Great second date and sudden lost interest?

[fooloflurve]

Hi guys, please take time to read mine..

 

I met this guy thru one of my friends last week, we talked for literally noon till midnight, had really great conversations(nothing sexual), we had drinks and talked together in a bar. Next day, he asked me out for a movie again, he was all over me, he says he likes me and he gives me a lot of compliments, i saw him texting to his friends and said i am 8/10 and had decent personality, he told me he is not into hooking up and so am i, he prefers to sleep with someone on a long term which he sees more value in it.

 

After our movie i went to his place and we had sex,everything was very natural, he was stunned about the sex and he said i was so good, and he even got dizzy after because he claims the sex was so good, a lot of kissing and we were both sober. Things got a bit complicated as he knows i want something serious and he told me about his life plans, that he might not be in the same place as i am in 3 years time, and he got really anxious and said he got hurted really badly before and the next girl he commits would be the one he marries or he can't bear with the pain. I said i did not know u don't wanna date, and he said he wants to, sometimes he say if you're my girlfriend... i would.. (examples) He said maybe he's not the one for me, we had this conversation half drunk and both were really tired to even continue we both fell asleep cuddling and he said to continue the talk tomorrow, in the morning we did not mention about it but i realise him being a bit distant, i asked why and he said ' you'll say i am over affectionate again, as he always likes to kiss and hug me in public.

 

So days past and i realise the text msgs are not so initiating anymore we had a few texts about me asking him about the band he was telling me, he responded but never had new conversations.. i am thinking if it is because of the conversation we had and he is backing off because he thought what i wanted is too fast and he is afraid of committing, i kinda accused him of being a ****boy as i thought he wanted to **** around with me before knowing his real reasons. He got really stressed up about the situation and he couldnt sleep at night next to me, he said i upset him and he is so stressed, he told me he overthinks a lot..

 

i don't want to come of desperate but i feel after the talk things got different and i really do want to see him again and i want to explain about what i meant and i do want to take it slow with him either. He just started his new job this week.. so he did told me about it a little but the conversation was just very slow and less topics..

 

What should i do?

 

1. text him and tell him i noticed things got weird and ask for him to come out and we talk things thru, explaining that i dont mean to say he is a ****boy and i want to take things slow with him.

 

2. don't text him anymore because he never replied to my random text( not a question)

 

3. give him time to come back to me.. or wait till weekends to ask him out casually?

 

or 4.. ur suggestions..

[damni]

I am 8/10 and had decent personality,

******

 

Darling this is not a good thing, a decent personality...wow.

[guest569]

I am 8/10 and had decent personality,

******

 

Darling this is not a good thing, a decent personality...wow.

 

Yeah what the? How is this OK?

 

Why would you know all about his life plans after 12 hours together? Why would you call him something so hurtful? I think you should just call and apologise.

[fooloflurve]

I am 8/10 and had decent personality,

******

 

Darling this is not a good thing, a decent personality...wow.

 

What do u mean?

[fooloflurve]

Yeah what the? How is this OK?

 

Why would you know all about his life plans after 12 hours together? Why would you call him something so hurtful? I think you should just call and apologise.

 

I don't really get why saying im 8/10 on looks and i have a decent personality a bad thing? do u care explaining?

 

i was drunk and i have been hurted before and i thought he just wanted to f around so i got defensive, then he got upset because even after he told me how bad he was hurt i did not be reasonable.

[fooloflurve]

He did replied me but like after at least 8-10 hours and he did not initiate anything to meet up yet.. is he losing interest?

[guest569]

I don't really get why saying im 8/10 on looks and i have a decent personality a bad thing? do u care explaining?

 

i was drunk and i have been hurted before and i thought he just wanted to f around so i got defensive, then he got upset because even after he told me how bad he was hurt i did not be reasonable.

 

Ok, I think you should tell him this.

 

As for interest levels, it's such early days that you can only play it by ear.

 

Do I truly need to explain why 8/10 and decent personlity is bad? Lol. You don't want a guy that doesn't feel the need to tell his buddies what score you are out of 10? You don't want a guy who thinks you're better than that?

[fooloflurve]

Ok, I think you should tell him this.

 

As for interest levels, it's such early days that you can only play it by ear.

 

Do I truly need to explain why 8/10 and decent personlity is bad? Lol. You don't want a guy that doesn't feel the need to tell his buddies what score you are out of 10? You don't want a guy who thinks you're better than that?

 

 

I know what you mean, but if my friends ask me i would aslo do the same because i dont see it as a bad thing maybe it's because we're both on our early 20s?

 

So what should i do now? He seem a bit distant after the drunk talk and he did not reply me very quickly now... i don't want to come off as desperate.. but i don't know if i should bring back the talk back.. and if i do, on text might seem like a stupid idea..?

[fooloflurve]

Ok, I think you should tell him this.

 

As for interest levels, it's such early days that you can only play it by ear.

 

Do I truly need to explain why 8/10 and decent personlity is bad? Lol. You don't want a guy that doesn't feel the need to tell his buddies what score you are out of 10? You don't want a guy who thinks you're better than that?

 

Plus i clearly seen his friends asked him and he just answered, he did not come out of the question about the score.. maybe his friend is a jerk..

[fooloflurve]

Ok, I think you should tell him this.

 

As for interest levels, it's such early days that you can only play it by ear.

 

Do I truly need to explain why 8/10 and decent personlity is bad? Lol. You don't want a guy that doesn't feel the need to tell his buddies what score you are out of 10? You don't want a guy who thinks you're better than that?

 

But we were past that conversation is it too much to bring it up by text when we both clearly weren't talking about it for days? We only had random texts on and off and he is not responding much.. I don't want to make it like i care so much as u know guys dont ever appreciate it.. but i did said something offensive because i was scared as well

[guest569]

OK, good luck.

[ExpatInItaly]

You do nothing but forget this guy and move on.

 

You got played.

[PRW]

Oh so many layers to the onion....

 

we talked for literally noon till midnight,

Not good. Not good at all. Way "over-done". First dates should be short and should end with both parties wanting more.

 

he says he likes me and he gives me a lot of compliments, i saw him texting to his friends and said i am 8/10 and had decent personality

He's "working" you. Lots of compliments and a "score card".

 

he told me he is not into hooking up and so am i, he prefers to sleep with someone on a long term which he sees more value in it.

Over course he says that!! What do you expect him to say? "I want to screw your brains out, make your eyes roll back in your head,...then maybe do it again,...maybe not".

 

After our movie i went to his place and we had sex

But he's not into hooking up.

 

he was stunned about the sex and he said i was so good, and he even got dizzy after because he claims the sex was so good, a lot of kissing and we were both sober.

He's "working" you again.

 

Things got a bit complicated as he knows i want something serious and he told me about his life plans, that he might not be in the same place as i am in 3 years time

He's saying, "I got laid, and I'll be moving along soon"

 

...and he got really anxious and said he got hurted really badly before and the next girl he commits would be the one he marries or he can't bear with the pain.

Such horrible pain! How will he ever make it? The poor baby!

 

I said i did not know u don't wanna date, and he said he wants to, sometimes he say if you're my girlfriend... i would..(examples) He said maybe he's not the one for me,

He's repeating, "I got laid, and I'll be moving along soon"

 

 

#4. Suggestions... Learn your lesson an move on.

[d0nnivain]

You two had a miscommunication.

 

You say you want something serious but fell into bed with him on date 2. He may have assumed you did not want serious because of the early sex.

 

You have both been hurt in the past & you are both damaged. You now have different philosophies about dealing with that & how to protect yourself in the future. He keeps his heart closed. He has resigned himself to not committing until he's ready to think about marriage. He wants at least emotionally causal. You want "something serious." He's afraid of that.

 

I think there is a middle ground here if you can both compromise. He at least agrees to physical exclusivity & you back off the emotional talks. Just go with the flow for now & give him time to get to know & trust you

[OnlyHonesty]

Things got a bit complicated as he knows i want something serious

 

 

Yet you went to bed with a man you barley knew anything about. I always say, watch what people do, ignore what they say. When you make statements telling a man that you want something serious, then you end up in bed, it communicates a lack of boundaries, no self control, and that you are not to be taken seriously.

 

 

He also did the same. He told you that he was not into hooking up...yet you hooked up. Both of you demonstrated that your words mean nothing. The phrase 'putting the cart before the horse' sums up today's dating culture perfectly. Reminds me of this woman that asked me for my phone number before my name...

Edited September 20, 2018 by OnlyHonesty

[PRW]

Reminds me of this woman that asked me for my phone number before my name...

 

 

That may not be a bad thing sometimes.

As long as they get the number right, I guess they can call me whatever they want as long as it isn't "Junior".

[ChatroomHero]

I agree with others, he was looking to get laid and got it and is backing off. What he says doesn't matter as much as his actual actions.

 

As for the 8/10 comment, that's not good. Someone I was generally into, I would never label an "8". It's like saying...hey, you're pretty good looking but not the best I've seen. You're maybe in my top 20 list...you're doable.

 

It really is a backhanded compliment to someone you're romantically involved with. If you want to really insult someone, try telling them they are a hard 7 as a joke and see how she reacts. It's just not something you do with someone you are really interested in, rank them. Everyone knows they are not perfect but nobody needs a potential SO telling them they are 20% away from perfect.

[fooloflurve]

You two had a miscommunication.

 

You say you want something serious but fell into bed with him on date 2. He may have assumed you did not want serious because of the early sex.

 

You have both been hurt in the past & you are both damaged. You now have different philosophies about dealing with that & how to protect yourself in the future. He keeps his heart closed. He has resigned himself to not committing until he's ready to think about marriage. He wants at least emotionally causal. You want "something serious." He's afraid of that.

 

I think there is a middle ground here if you can both compromise. He at least agrees to physical exclusivity & you back off the emotional talks. Just go with the flow for now & give him time to get to know & trust you

 

 

I get what you mean.. we were both hurted and I said stuff to hurt him more.. the sex happened because we were just having a lot of sexual chemistry o suppose... but well, the Upper comment were saying I’m being played and I don’t know if someone who wants to **** around would spend so much time talking about life and interest.. it just seems too much energy just to get laid..

[fooloflurve]

I agree with others, he was looking to get laid and got it and is backing off. What he says doesn't matter as much as his actual actions.

 

As for the 8/10 comment, that's not good. Someone I was generally into, I would never label an "8". It's like saying...hey, you're pretty good looking but not the best I've seen. You're maybe in my top 20 list...you're doable.

 

It really is a backhanded compliment to someone you're romantically involved with. If you want to really insult someone, try telling them they are a hard 7 as a joke and see how she reacts. It's just not something you do with someone you are really interested in, rank them. Everyone knows they are not perfect but nobody needs a potential SO telling them they are 20% away from perfect.

 

He did not basically ranked be but his friends asked so he just answered.. but again why would he spend so much time talking to me and did not showed me any shaddy stuff just to get laid?

[fooloflurve]

Oh so many layers to the onion....

 

Not good. Not good at all. Way "over-done". First dates should be short and should end with both parties wanting more.

 

He's "working" you. Lots of compliments and a "score card".

 

Over course he says that!! What do you expect him to say? "I want to screw your brains out, make your eyes roll back in your head,...then maybe do it again,...maybe not".

 

But he's not into hooking up.

 

He's "working" you again.

 

He's saying, "I got laid, and I'll be moving along soon"

 

Such horrible pain! How will he ever make it? The poor baby!

 

He's repeating, "I got laid, and I'll be moving along soon"

 

 

#4. Suggestions... Learn your lesson an move on.

 

Thanks for ur last msg and responses.. I really appreciate it.. I just don’t grr why he got so stressed up and he wasn’t look like he was acting when I said he’s a f**ckboy, plus our first date was just purely talking about life and interest.. he did not say he’s not into hooking up but he wasn’t looking to have sex with someone and gone, he prefers it like being with the same person and he says Sex would get better.. sorry maybe care to explain why.. he did not let me felt that he wanted sex and I said I’d want to wait he was also okay with it but we did it because it’s just too much sexual chemistry.. what I meant is maybe we were not looking to just have sex or one night stands.. but I don’t know I’m so confused right now..

[PRW]

Thanks for ur last msg and responses.. I really appreciate it.. I just don’t grr why he got so stressed up and he wasn’t look like he was acting when I said he’s a f**ckboy, plus our first date was just purely talking about life and interest.. he did not say he’s not into hooking up but he wasn’t looking to have sex with someone and gone, he prefers it like being with the same person and he says Sex would get better.. sorry maybe care to explain why.. he did not let me felt that he wanted sex and I said I’d want to wait he was also okay with it but we did it because it’s just too much sexual chemistry.. what I meant is maybe we were not looking to just have sex or one night stands.. but I don’t know I’m so confused right now..

 

 

They don't like it when someone calls them on it

 

 

 

Sometimes they even have themselves fooled,...they believe their own BS.

[fooloflurve]

They don't like it when someone calls them on it

 

 

 

Sometimes they even have themselves fooled,...they believe their own BS.

 

So more than 10 hours of just talking and spending time and he even sent me text saying he has such a good time talking to me... that was all before the sex... why waste so much time just to get laid? We even went for a movie date.. plus even after the sex we still went out and had dinner and breakfast.. I just don’t know why waste so much energy telling me about his family and even showing me pciutes of them.. how is this just wanting to get laid? I spent hours getting to know him and so did he...

[ExpatInItaly]

So more than 10 hours of just talking and spending time and he even sent me text saying he has such a good time talking to me... that was all before the sex... why waste so much time just to get laid? We even went for a movie date.. plus even after the sex we still went out and had dinner and breakfast.. I just don’t know why waste so much energy telling me about his family and even showing me pciutes of them.. how is this just wanting to get laid? I spent hours getting to know him and so did he...

 

Because what you describe is very little time and effort in the grand scheme of things, OP. He talked about himself, his life, his family - what's hard about that? He had some spare time, enjoyed chatting. You're applying a lot more emotional meaning to this than he did, evidently.

 

If you two had been out several times, and had been communicating consistently over a longer period of time, I might see it differently. But chatting for 10 hours and going out for a couple meals doesn't really require much time or energy at all. A few days at most. As such, he didn't waste anything - he got a couple dates and sex. Then, for whatever reason, decided he'd gotten his fill and he's done now.

 

I've been around the block enough in my younger years to tell you that this guy is a dime a dozen. He isn't working hard at anything but he's got a lot of lines up his sleeve.

[Lotsgoingon]

After our movie i went to his place and we had sex,everything was very natural, he was stunned about the sex and he said i was so good, and he even got dizzy after because he claims the sex was so good, a lot of kissing and we were both sober. Things got a bit complicated as he knows i want something serious and he told me about his life plans, that he might not be in the same place as i am in 3 years time, and he got really anxious and said he got hurted really badly before and the next girl he commits would be the one he marries or he can't bear with the pain. I said i did not know u don't wanna date, and he said he wants to, sometimes he say if you're my girlfriend... i would.. (examples) He said maybe he's not the one for me, we had this conversation half drunk and both were really tired to even continue we both fell asleep cuddling and he said to continue the talk tomorrow, in the morning we did not mention about it but i realise him being a bit distant, i asked why and he said ' you'll say i am over affectionate again, as he always likes to kiss and hug me in public.

 

His words and thinking here make absolute NO F-ING SENSE at all.

 

He's panicking because of a previous relationship? Puh-lease! ... We have all been dumped at some point and had our hearts broken ... You are either open to love and dating or you aren't.

 

This reaction of his was a huge red flag ... something is immature and off ...After sex so good it made him dizzy, he's all of a sudden in pain over worry of the future? That's all a tormented-acting way of saying I'm not committing to you. I wanted to have sex with you. He just added some academy-award-winning drama to it.

 

"The next girl he commits to will be the one he marries." I'm sorry, this is totally dumb and totally immature. You don't know you want to marry someone until after you commit to them and you get in relationship with them. So the next woman he commits to ... a year into things, they realize the relationship is not working ... what? He's gonna marry her anyway. This makes no kind of sense. Again, lots of supportive-actor drama here designed to avoid the main issue: he simply wanted to sleep with you.

 

Note: I'm not saying his words are a bit contradictory ... No. I'm saying his words make no doggone sense. Like he's talking like a 9-year-old.

 

A tip: You do not need initial sex to be this complicated. This guy is clearly wounded ... he's clearly not a mature thinker. And he's a b.s.-er.

 

Let him go ... he's troubled ... Be glad that he got distant.

 

You're really sensitive to him ... so you tend to treat his words as sincere. We're more distant ... and I'm afraid, he was only working you ... and maybe fooling himself as well.

[ChatroomHero]

He did not basically ranked be but his friends asked so he just answered.. but again why would he spend so much time talking to me and did not showed me any shaddy stuff just to get laid?

 

 

 

You do know guys will go to great lengths and put on an amazing show to get laid with no intention of a lasting relationship, right?

 

 

It's not like if they don't get it after 20 minutes of meeting they just bail. Guys aren't going to be slimy all the time and crude when they are looking to get laid.

 

 

They will take you on dates, spend time, spend money, compliment you...for however long it takes. Then sleep with you and ghost you. It almost sounds like you think if they invest any time in you and say nice things, they are automatically NOT looking to get laid.

 

 

Let me ask you, if I was looking to just get laid what would be my best route?

 

 

1. Tell you I am looking to get laid, act slimy and push you to sleep with me.

2. Spend a few dates, have nice conversations and compliment you.

 

 

There's about a .03% chance of getting laid by spending no time and making no real effort with a woman. There is a much better chance of getting laid if you actually act like a decent person and fake interest and spend time.

 

 

The end result is the same, he is just using a more successful tactic to get laid.