A little long... what's his problem?

[How_Do_I_Know]

Ok, here's the situation, I have known this guy now for a little while. Let's just call him "Frank". We work together. The thing is that quite a few months ago, I noticed he had started 'paying' me some attention... whether it was staring at me, to talking to me, to whatever... he seemed to want to "grab" my attention.

 

He wasn't really my type to begin with but through time and the extra effort he had been putting in to make me notice him, I had started to notice him. We would flirt here and there and email each other. I knew that he is married and has 2 kids. He is going to be 33 this month. I had let him know that I had found him to be very attractive and I am very attracted to him. He seemed to have freaked out when i told him that and he didn't talk to me for 2 weeks or we just didn't work with each other.

 

After that 2 week period, i noticed he changed his appearance, to look more attractive, he started to work out more and so on. He started to talk to me again and I had let him know that if it bothered him that we were acting the way we were to each other that he should tell me to stop and I would stop. He never told me to stop. HE was the one who initiated the contact with me again by approaching me when he saw me and talked to me when he had the chance.

 

Well, things began where they left off before i told him i liked him. We flirted again (indirectly) he would compliment me as usual all the time. Commenting on my "tan" and my physique - how I looked to be in tip top shape. He would ask me personal questions as if he wanted to know more about me. I found that very flattering that this man "seems" to be interested in me. After all, I am only 24 and he's the "older" man of my dreams so to speak.

 

So I had gone on vacation for a long time, I'd say at least a month before we saw each other again. I had kind of forgotten about him in that time and so when I returned I didn't really think anything of him when i saw him. But of course as he usually does, came right up to ME first and began to converse with ME first. Not the other way around. He then had told me that "it was good to see you again"... so, I see him again for the 3rd time after my return...

 

... and I am not dressed in the 'normal' scrub uniform, I fugured I would wear just a plain black shirt with black pants. He said this to me: "Why aren't you in your scrubs...?" I didn't hear him and said what? huh? I didn't hear you what did you say? He just looked at me with a smirk, a smirk he gives me quite often. I felt as if he thought i was a fool cuz I didn't hear him. So I approached him and he told me what he asked. About the scrubs.

 

Ok... so what is it to him that he would have to comment on what I was wearing? He also asked if that is the new thing not to wear scrubs at work, we work in a hospital. He said that it looks like I am ready to go and workout, then he said "that's right, you don't go to the gym - cuz you have workout equipment at home, an elliptical and a treadmill" (he is also a personal trainer). He said this to his friend that was sitting with him and said that 'this girl has a treadmill and elliptical machine' - SO WHAT??? Why is he doing this? To make me look like a fool to his friend? I felt so embarrassed and put on the spot that I wanted to go and hide. Does he not beleive I have them? I can't afford them? I do have a house and he barely beleived that. A while ago he asked me how I afford all of this stuff... HELLO, I HAVE MONEY and I WORK! I then walked away and said 'YEAHHhh'

 

He had never been cruel to me like that before - EVER... he had always been so nice to me. The last time a guy had done that to me would be in junior high school when the boy liked me - he would tease me cuz young teenage boys do that, but not 33 year old men!

 

I already have the fact in my head that he is married and he's taken... I have moved on and found some male companions to go on dates with and one potential b/f.

 

I am confused though, he was so nice to me when I returned and that made me so excited to be back then this happened and I am completely appalled by this. I feel so little. Also, I had noticed that when I did return, he and his friend would look to see if I was gone from the room and joke with one another and laugh... my friends had told me this cuz they saw it. Now I feel as though he was cruel to me but maybe I am over exagerating?!? Why does he care what I am wearing, I didn't think it looked bad, heck, I got lots of good stares from it. He was even in a room that is closed off from the rest of the area we were in. It has blinds in the windows and his friend said 'what's up to me' and 'Frank' peeked through the blinds and that's when he talked to me. WHY? He didn't even have to speak to me being he was in the other room, I didn't even know he was in there till he opened his mouth.

 

If he wanted to do this to turn me off, it worked! But what would you say a 33 year old man is doing this after being such a charmer earlier on? His friend is also 30 so I don't think that they are acting out of immaturity. What do you think? Maybe I am reading him wrong.... or took it the wrong way?

[Barby]

Well I doubt any of us are going to be able to tell you what his problem is but seriously you probably shouldn't focus so much on things that don't seem to have very much importance.

 

 

He probably doesn't mean anything by it, maybe he was flirting with no intention of pursuing anything with you and once he realized he'd crossed the line, he stopped and is friendly but not overly so.

 

 

As far as joking "about" you with his friends, it could be anything...as far as him "caring what you wear".........asking why you weren't wearing your everyday job scrubs while you were working is hardly caring what you wear, maybe he was curious to know why you were able to wear street clothes -vs- work scrubs during work hours?

 

 

It sounds like you're wanting to read more into his behavior and find "hidden indicators" that's he into you but in reality it doesn't sound like he is.

[Mary3]

He sounds like a Jerk.

 

He plays and plays and when the kitty chases the ball of yarn ...he backs off and treats you like you are on idiot road....

 

Ignore the old fool.

 

You can get better.

[How_Do_I_Know]

Yes I think he is a JERK... and that is the first impression I got from him when I FIRST saw him ever. So, that would have been before I found out that he was married. I should have trusted my instincts!

 

But yes, I feel as though he had led me on like you stated and I do in return feel like an idiot. But I guess we all learn from our mistakes and I have recently moved on with the dating scene, however he seems a little jealous.

 

Too bad....

 

Thanks for your post!

[Mary3]

Hey no Problem .

 

Glad you see what a Loser he was !

 

Have fun girl ! lol:p

[luv_him_2_much]

I first came to this sight in July and found and followed your posts. Your last post was at the end of June. I mainly followed the posts because I was intrigued by the similarities of your situation to my own. I felt like you were telling my story. I have since checked back regularly to see if you were going to post again. Thanks for returning.

 

Please humor me though...You make mention that you are back in the dating scene. Did you not say you were married also? What happened with your marriage? You are really wound up into this guy (MM), and what you are feeling is hurt because that strong attraction that was between you both may be slipping away. You are angry because the MM may not be as attentive as you would like him to be. Believe me he is getting off on the EA you both got caught up in, but the truth is he still goes home to his wife and kids, and you are spending way too much time worrying about why he says what he says, or why he does what he does to you. Please don't take this the wrong way. I am exactly where you are, I am in an EA with a MM I work with. It has been going on for almost a year. I analyze every little thing he says and does. It drives me insane. He goes from hot to cold and back again.

 

I am an attractive MW who never intended to turn my feelings toward another man. It started quite innocently, with the stares, the smiles, and that unforgettable "nose squishing" he does (like a bunny). Then the lunches, the after work cocktails, etc. I melted whenever he came near me. We have had no serious physical contact, as we are both respectful of the boundaries. The desire is definetly there though. It is a dangerous game, in that you feel real pain inside at the thought of him not being "into" you. No matter what you call it, an emotional affair, even without the physical aspect, is a love affair of the minds. I have been trying to slap myself back into reality, that this EA is taking up to much of my energy. As good as I feel when I am around him, is as bad as I feel when I'm not. There is nowhere to go with this kind of a relationship. (There is no relationship) it ends at 5:00 PM every day. And it always will.

 

You're MM doesn't have a problem, you do. As well as I do. Some MM can be ego maniacs. All we are doing is firing them up to go home to be with their W. They start the game, we can either play or not. Either way the game has got to end sometime, so we shouldn't complain. They get a bit "cocky" after awhile. Ignore him. Become the "ICE Princess" I have been doing that for two weeks. Today when I came back from the ladies room, on my seat at my desk was a surprise.

 

You are calling him a jerk because you are not happy with the way he is acting, and a jerk he is for acting that way. But still you throw in there, "He seems a bit jealous" about your dating. Hmmmmm....still analyzing aren't you?

It is great that you are moving on, I only hope to make the break as well.

 

"Looking for love in all the wrong places, looking for love in too many faces"

[How_Do_I_Know]

Wow, I really loved your post! You seem to know quite a bit about this stuff hence you are in the same type of situation.

 

We should chat sometime! But you asked about the hubby... well, we did go our seperate ways, no divorce yet though. We are calling this a "trial" seperation. But yes, I have been dating lately as is my so-called hubby. But our realationship was dead Loooooong ago in case you were wondering why we are so quick to date.

 

Yes, I am moving away from this MM. He is dangerous and toxic to my mind:sick: ! I took this vacation to get away from it all and came back refreshed only to have him open up a can of worms again! I have been purposely ignoring him but this is when he seems to get cocky! I think he wants me to give him more attention?!? But I refuse to play this game. I am looking for a Mr. Right... not Mr. Right Now! LOL! I sense that he is very devious (spelling) but I don't know how to escape him other than just getting away. But I can't just leave my job... it pays quite well and I don't want to start all over at the bottom else where. So what should I do? You sound like you have good advice.

 

But no matter how much I TRY to push him out of my head he always seems to be on the back burner. I really really honestly want him OUT of my head but he just won't leave. I DON'T want him there ! Period. I honestly know that I don't want him and don't want his marriage ruined on the likes of me. I don't even know his wife and I feel badly that he is doing this to me. I will admit that I LOVE the attention but I think that is the only reason I fell for him in the first place.

 

I will have to keep you posted in the future. So many predicted that I was going to have him land in my crotch BUT THAT ISN'T GONNA HAPPEN! I have been in a toxic relationship all ready and don't want to get into another one. I have promised myself that I will be much more picky once I do find that Mr. Right. So... thanks for your post! I would like to hear your story also sometime! I like to hear that I am not the only one who has been hypnotized by Mr. Wrong! Thanks again!

[Nyasa]

He is married with kids, enough said. You're a very pretty and young girl, he is an old man who is flattered and playing with fire. Do you really want to go there? Think about his wife and kids, do you think they would appreicate that he is flirting with a young girl that is actually somewhat interested. It isn't like you think he could be the love of your life, right? So stop worrying about it and go enjoy being young and single again!

[Mary3]

Married and messing around = trouble.

 

He is bored and he is doing what numerous men are doing when creating emotional and physical affairs.

 

They arent going to leave their wives. They may lead you think that while they have sex with you but its like a dead end process. Since you have not gone there thats a very good thing.

 

Its going no-where's-ville when you get with a married man.