit of difference. My whole point is that these men DO know. When they find out is irrelevant.

How many men do you know who committed, i.e. married, to trashy women? And are these men high quality themselves? Through that, I understand men with integrity, stability (emotional, career), no addictions, no debt etc. Because in my experience water seeks its own level.

 

 

For example, I can assure you I am pretty awesome, maybe a bit boring too, and I married. Twice Once in my 20s and once in my 40s. Once I even married a good man, with high moral integrity. And tall

[Orokotikki]

I have felt the same way before, only with the genders reversed.

And think there is some truth in men who were hurt wanting to throw away some of their 'nice guy' persona. Its defensive. People carry their baggage with different degrees.

 

Its ok to vent and I hope you find someone who treats your right.

[carhill]

How many men do you know who committed, i.e. married, to trashy women? And are these men high quality themselves? Through that, I understand men with integrity, stability (emotional, career), no addictions, no debt etc. Because in my experience water seeks its own level.

The ones I know personally, only a couple, that did married young and probably had little clue as to what would develop and were too invested by the time reality set in to eject. Overall, the guys are generally really laid back and little phases them, so their wive's antics are 'whatever'.

 

The oldest has been married about 30 years now and to the casual observer they are the perfect couple, socially popular, he's an orthopod, successful, handsome older man, adult children, all the bells and whistles. I've even heard his wife, to me, self-identify as a POS and loser, though perhaps that was a sympathy grab, IDK. Heck if I was gay and he was, I'd marry him. Literally nothing phases him. Perfect demeanor for the medical industry. His wife pretty much does whatever she wants. Cucked? IDK.

 

Men can have a blind side when it comes to their women and romance. How they come across in business and other relationships doesn't always match up with the behind the doors stuff. Had I invested my whole life since a teenager with another human I'd probably think twice before ejecting too. Even as a late married it was hard to push the ejection button. Perhaps that's the male psychology of my generation, IDK.

 

I get that the OP is frustrated when seeing men blow by her to hook up with and commit to women she can't fathom as being her equals. Saw a lot of that in my 20's from the male side, women chasing and committing to loser/abusive guys. What I didn't get at the time was those guys were attractive to those women and those women simply weren't for me. To much generalization from a few examples. Sucks but that's life. Some women like those guys, just like some guys like those women. Hopefully some day she'll accept that.

[basil67]

I don't see how being dishonest, a cheat and liar is attractive. How many times do I have to point out poor character?

 

Sigh. I can't help it if people want to interpret this thread their own way.

 

But where are all these alleged dishonest, cheating and lying women who are snaring most of the men? It doesn't describe any of the women I know who are in long term relationships.

 

Most people I know are good and kind.

[mortensorchid]

In some cases the "trashiness" is obvious - The way they dress, the way they talk, the way they act, etc.

 

In other ways, it's not so obvious until you get to know someone. And … Chances are they do not KNOW the person until it's far too late. It's either a rebound relationship, the guy jumped into things far too quickly with someone before thinking and found himself in an "oh s***" situation and it was too late, or they did know certain things (she's been married twice before, she falls out with friends, doesn't talk to her family, etc.) and thought they can change it or it isn't going to happen to them. And they find out this isn't true by any means.

 

But in general, in my experience, men want a woman who is lesser than they are. Someone who is not as smart, has less personality, not as successful in their career, not as popular, etc. as they are. And they end up going for a trashy girl - or at least one who is certainly not the right one for them - because they think they have the leverage / superiority.

[mortensorchid]

But where are all these alleged dishonest, cheating and lying women who are snaring most of the men? It doesn't describe any of the women I know who are in long term relationships.

 

Most people I know are good and kind.

 

Excellent question. The ones who are obvious or flamboyant tend to be our examples. The ones who are slick and hide these things … Well, you will never know, will you?

[JuneL]

Maybe you’re attracted to guys with the martyr complex: they enjoy saving those women.

[basil67]

Excellent question. The ones who are obvious or flamboyant tend to be our examples. The ones who are slick and hide these things … Well, you will never know, will you?

 

I'm confused. A woman who's flamboyant can simply have an engaging personality. It doesn't mean that she's a cheat or nasty underneath.

 

And of the women where you can't detect it...it doesn't make sense to assume bad of someone when you've got no evidence of them being bad.

[BaileyB]

But where are all these alleged dishonest, cheating and lying women who are snaring most of the men? It doesn't describe any of the women I know who are in long term relationships.

 

Most people I know are good and kind.

 

May I say basil that you are good and kind, which is why many of the people you know are also good and kind. Like attracts like.

 

I still say, there are all kinds in this world. And like attracts like. If a man (or woman) is willing to commit to a "trash" woman (or man) who will be dishonest, lie, and cheat on him... Well then, they will get exactly what they deserve (or what they chose).

 

As my dear mother used to say, at least these two people won't ruin another perfectly good relationship...