Why do girls sometimes do this?

[newyorker11356]

Mistake #1. Too much, too soon. The relationship took over your lives. It ran fast, it ran hot, it ran furious, and it burned out. Predictably. You gotta let these things build and you gotta keep it cool. Otherwise one or both will feel too much pressure and the change in their lives will not be a positive one. Or at the very least it won't feel like it's a good thing and one or both will wake up one day and say "WTF am I doing, do I even know this person why am I letting this take over my life?!".

 

 

Ehh, if she was into the OP, I doubt this would have really mattered. Me and my current girlfriend were like that when we started dating.

[SevenCity]

Ehh, if she was into the OP, I doubt this would have really mattered. Me and my current girlfriend were like that when we started dating.

 

This all boils down to interest level. If a girl has high interest, you can make a lot more mistakes. Call your same current girlfriend every hour while she is at work and she will lose interest.

 

The other downside is you establish a pattern that becomes expected.

 

Op - The trick is, you can raise or lower a woman’s interest level based on your actions. Personally, I prefer to focus on women with high interest as it makes things more fun and a lot easier.

 

And I don’t mean being generous. It’s a way you act and carry yourself. Just like a date’s interest level would drop if you slapped her across the face once you sat down, behaving in a way that attracts women can increase their interest level.

 

Understand, if she is below 50% interest there is nothing you can do. But if she is above that, your behavior can raise or lower her interest.

 

There are factors outside of your control (ex, another guy, etc) which will make her lose interest no matter if you do everything correctly. But often, it is the guy’s behavior which causes women to lose interest.

 

Check out the book “How to be a 3% man” by Corey Wayne. It will help your dating life tremendously.

[marxman2015]

This all boils down to interest level. If a girl has high interest, you can make a lot more mistakes. Call your same current girlfriend every hour while she is at work and she will lose interest.

 

The other downside is you establish a pattern that becomes expected.

 

Op - The trick is, you can raise or lower a woman’s interest level based on your actions. Personally, I prefer to focus on women with high interest as it makes things more fun and a lot easier.

 

And I don’t mean being generous. It’s a way you act and carry yourself. Just like a date’s interest level would drop if you slapped her across the face once you sat down, behaving in a way that attracts women can increase their interest level.

 

Understand, if she is below 50% interest there is nothing you can do. But if she is above that, your behavior can raise or lower her interest.

 

There are factors outside of your control (ex, another guy, etc) which will make her lose interest no matter if you do everything correctly. But often, it is the guy’s behavior which causes women to lose interest.

 

Check out the book “How to be a 3% man” by Corey Wayne. It will help your dating life tremendously.

 

Good points, I have read that book, as well as The System by Doc Love.

 

In OP's case, I believe the girl didn't start with a HIGH interest level in him to begin with (80%+), it could be anywhere from 51% to 65%. OP could have done too much communication too early, thus slaughtering any anticipation and mystery. It was a tight situation from the start due to her initial so-so interest in OP.

 

In the grand scheme of things, when two persons have HIGH interest level in each other to begin with, things just naturally flow. They don't need a coach, they don't need to play games, they don't need to hurt their heads thinking what the other person's action means. Everything is crystal clear and as smooth as silk. Such occurrence is RARE and precious, but when that happens, it means fate just smiles over your shoulder.

 

In case of a under 50% interest level. Sure, 99% of the time things won't turn around, but it isn't impossible. Even the coach who wrote that book once admitted it that it is POSSIBLE to bring back up interest from 40%-49% to over 50%, but the work required in it is IMMENSE. You are better off finding someone else and start clean.

[PRW]

I'm gonna beat on ya just a little,...but don't worry, I made all the same mistakes back then too. So I'm speaking from experience. Yes, I am going to repeat some of what the others have said, but some things deserve repeating.

 

we would text every day multiple times

Mistake #1

 

The phone is for setting dates, not for getting to know someone.

 

talked for hours.

Mistake #2

 

Again, the phone is for setting dates, not for getting to know someone. Even when you get on the date, particularly the first one, keep it short, maybe a couple hours at most. You should both leave wanting more. It sets you up for the next date.

 

Her roommates even said she talked about me to them all the time.

Until the initial emotions subsided.

 

1. Now, for the past few days I've noticed she was getting more "cold"

2. and texting less

3. and on Sunday for the first time she didn't text me at all.

Textbook. Classic.

 

I contacted her Monday to see if she was ok,

Yes, this tells her "I haven't heard from you in 24 hours, something MUST be wrong".

This shows you coming from a place of fear and uncertainty. Your daily existence has become tied to getting "affirmations" from her. She doesn't like that. It's scares the crap out of women. They know that this is how stalkers are born.

 

I noticed that suddenly I was the one texting all the time, while she was giving me short answers.

Yep, you are infatuated and over pursuing, and she is running fast.

 

This has happened to me before, so I figured that she lost interest in me for whatever reason,

Well, at least you saw that. The "whatever reason" is called desperate over-pursuit.

 

She claimed it wasn't because of me personally, but rather because she needed to "find herself"

That is just the BS women tell guys. You're lucky that she at least told you outright that she wasn't interested anymore,...they usually won't tell you that much.

 

because I tend to be generous with girls, and I have a feeling she may have taken advantage of that

She didn't take advantage of you, she just got tired of it. You gotta top being the "nice guy", the pushover, the lost puppy that follows them home hoping to be taken in.

 

There is a great book about this from Corey Wayne called "How to be a 3% Man". It is short and only $20,...plus there is a way from his web site to read it free online. You should also binge watch his videos on YouTube and target videos with the keywords "nice guy" and "over-pursuing". There is another YouTube Channel that explains the "nice guy" problem very well,...it is called FarFromAverage (Far From Average). You REALLY need to put effort into this,...don't wait till you are in your 50's and single before you figure it out.

[kendahke]

One day we were hanging out and talking about meeting again, and then suddenly she never wants to see me again.

 

That's how it happens. It just happened to me. Happens to everyone.

 

Understanding that people may leave our lives in ways that leave a bad taste in our mouths will help out a lot in the future.

[newyorker11356]

I'm gonna beat on ya just a little,...but don't worry, I made all the same mistakes back then too. So I'm speaking from experience. Yes, I am going to repeat some of what the others have said, but some things deserve repeating.

 

 

Mistake #1

 

The phone is for setting dates, not for getting to know someone.

 

Mistake #2

 

Again, the phone is for setting dates, not for getting to know someone. Even when you get on the date, particularly the first one, keep it short, maybe a couple hours at most. You should both leave wanting more. It sets you up for the next date.

 

Until the initial emotions subsided.

 

Textbook. Classic.

 

Yes, this tells her "I haven't heard from you in 24 hours, something MUST be wrong".

This shows you coming from a place of fear and uncertainty. Your daily existence has become tied to getting "affirmations" from her. She doesn't like that. It's scares the crap out of women. They know that this is how stalkers are born.

 

Yep, you are infatuated and over pursuing, and she is running fast.

 

Well, at least you saw that. The "whatever reason" is called desperate over-pursuit.

 

That is just the BS women tell guys. You're lucky that she at least told you outright that she wasn't interested anymore,...they usually won't tell you that much.

 

She didn't take advantage of you, she just got tired of it. You gotta top being the "nice guy", the pushover, the lost puppy that follows them home hoping to be taken in.

 

There is a great book about this from Corey Wayne called "How to be a 3% Man". It is short and only $20,...plus there is a way from his web site to read it free online. You should also binge watch his videos on YouTube and target videos with the keywords "nice guy" and "over-pursuing". There is another YouTube Channel that explains the "nice guy" problem very well,...it is called FarFromAverage (Far From Average). You REALLY need to put effort into this,...don't wait till you are in your 50's and single before you figure it out.

 

Except the main problem was is that she ultimately wasn't into the OP. If she was, then it wouldn't have really mattered how often they communicated via the phone or the amount of hours spent on early dates.

 

If she was into the OP, but had an issue with the amount of communication via the phone, she'd have said something to him.

 

With me and our current girlfriend, we communicated via the phone everyday (still do), and our first date was like 6-7 hours. We're still smitten with each other. Our interest level in each other was both high to begin with. That's the difference.

[SevenCity]

Good points, I have read that book, as well as The System by Doc Love.

 

In OP's case, I believe the girl didn't start with a HIGH interest level in him to begin with (80%+), it could be anywhere from 51% to 65%. OP could have done too much communication too early, thus slaughtering any anticipation and mystery. It was a tight situation from the start due to her initial so-so interest in OP.

 

In the grand scheme of things, when two persons have HIGH interest level in each other to begin with, things just naturally flow. They don't need a coach, they don't need to play games, they don't need to hurt their heads thinking what the other person's action means. Everything is crystal clear and as smooth as silk. Such occurrence is RARE and precious, but when that happens, it means fate just smiles over your shoulder.

 

In case of a under 50% interest level. Sure, 99% of the time things won't turn around, but it isn't impossible. Even the coach who wrote that book once admitted it that it is POSSIBLE to bring back up interest from 40%-49% to over 50%, but the work required in it is IMMENSE. You are better off finding someone else and start clean.

 

This is a classic mistake that most guys make. Women’s interest level fluctuates over time.

 

If you recall, she was all into him at first then lost interest. This happens to many men (including myself). You’re lucky if it happens in a month, but it can be devistating when it happens after many years (which was the case with me).

 

As men, we tend to think when woman professes her love she means that forever. They don’t. They mean it IN THAT MOMENT.

 

That’s how you have to approach relationships with women. You have to be on the look out for subtle clues of their interest level. Most women communicate covertly rather than overtly like men. They will drop hints of things they are not happy with and expect you to pick up on them. It’s the same way she rejected the OP (find myself, too busy, etc). She finally had to resort to overt communication (“I’m not interested in you”) because the OP did not understand her covert actions (less available, not initiating).

 

The rub is women’s interest level usually changes slowly over time. So you can be in what you perceive to be a great relationship for years until one day she dumps you because her interest level dropped below 50%. Then you’ll here “It was out of the blue!” That’s because the guy didn’t pick up on her current interest and was hung up on when she said she would love you forever, never leave you, etc. They failed to observe the covert clues of her interest dropping.

 

Another great book is The Rational Male. I’m reading it now and it really sheds light on many behaviors by women. Only complaint is the font is tiny lol.

[ChatroomHero]

This all boils down to interest level. If a girl has high interest, you can make a lot more mistakes.

 

I think this right here answers most people's questions when it comes to a gray area with either a man or a woman. The problem is you never know the initial interest level and it's really impossible to get in someone's head and know what the true interest level is.

 

Sometimes people are not completely honest with themselves initially. I know I have met women where I felt, I could really date her. A few days later I realize that she's not what I am looking for and the initial excitement blinded me a bit. Nothing changed with her, I just realized I wasn't really interested and the shine wore off quickly.

 

So if you don't know the initial interest, it throws you off. Despite interest level they might seem to be interested, they might seem to be good dates. But with someone really interested you can get away with anything. Forget to call, flake on a date, suggest a lame date, tell a bad joke, she is totally into it and no complaints. If she has low interest she might go along with those things but they are deal breakers in her mind even though she doesn't tell you directly. You are either jumping through hoops in her mind or she has no hoops for you to jump through but there is no way for you to know initially.

 

It's tricky. Best you can do is understand trust builds slowly and it actually takes a long time to really know someone and "get inside their head" so to speak. As I get older, I am more relaxed, take it or leave it, never really think it's serious for a while. I try to enjoy today and let tomorrow take care of itself. If a woman ghosts me or loses interest, I just kind of "whatever" it because it was never going to work regardless. I mean lose interest in 3 months or 3 years, I would rather it happen in 3 months and just move on.

 

It is what it is, best advice I can give is slow down your investment in anyone. It took me years to get better at that and withhold judgement for a longer time. In the end, I do find when things like this happen I am a lot more "meh" about it and move on quicker.

[smackie9]

I know I instantly lost attraction when the guy talked about things that were too personal/emotional/vulnerable. Nothing hot about that at all. It was like flicking a switch to being turned off.

[Gotensive]

This is a classic mistake that most guys make. Women’s interest level fluctuates over time.

 

If you recall, she was all into him at first then lost interest. This happens to many men (including myself). You’re lucky if it happens in a month, but it can be devistating when it happens after many years (which was the case with me).

 

As men, we tend to think when woman professes her love she means that forever. They don’t. They mean it IN THAT MOMENT.

 

That’s how you have to approach relationships with women. You have to be on the look out for subtle clues of their interest level. Most women communicate covertly rather than overtly like men. They will drop hints of things they are not happy with and expect you to pick up on them. It’s the same way she rejected the OP (find myself, too busy, etc). She finally had to resort to overt communication (“I’m not interested in you”) because the OP did not understand her covert actions (less available, not initiating).

The rub is women’s interest level usually changes slowly over time. So you can be in what you perceive to be a great relationship for years until one day she dumps you because her interest level dropped below 50%. Then you’ll here “It was out of the blue!” That’s because the guy didn’t pick up on her current interest and was hung up on when she said she would love you forever, never leave you, etc. They failed to observe the covert clues of her interest dropping.

 

Another great book is The Rational Male. I’m reading it now and it really sheds light on many behaviors by women. Only complaint is the font is tiny lol.

 

I did understand, but I still decided to ask her any way to be sure.

[PRW]

Except the main problem was is that she ultimately wasn't into the OP. If she was, then it wouldn't have really mattered how often they communicated via the phone or the amount of hours spent on early dates.

 

She was into him according to the description, and was "telling all her friends" about him. Yes, it would have still mattered, and it did.

 

If she was into the OP, but had an issue with the amount of communication via the phone, she'd have said something to him.

No, she wouldn't have. She would have just gone cold, as she did

 

With me and our current girlfriend, we communicated via the phone everyday (still do), and our first date was like 6-7 hours. We're still smitten with each other. Our interest level in each other was both high to begin with. That's the difference.

A couple things on that.

 

1. You can do things wrong and sometimes just get lucky. I saw a YouTube video of a motorcycle slam into the back of a car going down a freeway. The rider flipped over the bars and landed on the roof feet first and upright. He looked around like he couldn't believe what happened. I still say it is bad to slam your motorcycle into the back of a car on the freeway.

 

2. Once you are in an exclusive relationship things happen more naturally and you don't have to be a careful as when you are strangers and not boyfriend/girlfriend

[PRW]

as well as The System by Doc Love.

I haven't read any of his stuff but I have heard good things about him. I have also run across some of his "students" and they seemed to really have their act together.

 

All those percentages that gets tossed around are just arbitrary though. No one has a percentage meter stuck on their forehead to get an accurate measurement. But I understand and agree with the principles.

[newyorker11356]

She was into him according to the description, and was "telling all her friends" about him. Yes, it would have still mattered, and it did.

 

No, she wouldn't have. She would have just gone cold, as she did

 

A couple things on that.

 

1. You can do things wrong and sometimes just get lucky. I saw a YouTube video of a motorcycle slam into the back of a car going down a freeway. The rider flipped over the bars and landed on the roof feet first and upright. He looked around like he couldn't believe what happened. I still say it is bad to slam your motorcycle into the back of a car on the freeway.

 

2. Once you are in an exclusive relationship things happen more naturally and you don't have to be a careful as when you are strangers and not boyfriend/girlfriend

 

I'm pretty sure the millions of couples of around the world didn't occur (all) by following a strict rigid guideline of how they should act upon meeting each other (how often they should be talking to each other, amount of hours/minutes spent on each date, etc.).

 

Not even saying your wrong, I do like your posts, but they don't apply to every situation.

 

The OP's former girl clearly lost interest, but I'm willing to bet it really had nothing to do with how often he was communicating with her (unless he was trying to hit her up 24/7 or something). Sometimes, feelings just change. Sucks when it happens, but that's life.

 

As in the past, we can just agree to disagree

Edited September 20, 2018 by newyorker11356

[PRW]

As in the past, we can just agree to disagree

 

 

Sure, no problem.

 

 

I'm am certainly glad things are working out for you. If I'm not mistaken, when I first got on this site you were alone. If so, then congrats on that.

[newyorker11356]

Sure, no problem.

 

 

I'm am certainly glad things are working out for you. If I'm not mistaken, when I first got on this site you were alone. If so, then congrats on that.

 

You remember me correct , I was single at the time you joined. And thank you

[40somethingGuy]

Fair enough. I guess I wish girls were sometimes more honest. I understand not wanting to hurt feelings, but pretending like you're suddenly too busy for anything is just immature, IMO.

 

Also, the way she cut me off completely kind of hurt. At the very least we could have been friends. I have no issues with being only friends with girls. She cut me off like I did something bad to her.

 

 

 

What I have learned over the years is not to 'spill my guts' or give too much away in the early months of a budding relationship. From the sounds of your post, you were VERY available (texting multiple times a day) and generous. It is totally true that they are sure fire ways to push a girl away as they know they don't deserve the pedestal and I would venture to say the multiple texts started by her (maybe subconsciously) was a test and you failed by always being there. Instead, show you have a life and are a busy person with a life beyond her. Dial back the generosity until she proves worthy of it. You just end up spending money to get your heart broken. When a girl is 'too busy' or goes silent then you need to go silent. No woman is 'too busy' for a man she is interested in. She will make time if you are someone she wants to pursue. From the outside, this is a predictable outcome.

[Gretchen12]

Fair enough. I guess I wish girls were sometimes more honest. I understand not wanting to hurt feelings, but pretending like you're suddenly too busy for anything is just immature, IMO.

 

Also, the way she cut me off completely kind of hurt. At the very least we could have been friends. I have no issues with being only friends with girls. She cut me off like I did something bad to her.

 

But some guys would feel insulted if a girl breaks up with him and says let's be friends. The truth is there is no formula for human interaction. the older you are, the more variations you have seen, and the more you realize there are no rules. Formulas and methods are for people to cling to when they have no experience. You will not get an answer why she lost interest. I can tell you why I lost interest in that guy I was really into: when we went out and he had to parallel park into a small space, he hit the car parked in front three times and he didn't care. I lost interest right there. Yes I guess it was sudden. And you won't find "don't hit other cars" in a dating guide.

[SevenCity]

But some guys would feel insulted if a girl breaks up with him and says let's be friends. The truth is there is no formula for human interaction. the older you are, the more variations you have seen, and the more you realize there are no rules. Formulas and methods are for people to cling to when they have no experience. You will not get an answer why she lost interest. I can tell you why I lost interest in that guy I was really into: when we went out and he had to parallel park into a small space, he hit the car parked in front three times and he didn't care. I lost interest right there. Yes I guess it was sudden. And you won't find "don't hit other cars" in a dating guide.

 

That would turn me off too. It shows lack of respect for other people and their property and you would likely be on the receiving end one day.

 

Good move.

[Gotensive]

delete message

Edited September 21, 2018 by Gotensive

[Gotensive]

But some guys would feel insulted if a girl breaks up with him and says let's be friends. The truth is there is no formula for human interaction. the older you are, the more variations you have seen, and the more you realize there are no rules. Formulas and methods are for people to cling to when they have no experience. You will not get an answer why she lost interest. I can tell you why I lost interest in that guy I was really into: when we went out and he had to parallel park into a small space, he hit the car parked in front three times and he didn't care. I lost interest right there. Yes I guess it was sudden. And you won't find "don't hit other cars" in a dating guide.

 

Well, she didn't "break up with me" technically because we weren't in a relationship. But i agree with the rest of what you say saying.

 

Also, what your guy friend did was flat out evil, lol. I never did anything like that.

[lovelymay]

I can only think of a few reasons why girls do this:

- She wasn't into you and just liked hanging around. Maybe she was friendzoning you already and when she saw that you expected more, she became cold...

- She was into you but maybe it was going too fast?

 

I had an experience where I could really hang out with a guy. We texted a lot, I was always happy to see him and we had lunch together very often. I talked about him to my friends because I really had a nice fun connection with him.

But I was never, really never, looking for romance. He just saw him as a good friend. And suddenly his messages changed...

They became more flirty and when I realized that he may be into me, I tried to give hints. The more distant I became, the more clingy he became and that really freaked me out.

 

But yeah, that's my experience, it doesn't mean this happened to you as well.

Btw men do this as well to us for unknown reasons... :-)

[fromheart]

This is very common, and nothing to worry about. What I'd point out to you is that your getting way too hung up in the early stages. 6 weeks is nothing, anything could happen.

 

Don't commit too early, keep other women in mind and when she backs away simply disappear. Let her and any woman know that they aren't the center of your universe, and she's going to have to work at it.

 

Sounds cold, but its the way to look after yourself.

[misspalmy]

let her go, lots fish out there

[Gretchen12]

Well, she didn't "break up with me" technically because we weren't in a relationship. But i agree with the rest of what you say saying.

 

Also, what your guy friend did was flat out evil, lol. I never did anything like that.

 

Haha... no I don't think you did something like that, lol.

[Gotensive]

let her go, lots fish out there

 

yeah i'm over it already. But I would be lying if I said i'm the type of guy who dates different girls all the time, because I'm not. I don't have the looks or charisma for that.