She lost interest / I was a rebound I think.

[Fensun90]

Hello again. I've previously written about this girl which had very high interest in me and gotten some tips from you guys. Things looks like they're about to completely dissolve right about now.

 

 

Quick refresh: This girl had a long term relationship that ended 3-4 months ago, we met at a party (met her one time before this and we texted on facebook before this as well.)

 

She had very high interest in me from the start. We had sex that night. We kept in contact after this and kept meeting up, having fun and hooking up about once a week, sometimes twice. In total I thing we hung out total 9-10 times.

 

This was for about a months time and she kept writing me all the time. Always initiating and I did not often initiate contact. About 80/20 pursuing. I'm the one who set up the dates however when she reached out.

 

 

I think maybe I f-uped by talking too much with her over text. I feel there was a turning point for us after she slept over and we had kind of a akward day (mostly because I was a bit tired and hungover) This is a few weeks ago.

After this day I felt she started slooowly pulling away.

 

Well, we had two dates since this, the first one at her place (she seemed disinterested that day and I maay have been a bit too touchy and clingy as well. We kissed a bit, but nothing special. But we had fun at least with talking.

 

We had a co-date with a few friends last week, she seemed very "on" that day, she was feeling me up on the couch even with her best friend there . I drove her home, we made out very heavy in the car, I asked if we should continue this inside, but she said it was so late and blah blah, so we could do it another time.

 

We have not had sex now for almost 3 weeks and not met up in a week. She's not texting me at all almost anymore and she only sending snapchats. She also never calls.

 

 

I asked her yesterday about hanging out this week, but now she's "extremely" busy she says with school etc. We were supposed to meet up late this week but she had to go see a girlfriend who's leaving the country (which is understand..)

 

I then asked how her weekend looked and she just said: "uuh.. I'm not sure."

 

I just told her: "If your not sure about this weekend, then we can just meet up another time, just call/text me when you know how your schedule is :)"

 

I get a bit frustrated at this point because I do not want to sit around like a back-up in case she "suddenly" have time.

 

She answers with: "Yes. :)"

 

 

Problem is that I got emotionally attached to her and now I actually feel this is going down the ****ter. Maybe she's actually busy but I just feel like her interest is almost gone at this point.

 

 

Idunno if I'm asking for advice or just here to vent.

 

Funny thing is she's already sent me two snaps after we last talked. I feel it's a bit rude not to text back when people reaching out but I've not answered them.

 

I do however feel her high interest in the start was because she was on rebound and was trying to get over her crazy ex.

 

Should I completely stop talking to her until she contacts me again to make a date or should I keep small talking when she reaches out on text or snaps?

 

I kind feel she's just showing me just enough interest to keep me hanging. But I don't know. I'm also trying to date other girls now.

 

fyi she's 26 and I'm 27.

[Zahara]

I'd step back and wait for her to make some effort. She told you she'd reach out when she's free so let her. Stop reaching out to get her to see you. It does look like her interest is fading. In the meantime date others and continue living your life.

[Fensun90]

I'd step back and wait for her to make some effort. She told you she'd reach out when she's free so let her. Stop reaching out to get her to see you. It does look like her interest is fading. In the meantime date others and continue living your life.

 

 

 

Yeah.. just sucks considering her high interest awakened feelings in me.. I really like her and most of the time women do not have high interest in me, so this hurt a little bit I have to say. Especially considering things were going so well in the beginning.

 

Like snaps she sends me now is just of her out training. So idunno how she's so extremely busy. Last night she sent she sent me video/pictures of herself with some hair extention thingy looking very hot.. Oh man, I hate this dating scene. Sometimes I actually think it's almost better to stay single than all this mixed signals bs.

 

 

Well I guess it's no point in putting effort in someone who's not doing it back.

[Zahara]

Yeah.. just sucks considering her high interest awakened feelings in me.. I really like her and most of the time women do not have high interest in me, so this hurt a little bit I have to say. Especially considering things were going so well in the beginning.

 

Like snaps she sends me now is just of her out training. So idunno how she's so extremely busy. Last night she sent she sent me video/pictures of herself with some hair extention thingy looking very hot.. Oh man, I hate this dating scene. Sometimes I actually think it's almost better to stay single than all this mixed signals bs.

 

 

Well I guess it's no point in putting effort in someone who's not doing it back.

 

The thing is, you don't have to stick around for mixed signals. You have a choice. I'd advise you to move along and don't invest in people that are ambivalent because most times, it either fades or you're left sitting on the fence indefinitely.

 

Busy, meh. If she has time to get extensions, I'm sure she has time to reach out to you. She's not even making any effort to maintain substantive contact. Plus, when people are interested in you, they make time.

[Fensun90]

I was just sittin now thinking a little bit for myself and I remember that a few weeks ago we we're supposed to have a date in between those two dates I was talking about, but I actually told her I couldn't because I was not feeling too good. This was the day after the date when she was a bit uninterested. Reason for me bailing on this date was because it was the 2 year anniversary of my fathers death and it was not a easy day for me.

 

She seemed a bit worried and kept sayin all night to call her if I wanted to talk or changed my mind to hang out. I didn't. I felt like being alone that day.

 

Also maybe that I don't iniate texting as much make her believe I'm not into her? Maybe she felt like I blew her off and that's why she's like this?

[Fensun90]

The thing is, you don't have to stick around for mixed signals. You have a choice. I'd advise you to move along and don't invest in people that are ambivalent because most times, it either fades or you're left sitting on the fence indefinitely.

 

Busy, meh. If she has time to get extensions, I'm sure she has time to reach out to you. She's not even making any effort to maintain substantive contact. Plus, when people are interested in you, they make time.

 

 

Not making excuses for her, but I think she just got em in the mail, she's a hairdresser.. but yeah I know. If she could she would make time..

 

 

I know, it just struck me a bit hard this girl. I think I'll just stop answering her totally until she reach out to make a date.

 

 

Just too bad to have akward situation with friends :bunny:

[ChatroomHero]

Try to avoid rationalizing her bad behavior and take it at face value. If she wanted to make time she would, if she wanted to hang out she would. What's telling is when you asked her out for the weekend and she's not sure...that only means one thing, she has no plans but is not excited to plan anything with you. If she said she wanted a weekend alone to unwind, that would be plausible, but if she had any plans she would tell you, instead she has no plans and would rather wait to see if something better comes up or if she is bored.

 

She will treat you how you let her. I'd move on and look for someone that would want to see me when they were free and showed that I was a priority and not a backup cure for boredom.

 

I'd drop her to the bottom of my priority list and wouldn't be thrilled to continue a pen pal relationship.

[smackie9]

I'll repost this again: You are right, she is emotionally unavailable and yes you are a rebound. She was only 3 months out an abusive relationship and still in contact with her ex.

 

 

Good luck with your other prospects.

[Fensun90]

I'll repost this again: You are right, she is emotionally unavailable and yes you are a rebound. She was only 3 months out an abusive relationship and still in contact with her ex.

 

 

Good luck with your other prospects.

 

 

 

Hi again smackie9.

 

Yeaaah.. just so darn hard to accept this truth.

 

I need to get more centered. This really shouldn't bother me, but I'm at a point and age in my life where I feel i NEED a girlfriend.. Probably that's why I get so attached.

 

 

I guess I at least learned something and at least I got laid. Gonna hit the club with my lads this weekend.

[Lotsgoingon]

You guys had a sexual relationship ... which is not the same as a relationship.

 

In other words, it sounds like the whole thing from the get-go was about sex.

 

She ultimately got bored ... or got tired of using you to escape her own life.

 

I can't tell:

 

#1: Are you interested in her for sex?

 

#2: Or do you want a relationship (that includes sex)?

 

Everything I've read says #1 ... but you're hurting like it's #2.

[Fensun90]

You guys had a sexual relationship ... which is not the same as a relationship.

 

In other words, it sounds like the whole thing from the get-go was about sex.

 

She ultimately got bored ... or got tired of using you to escape her own life.

 

I can't tell:

 

#1: Are you interested in her for sex?

 

#2: Or do you want a relationship (that includes sex)?

 

Everything I've read says #1 ... but you're hurting like it's #2.

 

 

 

 

I was interested in a relationship with her and I thought she was as well.

 

But now I've realised as smackie said that I must have been just a rebound, a way of escaping reality or something like this and she prob. got bored and onto the next guy.

 

I heard from her friends from earlier convos that they say she's mentally a mess. I've not picked up on this when hanging with her, but maybe good that this didn't go anywhere.

[RedHead5]

Guarantee you aren't the only one getting those snaps! That's why all you're getting is snaps, she is clicking the box by your name along with others....

 

I hate Snapchat.

[Standard-Fare]

You're correct that she's giving you mixed signals: just enough morsels to keep you invested, yet no clear signs that you have any future with her. After 9-10 dates, I think this is sh*tty behavior.

 

Hang back for now, give her no contact or attention, and see if she initiates another date. If not, don't initiate one yourself—consider this done, and do what you must to remove her from your life (i.e. unfollowing her on social media, etc.)

 

But the fear is that even if she does go for another date, she'll still continue with this mixed-signal nonsense. If you do see her again, it's time to clarify the relationship status. Are you a couple, or at least headed that way? Should this be monogamous? That's not an unreasonable conversation to have after 9-10 dates. In fact it's important for the sake of not wasting your time.

[Fensun90]

You're correct that she's giving you mixed signals: just enough morsels to keep you invested, yet no clear signs that you have any future with her. After 9-10 dates, I think this is sh*tty behavior.

 

Hang back for now, give her no contact or attention, and see if she initiates another date. If not, don't initiate one yourself—consider this done, and do what you must to remove her from your life (i.e. unfollowing her on social media, etc.)

 

But the fear is that even if she does go for another date, she'll still continue with this mixed-signal nonsense. If you do see her again, it's time to clarify the relationship status. Are you a couple, or at least headed that way? Should this be monogamous? That's not an unreasonable conversation to have after 9-10 dates. In fact it's important for the sake of not wasting your time.

 

 

 

Yeah. I will completely hang back and not talk to her before she initiates contact to set another date/hangout.

 

If she do in-fact reach out again I will only invite her to my house and make some food and I will tell her either she has to move forward together or else she can hit the highroad.

 

 

She still reaching out on snapchat with just normal **** she's doing like family dinner today and some school stuff. I do not answer anything considering she's not asked any questions.

[Fensun90]

Haha, well I've gone no contact with her and now I suddenly got a message: "I've got no plans for friday if you're free to hangout :)"

 

 

I will not give in to this. I told her earlier this week that if she's not sure about this weekend then we may as well do it some other time and I will stick to this.

 

I'll tell her I've laid plans (which is also true) and I'm not free until next week.

 

 

Still feel like she's like: "Oh well, all my other plans went to **** so I might as well text him."

[mortensorchid]

It's just a physical relationship, not much else is happening with you and her. Realize this and move on or stay where you are and be okay with that.

[Highndry]

Haha, well I've gone no contact with her and now I suddenly got a message: "I've got no plans for friday if you're free to hangout :)"

 

 

I will not give in to this. I told her earlier this week that if she's not sure about this weekend then we may as well do it some other time and I will stick to this.

I'll tell her I've laid plans (which is also true) and I'm not free until next week.

 

 

Still feel like she's like: "Oh well, all my other plans went to **** so I might as well text him."

 

 

Seems like you're playing games to me. You were worried it was over and now she wants to see you and you're going to blow her off in some power move.

 

A better course of action is to see her, have a good time, have great sex, but at an opportune time have an honest conversation about expectations.

[Fensun90]

Hellom wanna update this post.

 

I did not see her last weekend. We planned to do something on tuesday instead. I actually went to a party and I met a girl there who made out with, so that was a fun day.

 

Anyways on monday she said something about that she wasnt sure if she could make it. I told her I dont do maybe dates and she called me later. We talked for an hour about things and agreed to meet the tuesday. Then she text me that she suddenly have to "work" and only had about an hour from 10-11 to hang. I didnt want to drive 30 min for a 30 min hangout so she called me and "was so sorry and didnt mean it and all that bs" She gave me loads of excuses about some issues she has etc.

 

Then we agreed to go to movies on friday, but on wednesdsy she cancelled because of some bs thing and asked howabout sunday?

 

 

Note I have gone no contact with her, she's still reaching out.

 

I then get a message on facebook 8 o clock this morning (friday) where she said: so, have u made any plans for today?

 

I replied about 9 o'clock: no, not yet

 

Then she goes cold, but still posting snapstories all over, lots of videos of some guy she was with as well.

 

I then get a message now from her 7 hours later: I meant tomorrow

 

Thing is that Im sure shes going to some party tomorrow cause she said so earlier this week.

 

I really dont understand much now. Is she just holding me at arms length?

 

In a way Im actually starting to lose lots of interest for her, but still I would like to see her and see if I could make things work.

 

Im also talking to a few other girls at this time, trying to play the field so to speak.

 

Smackie, some insight? :laugh:

[Zahara]

This girl knows you are a doormat. Where is your self-respect? She has canceled on you so many times and you're still there lapping up her crumbs, waiting for her to afford you her time. Still trying to keep a lifeline. She knows you like her so whatever it is she's doing is manipulative and she's not an idiot not to recognize that but most of all you're coming off completely weak by hanging around for opportunities to see her.

 

She's emotionally unavailable and toys with you because you provide some level of attention to her. That's about it. Hence she keeps you at arms length just to get what she needs.

 

You agreed with Smackie's previous comment, so you know what's going on yet you're still waiting for this woman's validation.

Edited September 28, 2018 by Zahara

[Fensun90]

Hey.

 

Well I actually told her this last time we talked I told her that I dont appriciate when people cuts of plans and that I cut people out of my life if I dont feel reciprication.

 

This is actually true as well as I have removed a lot of people from my life.

 

 

 

Stilll not sure what to do. Maybe call her out and just tell her that she seems unsure and rather give me a call next week and we can take it from there? Or ask her: werent u supposed to go to a party tomorrow?

 

 

Or just jot answer at all?

[Zahara]

 

Well I actually told her this last time we talked I told her that I dont appriciate when people cuts of plans and that I cut people out of my life if I dont feel reciprication.

 

Well, what you're saying and doing are two different things. She's not reciprocating and she keeps rejecting you but you're still there so your words mean nothing to her. Infact, it's showing her that you are weak and will tolerate nonsense behavior. And a woman like her is going to use that to her advantage.

 

Stilll not sure what to do. Maybe call her out and just tell her that she seems unsure and rather give me a call next week and we can take it from there? Or ask her: werent u supposed to go to a party tomorrow?

 

You're not getting it. She's not interested in you that way -- she's not going to give you the relationship you want. She's emotionally unavailable so stop hanging around.

 

I read your other posts about NEEDING a girlfriend and that you hardly have women that show interest in you -- I think you're desperate and insecure and clinging to her because you need her to fulfill this void in your life. If you had any self-respect, you'd walk away because you know your value and you will not allow someone to toy with you this way.

 

 

Or just jot answer at all?

 

Personally, don't answer at all. Just move on. You're not going to go anywhere with this one. If you want to date, date women that are emotionally present.

Edited September 28, 2018 by Zahara

[Fensun90]

Well, what you're saying and doing are two different things. She's not reciprocating and she keeps rejecting you but you're still there so your words mean nothing to her. Infact, it's showing her that you are weak and will tolerate nonsense behavior. And a woman like her is going to use that to her advantage.

 

 

 

You're not getting it. She's not interested in you that way -- she's not going to give you the relationship you want. She's emotionally unavailable so stop hanging around.

 

I read your other posts about NEEDING a girlfriend and that you hardly have women that show interest in you -- I think you're desperate and insecure and clinging to her because you need her to fulfill this void in your life. If you had any self-respect, you'd walk away because you know your value and you will not allow someone to toy with you this way.

 

 

 

 

Personally, don't answer at all. Just move on. You're not going to go anywhere with this one. If you want to date, date women that are emotionally present.

 

 

I know mentally you guys are right but on a emotional level its different

 

I actually just sent her a small text: Its too much back and forth for me. Better you contact me in a few weeks and then we will see.

 

 

I got reply: yeah, I was invited to this party, but I was gonna ditch it to be with you, but okay..

[Zahara]

I know mentally you guys are right but on a emotional level its different

 

I actually just sent her a small text: Its too much back and forth for me. Better you contact me in a few weeks and then we will see.

 

 

I got reply: yeah, I was invited to this party, but I was gonna ditch it to be with you, but okay..

 

Manipulative. Plain as day. Unfortunately, you don't see it.

 

Emotions are understandable but at some point your self-respect needs to kick in. "Emotional" does not justify acting the doormat.

[Berteau]

Every time Ive had a girl like that it’s abeen a rebound situation and they suddenly disappear. It’s good to realize that upfront.