How long should i take to reach out to him again after taking time to myself?

[Agnetesunshine123]

I dated this guy for about 3 months and it was really nice. But durring the period I had a lot of personal issues that I had to handle by myself. Therefor I ended it and told him that no contact would be the best for the both of us. At that point I thought that it couldn’t work out in the nearest future and that we were not mend to we each other. He was really as sad and begged me to stay. He told me that he loved me and made me promise to text him if I wanted to see him again.

 

I know taking some time to myself was the absolute right decision. I needed to get things into perspective and focus on myself.

But now after 9 days of no contact at all I know I that I really wish to reach out to him again at some point and see where it can take us. The weird thing is that I am not sad about the split anymore because I know how much good is did and how bad it would have went if I didn’t do it. So here is my dilemma. What should I do? I really wish him the best and I don’t want to ruin it if he already has moved on. But on the other end I really want to see him and I don’t want to wait until it’s too late. What do you guys think is the right amount of time to wait until texting him? We haven’t know each other for that long and I am afraid that he is going to have moved too much on if I wait a month or so. Please give me your opinion!

[Zahara]

I am currently a mess and I really need your help. I think it will be good to know the whole story so I hope you will take the time to read it!

 

3 months ago I met this guy at a festival. He was sweet, gentle and a little bit older than me. I wasnÂ’t really interested in him, but he kept pursuing me in a way nobody has ever did before. An eventually, I gave in, we kissed and I gave him my number. As the festival had come to an end, we started texting and met up a few days later. He was so nice and I could feel how much he liked me from the start. I was going on a 3 week trip just two days after our first date since the festival so he invited me to home to his house where I met his family. Maybe a little bit early, but he made me feel so special in the begging.

 

Durring my trip, he texted me everyday and we stayed in touch. We met up and spend I couple days together as soon as I got home. I was still perfectly nice but under need the surface, I had a bad feeling. I was starting to feel insecure. DonÂ’t know why, but I started to feel like no compliments or attention was enough. As we conteniued to date, I started noticing new things about him. I have never been a jealous person before in relationships but this was compleatly different. He was following almost only girls on Instagram and following 5-10 new girls everyday. I know it is the most ridiculous thing to worry about but I defiantly did because of the extreme number. Other things was that he would look after girls while walking on the street with me and intensively seeking their eye contact in a way I have never experienced before. He made me feel so worthlees and unwanted.

 

As I started to like him more and more while doubting, I started to pull away. In fear, I kept stopping our relationship from progressing. We lived about 1,5 hour away from each other, and because of school and jobs, we would only see each other 1-2 times a week. I would miss him and those dates would mean a lot to me. And then he started cancelling. Even though he knew how much it meant. And thatÂ’s when I needed it to stop.

I called him and told him about my decision and suggested that we should meet up to break up in a good manner. He got sad and told me that he wasn't emotionally stable enough to see me at that point, and we agreed on meeting the same night. When we met, he kept trying to make me stay and told me how much he cared about me. He told me he loved me, that he never introduced a girl to his family before and that he wanted to be with me. But I decided to stand my ground and told him not to contact me. It all ended in a good way and we havenÂ’t had any contact since.

 

I know I wasnÂ’t happy enough with him, but now I keep questioning if my own lack of self love played a role or if he generally wasnÂ’t he guy for me. Because what if he was? What should I do?? Please help!

 

You said you were dating this guy for 3 months and it was really nice -- no it wasn't nice.

 

I'm posting what you wrote in your last thread. Pay attention to the bold. If that is how you felt in that short period of time, then this is not worth revisiting.

 

You're questioning your decision because you feel pain and you need relief. Besides, 9 days can't be at all enough to get over "a lot of personal issues" so I would suggest you keep moving forward.

[stillafool]

I don't blame you for putting the brakes on that relationship. That guy was blowing smoke. Following all those girls and constantly looking for fresh eye contact from other girls is a major red flag. With his history he has probably moved on. 9 days of NC is nothing.

[Lotsgoingon]

I'm confused: 9 days is barely enough time to recover from a cold or the flu.

 

And 9 days is not enough separation time to resolve a relationship problem.

 

So I don't know what to suggest because something is strange about a 9-day break. When people talk about needing time to themselves, that's often months or a year or so ...

 

I don't recall anyone ... and I myself have never ... figured out a relationship in 9 days.

[d0nnivain]

9 days? You think you figured your stuff out in less then 2 weeks? Honey meaningful reflections takes years!

 

Based on the IG stuff you can do all the soul searching you want but it's not going to change the fact that he follows women on IG.

 

Leave him alone. Let him have the IG girls. You take real time -- MONTHS at least -- to figure out why you are so attention seeking that you liked him more when he temporarily turned away from his phone & IG to beg you to stay. Also think about why you believe him when he says he loves you. You two know nothing about what that concept means.

Edited September 24, 2018 by d0nnivain