SerPundnes Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 Hi, I'm dating a girl that I'm unsure of is the right one for me. She has been emotional for a while, and she blamed the pill that dosen't get her pregnant. I asked her to stop taking them so she could balance her feelings a bit, and so she did. It was good for a month or so, but as time had passed she has now gotten depressed. She has the craziest mood swings: - The other night we were gonna watch a movie, I failed to put on subtitles, and she got mad, started crying and went to bed. - We were gonna fix her shower the other night and had to call a plumber to ask a quick question, I told her to call. She called, and after she hung up she got mad and told me I pushed her to call like it was a challenge from my side. - We woke up one morning, I was sleepy as heck, she wanted to mess around but I hadn't woken up 100% yet so she gets mad at me and takes off. I fell asleep again and slept for another 3 hours before she bursts into the room saying "I want you to leave because all you do is sleep!". I didn't say a word, packed my bag and left, I heard she started crying as I left. This is sooooo tiresome! One second everything is perfect, the next it's all hell! She has been talking about seeing a therapist, but she keeps stalling and finding excuses like "Didn't pick up", "Don't feel like it, the list is prob full", "I'm not in a mood to call" .. I don't even know if I like her that much anymore, feels like I keep losing respect for her. I keep getting dragged down into her darkness and I'm so tired! Does anybody else have experience with this? Do I try to fix THIS in any way? I know I can't fix HER .. If I can't handle this, why would anybody else? Is there no love for her to get? Would love to hear your thoughts on this, thanks!
Zahara Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 How long have you been dating her? Is this the same woman from your past thread?
central Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 She could be depressed, but it sounds like it could be bipolar disorder. If she won't see a doctor and therapist to figure it out, and take any necessary medications (which may need some time and adjustments to work and get the dosage correct), then you should move on. My ex was bipolar, and it was not a good relationship, partly because of her disorder, but for other complications as well. Unless she is successfully treated soon, and stays the course, then my advice is: RUN. And if you are not sure she the right one for you, don't prolong the relationship. The sooner you both move on, the better off you both will be.
mortensorchid Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 I agree she sounds certainly unstable. She may be bipolar, but she needs to see a therapist and get on meds and DO something about this rather than make others suffer around her. As for you? There's nothing you can do other than encourage her to get professional help. Otherwise she will get worse and worse.
basil67 Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 A couple of posters have mentioned bi-polar, but there's nothing you've written which would indicate she has cyclic nature of bi-polar, moving slowly from the crushing depressions to the elated highs and back again. To answer your question, you can't fix this. At this point, I'd talk to her when she's not upset about something and say that you're finding her behaviour unacceptable and it's making you rethink the relationship. Tell her that in order for you to consider staying, you need to see her actively seeking treatment/therapy. Don't give her a timeline....but do give yourself a mental timeline. If she hasn't made an appointment in two weeks, then she's probably not going to do it. She can get love in the future, but she may need to get to rock bottom before she makes the effort to change. Or she may find a guy who loves dating someone who's a hot mess.
Lotsgoingon Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 What in the world makes you think you can "fix" this relationship?
sdraw108 Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 Been there, done that. Never again. I won't go so far as to say you 100% can't fix it, but in my experience that was the case.
sdraw108 Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 All you have done is listed a bunch of irritating things she has done. If that is all we know, of course we will say you should ditch her. Why not tell us the good things about her so we can make a more informed decision? I have experienced this sort of thing, yeah. The girl was crazy as can be but she was also incredibly hot and the best sex a dude will ever have in his life. Needless to say, I soldiered on with her for a good 4 years. Someone had to love the girl, might as well be me! Some people look for more in a 4 year relationship than just "the best sex a dude will ever have" The fact is that yes, people like this obviously have some redeeming qualities otherwise you wouldn't have got into a relationship with them in the first place. But dysfunctional relationships are rarely worth the suffering.
Happy Lemming Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 My ex was bipolar, and it was not a good relationship, partly because of her disorder, but for other complications as well. Unless she is successfully treated soon, and stays the course, then my advice is: RUN. Many years ago, I also had an ex that was bipolar... I'd like to mirror "Central's" advice, RUN!
snowboy91 Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 Does anybody else have experience with this? Do I try to fix THIS in any way? I know I can't fix HER .. If I can't handle this, why would anybody else? Is there no love for her to get? OK, I'd just like to address this part. I get that you're worried about her not finding someone if you do decide to leave, and so you feel an obligation to stay because you feel she needs you. Unfortunately this is a classic case of putting your partner's feelings and wellbeing above your own. It's making you miserable in this relationship, and thus it won't live up to whatever potential you believe it has. You need to do the right thing for yourself. If it's too crazy to continue, then leave. It's scary as hell, and you've probably been catastrophising what will happen if you do leave, but things will probably turn out better than you think. It might be the kick she needs to get herself the help she needs to get herself back on track.
spiderowl Posted September 23, 2018 Posted September 23, 2018 (edited) She could be depressed, it could be bi-polar, it could also be a mixture of depression and PMT. PMT can be severe and totally change your world view for a week or two each month (I speak from experience). People who are depressed find it very difficult to motivate themselves (so she would find it hard to be pushed into something) and can feel under pressure at the slightest thing. Also, any slight, however minor it might seem, will feel like a rejection. Having said this, it is not easy for you to live with. Do you think she loves you? Do you love her? A first step would be to encourage her to go to the doctor, maybe ask if she'd like you to go with her. Be supportive and do the things she's finding hard to do, like calling the doc (with her permission of course). Hopefully, having made a start, she will get some help to deal with her moods. Really, you need to think about whether you want to continue to be in this relationship because it's not going to be easy getting to the point of help. If she has depression or PMT, it is likely to recur because current treatments have side-effects and people tend to want to come off them when they feel better. Whether she is likely to meet someone else in the future who could cope, should not be a deciding factor in whether you should stay with her. You need to weigh things up and decide where your priorities lie. If you really love her, maybe you will see this through. If not, then it looks like this relationship is just about over. Edited September 23, 2018 by spiderowl
BaileyB Posted September 23, 2018 Posted September 23, 2018 (edited) You can't fix this. You must decide, do you want to stay with this woman and continue to live with her unstable behavior. Or, do you leave. Edited September 23, 2018 by BaileyB
Larry56 Posted September 23, 2018 Posted September 23, 2018 She just sounds like a typical millennial. They all have "mental illnes". They all think they have PTSD and BPD. They are just used to treating people badly cause daddy didn't spank them. 1
Larry56 Posted September 23, 2018 Posted September 23, 2018 Oh yeah. Just dump her. Wouldn't you rather have some new pussy bouncing on your balls instead of this high maintenance weirdo?
coolheadal Posted September 23, 2018 Posted September 23, 2018 Normal Strange Completely Lost it Which type of woman would you want to live with? You can't change them, they will never change. Most of them will end up living on their own to be happy. When she tells you "she doesn't need a man" Listen to her because she's telling you her views on the subject.
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