elaine567 Posted December 5, 2018 Posted December 5, 2018 I think she thought she was over her ex but having sex with you and it being more like a real relationship scared her. She wasn't ready for that, she probably now feels she betrayed him with you. Getting over exes is hard for some and although they may know the new guy is superior to her ex, or better for her than her ex, feelings can still take over and whilst her head says yes her heart says no. Abusive relationships can be very hard to shake off, especially when the ex says they are sorry and wants her back. All that love and intense emotions invested appears to have paid off, so is very hard for some to resist. That lovely man he was at the start of their relationship has returned... it can be the stuff of dreams for abused people... I now see your update. Be careful. What happened with the ex is he still hanging around somewhere?
Author rayj83 Posted December 5, 2018 Author Posted December 5, 2018 I think she thought she was over her ex but having sex with you and it being more like a real relationship scared her. She wasn't ready for that, she probably now feels she betrayed him with you. Getting over exes is hard for some and although they may know the new guy is superior to her ex, or better for her than her ex, feelings can still take over and whilst her head says yes her heart says no. Abusive relationships can be very hard to shake off, especially when the ex says they are sorry and wants her back. All that love and intense emotions invested appears to have paid off, so is very hard for some to resist. That lovely man he was at the start of their relationship has returned... it can be the stuff of dreams for abused people... I now see your update. Be careful. What happened with the ex is he still hanging around somewhere? I have no idea! To be honest I don't even know what role is he played in the first place, except she just talked about him a lot. I don't know what she's been up to since she ended things (ie: not dating, seeing him, etc...)
diddilybop Posted December 5, 2018 Posted December 5, 2018 i'm sorry this happened to you, OP. i can relate, but as the girl you were seeing. while i don't know exactly what she's going through, i can possibly see why she went cold. when i was single, i went out with this guy for a month or two, we had a really great time and we liked each other a lot, but i was definitely putting up a wall around him. before this guy, i was in a relationship with someone who was toxic and emotionally abusive. and like the woman you're describing, i never wanted to get back with my ex but i realized i wasn't in the best place to be seriously dating someone new. when i recognized this, i became more distant around the guy and told him soon after that i just wasn't ready. he was pretty bummed but he appreciated my honesty. it sucks that you really liked her and things were initially going great, but unfortunately, you can't force to get out of her "funk". it seems like she needs this time to do some healing. i know it hurts OP, but give her the space she needs. try to do your thing and be open to meeting new women.
Author rayj83 Posted December 5, 2018 Author Posted December 5, 2018 i'm sorry this happened to you, OP. i can relate, but as the girl you were seeing. while i don't know exactly what she's going through, i can possibly see why she went cold. when i was single, i went out with this guy for a month or two, we had a really great time and we liked each other a lot, but i was definitely putting up a wall around him. before this guy, i was in a relationship with someone who was toxic and emotionally abusive. and like the woman you're describing, i never wanted to get back with my ex but i realized i wasn't in the best place to be seriously dating someone new. when i recognized this, i became more distant around the guy and told him soon after that i just wasn't ready. he was pretty bummed but he appreciated my honesty. it sucks that you really liked her and things were initially going great, but unfortunately, you can't force to get out of her "funk". it seems like she needs this time to do some healing. i know it hurts OP, but give her the space she needs. try to do your thing and be open to meeting new women. Hey thanks for this - read my last post! She wants to get together...
diddilybop Posted December 5, 2018 Posted December 5, 2018 ah, OP. i see your update now. i still mostly standby my advice and agree with elaine567, please be careful and try not to get your hopes up too high. because i did the same thing to another guy (i know, i know lol) and then went cold again soon after. be protective of your heart. you deserve someone who is excited to be with you, not someone who's hold & cold or wishy-washy.
lovenoobi Posted December 6, 2018 Posted December 6, 2018 Sorry to hear your last experience OP. I think if you got nothing happening at the moment then it would be alright to give it a chance. However I think you should have a good & honest chat with her about why she turned cold so unexpectedly and how much it hurted you. More importantly, how are things going to be different this time round? Granted you’re not going to hold her accountable to this conversation in the future if things go sour as nothing is for certain, but it’s important to see if she has actually reflected on the past experience and whether she genuinely wants, and is ready, for a relationship with you. Furthermore unfortunately the trust has been broken and it will be hard to rebuild that. Is this going to be something that both of you are willing to work on?
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