Am i being paranoid again?

[hohoit]

So me and my bf have been dating for a year. It’s been filled with ups and downs.

 

He hasn’t really done anything catastrophic to betray my trust (so far)

He may like a girls picture on fb or respond to a Snapchat but that’s been the extent. And any girl that’s snap chatted him that i wasn’t comfortable with he immediately removed.

 

But i can’t help being paranoid that he’s going to cheat on me. It literally consumes me. Anytime I’m not with him I’m afraid he’s doing something he shouldn’t be. Sometimes when he leaves for work I’ll drive by on my way to work just to make sure he is where he says he is. (Everytime he has been”

 

Well the other day he was trying to log into his Snapchat on my phone. I asked him to check my username before he logged out so i could log back in.

Well he responded “why? Do you have 2 Snapchat’s??”

 

Now it’s got me paranoid that he has a second Snapchat that he uses to talk to girls on. Otherwise why would he even think of saying that?

 

I asked him about it and he said “i couldn’t even remember my password to my first one when i was trying to log in on your phone” and then he said the usual “you have nothing to worry about. I know who i want” and “don’t you think i would have slipped up and you would have caught me by now??”

 

But i can’t stop my mind from questioning his every move. Is he being suspicious or am i being paranoid?? And if so how do i stop myself from being paranoid. He tries to help by leaving his phone around me so i can see that “nothings going on” but it’s like it’s never enough to ease my racing mind

[RedHead5]

I don't see anything in this post to make me think that he is a cheater. What makes you worry about it?

 

Has he done something in the past? Have you been cheated on before?

[hohoit]

I don't see anything in this post to make me think that he is a cheater. What makes you worry about it?

 

Has he done something in the past? Have you been cheated on before?

 

He hasn’t done anything too bad like i said he’s liked pics on fb of other girls before and his ex snap chatted him once and i told him it made me uncomfortable so he deleted her and i haven’t seen him talk to her since.

 

Yes I’ve been cheated on twice. I had two real relationships prior to this one and both ended with being cheated on. So i know that’s part of the reason i am always so paranoid.

[Normm]

he’s liked pics on fb of other girls before

 

 

What do you mean he "likes" girls on FB. Are they random hot women and he just likes their sexy pictures? If so he's out of line and while it doesn't mean he's going to cheat it does partially validate your concerns.

 

 

If he's "liking" pictures of girls he knows because there's something about the post that he agrees with or whatever, that's completely different than liking random women.

[Zahara]

Unless he has cheated before, I am not sure where your insecurity and anxiety stems from because based on your past threads of the same nature, you're going to self-sabotage and flush this in the toilet. There is only so much one can take and if you keep with the paranoia, you're going to push him away.

 

I don't see anything in your post that is sketchy.

 

Maybe it would be best for you to seek a therapist to help you figure out why you feel this way. Your boyfriend is just a symptom of your ingrained fears.

[hohoit]

Unless he has cheated before, I am not sure where your insecurity and anxiety stems from because based on your past threads of the same nature, you're going to self-sabotage and flush this in the toilet. There is only so much one can take and if you keep with the paranoia, you're going to push him away.

 

I don't see anything in your post that is sketchy.

 

Maybe it would be best for you to seek a therapist to help you figure out why you feel this way. Your boyfriend is just a symptom of your ingrained fears.

 

I started going to a therapist earlier this week. We couldn’t get too in depth because it was the first session! I’m hoping this can help but I’ve also considered anxiety medicine. Because my relationship is not the only part of my life that i feel anxious in.

[smackie9]

A relationship filled with ups and downs, shady behavior, and possible projecting infidelity....is not a relationship to be in. So what if he hasn't cheated...this is still a crappy relationship, of insecurity and accusations.

[hohoit]

He’s liked random girls pictures and girls he knows pictures. I told him that also made me uncomfortable because there should be no reason that he needs to let another girl know that he “likes” her selfie. And it’s disrespectful to me because we are in a public relationship and everyone sees him liking selfies of cute girls.

Since i have mentioned this to him, i haven’t seen him liking as many if any at all

[hohoit]

A relationship filled with ups and downs, shady behavior, and possible projecting infidelity....is not a relationship to be in. So what if he hasn't cheated...this is still a crappy relationship, of insecurity and accusations.

 

Yeah that would be no relationship worth having. But I’m not sure if it’s actual shady behavior or if my overthinking is creating explanations that aren’t accurate. It’s a battle with head and heart really

[smackie9]

Well maybe you need to communicate to him more in a realistic mature manner....it's called setting boundaries, of what is appropriate and what is not.

[RedHead5]

So I am going through something somewhat similar. I was cheated on in my last relationship and I struggle with trusting someone again but I'm trying to get past it.

 

I think I have decided that if I intend to be in a real relationship again I just have to let go and do it. Even though it's scary. Even though I may get hurt. It's really the only option.

 

It sounds like when you have requested things he has listened and made changes. I wouldnt read alot into it yet. Guys can be totally oblivious sometimes about liking pics or whatnot. But if he stopped after you told him it bothers you it shows an effort. If he is willing to leave his phone out and delete people off his Snapchat, that shows effort.

 

It is time for you to work out your issues with your therapist so you don't put so much pressure on him he can't handle it anymore. Nobody will be happy in that life, not you or him.

 

Pick your battles. I know how hard it is to learn to trust yourself to make good relationship decisions and it is a battle of wondering if you are just going to be naive again. I'm going through the same thing, getting back into a relationship after being with a cheater. It took me an entire year before I even gave a relationship a second thought because I was so jaded.

Edited September 21, 2018 by RedHead5

[ExpatInItaly]

Well the other day he was trying to log into his Snapchat on my phone. I asked him to check my username before he logged out so i could log back in.

Well he responded “why? Do you have 2 Snapchat’s??”

 

Now it’s got me paranoid that he has a second Snapchat that he uses to talk to girls on. Otherwise why would he even think of saying that?

 

By the same token, maybe you're not always where you say you are, because you drive around checking on him. You wouldn't think of doing that unless you were lying about you own location...right?

 

Do you see how warped that logic is?

 

Liking a girl's photo on social media is meaningless. He knows you can see it; I assume you don't think he's dumb enough to thus broadcast an intention to cheat by liking someone's photo.

 

I am also going to assume you have struggled with insecurity for a long time. At the moment, you're operating from a place of fear. You're also not giving your boyfriend (or your own judgment) much credit if you believe he's the type of man who would cheat.

Edited September 21, 2018 by ExpatInItaly

[Kelliousme]

Well I mean.. I guess I can sort of understand. But I want to know what kind of pictures he'd like, like SEXY HOT female pics or like just regular pictures with a scenic view etc or even pictures of the girls with their boyfriends. As long as he's not liking pictures of females posing in a very sexy erotic way then I'd say it's okay. The snapchat situation though, you're just being paranoid.

 

The relationship sounds really unhealthy.. with how you don't completely trust him, you're always anxious and paranoid, and there are ups and downs. I suggest you focus on yourself and become a better person. If you insist on being in a relationship, you should consider finding someone else. Seems like a man who stays away from social media fits you more.

[Lotsgoingon]

Well ... here's what I say.

 

If you can't feel relaxed when dating someone, then end it.

 

Clearly you are not getting the reassurance you need in the relationship. To me, that's a red flag.

 

Here's the thing ... some people need more reassurance than others ... so if you want a guy who calms your nerves more ... then fine, go for that ... and I mean that with zero sarcasm. Other people might need more or less reassurance than you. That's them.

 

Sometimes yes, the person in your position has insecurities flaring up ... But ... sometimes your insecurities are really alarm bells going off from our deep intuition.

 

No relationship should be stressful like this ... part of a good relationship is that the other person gives you what you need, in words, love, touch, reassurance, consistent connection and so on.

 

I was dating a woman a few years back ... who was kind, open ... but ... something was missing ... I couldn't tell what it was at first ... then I realized it ... She didn't offer spontaneous praise as other women offered when they were happily dating me. Fast forward: I later learned that she wasn't that into me ... My vague sense that something was missing was on the money.

 

Bottom line: Have you thought about ending this for piece of mind?

[PRW]

Yes you are paranoid.

Actually you are very insecure.

 

You will never have a successful relationship with anyone until you fix that.

[hohoit]

By the same token, maybe you're not always where you say you are, because you drive around checking on him. You wouldn't think of doing that unless you were lying about you own location...right?

 

Do you see how warped that logic is?

 

Liking a girl's photo on social media is meaningless. He knows you can see it; I assume you don't think he's dumb enough to thus broadcast an intention to cheat by liking someone's photo.

 

I am also going to assume you have struggled with insecurity for a long time. At the moment, you're operating from a place of fear. You're also not giving your boyfriend (or your own judgment) much credit if you believe he's the type of man who would cheat.

 

I am very insecure. It took me 3 months to even meet him. I’m probably 100 pounds heavier than him and it makes me really insecure

[coolheadal]

So me and my bf have been dating for a year. It’s been filled with ups and downs.

 

He hasn’t really done anything catastrophic to betray my trust (so far)

He may like a girls picture on fb or respond to a Snapchat but that’s been the extent. And any girl that’s snap chatted him that i wasn’t comfortable with he immediately removed.

 

But i can’t help being paranoid that he’s going to cheat on me. It literally consumes me. Anytime I’m not with him I’m afraid he’s doing something he shouldn’t be. Sometimes when he leaves for work I’ll drive by on my way to work just to make sure he is where he says he is. (Everytime he has been”

 

Well the other day he was trying to log into his Snapchat on my phone. I asked him to check my username before he logged out so i could log back in.

Well he responded “why? Do you have 2 Snapchat’s??”

 

Now it’s got me paranoid that he has a second Snapchat that he uses to talk to girls on. Otherwise why would he even think of saying that?

 

I asked him about it and he said “i couldn’t even remember my password to my first one when i was trying to log in on your phone” and then he said the usual “you have nothing to worry about. I know who i want” and “don’t you think i would have slipped up and you would have caught me by now??”

 

But i can’t stop my mind from questioning his every move. Is he being suspicious or am i being paranoid?? And if so how do i stop myself from being paranoid. He tries to help by leaving his phone around me so i can see that “nothings going on” but it’s like it’s never enough to ease my racing mind

 

Ask that mind of yours if you feel you trust this guy. Because my dear your all over the wall with this one. You need to relax. Get your confidence back and be a stronger woman. Did someone cheat on you in the past because your sure acting like it. I am not being mean, I've had two women in my life that cheated on me. But I've learn to shrug it off and move on. But always make sure the next one isn't doing the same thing. If they care, like, love you then you don't have to worry. If they don't care, don't like or love you then you have to worry about them doing the bad deed the cheating on you. Oh by-the-way if he hasn't lock the cell then he's not cheating on you.

 

If I was you go and try to watch a movie and stop thinking about the cheating and don't watch a movie about cheating or anything like what we have today is DNA Test Results if your watching those TV programs your going to be so unstable in any relationship.

[ExpatInItaly]

I am very insecure. It took me 3 months to even meet him. I’m probably 100 pounds heavier than him and it makes me really insecure

 

And what are you doing to address this issue? If this is the source of your worry, that's where you need to be doing the work.

[Nadine123]

I suffer from the issue, so I get where you're coming from.

 

You need to work on yourself, especially your weight since it's probably causing you to be insecure about other girls. Not to mention your health will be amazing as well

 

Your paranoia will cause you to overthink things and overreact. Something my therapist told me is to examine my thoughts and figure out if they're valid and based on facts or just an overreaction from my anxiety. Maybe you should try working on that too.

 

Even if things end or continue with him, you won't be able to have a successful relationship with anyone (boyfriend, friend, etc.) as long as you're insecure.

 

Good luck

[Mardelis]

I am very insecure. It took me 3 months to even meet him. I’m probably 100 pounds heavier than him and it makes me really insecure

 

 

You can fix that you know.