Boyfriend ended relationship 3 weeks after abortion **Updated**

[Missm86]

Not judging just observing and making suggestions. If a partner is on the fence about staying vs going you aren’t going to help the situation by falling to pieces and “pouring your heart out” as you put it which comes across as begging. It sends the wrong message and makes it all about your needs rather than theirs.

 

I do think you are imagining I went overboard but I just told him the truth in response to what he asked of my true feelings. He actually told me he was surprised I felt that way about him and said he probably needed to hear that at the time he started having doubts. So no, I didn't go overboard or go into a hysterical mess. I'm a mess now but I'm trying to process this myself without reaching out now I know he's not here.

[Missm86]

You're making a huge assumption there.

 

The point is that she responded specifically to him telling her she was a closed book. It may have been just an excuse on his part but she took it seriously and addressed that comment with him. I don't see how that immediately translates into her becoming needy, insecure, and a "hysterical mess."

 

Thankyou happychick3. That was all I did in response to him. He asked me to be honest with my true feelings. He actually said that he was surprised I felt that way and said he could have done with hearing it when he first felt doubts. But any how he went anyway.

[Missm86]

Hello. I recently posted in another forum when everything hit the fan last week in my life. In June of this year I met what I felt was an amazing man who ticked all of my boxes. I'm 32 and only felt a connection this strong once before in my life. I fell for this man on our second date and he was respectful and an utter gentleman.

 

By unplanned events despite protection, I fell pregnant the first time we were intimate 6 weeks into our relationship. Long story short, we both decided it was far too soon to have this and made the difficult decision to have a termination. This broke my heart because I ended a previous relationship 18 months ago because he didn't want to marry or have a family. Now here I am terminating my first pregnancy.

Throughout the process my partner was there for me in every way looking after me and told me his feelings about me didn't change despite the pregnancy.

 

However he began to distance himself 2 weeks afterwards and did the immature fading out approach, which I feel so disappointed about having been through what we did and sadly, my expectations of how he deals with relationship problems. I expected him to be direct and honest straight away, but in the end he did what I feel was the "nice guy coward" approach. He is 33 and we had met eachothers friends and some of family. I thought things were progressing but he held in his feelings for several days in silence then just told me it was over. He called me a closed book, said i didnt show how i felt about him and said he hoped the termination would have bought us closer together but he felt the connection hadn't deepened! I was floored.

 

All he had to do was ask me how I truly felt....i was crazy about him! I told him my feelings but he didn't change his mind, so I told him I wanted no further rejection or contact. I wasn't angry, I am incredibly lost and sad to now be grieving 2 losses. I thought this man was going to be something special and when I looked into his eyes, my heart felt so deeply and safe. I don't know how to go forwards and im stuck. In the last 3 weeks I've lost a baby and my partner. I'm having child bereavement counselling but the first session was awful and not helpful. Please can someone give me hope that I can overcome these losses and somehow learn to trust and love a man again one day.

 

My heart yearns for a little family unit but this man walked away without openly communicating or fighting for it. People throw opportunities to grow and deepen love away so easily that I struggle to understand if I'll ever find that special love that is reciprocal. Sorry I realised I posted this in the same forum as last week. If you already have replied to my post last week - thankyou for helping me through those few days.

Edited September 24, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs and merge threads

[stillafool]

I think only knowing you for what (2-1/2months) before the pregnancy; I don't think he was in love the way you were when this happened. After the abortion he just used the "closed book" excuse to exit instead of telling you the truth that he no longer felt what he did before so he put the blame on you. I know you are struggling and I would suggest professional grief counseling to help you process the abortion and get over him.

[amaysngrace]

So early into a relationship things are suppose to be light and easy going. Unfortunately yours became dark and heavy.

 

Some relationships can get through tough times then get past them while others cannot. It sounds like yours crumbled because the foundation wasn’t solid enough. There just wasn’t enough time to build one.

 

I’m sorry that you’re hurting but you should try to move on.

[Zahara]

He called me a closed book, said i didnt show how i felt about him and said he hoped the termination would have bought us closer together but he felt the connection hadn't deepened! I was floored.

 

I think he used this as an excuse to break up rather than relay how he truly felt -- which I believe was too much too soon for him to handle. Pregnancy, abortion, commitment and all the emotions that came with it was just too heavy for such a young relationship. There are people out there that probably would have been able to push through but he just wasn't the one.

 

People throw opportunities to grow and deepen love away so easily that I struggle to understand if I'll ever find that special love that is reciprocal.

 

I don't think people will throw an opportunity away if they feel it is valuable to them or if they feel the want to invest. He just wasn't on the same page as you were and chose to exit. The one that values you and sees your potential will stick around.

 

You may or may not find him. It took me a long time to meet a man that reciprocates in every way. In my late forties, I wish I had met him sooner in life but I am also grateful that I have the chance to realize and experience a healthy and loving relationship. Don't let this mar your view on relationships and men. Focus on your healing and keep seeing your counselor. It's important that you deal with your grief.