Asreoon Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 So, my husband of 5 years has been putting words into my mouth... a lot lately. He has also been nonchalantly accusing me of not being honest with him. He said on social media, he watched me message a guy back and forth while i was at work and “ignoring his texts”. He said he went back the next day and I “deleted” these messages. I asked him who and what was said and he won’t tell me. He says “you should know, but that’s ok.” I deleted one guy because he was inappropriate. Sometimes if I get random creeps messaging me I will delete their messages because l, yuck, and that’s something I don’t want my husband to see because I am afraid it will start a fight and he’ll rage in jealously for the next year. 6 years ago I kissed another guy before we got married. He forgave me. 5 years ago he sexted another woman. It’s up for debate if he cheated. But he says he didn’t, and I forgave him. So our marriage has been amazing. And I mean that. But this past month has been ridiculous! i am starting to despise and resent him. every Week it’s something like “I read today that most people in healthcare cheat on their spouse.” Or comments like “If you ever cheated, I’d do this...” and when I get mad, he says it’s not directed toward me. But I feel so attacked. He is always saying I “said” something and lied about it later on. I DO NOT REMEMBER THIS. He makes me think I am crazy. He thinks I lie all the time. He thinks I got dudes lining up for me when that’s not the case. Helppppppppp
Mr. Lucky Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 I deleted one guy because he was inappropriate. Sometimes if I get random creeps messaging me I will delete their messages because l, yuck, and that’s something I don’t want my husband to see because I am afraid it will start a fight and he’ll rage in jealously for the next year. 6 years ago I kissed another guy before we got married. He forgave me. Well, were I him, I'd be suspicious too. Why do "random creeps" message you? And if all on the up and up, why the need to delete? Something missing here... Mr. Lucky
Sparta Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 Where there is smoke there is usually fire.?
elaine567 Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 My guess it is he who is cheating. Very common for cheats to blame their partner for cheating, when it is they who are cheating... Eyes and ears open. Do NOT accuse him of anything until you have proof, as you will just alert him and he will then just go dark and hide it. Go into serious detective mode... 2
Lanmat Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 (edited) In my opinion, spying on you and logging into your account to see your msg is not ok and very unhealthy. I would not tolerate it. I understand that some relationship dynamics( IDK you being a big flirt or something similar) might make him do things he would usually not do. I think he got some issue might not be all his fault but the way he goes about it is really bad. Like Elaine says he might be the one doing something wrong and searching for conflict to validate himself Edited September 26, 2018 by Lanmat
Happy Lemming Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 He said on social media, he watched me message a guy back and forth while i was at work and “ignoring his texts”. He said he went back the next day and I “deleted” these messages. Why is he airing your marriage "dirty laundry" on social media in the first place?? I could see him talking about it privately to you or sharing this in marriage counseling, but social media?? This concerns me greatly. On Loveshack we are anonymous, with unidentifiable user names; but on social media friends and family know exactly who you are. Is there a reason he is trying to publicly shame you to friends and family?? Moreover is he trying to brand you with an electronic "scarlet letter"??
Mr. Lucky Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 Why is he airing your marriage "dirty laundry" on social media in the first place?? I could see him talking about it privately to you or sharing this in marriage counseling, but social media?? This concerns me greatly. On Loveshack we are anonymous, with unidentifiable user names; but on social media friends and family know exactly who you are. Is there a reason he is trying to publicly shame you to friends and family?? Moreover is he trying to brand you with an electronic "scarlet letter"?? I didn't read it that way, thinking she meant "He said, he watched me on social media message a guy back and forth while i was at work and “ignoring his texts”. " Perhaps the OP can clear this up... Mr. Lucky
Mardelis Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 He said you were messaging guys on social media. You answered "Who and what was said?" Why would you say that as opposed to what you told us "Sometimes I get random messages and delete them" just as you did here? What are you looking to accomplish by asking him what you might have said to some other guy and also asking him who he thinks the guy was? Sounds like you're escalating rather than defusing the situation.
Happy Lemming Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 I didn't read it that way, thinking she meant "He said, he watched me on social media message a guy back and forth while i was at work and “ignoring his texts”. " Perhaps the OP can clear this up... Mr. Lucky Yes, I see how that statement could be confusing. "He said on social media, he watched me message a guy back and forth..." I assumed that he was writing/posting on his social media page. Yes, Mr. Lucky, we need clarification on that sentence/verbiage.
Jane Deaux Posted September 27, 2018 Posted September 27, 2018 Mr. Lucky, I get random creeps messaging me too. On facebook and instagram and I always delete them. Simply because I don't want them junking up my inbox. Guys do this. There may be something missing here, but not necessarily. I do tend to want to know why OP would not say immediately, Oh hey, yeah, some creep messaged me, I deleted it because it was not appropriate. I also wonder just what was said. Maybe you didn't shut it down fast enough? I either ignore them completely or shut them down rather quickly after being polite enough not to be a b****. I also wonder if there may be something he feels guilty about?? Sometimes once a person is engaging in an activity, without meaning to they suddenly realize the possibility of other people doing the same thing. So if its a partner and they are flirting or cheating, suddenly their eyes are opened to the fact that if they could do it, so could you. Also, some do it as deflection.
Mr. Lucky Posted September 27, 2018 Posted September 27, 2018 I also wonder if there may be something he feels guilty about?? Sometimes once a person is engaging in an activity, without meaning to they suddenly realize the possibility of other people doing the same thing. So if its a partner and they are flirting or cheating, suddenly their eyes are opened to the fact that if they could do it, so could you. Also, some do it as deflection. Certainly true. And I'd guess it happens at about the same rate at which women pass off inappropriate conversations with other guys as messages from random creeps - since deleted. Hard to know what's actually going on here... Mr. Lucky
Jane Deaux Posted September 27, 2018 Posted September 27, 2018 Certainly true. And I'd guess it happens at about the same rate at which women pass off inappropriate conversations with other guys as messages from random creeps - since deleted. Hard to know what's actually going on here... Mr. Lucky You use the word women as if men don't do it as well. Which is why I used the word partner. This goes for everyone and is not specific to gender.
Just a Guy Posted September 30, 2018 Posted September 30, 2018 (edited) Hi Asreoon, if you are not crazy already you very well could be soon. I think that if this is a matter that is worrying you so much then you had better have a sit down with your husband and try and resolve matters rather than letting them be as is. If you think this is serious enough to consult an MC then do so. If the accusations do not die down soon enough then you and your husband have a serious problem on your hands. See if family intervention cannot help you resolve the matter. Has your husband always been the suspicious type? Also check out if he himself is up to some mischief but do it surreptitiously. The few clarifications that folks on here have raised need your explanation, if for nothing else just to clear the air about your exact situation. Are you working as an RN or are you employed in a hospital in some other capacity? Best wishes. Edited September 30, 2018 by Just a Guy
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