FaithInTheDark Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 I met this guy through the same art scene were both involed in. He hit me up on messenger to chat and asked to hang out. Weve gone for dinner, drinks,comedy clubs etc. Not much as far as flirting, touching etc has happened. Once i was over and said i was tired. He invited me to nap at his house(not sure how to take that) lol During the course of our hang outs i was going thru a difficult time. And feeling very lonely. I told him that i liked him more then a friend during a time we chatted on messenger. His reply was "you seem really cool too" Truthfully, i realized im not that into him. I was just vulnerable at the time of starting our friendship. And yes, mentioning feelings towa him was a test to see how he felt. But honestly, i could care less about dating him. But hes constantly reaching out in via messenger asking to hang out or asking how im doing. Tomorrow hes coming over to my house for dinner. Hes said hes really excited blah blah... Does this guy just want to be friends or is he pursuing me in a romantic way. Im curious
PRW Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 He is a low-confidence guy and lacks "game" (meaning he doesn't have good dating skills),...but yes,...he is pursuing. Make a decision.
FMW Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 Truthfully, i realized im not that into him. I was just vulnerable at the time of starting our friendship. And yes, mentioning feelings towa him was a test to see how he felt. But honestly, i could care less about dating him. Just for future reference, testing someone to see how they feel when you "could care less about dating him" is kind of mean. Does this guy just want to be friends or is he pursuing me in a romantic way. Im curious I think he's probably interested in more than friendship, but either isn't sure or isn't very aggressive. 1
JuneL Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 I think one telling sign was if he offered to pay when you went out (at least the first 2-3 times). Otherwise, is there a chance he might be gay?
Rocker71 Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 I think one telling sign was if he offered to pay when you went out (at least the first 2-3 times). Otherwise, is there a chance he might be gay? He's not gay. I had this problem when I got out of an LTR. My confidence was too low to make the move. I got to kiss her but just couldn't make the move. Looking back, I wished she would've helped some. Like rub my thigh or... something. It wouldn't have taken much. Ladies - if you want to make it happen and the guy is a little shy, help a little.
Lotsgoingon Posted September 18, 2018 Posted September 18, 2018 He's conflicted by you ... Part of him wants to make a move ... but in person he is hesitating ... He genuinely likes you as a friend ... so hanging with you without making a move is no big loss for him. I had a woman in my life like this ... great times, but I just wasn't feeling something ... but enjoyed the hell out of our conversations.
Author FaithInTheDark Posted September 19, 2018 Author Posted September 19, 2018 He's not gay. I had this problem when I got out of an LTR. My confidence was too low to make the move. I got to kiss her but just couldn't make the move. Looking back, I wished she would've helped some. Like rub my thigh or... something. It wouldn't have taken much. Ladies - if you want to make it happen and the guy is a little shy, help a little. He came over last night for dinner. I tried to help by grabbing for his hand and resting my head on his shoulder. This helped break the ice, and we kissed a but. B Very obvious this guy is frigid and lacks confidence in this department. I messaged him online today, says hes active but no response. I get what youre saying, ive learned a lot of men need help with making a move.
Rocker71 Posted September 19, 2018 Posted September 19, 2018 He came over last night for dinner. I tried to help by grabbing for his hand and resting my head on his shoulder. This helped break the ice, and we kissed a but. B Very obvious this guy is frigid and lacks confidence in this department. I messaged him online today, says hes active but no response. I get what youre saying, ive learned a lot of men need help with making a move. You know, he may have to learn the hard way like I did. I got friend-zoned by 2 women I was really crazy about after being given 2 chances by one and 3 chances by the other to make that move. It was painful. Times have changed and dating has evolved. This guy needs to learn that getting intimate ASAP is what a lot of women want. Dinner at your place to me, is a giant green light !
Author FaithInTheDark Posted September 19, 2018 Author Posted September 19, 2018 I think one telling sign was if he offered to pay when you went out (at least the first 2-3 times). Otherwise, is there a chance he might be gay? actually, hes never offered to pay once. i dont think hes gay. he had a girlfriend last year. but yeah i found it a bit strange to ask a girl to dinner, and not even pay for 1 drink. ...hmm
preraph Posted September 19, 2018 Posted September 19, 2018 He's too fearful to make a move. But you need to let him know if you're no longer interested because if he makes a move and you reject him now, that's not ever fair after you expressed you liked him more than friends, so you better bring that up asap. He's interested but fearful and fears rejection and inexperienced. Since you have misled him just to find out what his interest was, the least you could do it tell him you're interested in someone else now and then begin introducing him to any girlfriends who might like him.
Dis Posted September 20, 2018 Posted September 20, 2018 He came over last night for dinner. I tried to help by grabbing for his hand and resting my head on his shoulder. This helped break the ice, and we kissed a but. B Very obvious this guy is frigid and lacks confidence in this department. I messaged him online today, says hes active but no response. I get what youre saying, ive learned a lot of men need help with making a move. Why did you make a move if you're not into him as you said in your OP? 1
mortensorchid Posted September 21, 2018 Posted September 21, 2018 Frigid and lacks confidence? He does, but that has nothing to do with you or any other women in the immediate future. It has to do with him. Gay? I don't necessarily think that. Whatever the case may be, this is not for you and you shouldn't waste any more time with him. Is he pursuing you? Somewhat but he doesn't expect the efforts to be returned, if that makes sense. I think you can do better than him.
Author FaithInTheDark Posted September 23, 2018 Author Posted September 23, 2018 Ever since he was over he has not reached out. I asked if everything was ok between us . His reply was that hes just been busy with work. Kinda weird. All we did was kiss and cuddle. Not impressed with the fact hes not seeming to talk to me. Not a big loss for me anyways.
smackie9 Posted September 23, 2018 Posted September 23, 2018 You are not reading his actions right: I think he was incredibly hurt and doesn't trust women. So he ain't paying for anything unless he really knows he isn't being led on. Yes it's sounds like there's a bit of bitterness in there too. The thing about some guys is that they can get overwhelmed by closeness and intimacy. They get scared and will pull back, go into their snail shell, like most shy guys do. Give him time to process what just happened. He will come back around. As of now he's feeling vulnerable. 1
Author FaithInTheDark Posted September 25, 2018 Author Posted September 25, 2018 You are not reading his actions right: I think he was incredibly hurt and doesn't trust women. So he ain't paying for anything unless he really knows he isn't being led on. Yes it's sounds like there's a bit of bitterness in there too. The thing about some guys is that they can get overwhelmed by closeness and intimacy. They get scared and will pull back, go into their snail shell, like most shy guys do. Give him time to process what just happened. He will come back around. As of now he's feeling vulnerable. That a lot makes sense. We are involved in a music function this weekend. I contacted him to ask for a ride since my car isnt working. He was friendly and agreeed. Only conversation exchanged. Ill be friendly when i see him but im definitely moving on. Thanks
elaine567 Posted September 25, 2018 Posted September 25, 2018 You are not reading his actions right: I think he was incredibly hurt and doesn't trust women. So he ain't paying for anything unless he really knows he isn't being led on. Yes it's sounds like there's a bit of bitterness in there too. The thing about some guys is that they can get overwhelmed by closeness and intimacy. They get scared and will pull back, go into their snail shell, like most shy guys do. Give him time to process what just happened. He will come back around. As of now he's feeling vulnerable. This may or not be true but is it really FITD's job to sort out his "inadequacies"? Dating and forming a relationship is bad enough without choosing a man who is luke warm, emotionally unavailable and not acting interested. He may be all "hurt" and "complicated or he may have someone else in reality or in mind. Be careful. Too many women, IMO make excuse after excuse for what is essentially bad behaviour from men. They cling on to the "weird", making up all sorts of stories to justify the "weirdness", then get very hurt when he doesn't morph into the man of their dreams. He continues as the "weird", non-committal, luke warm, disinterested, emotionally unavailable, cheapskate guy he always was... Find a better guy to spend your time with, is my advice 2
smackie9 Posted September 25, 2018 Posted September 25, 2018 That a lot makes sense. We are involved in a music function this weekend. I contacted him to ask for a ride since my car isn't working. He was friendly and agreed. Only conversation exchanged. Ill be friendly when i see him but im definitely moving on. Thanks This is the best choice. Whatever his deal, it's not yours to figure out...who has time for that crap. I hope this doesn't become more confusing. I would say no more hang outs with him to make yourself clear that you are no longer interested.
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