Dealing with my first heartbreak from a summer fling with my coworker. How to cope?

[kristiechanel]

This summer for the first time ever, I (20F) had someone who seemed genuinely interested in pursuing me. He (19M) was my coworker and this, combined with the fact that he was very flirty (gave me "player" vibes) made me hesitant to be involved with him in a romantic sense. After getting my number, he consistently texted me, complimenting my appearance, asking about my day/saying good morning, telling me about himself etc. Sometimes we would spent the whole day texting each other.

 

As time went on, I began to grow fond of him (as a friend) and eventually began to really like him. It felt like he actually cared about me and saw me as special. I wasn't used to this at all and it felt really nice to have someone to talk to and laugh with, as I was pretty lonely. So I decided to give him a chance.

Before doing so though, I let him know that I was going back to school after the summer was over (my school is about 45 minutes away but I don't come home much during the semester). I tried to use this as a last attempt to insist on being friends (I was a bit afraid of getting into something that would inevitably end), but he seemed okay with it, which made me think that he was still interested in continuing this after summer was over.

 

Fast forward a week or two, he asked me to come over his house to hang out. I was extremely nervous, as we had never hung out outside of work yet and I didn't really want the first time hanging out to be at his house. I eventually agreed however and ended up having sex with him (lost my virginity). He had to go to a meeting afterwards so I left.

I was a bit afraid after this because I thought that maybe this is all he had wanted, and that he wouldn't talk to me anymore. However, he texted me to check up on me and I felt reassured that he actually liked me.

 

However, I did notice a change in behavior about a week or two after. All the affectionate texts and phone calls grew less and less and the mental/emotional interest turned mainly sexual. Now, I was definitely into him sexually as well, but I began to miss how it was when we first started talking.

As the time came closer for me to leave, the texting and calling (affectionate or not) dropped dramatically. Now I did reach out and text and call him first a few times, but I still began to panic and feel very afraid that he was losing interest. We hooked up about 3 more times, and each time I felt a bit bad afterwards, as he didn't seem attentive to my pleasure (little foreplay) and would be very distant after sex.

 

I began to wonder what he was thinking about us and what it he considered our relationship to be, but I was too scared of rejection to ask and decided to say nothing. We barely communicated the week before I left and the last day I saw him at work, I left a goodbye letter in his bag.

In the letter, I pretty much just said how great it was to have met him, how glad I was he was my first and how I would miss him. He responded the next day saying how sweet it was and that he hoped I "found my way" and that I was special.

 

I was devastated, as his wording made me feel that we would never speak again. The next few days were incredibly hard, as I felt depressed and couldn't eat or get out of bed till late afternoon. 3 days later however, he called me to check up on me. This had not only surprised me, but made my sad feelings go away almost instantly. I began to have hope that maybe we would still talk. The phone call was very short, barely five minutes but it was enough to give me some hope. However, that hope was short-lived.

 

 

Now I had just started school two weeks ago and we haven't spoken since then. Based on watching his snapchat about 2 days after we last spoke, it seems as if he has already began talking to someone else (it seemed like he was on a date). I feel like my chest is being ripped apart because I still think about him all the time and have feelings for him, but it seemed as if he moved on so fast and doesn't even care about me.

I know we hadn't been talking for long (June to August) but I still feel so attached to him. I don't know how to go on. Any advice on how to cope is much appreciated.

 

 

 

TL;DR Had a bit of a summer fling with a coworker. He was my first everything and I got attached. Had to go back to school and spoke to him a day before I left but it seems he has already found another girl based on his social media only two days later. Heartbroken and don't know how to cope, as I feel I can't focus on school.

Edited September 17, 2018 by kristiechanel

[d0nnivain]

I am so sorry this happened to you. What an awful way to lose your virginity.

 

Understand a couple of things:

 

when you get a player vibe from some guy listen to your instincts.

 

when a man invites you over to his house on a early date (or his dorm room in college) that is a request for sex. It may be couched as dinner, chilling out, watching a movie but it really is code for are you DTF.

 

school is important. This summer taught you are harsh life lesson but you still need to pay attention to the books. Put him out of your mind as a mistake not worth your time or tears. Pull yourself together. Accept the fact that you now know what no strings attached sex feels like so you know you don't want that. Hold out for a man who cares about you, who wants you outside of bed too. Immerse yourself in college & forget all about the jerk back home. Delete him off all social media; take his number out of your phone & move forward.

[kristiechanel]

Thank you so much for your kind advice:)

 

It is getting easier everyday especially since I no longer have his number (new phone) and muted him on Snapchat. I don't think I'll be ready to meet someone else for a while but you're right, this experience definitely taught me about what I don't want in a relationship.

 

I hope one day I can find a guy who likes me for me and not just for sex.

[d0nnivain]

You will find such a man. . . although college boys are generally more about partying, not getting serious. There are a few gems out there but some still need time to grow up.

 

Just love yourself enough to do what is best for you in the long run.