Limbo Dating

[Kazie15]

So weird place to be in. I am seeing this guy and I really like him. We have an absolute blast together. He is a gentleman, treats me well, we get each other’s sense of humor and are very compatible in the physical way so there is no issues on the “us” part. Any who, he officially lives in another state but has been working here on contract for about 1 ½ years and when we first started dating, he and his company were pretty sure that the contract would be around for a good long while.

 

Well, he just found out that the next phase of the contract that he was sure would be awarded to his company (since they have been awarded the last few) was out-bid by a local contractor and he will only have 2 ½ months left here before he completes that last bit of his current contract. When he got the news, he became super torn. One of the reason he was here was because the work in this area is a lot more to come by and he’s been super happy here and really had hoped to make this a more permanent situation;however, he has 3 kids that live with their mom (his ex-wife) back home that he misses terribly.

 

He does go back home right now at least once a month for 3 days to see his kids, and I know it tears him up inside to leave; however, with him working for a contracting company, he said if he goes home when the contract is up, he’ll just end up having to go to wherever the next contract sends him which isn’t guaranteed to even be home and might even end up even farther away. However, even knowing that, it’s hard for him to justify permanently moving away from his kids because at least right now he lives near them, just away on work. I totally get that. I have a kiddo myself and I could never imagine being in that position, and I hate that I am selfishly hoping he chooses to stay (and I am sure there will be some troll who tells me what a horrible human being I am for hoping that).

 

Anyways, he’s weighing his options and is going to be making a decision in the next couple months. But now I a min serious limbo. We have only been dating for three months, so we haven’t been dating long enough for me to have any sway or say in the matter (nor should I); however, his decision will affect me because I already have started having real feelings for him and will be really sad if he leaves especially since I can see us being something real.

 

So limbo, I don’t know if I should try and hold myself back from having any more feelings for him than I already do so if he decided to go back, I won’t be even more sad, or do I just go all in and hope for the best because if I just stop allowing myself to have feelings, that might stunt our relationship before we even give it a chance to be something if he decides to stay. So any advice?

Edited September 18, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Please use paragraphs and proper spacing/formating

[salparadise]

So limbo, I don’t know if I should try andhold myself back from having any more feelings for him than I already do so ifhe decided to go back, I won’t be even more sad, or do I just go all in andhope for the best because if I just stop allowing myself to have feelings, thatmight stunt our relationship before we even give it a chance to be something ifhe decides to stay. So any advice?

 

I think you have to look at it differently, but not attempt to hold back feelings. You can't really control feelings anyway. You can deny feelings but that doesn't make them nonexistent. I say be honest about your feelings, with yourself and him, and that includes the feelings about the uncertainty. Try not to experience your fondness in a possessive way. It is what it is, and you can accept not being in control. All of the notions we have about control and possession are illusions anyway. Everything is transient, especially feelings. Everything changes. Focus on appreciation and joy in the time you have together, and don't let your heightened awareness that it might not be permanent limit the authenticity. You want to be happier... make better memories.

[Lotsgoingon]

Stay all in until life forces you to do otherwise.

 

You'll find that you can't really hold yourself back and all of that.

 

Just a tip ... and unfortunately I've been in situations like this one. I would avoid being too bold in encouraging him to stay if he has no job around.

 

But I do NOT think you need to avoid showing your fear of his departure or your sadness or frankly, your tears.

 

Sounds strange, but authentic emotion without manipulation (as in you must do X because I'm feeling bad) ... is a powerful communication technique. It lets him know how much you treasure him ... And then he can take that into consideration as he makes his decision.

 

But I'd go all in and see what happens. When life makes it impossible for the relationship to work, you'll know ... but there are lots of possibilities until then.

 

(Just a tip: if you could break your writing into separate paragraphs, it would be a lot easier to read and you'd probably get more helpful feedback. No biggie.)

[sdraw108]

You didn't describe your situation. He is tied to his state because his kids live with his ex partner, but what about you? Would you consider and/or are you able to move?

[Chilli]

Take it from a dad , don't pressure him to stay , whatever he does has to come from him.

But limbo , it's only a few months what you got a better offer? lf it was realer than this you wouldn't be here and going back to dating no bodies is not real and could go on for years and years.

l get the feelings believe me butttt, l think if it's real you have to live it real to give it the best shot and to come up with the best decisions in the long run and then, who knows what you two can work out. And kids , they grow up fast, really fast, so whatever that is doesn't have to be forever .