Fair Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 This is mostly true. Because good women are given a bad rap... we're all trying to snare/trap men... we're future nags and/or boring... not enough of a challenge... will strip all the fun from men's lives. That's really how we're portrayed in society... so men go for the liars, the cheats, the no gooders who look like more fun until they fall for them. Then they try to get them to commit. THEN they get find out they can't... she takes off with someone or more than one other man... He instantly comes down with a case of 'nice guy' syndrome, bemoaning the fact that he's so much better than the bad boys, why do nice guys finish last and weep and weep and weep... Then they get a good woman by a fluke and treat her like she's garbage. She leaves him. He forgets her instantly and starts chasing another tramp. The good woman ends up with another creep because she's seen as easy prey because she really does have a good heart and he's out to take advantage of it. Now everyone's getting used, abused and hurt and there are no happy endings. This is how I see dating in the 21st century. It all seems to me like nothing but a big game of predator and prey. Cat and mouse. Why bother? 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 This has not at all been my experience as a woman. And I've had to date post-divorce in my forties! 6
Mardelis Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 When I was single and online dating I went out with many women and found several "good ones" with whom I had short and long term committed relationships from 3 months to 2 years, and the woman I with, we're living together and are legal domestic partners for the past 7 years. None of these relationships ended because of cheating or because of "trashy" actions on either part, they ran their course as many relationships do. Needless to say I do not share your experience. I think you've hit some bad apples lately and you're venting your frustrations. Hang in there, it gets better.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 I don't know where you're finding these dudes, OP. I can't say I've had the misfortune of encountering them in any significant number. 1
kendahke Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 This is mostly true. Because good women are given a bad rap... we're all trying to snare/trap men... we're future nags and/or boring... not enough of a challenge... will strip all the fun from men's lives. That's really how we're portrayed in society... so men go for the liars, the cheats, the no gooders who look like more fun until they fall for them. Then they try to get them to commit. THEN they get find out they can't... she takes off with someone or more than one other man... He instantly comes down with a case of 'nice guy' syndrome, bemoaning the fact that he's so much better than the bad boys, why do nice guys finish last and weep and weep and weep... Then they get a good woman by a fluke and treat her like she's garbage. She leaves him. He forgets her instantly and starts chasing another tramp. The good woman ends up with another creep because she's seen as easy prey because she really does have a good heart and he's out to take advantage of it. Now everyone's getting used, abused and hurt and there are no happy endings. This is how I see dating in the 21st century. It all seems to me like nothing but a big game of predator and prey. Cat and mouse. Why bother? Some people learn to live with what they can't rise above. Others figure out how to do better and they go do better.
basil67 Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 I don't see this happening in real life. It does however speak volumes about how you view other people. 6
Woggle Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 The key is finding the balance between a woman who knows how to have fun but isn't commitment material and a so called good girl who wouldn't know fun if it fell on her lap and is offended by everything. If you can find a woman with the best traits of both and none of the worst you have hit the jackpot. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 Soooo....This is the female version of the "nice guys never get a breaK".... TFY 13
basil67 Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 Actually it's all true. I'm utter trash, a complete shrew and nag my husband constantly. I make his world an utter misery. It's the only way I can keep him. 7
Lotsgoingon Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 This is way too one sided. I have many frank conversations with guys of a variety of backgrounds ... OK ... most of them are pretty decent guys ... none thinks like you think they think. None! I have frank conversations with a range of women ... from 18 to 60 ... none of them talks like this ... Sure, some women complain about closed guys or emotionally distant guys ... (These guys would be the same way with any woman they dated or married.) Some have the bad luck to end up with real jerks. I'm imagining you're screening out jerks?! Seriously, I think that is a skill you can practice and get better at. This type of broadside only reveals your frustration and your pain. But if you want better feedback, tell us about a specific experience that disappointed you and hurt you. 1
Happy Lemming Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 At first blush, I thought "mortensorchid" wrote the opening for this thread. Speaking from experience, some of these "trash" women (your word, not mine) are really fun in bed... Uninhibited... Like to experiment... Don't say "no" when you ask for sex... And don't put a set of rules down in the bedroom. So, yes sometimes we (men) go for a woman, that is more fun. Can dating be tough?? Yes, but it can also be a lot of fun. 6
luvflower Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 (edited) I think one of the other posters has a great point. A balance between different characteristics is a perfect situation. Still... I don’t promote going around trying to be something you’re not just in HOPES of retaining a partner. Meaning, if you’re a geek then be a geek. If you’re a freak be one. If you’re really domesticated and you don’t care about ANY worldly things then well, you may wanna expose yourself to some different things... seriously. But the point being be who you are. Although balance is key, be who you are.... THATS IN STYLE... and will never get old. I feel like the bottom line is that when it’s meant for you/anyone to be with that right person, that right person FOR YOU will find you or vice versa. In this day and time, some people (men & women) have become weak and so influenced by mass media, instant gratification and superficial qualities. Similar to what you said OP, it’s all good at first... but at the end of the day, a quality man wants a QUALITY woman by his side, and vice versa. So the men AND women who give all their energy and attn to “trash”, will eventually get what they thought they wanted. For some people the superficial stuff actually means more than someone with more of a balance, which includes some pretty attractive individuals. Edited September 26, 2018 by luvflower
Versacehottie Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 I kinda feel like the early days after a rough breakup, one that you feel is unfair in ways, are not the best days to contemplate what the world of dating is like. Suffice it to say, your perspective is bound to be very skewed and with hints of your current bitterness. The reality is that one good guy who sees you as a similarly good person is all you need. It's much better to figure out ways around your particular roadblocks (rural area, age or what have you) with solid things that can address the issues and help you find a partner. Unless you've truly decided you don't want one. I think when people feel as such as your OP on this thread state, it's more of a case that you are frustrated and generalizing in a bad, unhelpful way. This kind of perspective only hurts you. It actually serves no purpose at all. Maybe save analyzing the dating environment until you feel better enough to come up with constructive conclusions and true problem-solving answers? 3
Author Fair Posted September 27, 2018 Author Posted September 27, 2018 I kinda feel like the early days after a rough breakup, one that you feel is unfair in ways, are not the best days to contemplate what the world of dating is like. Suffice it to say, your perspective is bound to be very skewed and with hints of your current bitterness. The reality is that one good guy who sees you as a similarly good person is all you need. It's much better to figure out ways around your particular roadblocks (rural area, age or what have you) with solid things that can address the issues and help you find a partner. Unless you've truly decided you don't want one. I think when people feel as such as your OP on this thread state, it's more of a case that you are frustrated and generalizing in a bad, unhelpful way. This kind of perspective only hurts you. It actually serves no purpose at all. Maybe save analyzing the dating environment until you feel better enough to come up with constructive conclusions and true problem-solving answers? I've always seen it this way. And I really have seen it. Aftermath of a breakup has nothing to do with it.
Author Fair Posted September 27, 2018 Author Posted September 27, 2018 I don't know where you're finding these dudes, OP. I can't say I've had the misfortune of encountering them in any significant number. How do you know? You never really learn about another person unless you're in a relationship with them.
Happy Lemming Posted September 27, 2018 Posted September 27, 2018 I've always seen it this way. And I really have seen it. "If you can't beat 'em... join 'em" - Quentin Reynolds So re-invent yourself, like Sandy did at the end of the movie "Grease". Go be a "bad girl"!! See if you get the good guy!?!?
Author Fair Posted September 27, 2018 Author Posted September 27, 2018 "If you can't beat 'em... join 'em" - Quentin Reynolds So re-invent yourself, like Sandy did at the end of the movie "Grease". Go be a "bad girl"!! See if you get the good guy!?!? Too exhausting. I have to post this, I love it too much. It's really true. People are not that admirable. I don't know how people who live in this world, have dated and who've read as much relationship b.s on these forums can doubt anything about anyone. 1
Larry56 Posted September 27, 2018 Posted September 27, 2018 (edited) I like me a ranty post. so men go for the liars, the cheats, the no gooders who look like more fun until they fall for them. Then they try to get them to commit. THEN they get find out they can't... she takes off with someone or more than one other man... He instantly comes down with a case of 'nice guy' syndrome, bemoaning the fact that he's so much better than the bad boys, why do nice guys finish last and weep and weep and weep... So what you're talking about with the 'nice guys' who weep and so on....you're actually talking about the guy who was the placeholder for the alpha male the woman really wanted. See women treat the side-beta boy badly because she's after the alpha male...who she really wants... ( then bad boy treats her badly because he doesn't think she's all that.) So women treat that guy (the nice side-beta boy) they end up settling for in their 30s the same way the bad boy treats them in their 20s. Now you can kinda put the blame on men in this instance if you like...they are the chasers...but women are very good at keeping side-boys for attention. Then they get a good woman by a fluke and treat her like she's garbage. She leaves him. He forgets her instantly and starts chasing another tramp. The good woman ends up with another creep because she's seen as easy prey because she really does have a good heart and he's out to take advantage of it. Now everyone's getting used, abused and hurt and there are no happy endings. Well that depends on the woman. Is she ACTUALLY a good woman...because as far as I'm aware...in terms of the media and the news and Facebook...every single woman seems to be a good woman no matter what she did or what she's done. So I have no idea what you're going on about since that party girl who banged 10 jocks in one night is as much of a good woman as the stay at home mom who lives on a ranch in Delaware. There is no criteria for a good woman but their certainly seems to be a criteria for a 'good man'. Edited September 27, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix quote 1
stillafool Posted September 27, 2018 Posted September 27, 2018 This is exactly the same type of thread the nice guys make about the bad guys getting all of the girls. I'll tell you what is told to them - lower your standards. 3
alphamale Posted September 27, 2018 Posted September 27, 2018 So re-invent yourself, like Sandy did at the end of the movie "Grease". so re-invent yourself into a slut/tramp/whore?
Lotsgoingon Posted September 27, 2018 Posted September 27, 2018 This is exactly the same type of thread the nice guys make about the bad guys getting all of the girls. I'll tell you what is told to them - lower your standards. Stillafool, I know what you mean ... and I get your thinking ... but ... is it possible that in this case the OP needs to raise her standards? As in standards about character, decency, maturity, reliability? ... She's apparently going out with guys who aren't trustworthy, who aren't reliable, who don't have good character ... and these guys are apparently hiding their bad sides for a while ... and then later their bad sides come out. Now if you mean on straight-out looks, then yeah, I think "lowering" standards on looks and appearance ... opens up a huge world of really cool people who aren't necessarily stunning. Funny: an average looking person with some great qualities can easily become better looking right! 1
Larry56 Posted September 27, 2018 Posted September 27, 2018 Now if you mean on straight-out looks, then yeah, I think "lowering" standards on looks and appearance ... opens up a huge world of really cool people who aren't necessarily stunning. Not likely to happen..from an evolutionary perspective, the reason women will not drop these standards in their 20s is because they on some level in their conscious/subconscious are looking for the right person to breed with (eg good looks, good height, fitness characteristics) which is why some women date broke handsome guys in their 20s and don't necessarily need a rich guy like a lot of men believe. With what a post above me said is true. This thread is the equivalent of a 'Nice Guys/Girls Finish Last' mentality that the OP has gotten hung up on.
Larry56 Posted September 27, 2018 Posted September 27, 2018 Stillafool, I know what you mean ... and I get your thinking ... but ... is it possible that in this case the OP needs to raise her standards? As in standards about character, decency, maturity, reliability? ... Those are characteristics that are good for relationships but bad boys in their 20s have the 'hotness factor' women go after on a hormonal level. You as a guy have been conditioned to believe maturity/character/decency is a good trait in a woman but women don't equate decency = hotness. Women just EXPECT men to be that way from the beginning...but because they are chasing hotty alpha they will let go of 'certain' characteristics in favour of what gets them tingly.
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