crazyheart Posted September 20, 2018 Posted September 20, 2018 this one is long, but bare with me, please. So a while back I (26) got dumped by the girl (23) i considered the love of my Life. Let me break our relationship down for you. Me and this lady were good friends for a few years Before our relationship (4 years). Almost two years ago we started a relationship, she knew i had liked her for years. During our relationship a few problems started to appear. She moved in with me 5 months into the relationship and Everything was great. We had a Connection, we laughed and the sex was Amazing, she blew my mind away! But she had some issues. She was a regular weed smoker and i eventually joined. Her mother had found out about her weed habit sometime Before our relationship and wanted her to do urine tests. My girlfriend would often say that her mother is trying to Control her and her Life to which i would reply ”Your mom just loves you and wants the best for you, dont judge her too much”. She barely worked at all while i was working a full time job (I didnt mind, since she had back problems, i was lifting her from our bed almost each day). Her friend always spoke **** about me (And she listened to it, fighting with me whenever she hung out with her), while i always tried to help her with her friends (She once thaught her friend actually wanted to kill her, after the friend jokingly said "Im gonna kill you", i told her while its not a good joke, i dont think she wants to kill you. Then i get blamed for taking the friends side) After a while the sex declined more and more until we barely had it even once a month. She said she doesnt feel like having sex because she feels like a failure and is depressed. I understood and made almost no move on her, barely touched her. Even if i didnt touch her she would every once in a while tell me how she feels preassured to having sex with me. Id tell her i dont understand where this preassure is coming from, as im not doing anything. I had a surgery on my tailbone area (my tenth one so far), she would help me tend to the wound and was very helpful. Even though i had an open surgery wound, i would go to work. Were both jealous people, but i Always assured her that my jealousy is my issue, because of my cheating ex, not my distrust of her (I didnt like when other guys wrote to her, im suspicious of them but always told her its not my place to stop her from writing to people you think are just being friendly), while she was always accusing me of cheating. After a while of being accused all the time, i started doubting myself, actually thinking i might be the ass she thaught i was. I tested myself, by looking at the FB pictures of the girl she was sure i was attracted to (She works in our local store, and i felt guilty as soon this girl spoke to me), and felt nothing (I swear, no cheating was intendedt, im just this kind of an anxious person). Needless to say, she saw it and got convinced. Now heres where it gets interesting. As i said Before i worked, and she didnt, none of us had a drivers lisence at the time. She would often tell me how she feels like our chores arent equally distributed, since she Cleans more than i do. I would reply: ”I get that im not the best cleaner, and i need to get better. But dont tell me we dont do as much, when i work and you barely do, I do 90% of the cooking, grocery shopping, and that its my Money were spending, its simply not fair to say i dont do anything”. She would listen to her friends and Always fight with me. Whenever i came home from work or she from somewhere i would get approached like i was the biggest piece of **** on Earth, Always fighting with me. She would want space to engage in her hobbies, but got mad when i gave it to her. I have a job where im gone for 24 hours some times with a great pay, but she wanted me to quit, because she feels lonely. I told her that when im gone fore those 24 hours she has all the time in the World to do her hobbies and that she should use that time. She loves me when im gone, she hates me when im home. After months of this going on like this, i eventually started losing my **** really quickly and yelled at her. Early this year she got her drivers lisence and eventually a job ( i dont have mine yet, my surgeries unabled me to drive for a good while). She started getting more secretive with her phone, and a month later she broke up with me for the following reasons: 1. ”I feel like im going forward in Life while youre just at the same Place 2. You wanted too much sex 3. I need to focus on my career (Her hobby, photography) 4. I dont trust you anymore (Because i had lied a couple of times that i had cleaned the whole apartment, when i had just started when we spoke on the phone,but she said post breakup:lmao: she believed me that i didnt cheat, that im not that kind of a person) Now she seems super happy, in a great terms with her mom, and Life going great (Although recently i saw that she had written on her instagram that she weeps because of heartbreak but is moving on - note: shes been supposably moving on for 4 months now). While im here, miserable and feeling like a loser. I begged and pleaded, and even broke no contact once. Im pretty sure shes been logging into my facebook, and seen my sad conversations with friends post breakup. There, all my cards are on the table. What do you make of this mess, cuz i dont understand what happened to my best friend.
d0nnivain Posted September 20, 2018 Posted September 20, 2018 The woman you knew as a friend was not the same woman you dated. As a lover she wanted to be pampered & taken care of. First you moved in too fast. Even though you knew each other for 4 years, that was not in a romantic sense. You still need more time … at least a year . . . before living together. Second her attitude that even though you worked & therefore supported her when she was chronically unemployed & spending your money to buy weed, that you needed to do the same amount of household chores as her seems entitled to me. Earning the money to pay for the lifestyle has to be including in the mix of obligations. She wanted you to do everything. All the drama with her mom & her friend . . . that is too much. At 23 years old not living with mom but mom still wants to do urine tests -- a serious invasion of privacy -- shows you that mom does not think her adult daughter is capable of making good decisions. Mom has insights you don't. This should have stood out as a red flag from you. Even if mom was off her rocker, then you would have to assess wanting to be involved with that level of mental illness. You are not a loser. You just picked a partner who wasn't up to the task. Let her go & move forward with your life.
Author crazyheart Posted September 21, 2018 Author Posted September 21, 2018 I just dont get how someone youve been friends with for so long (i mean really good friends) can drop you just like that. Something feels off... And her behaivor nowadays is worrying me. All of a sudden theres all this talk about God.
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