Sgthaytham Posted August 28, 2018 Posted August 28, 2018 She’s not a really expressive girl. She doesn’t outright reject me when I make advances, but she rarely makes any moves in public or in private. It honestly doesn’t bother me, it’s the way she is. For the last 2-3 weeks she’s been staying at mine because the campsite she was staying at was destroyed by a freak storm. I work full time (7 am to 11 pm) every day, so we haven’t gone out together much, but I’ve made the time. She cooks and cleans the house (she goes out of her way), which is really nice of her, and I do her washing. I really, really like her, and, as I say, I’m falling for her, but it’s quite hard to tell whether she feels the same. I could ask her, or even tell her,, but I feel that might put her on the spot. What are the signs to look out for?
ExpatInItaly Posted August 28, 2018 Posted August 28, 2018 Can you provide a little more context, OP? For example, how long have you been together? How old are you both? You say she doesn't make too many moves even in private, so I am curious what exactly you mean by that - is she not affectionate with you? I'm also confused by the reference to the campsite. Is she just visiting your area, or? Are you both presently camping?
Author Sgthaytham Posted August 28, 2018 Author Posted August 28, 2018 Can you provide a little more context, OP? For example, how long have you been together? How old are you both? You say she doesn't make too many moves even in private, so I am curious what exactly you mean by that - is she not affectionate with you? I'm also confused by the reference to the campsite. Is she just visiting your area, or? Are you both presently camping? We’ve been officially together since the 23rd of June - but had been dating since early May. I’m 24, she’s 21 - she works as the lifeguard, I’m the owner of the bar that is 50m away. She’s occasionally affectionate with me, but doesn’t initiate much at all. She does reject my advances. She’s been really honest about why. She’s only in the area for August as the lifeguard. She was staying in the campsite like she does every year, but unfortunately a storm destroyed it, so she’s been staying at mine ever since. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 28, 2018 Posted August 28, 2018 She’s occasionally affectionate with me, but doesn’t initiate much at all. She does reject my advances. She’s been really honest about why. She’s only in the area for August as the lifeguard. She was staying in the campsite like she does every year, but unfortunately a storm destroyed it, so she’s been staying at mine ever since. And why does she reject your advances? How far away will she be when she's finished her lifeguarding gig? It sounds like you have more of a friendship than a relationship to me. Are you two intimate?
Author Sgthaytham Posted August 29, 2018 Author Posted August 29, 2018 And why does she reject your advances? How far away will she be when she's finished her lifeguarding gig? It sounds like you have more of a friendship than a relationship to me. Are you two intimate? Typo, I meant she *doesnt* reject my advances. Of course we’re intimate. She’ll be 45 mins away.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 29, 2018 Posted August 29, 2018 Typo, I meant she *doesnt* reject my advances. Of course we’re intimate. She’ll be 45 mins away. I guess I'm a little confused, then. She doesn't reject your advances, she just doesn't initiate much. Is that your concern? When she leaves, are you two going to continue the relationship?
basil67 Posted August 29, 2018 Posted August 29, 2018 If you're gone 7am to 11pm every day, when do you have time to conduct a relationship? I would imagine that she'd be very dissatisfied with this arrangement long term. Perhaps she's holding back because at present you're not in a position to give her the time that she deserves.
gaius Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 With my wife it was when she went from telling me she was never going to marry me to us swinging in to the ring shop at the mall and her pointing out what kind of styles she liked. Knew she was mine after that. 1
Author Sgthaytham Posted September 22, 2018 Author Posted September 22, 2018 We’ve been together since June. Only one argument to note, which we resolved swiftly and quickly. I can say we’ve been going well, and I think she might too. Anyway, the reason for this post is I suffer from mild anxiety, which gets worse when I start feeling vulnerable - in this case, it’s because I’m starting to fall for her. I keep overthinking and overanalysing things: especially after we spent Wednesday at her’s. I stayed the night and when I got home the next morning I sent her message “Just got home, had a nice time. See you soon x” She read the message but didn’t answer. We did speak later on in the day but I felt something was off. Maybe it’s just my anxiety, or maybe it’s something I’ve done... In previous relationships I used to send texts to find out what’s going on, but I haven’t once in my relationship. I just wait till she gets in touch.
BaileyB Posted September 22, 2018 Posted September 22, 2018 Anxiety is common early in any relationship - especially after the first "sleep over." Try not to be too hard on yourself. What will be, will be. There are things you can control, and others that you can't control. Whether she likes you and wants to get more serious is something that you can not control. You need to get comfortable, being uncomfortable for a little while... Go out, distract yourself and do something you enjoy. All will be revealed in time... Good luck. 1
Author Sgthaytham Posted September 22, 2018 Author Posted September 22, 2018 Anxiety is common early in any relationship - especially after the first "sleep over." Try not to be too hard on yourself. What will be, will be. There are things you can control, and others that you can't control. Whether she likes you and wants to get more serious is something that you can not control. You need to get comfortable, being uncomfortable for a little while... Go out, distract yourself and do something you enjoy. All will be revealed in time... Good luck. I agree with you completely. I’m glad I know what’s going wrong within me - something I denied in previous relationships... I know she likes me, there’s no doubt about it. I mean Wednesday was great (at least for me) and the kiss goodbye the next day (initiated by her) made me feel all giddy. She’s just not very expressive, at least in public - this is something she told me about when we were only dating. She told me she doesn’t want to feel vulnerable. I don’t want to overwhelm her, so this is why I’m dealing with my anxiety by myself.
Author Sgthaytham Posted September 22, 2018 Author Posted September 22, 2018 Yeah, well she’s either angry at me, had a bad end of week or something else... She told me she wouldn’t make it to dinner with our friends because she’s out with her parents... I asked her if her parents had a nice time on their holiday and to enjoy her meal with them and she just replied “Yes, it went well »
Author Sgthaytham Posted September 22, 2018 Author Posted September 22, 2018 I posted about this earlier on, now it’s clear that she’s either angry at me for some reason, she’s had a bad week or something else... Basically, our mutual friends organised a meal for tonight... she said she couldn’t come because her parents were back from their holiday and wanted to take her out... I asked if they had a nice time and to enjoy the dinner ... she replied with only “yes, it was ok”
BaileyB Posted September 23, 2018 Posted September 23, 2018 I honestly don't see the problem. Was it her tone of voice or the lack of details that put you off? She declined one invitation to spend time with her parents. She is 21 and you have been dating for three months. No big deal...
basil67 Posted September 23, 2018 Posted September 23, 2018 I posted about this earlier on, now it’s clear that she’s either angry at me for some reason, she’s had a bad week or something else... Basically, our mutual friends organised a meal for tonight... she said she couldn’t come because her parents were back from their holiday and wanted to take her out... I asked if they had a nice time and to enjoy the dinner ... she replied with only “yes, it was ok” What makes you think she's angry?
Mardelis Posted September 23, 2018 Posted September 23, 2018 Why don't you just ask her what's going on? Be gentle, concerned, and most importantly nonconfrontational. It's not an argument, you just want to find out what's wrong so you can help her.
Author Sgthaytham Posted September 23, 2018 Author Posted September 23, 2018 I honestly don't see the problem. Was it her tone of voice or the lack of details that put you off? She declined one invitation to spend time with her parents. She is 21 and you have been dating for three months. No big deal... Lack of detail and her response was rather terse
coolheadal Posted September 23, 2018 Posted September 23, 2018 We men do things others don't understand. OP is the one here and he needs to know that he has someone who's interested in him. Text and say good night. If she doesn't say anything back don't worry about it. You could have called her instead of the text method. Then you would have heard her voice instead. Forget the text is just letters and words not the voice of truth.
tojaz Posted September 23, 2018 Posted September 23, 2018 She’s just not very expressive, at least in public - this is something she told me about when we were only dating. She told me she doesn’t want to feel vulnerable. I don’t want to overwhelm her, so this is why I’m dealing with my anxiety by myself. I would suggest sharing your anxiety with her. Here fears of feeling vulnerable and your anxiety are going to lead to situations like this moving forward. Having that anxiety out in the open would make it a lot easier to find a middle ground that's comfortable for both of you as things progress.
Author Sgthaytham Posted September 23, 2018 Author Posted September 23, 2018 We men do things others don't understand. OP is the one here and he needs to know that he has someone who's interested in him. Text and say good night. If she doesn't say anything back don't worry about it. You could have called her instead of the text method. Then you would have heard her voice instead. Forget the text is just letters and words not the voice of truth. So you don’t think there’s anything too wrong? That maybe I’m just overthinking? Maybe she’s just a hard couple of days or something has happened... I really can’t think of anything I’ve said or done between Thursday morning when she kissed me goodbye with her hands around my face... and now.
Author Sgthaytham Posted September 23, 2018 Author Posted September 23, 2018 I would suggest sharing your anxiety with her. Here fears of feeling vulnerable and your anxiety are going to lead to situations like this moving forward. Having that anxiety out in the open would make it a lot easier to find a middle ground that's comfortable for both of you as things progress. At some point I’m going to have to properly open up about it to her... I know. I just don’t want her to feel pressured into changing who she is.
central Posted September 23, 2018 Posted September 23, 2018 At some point I’m going to have to properly open up about it to her... I know. I just don’t want her to feel pressured into changing who she is. Sharing who you are isn't changing who she is. If she doesn't really know who you are - and she can't as you've been hiding part of it - then she can't respond genuinely to the real you. There are upsides - and possible downsides - to being honest and open, but at least you'll be dealing with reality, and that's easier than living in a fantasy world.
Author Sgthaytham Posted September 23, 2018 Author Posted September 23, 2018 Sharing who you are isn't changing who she is. If she doesn't really know who you are - and she can't as you've been hiding part of it - then she can't respond genuinely to the real you. There are upsides - and possible downsides - to being honest and open, but at least you'll be dealing with reality, and that's easier than living in a fantasy world. That’s very true. I’m caught between sending her a message now asking her what’s going on... or waiting a couple of days.
Author Sgthaytham Posted September 23, 2018 Author Posted September 23, 2018 I’ve decided that finding out what’s wrong is probably the best idea, so I’ve sent her message asking if anything’s up. I will let you know how it goes.
Author Sgthaytham Posted September 23, 2018 Author Posted September 23, 2018 So I did get a reply from her... I asked if something was up and she replied with “I don’t know...” I guess I should just brace for the worse...
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