Flozfz Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 My co-worker and I worked together for a while, I caught feelings for her. I was in a relationship at the time and she was also, i broke up with my girls about 2 years ago and she broke up with her boyfriend about 9 months ago, so i ask if she maybe wanted to get together and she friend zone me, she said i see you as a brother :/ which sucks cause we both have great chemistry great convo we spend a lot of time together which i think was part of the problem cause i would do a lot for her thats why i think i develop feelings towards her. She recently took a trip to Chicago supposely for a business matters but come to find out she hook-up with a guy, so you know i was a little down and devestated, she even showed me a picture which i took it as lack of respect. I told her that i’ll leave her alone and wont bother her and strickly work. So now we barely talk she stop asking for favors, because she knows i wont do them for her since she has a new boyfriend and thats how its been for 1 month.. I feel like im doing the wrong thing my just cutting the friendship but i honestly can be there with her knowing she picked another guy. How do I go about this ?
Zahara Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 Keep it strictly professional. She's enforcing boundaries and you should too. There is no friendship to be had when you are emotional about her. 1
Author Flozfz Posted September 18, 2018 Author Posted September 18, 2018 (edited) Keep it strictly professional. She's enforcing boundaries and you should too. There is no friendship to be had when you are emotional about her. Shes like favors should be done with out interest. I told her that i did it cause i cared but its ok lets just leave it as is. Now she wants to talk or putting herself in my orbit but i just brief say hi and buy.. she has no car so i would usually take her to the train station when it would rain but now i dont do that but feel bad that im doing that.. but then i remember she has a boyfriend why dont he give rides.. Edited September 18, 2018 by Flozfz
Zahara Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 Shes like favors should be done with out interest. I told her that i did it cause i cared but its ok lets just leave it as is. Now she wants to talk or putting herself in my orbit but i just brief say hi and buy.. she has no car so i would usually take her to the train station when it would rain but now i dont do that but feel bad that im doing that.. but then i remember she has a boyfriend why dont he give rides.. She's a grown woman and can get herself to the train station. She should carry an umbrella if she knows it is going to rain. Don't feel bad about anything. You should keep it professional. The dynamics have changed and you need to draw boundaries. And yes, she has a boyfriend and he can take care of her. 1
smackie9 Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 You were never a friend to her if you were mackin after her. She had emotional attachment to you but never romantically. Just because there is "chemistry" doesn't mean sexual interest. You asked her out, she said no, there you have your answer, she was never into you that way. Don't be a sour puss about it. The tip of the day is, never invest your feelings like that unless you are dating/in a relationship with them. Having a crush on someone, you do at your own peril. TBH dating someone you work with is never ever a good idea....having a crush on her is bad enough ain't it. Now you have to deal with healing your heart while you see her everyday, and have to interact with her, maybe over hear about her fun weekend she had with new guy. So not worth it.
Lotsgoingon Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 I'm a male ... and I'm fine with dating in the workplace ... but I gotta tell you: You're acting like a male jerk. Your coworker did nothing wrong is telling you that she isn't interested in romance with you. Your coworker does not owe you any romantic interest. And now you're going cold on her as a coworker ... and you're acting like she did something wrong by seeing a guy on a trip. News brother: She has the right to sleep with a different guy every night in every city of the world for the next ten years. It's none of your business. Your business is to be a good coworker ... so that your career advances and you help the company ... and jeez, why not cultivate her as a friend? Own your pain ... own the disappointment ... own the sense of rejection ... those are authentic and understandable emotions. But these are not signs that someone betrayed you or did anything wrong. And share your story with people ... share how you got interested in this woman ... how that interest grew ... how you wrongly assumed she was interested in you ... and how you felt devastated by her lack of interest. This moment is a great chance for you to improve your social skills around romance. But you're doing the completely immature thing right now ... blaming her for something that isn't her fault. Why aren't you looking at other people to date? Dating rule #1: you don't let yourself fall deeply in love with someone who you're not dating ... who you don't even know is interested in you. You keep looking around and you don't let infatuation (in this case fantasy-distant infatuation) stop you from building a good social life. Use this as a learning experience. Time to read through LS perhaps ... and notice the subtle steps involved in showing interest in someone. 1
Author Flozfz Posted September 19, 2018 Author Posted September 19, 2018 (edited) Im not blaming her for anything its her life, I had interest in her she didnt ok i get it, i talk to her but not like how we were before but if she has a new boyfriend logically should her boyfriend help her with stuff? I mean if she had a serious problem sure i would help her but help her to take her to the train when is raining thats her boyfriend job not mine.. right? Edited September 19, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed quote
preraph Posted September 19, 2018 Posted September 19, 2018 You had friendship chemistry from her. She had no sexual chemistry for you. you just need to go into professional mode and be polite and don't talk to other people there about her and only be seen being professional and polite by both her and others. This is where you have to be an adult. She like you as a person but she's not attracted to you.
Lotsgoingon Posted September 19, 2018 Posted September 19, 2018 You know I have worked in many offices where I developed crushes on women. But there was no evidence these women had crushes on me or were interested in me--beyond just being someone they liked as a coworker. So I never took my crushes seriously. So the love lives of these women had NOTHING to do with me. You took your crush on this woman way too literally and seriously. Sometimes a crush emerges ... but you don't want to feed it ... or linger in it ... you want to focus your mind elsewhere if there is zero evidence that this person has a crush on you.
Juha Posted September 19, 2018 Posted September 19, 2018 Sorry man, it is tough when you catch feelings for a friend and they do not reciprocate. It really sucks that you work together so you have to see her every day. Always be professional at work with her, saying hi and having normal work relationship with her is what you do. Other than that, no meet ups, no favors, no contact, delete all social media and contact info for her. It sucks but the best thing for you to move forward is to have this woman not exist in your life except at work. Maybe look for a better job at another place so you won't have to see her everyday. Go out and date others. I wish you luck
I'veseenbetterlol Posted September 19, 2018 Posted September 19, 2018 Keep it strictly professional. She's enforcing boundaries and you should too. There is no friendship to be had when you are emotional about her. Yep, good solution. If stay her friend, she gets the benefits of having you there w/out committing. Plus the situation will hard it hard for you to move on.
kendahke Posted September 19, 2018 Posted September 19, 2018 Don't poop where you eat. she friend zone me, she said i see you as a brother :/ which sucks cause we both have great chemistry great convo we spend a lot of time together which i think was part of the problem cause i would do a lot for her thats why i think i develop feelings towards her. One can have great chemistry and conversation and still know that one doesn't want to date co-workers because of how messy it can get. You need to scale these feelings of yours back to strictly professional before you get caught out and embarrassed. She recently took a trip to Chicago supposely for a business matters but come to find out she hook-up with a guy, so you know i was a little down and devestated, she even showed me a picture which i took it as lack of respect. Like I said... you are nowhere on her romantic radar: you're only on her professional radar. Her showing you that picture indicates that she's aware that you're wanting more than what she's interested in returning and she needed to cool your jets since you won't do it yourself. Don't make her have to escalate this to HR for you to get the message that she's not interested in you.
smackie9 Posted September 19, 2018 Posted September 19, 2018 This is where you went wrong. You were doing favors for her in hopes that investment would get you something in return.... a GF. Stop doing that. Being female I just hate that. Only do things for a girl just because you just want to be nice, and don't expect anything in return. If you are totally going out of your way to drop her off at the train, then don't do it, or ask for gas money for the favor....which you should have done in the first place.
Author Flozfz Posted September 20, 2018 Author Posted September 20, 2018 This is where you went wrong. You were doing favors for her in hopes that investment would get you something in return.... a GF. Stop doing that. Being female I just hate that. Only do things for a girl just because you just want to be nice, and don't expect anything in return. If you are totally going out of your way to drop her off at the train, then don't do it, or ask for gas money for the favor....which you should have done in the first place. Yes you’re right.
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