ericw899 Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 So I met this girl on Snapchat, and we talked all day yesterday. We really hit it off and seemed to have formed a connection quite quickly. We talked on the phone all night and I asked her to go to the movies this Friday night, which she agreed. The only thing is, she seems SUPER comfortable with me rather quickly. Just last night she was talking a lot about sex, and even sent me nudes and was sexting me heavily while masturbating. In addition, she has said things like "I'm in love" and just today asked if I wanted to meet to makeout. Now don't get me wrong, I really like her, and am looking forward to the date, but are these red flags, considering we have only talked for a day and a half? Btw we have talked about wanting to date/form a relationship, not hookup.
Garcon1986 Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 That is indeed a bit of a red flag. Usually dating isn't that easy unless the woman wants purely a hookup, and in that situation, she probably has some emotional issues. What I would do is get a sense of what she really is looking for in a relationship, with general questions like what's your favorite kind of relationship, and have you dated before. A few dates down the line ask her what her dealmakers and dealbreakers are. I will say that many chaps in the world would love to have the problem you have, but you are doing the right thing and making it more of a measured approach. My ex ended up being the most emotionally manipulative person I ever seen, and it started out sweet and charming. Good for you for holding your emotions in check a little. Put some effort into finding out what she really envisions your relationship to be. Then in that way you can cut ties and have it not be too painful if it's not to your taste.
Author ericw899 Posted September 18, 2018 Author Posted September 18, 2018 That is indeed a bit of a red flag. Usually dating isn't that easy unless the woman wants purely a hookup, and in that situation, she probably has some emotional issues. What I would do is get a sense of what she really is looking for in a relationship, with general questions like what's your favorite kind of relationship, and have you dated before. A few dates down the line ask her what her dealmakers and dealbreakers are. I will say that many chaps in the world would love to have the problem you have, but you are doing the right thing and making it more of a measured approach. My ex ended up being the most emotionally manipulative person I ever seen, and it started out sweet and charming. Good for you for holding your emotions in check a little. Put some effort into finding out what she really envisions your relationship to be. Then in that way you can cut ties and have it not be too painful if it's not to your taste. Thank you for the input. If you look at my other threads relating to my ex, that relationship started out exactly as things are starting out with this new girl, which scares me, because my ex damaged me so bad emotionally.
Garcon1986 Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 Well the truth of the matter is that you only really fail if you learn nothing at all. So if you do better this time around, I'd say you've earned a tidy return on your investment.
Garcon1986 Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 Brainstorming specific possibilities here: 1. She's really physically attracted to you. 2. She has poor boundaries because of her upbringing. 3. She has poor boundaries because of drugs. 4. She wants something in return and is using sex as currency. 5. You've said all the right things so far and are pushing her buttons. 6. She does this to lots of guys to get attention, because she's deep down an insecure person. Emotional doormat status is coming if you are not careful. 7. She's in the middle of getting over an ex and needs to soothe herself with physical pleasure. Just some food for thought.
Author ericw899 Posted September 18, 2018 Author Posted September 18, 2018 Brainstorming specific possibilities here: 1. She's really physically attracted to you. 2. She has poor boundaries because of her upbringing. 3. She has poor boundaries because of drugs. 4. She wants something in return and is using sex as currency. 5. You've said all the right things so far and are pushing her buttons. 6. She does this to lots of guys to get attention, because she's deep down an insecure person. Emotional doormat status is coming if you are not careful. 7. She's in the middle of getting over an ex and needs to soothe herself with physical pleasure. Just some food for thought. 1. She has said she is very attracted to me, which is odd because no girl has ever been very attracted to me 2. Possible, she does lack a father figure 3. No 4. No 5. Strong possibility 6. Possible but she seems to have more substance than just attention seeking 7. Anything is possible but has said she hasn't been with someone in a couple months
Garcon1986 Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 How do you know 4 is for sure not true?
ExpatInItaly Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 Yes, these are all red flags, OP. You haven't even met this girl and she's already thrown all sense of discretion right out the window. This isn't a girl who is looking for a serious connection. Proceed at your own risk. In another thread, you stated you would consider a woman who slept with you on the first date "easy" and that you wouldn't consider her girlfriend material - so how is this behaviour from a virtual stranger lining up with your views? 1
Author ericw899 Posted September 18, 2018 Author Posted September 18, 2018 Yes, these are all red flags, OP. You haven't even met this girl and she's already thrown all sense of discretion right out the window. This isn't a girl who is looking for a serious connection. Proceed at your own risk. In another thread, you stated you would consider a woman who slept with you on the first date "easy" and that you wouldn't consider her girlfriend material - so how is this behaviour from a virtual stranger lining up with your views? It’s not lining up which is why I’m concerned. I said I would like to get to know her before having sex, and she agreed, yet all of a sudden this pops up. It’s disappointing as we had a great conversation. Do I proceed with the date or mark her down as someone looking for a quick lay & move on?
d0nnivain Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 If you want a relationship of course these are red flags. She can't possibly love you if she has never met you. She has no idea what love means & just says that. It's an empty phrase based on fairy tales. She may be a fun date & a good time but I'd be very cautious about giving my heart away too soon to this one. At the risk of sounding old fashioned & judgmental, do you have any meaningful ideas about how many other men were also treated to nudes & masturbation fantasies? If you try to date, is she going to continue seeking attention & validation through SnapChat?
ExpatInItaly Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 It’s not lining up which is why I’m concerned. I said I would like to get to know her before having sex, and she agreed, yet all of a sudden this pops up. It’s disappointing as we had a great conversation. Do I proceed with the date or mark her down as someone looking for a quick lay & move on? A conversation means very little when you have not met the person and spent time together to assess real chemistry and compatibility. She is already showing you behaviour that is not indicative of someone who is prioritizing an emotional connection over sex. This girl is sex-driven, based on your description, and this is more than likely what she does with other guys she talks to as well. She is very comfortable and open with it, which tells me this is her usual routine and you're probably just one of a few guys in her roster. If you're looking for something more serious (in general, not necessarily from her) then I would keep moving. This isn't the girl for it. 1
Author ericw899 Posted September 18, 2018 Author Posted September 18, 2018 A conversation means very little when you have not met the person and spent time together to assess real chemistry and compatibility. She is already showing you behaviour that is not indicative of someone who is prioritizing an emotional connection over sex. This girl is sex-driven, based on your description, and this is more than likely what she does with other guys she talks to as well. She is very comfortable and open with it, which tells me this is her usual routine and you're probably just one of a few guys in her roster. If you're looking for something more serious (in general, not necessarily from her) then I would keep moving. This isn't the girl for it. That’s the thing. I’m very conservative & while I do want to have sex, I’m not going to do it on the first day or until I get to know her. It’s so frustrating though because the only girls interested in me are ones with very high sex drives who claim to want a relationship but it never pans out that way
d0nnivain Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 If you are conservative don't even bother to meet this woman. She is the exact opposite of conservative. Your conflicting life philosophies will make a relationship between you impossible. Don't waste your time trying.
RedHead5 Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 Honestly, she sounds a little crazy. Guess the sex will be good but if you are looking for long term/getting emotionally involved she will probably break your heart or eff with your head. She obviously wants sex, and sounds like she has zero control over her emotions talking about love already so if you have sex with her and don't get involved emotionally she will call you a jerk later. 1
Author ericw899 Posted September 18, 2018 Author Posted September 18, 2018 If you are conservative don't even bother to meet this woman. She is the exact opposite of conservative. Your conflicting life philosophies will make a relationship between you impossible. Don't waste your time trying. The thing is I do want to meet her to see what she’s all about. I just worry because I get feelings quick
kendahke Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 It’s not lining up which is why I’m concerned. I said I would like to get to know her before having sex, and she agreed, yet all of a sudden this pops up. It’s disappointing as we had a great conversation. Do I proceed with the date or mark her down as someone looking for a quick lay & move on? She could be checking to see if you are gay or if you have a healthy libido. I think you should mark her down for an in-face conversation before making a decision in an information vacuum.
d0nnivain Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 The thing is I do want to meet her to see what she’s all about. I just worry because I get feelings quick You already know what she is about: * a fantasy fairy tale dream of "love" with no understanding that real love is about hard work & compatibility * easy, quick, hot sex * the need for external validation. So what is the point of meeting her? Since you admit that you fall hard & fast let me tell you how this will go: You will meet. She will keep telling you that she loves you. You will believe her because you want a relationship. She will be hot & flirty. You two will fall into bed. The sex will be better then you have ever had because unlike you she has a lot of practice. Your body will release bonding hormones & you will think that because she said she loves you & she had sex with you, it must be love. You will give her your whole heart. Meanwhile she will be flirting with every guy on snapchat & all sorts of other places because she needs a LOT of men to tell her she's hot, sexy & desirable. She may or may not be sending them nudes. When you get upset she will gaslight you & tell you it's OK because you are overly sensitive & need to lighten up. The she will either give you an STD or break your heart, but not before turning you in an untrusting paranoid man who snoops his F-buddy's phone. Then you will be back here wondering what just happened. If you are up for that, by all means meet her. Enjoy.
Author ericw899 Posted September 18, 2018 Author Posted September 18, 2018 (edited) That’s the scary reality. I already went through something similar in my last relationship. I do really like this girl, it’s jist frustrating that it seems no girl can actually commit to something long term Edited September 18, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed
d0nnivain Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 (edited) Lots of woman can commit to something long term, just not the ones who send you nudes before meeting you. You're barking up the wrong tree then getting annoyed because these are not the women you feel worthy of being in a LTR with. Try investing in the women who are not so forward. I'm not condemning her. I hope she has a blast doing whatever & whoever she wants. All I'm saying is she is not the girl for you since you describe yourself as a conservative guy who is looking for something serious. In the thread about sex too soon you said that you would absolutely judge a woman who has sex too early with so apply your own standard & don't chase after a woman who sends you nudes. IMO, the pictures are far worse then actually having sex. The pictures are easy & meaningless so it's more probable that the behavior is recurrent where the sex, there probably had to be some spark. Edited September 18, 2018 by d0nnivain
Author ericw899 Posted September 18, 2018 Author Posted September 18, 2018 Lots of woman can commit to something long term, just not the ones who send you nudes before meeting you. You're barking up the wrong tree then getting annoyed because these are not the women you feel worthy of being in a LTR with. Try investing in the women who are not so forward. I'm not condemning her. I hope she has a blast doing whatever & whoever she wants. All I'm saying is she is not the girl for you since you describe yourself as a conservative guy who is looking for something serious. I guess my gripe is that every girl I talk to & hit up on social media turn out the same way. Always, cute, sweet & innocent saying they want a relationship etc, then they become attention seekers who want to sleep around. From looking at her social media she looks like the girl next door, who would eventually be wife material
preraph Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 Uh, I think you've found an internet prostitute, so either cancel the date or bring your wallet. No normal woman has any reason to do that whole scenario you just narrated. If you hadn't talked to her, I'd assume you were talking to a guy. It's still a possibility. Prostitutes are the only women who act like that.
d0nnivain Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 I guess my gripe is that every girl I talk to & hit up on social media turn out the same way. Always, cute, sweet & innocent saying they want a relationship etc, then they become attention seekers who want to sleep around. From looking at her social media she looks like the girl next door, who would eventually be wife material Looks can be deceiving. Assess her actions. Now put down your phone & close your computer. Go find nice women somewhere other then on social media. Think about it. The women who are willing to chat with you on those platforms are also willing to chat with & exchange photos with any & every guy whos asks. You are not special. You are just there in the moment. Go find a woman who would be horrified & insulted if you asked for racy pictures straight away & date her.
Orokotikki Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 If you do meet her, don't meet her in a dark alleyway... try somewhere public and whatever you may think or she may say, use protection. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 (edited) That’s the scary reality. I already went through something similar in my last relationship. I do really like this girl, it’s jist frustrating that it seems no girl can actually commit to something long term You like who you think she is, but you don't even know her. You need to keep some healthy perspective here, and not assume everything you see on social media is an accurate reflection of who someone really is. You can't know if a stranger on is "wife material" based on their social media, but based on this one's highly sexualized interactions with you, she is not looking for a husband anyway. Sorry, dude. Edited September 18, 2018 by ExpatInItaly 2
Versacehottie Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 My general opinion of people that operate without many boundaries is that they will fail to respect yours. So yeah I'd say it was a red flag. *not all people are the same (i.e. what your ex did & because it started out the same way doesn't necessarily mean things will with this one also), but patterns tend to have a reason for occurring. That said, on it's own, trying to get so close so quickly and not showing much restraint having never met you in person likely means this particular girl is desperate to be close to a guy, possibly clingy, attention-seeking. Her behavior is kind of like that. Good luck
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