LeeA18 Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 Hi I am rather confused. My (ex) boyfriend and I were going to move in together when he spiralled into depression and was anxious about me moving in. I understood and took it off the table. A week later he asked me if it was ok if he took a step back. What is a step back? It seems so vague. I was in shock so I didn’t ask him but agreed to it as I just want him to get better. I am now giving him space and gone no contact so I don’t feel like I can ask him. Would love to hear your thoughts.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 Hi I am rather confused. My (ex) boyfriend and I were going to move in together when he spiralled into depression and was anxious about me moving in. I understood and took it off the table. A week later he asked me if it was ok if he took a step back. What is a step back? It seems so vague. I was in shock so I didn’t ask him but agreed to it as I just want him to get better. I am now giving him space and gone no contact so I don’t feel like I can ask him. Would love to hear your thoughts. We can't really answer for him. You need to ask him what it means. The fact that you didn't do so suggests you are afraid of hearing the answer. Is that accurate? How long were you together, and how soon were you meant to move in? What was he anxious about, exactly?
d0nnivain Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 Space & NC make things worse. If you want to make progress or understand him you have to talk.
stillafool Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 I'm not really sure what your question is but if it is what does "step back" mean it means he wants to cool the relationship off and take the time and space to see if he wants to continue. You are right to give him his space. He more than likely wants to see other girls.
Young mind Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 I'm not really sure what your question is but if it is what does "step back" mean it means he wants to cool the relationship off and take the time and space to see if he wants to continue. You are right to give him his space. He more than likely wants to see other girls. All due respect to that being your opinion, but that’s the issue with commenting, go NC, block , move on etc, the man only said “step back” not “break up or date others”. The OP should push for me conversing and clarity 1
d0nnivain Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 Pushing for a conversation will most likely confirm that this guy is contemplating a full break up. It may not. It may just be a temporary freak out about the huge commitment that is moving in. Whether it is a BU or it is just being scared, talking is required. Sitting there going NC resolves nothing & leaves too many things in limbo. She's better off knowing then wondering. If this guy does break up with her, at least knowing that gives her a place to move forward from. 1
Ralph79 Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 Hi I am rather confused. My (ex) boyfriend and I were going to move in together when he spiralled into depression and was anxious about me moving in. I understood and took it off the table. A week later he asked me if it was ok if he took a step back. What is a step back? It seems so vague. I was in shock so I didn’t ask him but agreed to it as I just want him to get better. I am now giving him space and gone no contact so I don’t feel like I can ask him. Would love to hear your thoughts. Hello LeeA18, Sorry, but your post is a tad vague. I'm going to type my thoughts based on what I interpreted: 1. You had a BF (who is now your ex), who at the time was ready to have you move in with him. 2. As the moving date came he changed his mind, thus tried to externalize his disapproval through depression and anxiety. 3. You understood perfectly and cancelled plans. 4. A Week later he asks you if it was ok to "take a step back": - I'm assuming this pertains to your relationship obviosuly - I'm also assumin that this is the opposite of step forward (which in your case the next step forward was moving in together, which means a step back is forgoing his BF obligations , like talking to you everyday, inviting you out, etc). 5. You interpreted his "step back" comment as a "I don't want to be your BF anymore", and went NC, and gave him space. Thus the reason why you refer to him as your ex. If this is accurate , then I suggest to talk to him and check what the plan is going forward because it's not fair to keep you in limbo. If he needs time because deep down he's unsure about his feelings towards you and plans to go out with other women, then screw that. If he wants a step back because he needs to sort out his life and deal with his issues, then it's really up to you.
Author LeeA18 Posted September 18, 2018 Author Posted September 18, 2018 Thank you. I am sorry that I was vague. A lot has happened and I am all over the place. I do feel like he has left me hanging. I need to talk to him. I just don’t trust how honest he will be with me because of his headspace. Guess his response will tell me what I need to do. Thank you all.
Recommended Posts