How Often Should I Contact This Girl Before Our First Date?

[WDG374]

Hi everyone. Just going to explain my situation and hopefully I can get some pointers.

 

Basically, me and this girl used to work together a couple of years ago. We weren't friends or particularly close or anything, but I think we got on. Anyway, after I left we had zero contact for about a year and a half, then bumped into one another recently, and we've talked a bit both in person and online and I've suddenly found I really like her. So I finally plucked up the courage to ask if she'd like to go on a date with me sometime and she said yes The only issue is, I seem to have asked her literally the day before she went back to university (significantly, abroad). She's suggested we can meet up when she's back at the start of December.

 

So I'm struggling to decide how often I should get in touch with her between now and then. A few things complicate matters. She's six years younger than me; her last proper relationship was when she was 16/17; and generally speaking she's quite an awkward/nervous person. So I'm really worried that if I contact her too much before the first date, I could seem to be coming on too strong or look too eager, and scare her off. On the other hand, if I contact her too seldom I'm worried she'll think I lack interest, or that I'm less serious about getting together with her than I am. I know I can come across as quite a flippant person at times so there is a risk she might not know that I'm very serious about dating.

 

Does anyone have any advice? 10 weeks will probably fly by in practice, but there's also plenty of chance in that period for this to simmer down from 'date' to 'old friends meeting up for coffee', and I want to try and keep the spark alive as best I can, without, as I say, scaring her off.

Edited September 26, 2018 by WDG374

[PRW]

You didn't actually ask her out. You only asked what she thought about the "idea" of going on a date and she thought the "idea" was ok. She also knew she was leaving anyway so it didn't matter.

 

What do you do now? You just drop it and date other women. Until two people become exclusive they are both free to see other people. So take advantage of that and see other women.

 

When she comes back in December contact her and arrange a date. A real date, specific time/day/place.

 

 

Don't bother her while she is away,...there is no "good" way to do that...you have no relationship with her at this time

Edited September 26, 2018 by PRW

[Versacehottie]

I am going to think generalized or stereotypically nervous person is that you should stay in touch in "building the friendship, building bonds" ways much more than your average, normal person. I think quirky or anxious girls like that familiarity as they are far too introverted to be comfortable on the first date. I think you can use the distance to your advantage with texts, emails, social media stuff, some phone calls. I would feel it out though, take a little step, see what her response is like and build on that. I would start with 2 times a week or so with a little contact & see how she is responding. Take her cues. If she is resistant or claims busy then pull back. If you start to have personal jokes, and telling each other about upcoming things then follow up as those arise and build upon. She should be reaching out to you a little bit to consider building much after a while.

 

This is just what I think. I'm not that kind of person but I know girls like that. A busy, more outgoing college girl would probably just be best if you did less contact and then were your confident self when you were both in same place with a tiny bit of contact in between. Just my take. Good luck

[alphamale]

don't contact her until she comes home.

[d0nnivain]

Once a week or so, less is OK too. Do not have daily contact.

[kendahke]

Lots can happen in 10 weeks time, so don't invest heavily in anything until after you see her in December.

 

If she's at college, she's surrounded by other guys in her age group and she could be getting to know some one where she is, so don't hang all of your hopes on the notion that just because she's awkward, no one but you will find her interesting--you find her interesting, so other guys might do the same.

 

I wouldn't be in constant contact with her--that can be a turn off especially when you are in one location and she's hundreds of miles away in another location. Right before she's due to come home for the holidays, shoot her an email and gauge her reaction and response to it. Act on how she acts, not what she says.

 

Don't invest in any expectations or fantasies surrounding how you think she should be acting just because you have interest.

 

Keep busy with your life. Once December is here, get in touch. If she wants to go out with you, she'll tell you directly and enthusiastically. If she doesn't, she will hem and haw, prevaricate and flake on you, hoping you're bright enough to get the hint.

[lovelymay]

It really depends on how much you like her.

 

You should definitely stay in touch a few times / week (not every day) and see how things go. But don't hold on to that date because it's in December and in the meantime both of you can change feelings.