sick Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 My problem sounds a lot like everyone else's on here. I found out my wife has been corresponding with a man she met on a business trip in mexico. He lives in Bolivia and she is going there one a business trip next month. At first she denied it until I hit redial and showed her the number. Then she said it was nothing and that they were just friends and its nice to have someone to talk to. She's from Mexico so when they communicate in Spanish I can't understand everything even if I listened in. Since my initial discovery - I've found out she's created a different email address and been buying phone cards so that she can make these calls from pay phones. Everytime I catch her she blows up and turns it back around on me- she blames a time 5 years ago when we first got married and I wasn't really attracted to her- and tells me I don't listen and I'm jealous and a lunatic. She says that he is halfway accross the world and that I shouldn't worry. But she's going there next month. We have 2 young children. I can't believe that she would do this to them. Do I prepare for divorce? This is a very rare trip for her to Bolivia. I'm not sure what to do.
Bryanp Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 I would be worrying very much. She continues to lie to you about this man and is traveling to Bolivia and he will be meeting her. My guess is that when they met initially something happened between them on the first trip. Her behavior seems typical of somebody engaging in cheating. I think you are in a terrible position and it sounds like the affair will continue when she meets him again. Is it possible there is somebody in Bolivia that will look out for your interests and tell you what is happening. I would let her know what the consequences will be to her actions. She should have no contact with this person. If the roles were reversed, do you think your wife would accept such behavior from you. She is clearly disrespecting you. I wish you luck.
bigbuffs Posted September 8, 2005 Posted September 8, 2005 Her actions are very typical of a cheater. She has lied to cover it up and then when you catch her in a lie she blames you. As I have found out, your insticts are usually right. She is likely taking this marriage down a road it should not go. If she continues to do this (it sounds like she will and doesn't care about the consequenses) you are both going to be put through a lot of pain. I would say your best bet is to do whatever it takes to put a stop to it. The thing is, I think no matter what you do she will use it against you. I would suggest that you let her know you will not tollerate this. It would be best if she not take this trip if possible. But, if she does take this trip, do whatever you can to find out what is going on. I hope everything works out for you. The truth always has a way of getting out. Sometimes it takes longer than we like, but it will happen.
Owl Posted September 8, 2005 Posted September 8, 2005 Personally, I'd simply let her know that if she goes on this business trip, then don't bother coming back. Make it very clear to her that you will NOT tolerate her carrying on this kind of relationship with someone. My wife had an online EA, and when discovered was all set to fly away and meet OM for the first time in person. She was going to live with him...even though they had NEVER met face-to-face! I made it very clear to her that if she left, then there was going to be NOTHING left for her to come back to. I would NOT take her back if she got on that plane. I showed her how much I loved her, I talked with her about what she was giving up, and I refused to negotiate with her on my stance on this. I'd suggest you do the same. Be VERY loving, caring, kind. Find out what you need to change in your marriage to make things better for her (outside of allowing someone else into your marriage of course!), and start making those changes. And at the same time, set the limit of what you're willing to accept from her. Make it very clear to her what she stands to lose if she follows through with this. That's what I did at least.
reservoirdog1 Posted September 8, 2005 Posted September 8, 2005 I agree with Owl. If she goes on the trip, that shows pretty clearly that you're pretty low on her scale of importance.
Author sick Posted October 21, 2005 Author Posted October 21, 2005 Well she is all set to leave on Sunday. After a couple of weeks she told me that it was over- she found out that he had gotten some other woman pregnant and that she was no longer interested in him. After much soul searching I bit the bullet and become a more loving caring and helpful partner. She even told me she was falling in love with me again. But as the date approaches she seems distant again. I'm worried that when she is down there I will lose her. I'll never be able to know for sure if she did or didn't. I haven't seen any correspondence lately but maybe she has a better way of covering her tracks. I want to trust her but my suspicions are getting the best of me. Any ideas?
Bryanp Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 After all of this and she is still going to Bolivia says a great deal. You would have to be in major denial not to think that she will continue the sexual affair with him. If the roles were reversed do you really think she would put up with such crap from you? She has made it clear where she sees you and her marriage on the priority list. Apparently she feels she can leave you and screw this guy and you will still be waiting for her with open arms when she returns. Clearly she is playing you and it is sad that you are accepting this. If she goes I would see a lawyer immediately because clearly she has no respect for you and is playing you for a total fool since you keep catching her in lies. Why would you wish to accept such humiliation?
In Like Flynn Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 "After a couple of weeks she told me that it was over- she found out that he had gotten some other woman pregnant and that she was no longer interested in him." (How convenient....and doesn't have to prove it either" "I'll never be able to know for sure if she did or didn't." (No you won't!!) Question....Does she really have to go?? Is she that invaluable?? I mean she meets him in Mexico and all of a sudden she has a business meeting in Bolivia...OM's hometown!!!
harleygirl92156 Posted October 22, 2005 Posted October 22, 2005 Make arrangements to surprise her and GO WITH HER AT THE LAST MINUTE and ruin her plans. Then file for divorce and kick her to the curb when you get back. She is lying to you and made up the story that it is over to get you to back off. Now you are being more loving and attentive and she has manipulated the situation so she now has the best of both worlds. You deserve better.
Author sick Posted October 24, 2005 Author Posted October 24, 2005 Is there any chance that she will stay faithful? I mean is it certain? Realistically I know that there hasn't been anything physical before the trip. And after she said that it was over- she has been loving and I haven't seen another shred of correspondence. Am I a heel who is foolishly being taken advantage of?
mental_traveller Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 Is there any chance that she will stay faithful? I mean is it certain? Realistically I know that there hasn't been anything physical before the trip. And after she said that it was over- she has been loving and I haven't seen another shred of correspondence. Am I a heel who is foolishly being taken advantage of? Sorry but it looks that way. Don't allow hope to blind you to reality. Bolivian private investigators probably come quite cheap, why not hire one to tail her and get photo/video evidence to see if they meet. Or arrive in town the next day and surprise her, see how she acts. I'd say it's 90% likely she's going to cheat.
Author sick Posted November 2, 2005 Author Posted November 2, 2005 Well she came back and has been really nice, caring and affectionate. She says that she told him to never call or email her again. She says that she realized that I was more handsome and that I loved her more. Everything has been going good until this morning. We've made love the last two nights and then this morning she initiated it. I was still sleepy but I gave it a whirl and when she could tell I wasn't totally into it she threw me off of her and acted insulted. This hasn't ever happened before. Is this an indicator of someone who has had an sexual affair? Just wondering but it seems strange. She seems as though she is in extreme position of power and if I don't act exactly the way she expects she shows her disappointment.
Milo Posted November 5, 2005 Posted November 5, 2005 This whole situation sounds dreadful. Sorry to hear.
Author sick Posted November 10, 2005 Author Posted November 10, 2005 Well after an amazing week and weekend after she got back. She informs me that she has to go out to dinner with clients/coworkers 3 nights out of the 5 day workweek. I blew up- brought up the whole thing about the guy she was having a phone affair with. The bottom line- is that I still don't trust her and she doesn't want to admit that she ever did anything wrong.
Israfil Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 The bottom line- is that I still don't trust her and she doesn't want to admit that she ever did anything wrong. Bottom line is that trust has been egregiously violated here, and she has done nothing to gain it back. Even if she did try, this is a violation that can rarely be forgotten (even if forgiven), and ultimately the relationship will fail. However, from what you have posted, this is likely to your benefit.
TouchedSoul Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 My wife did that..........she met a guy online (A Scot).......suddenly decided that she wants to vacation in Scotland for nearly two weeks. I caught her red-handed.....she shouldn't have used my computer. Constantly lied......lied about all the long-distant calls over there. While there, she screwed up and called me collect from his apartment/Flat........she lied about that..........lied that she never met the guy over there. Two months later, I found copies of letters she kept of the ones mailed to him since she came back to the States. She had written him about the "so so" sex, being treated like crap by him, etc. I presented this to her - she couldn't deny it. She felt no remorse and still doesn't in spite of having lost friends, etc. She feels I should understand. I know how you feel..........don't let her drag you down because she will......I promise.
Author sick Posted October 16, 2006 Author Posted October 16, 2006 Well after a tumultous year- she's back to travelliing and she recently got back from New York. I can tell things are different and what do you know- she's texting somebody like crazy. She erases them before I see them. But I can tell she's texting and will find the number once the bill comes. I guess I need to just suck it up and file? It's just so sad I feel so bad for my kids.
Sup Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 Well after a tumultous year- she's back to travelliing and she recently got back from New York. I can tell things are different and what do you know- she's texting somebody like crazy. She erases them before I see them. But I can tell she's texting and will find the number once the bill comes. I guess I need to just suck it up and file? It's just so sad I feel so bad for my kids. I would if I were you.
burning 4 revenge Posted October 16, 2006 Posted October 16, 2006 it's nice how the internet makes even the most impossible infidelities possible
Author sick Posted October 18, 2006 Author Posted October 18, 2006 Well I confronted her about it and she told me her version of the truth. Nothing happened. And that she finally figured out why she does it. We don't talk. We don't talk about anything at all. We watch different TV shows have different interests- different friends. I'm kind of quiet. She's flirtatious. I guess it just isn't going to work?
Bryanp Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 I don't see how a relationship can possible work if one spouse constantly flirts with members of the other sex. It is humiliating and disrespectful to you and surely will lead to bad things happening down the road. What is the point to be made a contant fool of?
Author sick Posted October 19, 2006 Author Posted October 19, 2006 So what do I do now? She acts like everythings fine. It's over. I know its not but I'm not even as upset as I was the first time. If she wasn't the mother of my kids I'd kick her to the street. What do I do?
Sup Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 So what do I do now? She acts like everythings fine. It's over. I know its not but I'm not even as upset as I was the first time. If she wasn't the mother of my kids I'd kick her to the street. What do I do? File for Divorce.
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