Is he very busy or just not into me? TEXTING guys

[lovelymay]

Hi all,

 

6 months ago i met someone. He's the managing director of a company and flies at least 3x / week. It was at a Friday evening drink when I noticed he wanted my attention. At that event I wasn't quite interested in him but he kept flirting. After the evening I received emails from him in a flirty context but I decided not to reply to those.

 

3 months later I had to send him a company gift from my boss. He never thanked me for that...

 

But last week I saw him and he recognised me immediately. He was in the middle of a conversation but came directly to me as soon as we saw each other, and he told me he was really interested in doing a collaboration with the company I work for. And when I was about to leave the event, I saw him glancing at me and when I caught him, his eyes looked away . He was standing at the door so I had to say goodbye before leaving.

 

After the evening I had to sent him an email with the collaboration details. The next morning, instead of replying to my email he sent me a text message saying it would be better to text. But instead of talking business he started flirting again, asking about my plans and what I was doing, and I flirted back with text messages. We kept teasing each other a lot the whole weekend but he never asked me out on a date.

 

After the weekend the text conversations changed. It was all about his travels and getting on planes but nothing flirty or romantic. And now we haven't spoken to each other in 3 days already...

 

So what should I do now?

I don't want to be the weak one chasing him, that will make me look desperate. But I also would love to spend a bit more time with him before he really cuts me off...

I don't know what is going on... Did I say something wrong?

 

Was he just never really interested in me? Then why would he initiate these contacts?

[PegNosePete]

You rejected him so many times. He probably just gave up.

 

If you want to date him now then you'll probably need to be more direct.

 

Why does it make you "weak" to "chase"? Asking someone out is not weak, or chasing. Just stop playing games and ask. He'll either say yes or no, and there you have your answer.

[kendahke]

I noticed he wanted my attention.

At that event I wasn't quite interested in him

I received emails from him in a flirty context but I decided not to reply to those.

He was in the middle of a conversation but came directly to me as soon as we saw each other, and he told me he was really interested in doing a collaboration with the company I work for.

Was he just never really interested in me? Then why would he initiate these contacts?

 

He's after doing business with your company, not you.

 

If you can get him closer to that goal, then good--but you pretty much proved to him that you weren't interested, so he's taking another route that doesn't include having to romantically involve you.

 

3 months later I had to send him a company gift from my boss. He never thanked me for that...

 

No, he wouldn't have. He probably thanked your boss. You were doing your job. This wasn't your money or your initiative, so why would you be thanked?

[smackie9]

I'm gonna go with him not really interested in mixing business with pleasure.

[stillafool]

 

3 months later I had to send him a company gift from my boss. He never thanked me for that...

 

 

Why would he thank you when the gift was from your boss?

[RedHead5]

He could be questioning your level of interest.

 

He could be super busy with work.

 

Will you see him again anytime soon for business reasons?

 

And idk if you said anything wrong because idk what you said.

[mortensorchid]

Two things happened here:

 

1) Rejection - You rejected him without knowing it. He tried and tried but you were a no go. So he's in the process of moving on.

 

2) Communication - You practiced bad communication with him. You obviously don't want to mix your personal with your business relationships (bad idea no matter what it is you do for a living anymore), but you should have directly said that to him. He knows that you rejected him, but you did a sort of ghosting on him.

[Normm]

Why would he thank you when the gift was from your boss?

 

 

My thought as well. Even though on the face of it, it might appear irrelevant, it does relate to the topic of the thread- because I think this is all about false expectations and seeing things that aren't there.

[JuneL]

I would need to know what those initial flirty emails are about.

[lovelymay]

OMG did I really mess it up?

 

I think I'm just too insecure... Because now I really like him!

Those messages were:

 

Me: Email sent with proposal

 

WEEKEND

 

Him:

"Hi, I'm texting you because that's better than email. It's funny, my colleagues think your plan is nice"

 

Me:

" Hahah really? omg!! thank you :)"

 

Him:

"Haha what are you doing now?"

 

Me:

"Working at home"

 

Him:

"Hahaha why there? I'm better in working than you are"

 

Me:

"Oooh mister, tell me how?"

 

Him:

"Hahah I'll show you"

 

Me:

"How??? hahhahaha"

 

Him:

"I'm at a party. Where are you?"

 

Me:

"Dude are you drunk????? Don't do weird stuff ok ) "

 

Him:

"Hahahhaah ok that's fair"

 

Me:

"Hey mister I saw your e-mail, you're getting some bonus points :)"

 

Him:

"ahaha are you drunk? (teasing)"

 

Me:

"Hahahhaha no... But I'm out with my friends"

 

Him:

"why did you not invite me?"

 

ME:

"It's lady's night.. but next time you can come with us... with your super powers the evening should be awesome"

 

Him:

"haha you're funny. I have many super powers....."

 

 

SUNDAY

 

Him:

"I'm going out tonight as well, but with my friends"

 

Me:

"Where are you going to?"

 

Him:

"Paris..."

 

Me:

"Cool, where??? In the south side?"

 

Him:

"Uhhh no.. just center."

 

Me:

"Hahhaha hmmmm south side is my favorite"

 

Him:

"Believe me when you're with me, the center is a lot of fun :)"

 

Me:

"Ooh are you showing your wild side tonight?"

 

Him:

"No, just having drinks. I have meetings tomorrow early"

 

Me:

"Have fun anyway!! You can do the meetings )"

 

Him:

ty

 

 

(and then a few days of silence....)

 

TUESDAY

Me:

"How was it in Paris?"

 

Him:

"I got back already, it was fun. Now I'm on my way to Barcelona"

 

 

 

And from there it stopped.

 

omg I think I made a mistake???

[basil67]

You made a mistake thinking that he was interested. The flirting was all one sided from you in these messages. I suspect he's backed off because his contact was work based and didn't want to give you the wrong idea.

 

And he didn't need to thank you for sending him a gift from your boss. You were just doing your job.

[Larry56]

My thinking is...you rejected him too much so now he doesn't think it's really worth pursuing even though now you're open to it.

 

Also...I find it weird you want a 'thanks' for a gift that wasn't even from you but from your boss to him.

 

Why would you suddenly be interested in someone after 6 months anyways...

[JuneL]

I would need to know what those initial flirty emails are about.

 

Actually I was more interested in his INITIAL emails that you didn’t reply to; I need to know the content to know if you did reject him like some have suggested.

[lovelymay]

He sent me this email:

 

“Hey it was very nice meeting you :-)

If you need any help with anything in the future, just let me know and I’d love to see how I can help.”

 

I never replied to this

[lovelymay]

My thinking is...you rejected him too much so now he doesn't think it's really worth pursuing even though now you're open to it.

 

Also...I find it weird you want a 'thanks' for a gift that wasn't even from you but from your boss to him.

 

Why would you suddenly be interested in someone after 6 months anyways...

 

 

Hmmm he asked why I did not invite him to an evening out with my friends, AND texted me in the evening 11 PM asking what Inwas doing... That’s not flirting??

 

Oh gosh I really thought he was because in one of his emails he said this:

It was very nice seeing you again :-)

 

Lol I don’t know what to think now

[lovelymay]

About the gift, it was one from the company but I put a personal note with my name on it... a handwritten letter that he never replied to

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Personally, I don't think you blew anything because his initial message didn't indicate romantic interest. It sounded more like a professional offer, so the most you could have done was say thank you anyway.

 

I think you would be right for assuming that he does has an ulterior motive because he did initiate the private texts instead of emails. However, I don't get the sense that he actually wants to go out with you. He just sounds like a guy who likes having women to text and flirt with every now and then.

 

If he was actively pursuing you to date, you would know it. The fact that you only hear from him sporadically shows more of a casual, possible hookup scenario at best.

 

If you are looking for something more meaningful, you will probably be wasting your time with this guy, unfortunately.

[coolheadal]

Hi all,

 

6 months ago i met someone. He's the managing director of a company and flies at least 3x / week. It was at a Friday evening drink when I noticed he wanted my attention. At that event I wasn't quite interested in him but he kept flirting. After the evening I received emails from him in a flirty context but I decided not to reply to those.

 

3 months later I had to send him a company gift from my boss. He never thanked me for that...

 

<snip>

 

He sounds like he's married or with someone and only taking text messages from you should be insight there. But you got to understand my dear this is just merely business. Flirt or a guesser nothing else coming from this and he's a Managing Director who's always on the road or in the air. Where would you fit in? Think about that scenario? Business and dating some say here it can't work but in the end it could if you try to make it. But for you I recommend you just treat this situation as it is a business deal. Do not run, do not text and to not lead or hope for things to happen. Not with this guy. Your out of league here! Play it safe and just skip this one okay!

Edited September 23, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[spiderowl]

The whole thing sounds a bit odd. I would wager he is already in a relationship and just fancied a bit of naughty texting. When you say 'flirty', was it mild flirting like banter or more like sexting? If the latter, he's just playing. He had plenty of opportunity during the texting to ask you out, unless of course you put him off that if he hinted?

 

Something isn't quite right here and I think I would avoid mixing business and pleasure. People who switch from one mode to the other just like that without any acknowledgement of what is going one, are just plain weird!

[shydad]

did I really mess it up? ... Because now I really like him!

 

Me: "Hahahhaha no... But I'm out with my friends"

Him: "why did you not invite me?"

 

I think I made a mistake???

 

Hi lovelymay! In full disclaimer, I have little experience here. However, I'll offer an additional perspective. He texted you Saturday and Sunday. Both days the texts were initiated by him, which I interpret as him showing interest in you. He also said he wanted you to invite him to come with you, which sure seems to me pretty direct regarding interest. The business days this week were effectively a dead period, but he showed activity on the weekend. You said you like him. To me, he showed interest in you. He showed inactivity during business days. Well, the weekend is here, which appears to be when he's active. It's time to find out if this is going anywhere. He wanted you to invite him to come with you. Shouldn't you do that? Plan an outing and invite him? Something like, "How's your weekend looking? My friends and I were thinking of going out. You could come with us if you'd like." I don't know, doesn't this seem like a reasonable next step?

 

Please keep us informed as to what happens next! Good luck!

[basil67]

Hmmm he asked why I did not invite him to an evening out with my friends, AND texted me in the evening 11 PM asking what Inwas doing... That’s not flirting??

 

Oh gosh I really thought he was because in one of his emails he said this:

It was very nice seeing you again :-)

 

Lol I don’t know what to think now

 

The 11pm reaching out could have been him just chatting.

 

"It was very nice seeing you again" is what I said to my same sex friends last night when we were saying goodnight after a group dinner. It's not a romantic phrase.

 

Between this and the long text message, I'm seeing him being friendly and you thinking there's more to it.

[lovelymay]

Hi all thanks for replying. Hmmm so many different persoectives on this

 

I think you’re right and business should not be mixed with pleasure. But I really like him... I didn’t show interest first because I didn’t want to cross the line but when I saw him last week I realised that I DO like him.

 

I think I won’t initiate anything new and leave it for what it is.

We’ll probably run into each other more often so Inwill have to see what happens then.

[lovelymay]

The whole thing sounds a bit odd. I would wager he is already in a relationship and just fancied a bit of naughty texting. When you say 'flirty', was it mild flirting like banter or more like sexting? If the latter, he's just playing. He had plenty of opportunity during the texting to ask you out, unless of course you put him off that if he hinted?

 

Something isn't quite right here and I think I would avoid mixing business and pleasure. People who switch from one mode to the other just like that without any acknowledgement of what is going one, are just plain weird!

 

It’s ony flirting without any sexual content

[lovelymay]

The 11pm reaching out could have been him just chatting.

 

"It was very nice seeing you again" is what I said to my same sex friends last night when we were saying goodnight after a group dinner. It's not a romantic phrase.

 

Between this and the long text message, I'm seeing him being friendly and you thinking there's more to it.

 

 

haha really??? I feel so stupid now

[JuneL]

His initial email was friendly but not flirty, so I don’t see how you’ve rejected him. It would have been polite (in the professional sense) if you had replied. The recent texts are a bit juvenile, borderline inappropriate from each of you.