Should i tell my ex i miss her and would be keen to get back together?

[Dericksk]

Hi, thanks for reading.

 

I’ve been with my ex gf for 5 years, we even got engaged last year. I was happy until one day when she was off i found out she wasnt meeting her girl colleague for coffee as she said but met a guy from work. They went for day out to a different town (not to be seen).

 

I immediately thought myself this is it, its over :/. She tried to explain that this was just as a friend. But it was dificult to believe, why else would she lie about meeting someone else. I know she kept deleting the messages from him. She tried to explain he’s just a good friend. I went home for a week to cool off and think about things.

 

When i came back she told me she thinks would be better on her own. She still insisted that its not because the other man. She even said she still loves me but not in that way anymore.

 

I didnt beg her to stay with me as i thought shes in love with this other So we broke up. I’ve got my ring back.

 

Its been 2 months now. She contacted me right after 5 days wanted to meet. I did go. We then met couple more times. We always had fun. But just as friends. I hate myself for doing that. I gues i kept seeing her as I still love her and miss her.

 

I still miss her. But last night when she invited me in gor dinner i told her it might be best not to meet anymore. I said so that i still like her and miss her but cant feel sorry for myself and keep seeing her as a friend while she dumped me. She insisted she didnt leave me for another man.It was for the first time i told her that since we broke up. She seemed sad about it. But she never said she still loves me too. We havent got any other friends in the town so I think she just want me as a friend around. And she wants to mert me every now and then.

 

I feel really bad for saying that as i dont wat to break contact or stop seeing her. But at the same time i feel like s,hit for sticking around once dumped.

 

Not sure, i feel like i dont want to stop seeing her and would like to get back together but not sure if i should tell her that.

 

Would you?

[PegNosePete]

Dude she cheated on you. And continues to lie about it.

 

Why would you want her back after that?

 

You need to find the fire in your belly, and not allow people who have treated you like that, back into your life! Tell her you've no interested in having a "friend" who betrayed you in the worst way possible, then delete her number and block her on all social media.

Edited September 24, 2018 by PegNosePete

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, it would not be in your best interest to keep meeting her or tell her that you miss her. She does not have those feelings for you anymore, regardless of what may or may not be going on with her new love interest.

 

She was deliberately deceptive, and my guess would be that it's not the first time, either. It was likely only the first time she got caught. What you know is probably only a fraction of the whole story there.

 

You need to remember that every time you have the urge to get in touch with her.

[Dericksk]

Thank man this is exactly the wake up support I need, i guess i just trusted her at the beginning and realized im an idiot for no self respect by still seeing & liking her 2 months late. I guess im kind of glad i told her i dont want to see her no more, even though it was later on. Still miss the good times however

[Zahara]

She was blatantly lying to you over and over again. No, you should not have anymore contact with her and you need to move on.

 

Find your self-respect. Aim higher. You deserve much better.

[Estes]

You need to gain yourself a healthy dose of self respect.

 

 

Start by completely blocking her.

 

 

 

Although if you want some answers and possibly closure you could do something else first. Tell her that you'd consider spending time with her as a friend but not until she comes clean about what happened with the other guy. You want the truth and you will know if she isn't forthcoming (hint that you have other information even though you don't). Tell her that if she tells the truth you won't hold it against her and it's the only way you'd consider continuing to be her friend because with the ongoing dishonesty it's just impossible.

 

 

 

Either way you're going to cut her off but this way you might find out the truth so you won't have that shred of doubt in the back of your head even thought there's no good reason for it to be there in the first place.

[Sarah_Smiles]

No, don't tell her any of that, as you said she can't tell you she even loves you so it would be a waste on your part to open yourself back up to her and set yourself up for a round two of the same thing she did previously to you.

[Dericksk]

Thanks guys for the support, much appreciated. Just feels weird, when she want to see me often :/ keep confusing me :/

[Zahara]

Thanks guys for the support, much appreciated. Just feels weird, when she want to see me often :/ keep confusing me :/

 

She wants to see you because you're an easy fallback. You've exhibited doormat behavior so she sees you as a crutch that she can use when she needs attention -- you said she has no friends in that new town so she uses you for company. That's all it is.

 

I'm confused that you're focusing on her wanting to see you but totally oblivious that she cheated on you and blatantly lied to your face -- instead of focusing on that reality and wanting nothing to do with her. Her behavior should repulse you.

[FMW]

Don't let yourself be confused -you nailed it when you said she had no other friends in town and wanted to see you because she wanted a friend around. Completely unfair behavior from someone who hurt you, she's placing her need for occasional comfortable companionship over your hurt and emotional needs.

[Dericksk]

You’re totaly right, i know. I screwed up on this, feels like **** for beeing like that for two months. Should have ran away, never speak again. Gues this was taking me longer to realise, I told her that list night, second chance to fix that **** approach now I hope ?

[Zahara]

You’re totaly right, i know. I screwed up on this, feels like **** for beeing like that for two months. Should have ran away, never speak again. Gues this was taking me longer to realise, I told her that list night, second chance to fix that **** approach now I hope ?

 

Yes, block her and move on.

[ExpatInItaly]

Thanks guys for the support, much appreciated. Just feels weird, when she want to see me often :/ keep confusing me :/

 

Probably because her crush wasn't giving her the attention she wanted from him, so she wanted to see if you would stroke her ego instead.

[Dericksk]

Thanks guys for your opinions n support

 

There is one thing. I’ve got to see her one last time next week to return one thing to her, I already agresd to that. Any suggestions what to tell her as last thing?

[Mardelis]

There is one thing. I’ve got to see her one last time next week to return one thing to her, I already agresd to that.

 

 

You do NOT need to see her, and you know this. Unagree to it. Have someone else drop it off, leave it by your back door, mail it to her, whatever.

[Zahara]

Thanks guys for your opinions n support

 

There is one thing. I’ve got to see her one last time next week to return one thing to her, I already agresd to that. Any suggestions what to tell her as last thing?

 

Nothing to tell her. If you can mail the item to her, do so. There is no need to meet her. If it's something you can dump in a box, then send it with delivery confirmation and leave it at that.

 

She disrespected you and then blatantly played you for a fool. And you've displayed doormat behavior.

 

Again, pick up your self-respect and dignity.

[FMW]

You don't have to tell her anything, you don't owe her any explanations. Just turn down any suggestions to get together and avoid contact with her.

 

NC is really hard at first but stick with it. Otherwise you will just be prolonging the pain.

[Dericksk]

Thank you all