To go or not to go?

[ZA Dater]

In what must be an absolute first for me I have someone who really likes enough to actually try persuade me to go on a date with her. Sounds great doesn't it.

 

 

However, I actually find it extremely off putting, there are a few fact that need to be pointed out

 

 

1: She is 37 and has an 11yo kid, no issue, except that dad lives overseas so any dating with her would mean getting involved in a sort of "family" like situation which I am very un keen on.

 

 

2: We have been chatting for quite a while and I have dialled things back to friend zone she still persists with "do you like me as a women", very uncomfortable conversations and how she has told her daughter about me, again I am not so comfortable with that.

 

 

She is a nice enough person but on pictures alone I can see she isn't my cup of tea, yes she is a lot better than I usually get but the fundamentals seems very wrong here. Yes I can make her laugh easily and yes she has a sort of outgoing personality but she also has this slightly domineering personality trait which again I am not sure about.

 

 

At the moment I am quite happy to be on my own but I do wonder but the downsides seem to be significantly more than the upsides, do I go for a date and see with the view all I might do is make her like me even more and then live with a clingy person?

 

 

Thoughts?

[Chilli]

Given your drought , l think l'd go.

Not sure if your dead against any kids at all but yaknow, 1 , not too bad. Usually comes with the territory mid 30s or more. And , any involvement with her child is a long way off anyway and probably won't even eventuate to that anyway.

Messaging , calls , can be very misleading with personality traits , wouldn't worry too much about that either just yet tbh .

Does she make you laugh? takes two to tango l can't believe the pressure guys put on themselves with that stuff forget it , if you get along you both giggle away takes two.

Give it a go with an open mind l'd say.

Edited September 26, 2018 by Chilli

[ZA Dater]

Given your drought , l think l'd go.

Not sure if your dead against any kids at all but yaknow, 1 , not too bad. Usually comes with the territory mid 30s or more. And , any involvement with her child is a long way off anyway and probably won't even eventuate to that anyway.

Messaging , calls , can be very misleading with personality traits , wouldn't worry too much about that either just yet tbh .

Does she make you laugh? takes two to tango l can't believe the pressure guys put on themselves with that stuff forget it , if you get along you both giggle away takes two.

Give it a go with an open mind l'd say.

 

 

 

She seems very desperate which doesn't make me feel very good about the whole thing, I'll put some thought into it.

 

 

I wont lie, kids don't really appeal to me at all.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

I wont lie, kids don't really appeal to me at all.

 

Then be honest with her about that. If she still wants to go on a date and know she'll never get anything more than a dating relationship out of you, give it a try if that's OK with you. She should know up front you don't consider yourself to be a kid person, though. (And there's nothing wrong with that)

[BaileyB]

I wont lie, kids don't really appeal to me at all.

 

Well then, tell her that it’s a no go.

 

Otherwise, I don’t see any reason not to go out wh her. You seem to be putting road blocks up where there are none...

[sdraw108]

What a fuss. This is a simple situation:

 

1. She asked you on a date.
   
2. You're unsure whether you like her or not.
   
3. You go on the date.
   
4. You now know better whether you like her or not.
   

Worst case scenario you lost a few hours of your time and a bit of money on some drinks / food.

 

It's a date, not a marriage proposal. You probably spent more time thinking about it and writing / reading these posts than you would if you just went on the date.

Edited September 26, 2018 by sdraw108

[PRW]

Just stop wringing your hands over it and go on a date. It doesn't sound like you have even met in person. So meet her in person. Don't bring any wedding rings on the date with you, and don't get too drunk, and you'll be fine. It is just a first date, nothing more. Tell her to be patient, because you have a policy to never get married till the 3rd date because the engagement is always reserved for the 2nd date

 

 

(Yes, just kidding on that last part,...in case anyone takes me too seriously)

[ZA Dater]

I am about 80% sure I am going to leave this one alone, reading through a few threads here, going through the idea of chemistry I don't really see enough common interests between us and this sense of clingy I have is still very much there.

 

 

If I don't respond fast enough she gets all irritated.

 

 

Perhaps if I have one severe weakness is I do actually feel for people who try to date, she is desperate to date me and really I am no pick but I also don't like rejecting people either.

 

 

If it was an instance where I really felt there might be potential I would have gone for it but I just don't see that potential at all. Sure it is flattering to be liked in this way but the numbers just don't add up for me or maybe I just feel better holding onto impossible ideas rather than embracing what is in front of me.

 

 

Last few weeks have been very self reflecting ones, yes I don't have that date for functions but just some of the time I have a combination of people/experiences which are just everything I want so if the trade off is being single then I am actually fairly ok with that. I have been put under so much pressure to date, family, co workers, friends and the stigma of society but I feel like a lot of those don't really matter as much anymore.

[Jane Deaux]

I'm kind of wondering why she is so keen on dating you either.

[ZA Dater]

I'm kind of wondering why she is so keen on dating you either.

 

 

 

Desperation I suppose. I have some good point not all about me is bad, I just don't think I am ever going to actually find what I want when it comes to dating. I have had some nice experienced which I wouldn't mind replicating but that wont happen unfortunately.

 

 

When it comes to dating I think I have had perhaps a handful of what I look back on as good experiences and when I feel lonely I just think of those and instantly feel better.

[smackie9]

There is nothing wrong with having someone for companionship. Just go out and enjoy her company...who said you had to always be specific about finding a relationship....make some friends along the way.

[Chilli]

Man you gotta lose all this negative crapola about yourself.

Your in business right , ya know ya can't be all like that in business , well ya can't in life either or you just end up getting what you ask for, right.

 

Anyway , your gut's probably right about her then it seems to be persisting but eh , maybe just go have a good time anyway seems she's throwing herself at ya, just this once , just for the helloit.

And who knows , you might even be wrong, you might even have a good time heaven forbid.

[preraph]

"I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member."

--- Groucho Marx

[Dis]

Why are you entertaining her when you clearly don't have an interest in her?

 

Is it because your ego has been bruised and being in contact with her gives you a boost?

 

It's pretty lame and cowardly, what you're doing. As I said in your previous thread, you have a bad attitude. Most women that have a good head on their shoulders and options wouldn't been too excited as the prospect of a guy who thinks like you do.

 

It's fine if you're not into her. If I was a guy, I wouldn't be either. She seems pretty proficient at doing the few things that turn guys off but the only reason why you're not doing what most decent people do (cut things off) is because you like to have someone grovel at your feet for a change

 

Are your options really this slim?

[ZA Dater]

Why are you entertaining her when you clearly don't have an interest in her?

 

Is it because your ego has been bruised and being in contact with her gives you a boost?

 

It's pretty lame and cowardly, what you're doing. As I said in your previous thread, you have a bad attitude. Most women that have a good head on their shoulders and options wouldn't been too excited as the prospect of a guy who thinks like you do.

 

It's fine if you're not into her. If I was a guy, I wouldn't be either. She seems pretty proficient at doing the few things that turn guys off but the only reason why you're not doing what most decent people do (cut things off) is because you like to have someone grovel at your feet for a change

 

Are your options really this slim?

 

 

As wide of the mark as the Grand Canyon is deep. She is fairly nice to talk to. No you are right most don't find someone who dares not be like everyone else, no its very unattractive to question fundamentals.

[ZA Dater]

"I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member."

--- Groucho Marx

 

 

 

Very true when it comes to me. I far prefer the idea of doing the impossible than accepting what is possible. I'd rather try the former and fail than accept the latter.

 

 

On the face of it I do ask myself why me....she has already told me plenty of guys want to sleep with her but its this smothering pursuit which I find off putting. I suppose I am finding myself on the opposite end of this because I have in the past been guilty of the same.

 

 

There is probably a lesson here somewhere.

[elaine567]

Ok but people who are enamoured often do make their intentions/feelings known, so being turned off by "enthusiasm" seems to not bode well for any "relationship" actually.

If you do not want to have anything to do with her or her daughter, then tell her. There is nothing worse than wasting time with guys who are not interested.

[Zapbasket]

In what must be an absolute first for me I have someone who really likes enough to actually try persuade me to go on a date with her. Sounds great doesn't it.

 

However, I actually find it extremely off putting, there are a few fact that need to be pointed out

 

1: She is 37 and has an 11yo kid, no issue, except that dad lives overseas so any dating with her would mean getting involved in a sort of "family" like situation which I am very un keen on.

 

2: We have been chatting for quite a while and I have dialled things back to friend zone she still persists with "do you like me as a women", very uncomfortable conversations and how she has told her daughter about me, again I am not so comfortable with that.

 

She is a nice enough person but on pictures alone I can see she isn't my cup of tea, yes she is a lot better than I usually get but the fundamentals seems very wrong here. Yes I can make her laugh easily and yes she has a sort of outgoing personality but she also has this slightly domineering personality trait which again I am not sure about.

 

At the moment I am quite happy to be on my own but I do wonder but the downsides seem to be significantly more than the upsides, do I go for a date and see with the view all I might do is make her like me even more and then live with a clingy person? Thoughts?

 

I haven't read the rest of this thread but your OP so jumped out at me that I am going ahead and replying.

 

Don't go on a date with this woman. Forget about this woman.

 

Putting aside the fact that you shouldn't date someone with young kids if you know you don't want to get involved in raising them should the relationship progress that far, you absolutely cannot get involved with someone who has such horrendous boundaries where her young, impressionable daughter is concerned. Why should she mention you to her? Yikes! I'm female and I'd run fast from even being friends with such a mother. Just hell no.

 

And then the rest of your post--you're not into her at all. Don't go on a date with someone you're not excited about. Don't date just because you don't want to be alone. I think all of LS can attest to being alone as much preferable than being in a bad or even lackluster relationship.

 

Someone you actually are into eventually WILL come along. Have some faith.

Edited September 28, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ZA Dater]

Ok but people who are enamoured often do make their intentions/feelings known, so being turned off by "enthusiasm" seems to not bode well for any "relationship" actually.

If you do not want to have anything to do with her or her daughter, then tell her. There is nothing worse than wasting time with guys who are not interested.

 

 

 

Maybe its just me but its not like there is anything really in common which is where my reservations are. Kids I don't mind to an extent but there is no dad in the picture here, he lives overseas.

 

 

I have friend zoned her and she knows that. I am happy with friend zone.

[ZA Dater]

I haven't read the rest of this thread but your OP so jumped out at me that I am going ahead and replying.

 

Don't go on a date with this woman. Forget about this woman.

 

Putting aside the fact that you shouldn't date someone with young kids if you know you don't want to get involved in raising them should the relationship progress that far, you absolutely cannot get involved with someone who has such horrendous boundaries where her young, impressionable daughter is concerned. Why should she mention you to her? Yikes! I'm female and I'd run fast from even being friends with such a mother. Just hell no.

And then the rest of your post--you're not into her at all. Don't go on a date with someone you're not excited about. Don't date just because you don't want to be alone. I think all of LS can attest to being alone as much preferable than being in a bad or even lackluster relationship.

 

Someone you actually are into eventually WILL come along. Have some faith.

 

 

Yes I basically what happened with this "we went to a movie and she so wanted to meet you, she had already decided what milkshake you liked" now for all the hard posts I make here I am actually quite soft and I felt bad about this though I did think she was using this to try and get at me.

 

 

I am fairly at peace being alone more so because I know why I am alone, not knowing was horrible but knowing has put me at peace to some extent. For me its a looks thing, clearly I am not attractive to the market as a whole which again that's fine, people can choose how they want but I just know what I like I cannot get.

[JuneL]

Does it mean she will bring a plus one on your date?

[ZA Dater]

Does it mean she will bring a plus one on your date?

 

 

You laugh but that has happened to me before, date brought her best friend and both got completely ridiculously drunk.