dancingintherain12 Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 (edited) I've been having some issues comparing guys I am seeing now to how my ex used to be when we first started dating. My ex was lovely, he would invest in me everyday. He would take the time to call, set up dates, follow through with them, and we enjoyed each others company and there was great stability in that; and I loved that. It felt easy, and natural to get to know him because I was seeing him very often and it allowed the relationship to progress at an amazing pace. It was full of fun, and excitement and we really got to fall for each other. Its been a year since we broke up, and I wasnt ready to start dating for like 8 months after. Then I went on dates here and there and I went away on vacation, met a bunch of new guys and had our fun summer flings. I am back home and seeing two guys. But they are not investing how my ex did, and I compare their interest level to my ex and wonder if I can ever get more of that time to get to know them in a normal pace. One of the guys , I do connect with more. I only seen him three times, but they were long days where we got to hang around people. He actually was face book messaging me for a good month and chasing me. Like i said in a previous thread, he matched with my friend on tinder and i called him out on it. I didn't want to feel disrespected. I feel like I enjoyed my time with him and there was chemistry and a lot of joking around which I like But ever since I did confront him a week or so ago, he pulled away. A week ago, HE asked me what I was doing this week, when I let him know I didn't get a response for a few days. I decide to text him and casually talk, and he asked what I'm doing and I let him know my plans. He said we should get together soon. I agreed and he said he may be going away, but he will let me know. if not, he will be free. He didnt let me know,and went away. he initiated contact when he got back home and asked how my weekend was, told me about his vacation, and we chatted a bit more and that was it. I'm a bit confused now in whether hes into me or not. I mean i guess he is because hes texting me and keeping up communication, but he's also not asking for plans yet. Am I being impatient and over thinking it? Maybe hes having a busy week? Dont know So I guess what I'm asking is: 1) Is it bad to want those things early on or ask for more time? 2) If he's not honey moon obsessed with me in the beginning stages, can it ever progress or is this a dead end? 3) is he into me? 4) are guys typically slow with this kind of stuff and my ex is guy that is pretty rare? I guess you can get the jist of what I'm asking also by describing these details. I guess any opinion and advice is welcome, and experiences of course. Edited September 17, 2018 by dancingintherain12
carhill Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 Is this the guy you're concerned about having sex with too soon? Are you having sex with one guy while dating both of them? Or having sex with two guys? I ask because that wasn't uncommon for women of my generation before AIDS hit. It does affect how relationships can develop, or not, though, presuming you can't divorce emotion from sex or, as men normally put it, compartmentalize. Your aura and interactions with men are perceived differently than when focused on one man, like you were with your ex. IME, in dating it was enjoyable socializing where gradually, over time, one person rose to the forefront to be on my mind consistently and positively. I noted in the text of your post you appear to be focused on his actions and words and concerned about whether he's 'into you'. What I noticed as lacking was signs of you being 'into him'. Allowing him to be into you is not being into him. I just got back from a really cool camping vacation in Yellowstone. If I was dating someone, and she texted me 'whasup?' and not 'missed you, hope you had a great time in Yellowstone, looking forward to hearing all about it' .... I'd know from long life experience and being married that she wasn't into me. Why? Because 'into' means emotional memories and interest and thought and long life experience with many different kinds of women taught me the difference between 'into' and 'letting me' and most guys get that lesson far earlier and easier than I did. That's how one guy responds to women. Your guys may be similar or different. We men all think uniquely. Some guys don't care about the details if they get their noodle wet regularly. I'm not one of those so take my opinion FWIW.
Author dancingintherain12 Posted September 17, 2018 Author Posted September 17, 2018 (edited) Is this the guy you're concerned about having sex with too soon?<snip>. No. That is not him we have not had sex Edited September 17, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote
ExpatInItaly Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 Based on this thread and your other about him, I just don't think he's that interested, OP. 1
hippychick3 Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 Guys who are really interested don’t move slow. They are typically hot and heavy in the beginning stages. They don’t start off lukewarm. It doesn’t sound like this is guy is that into you, OP. And that’s okay. It happens. Just let this one go and put yourself back out there. When the right guy shows up, you won’t be questioning his interest level. 1
SevenCity Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 Since you posted about him, why did you and your ex break up?
Author dancingintherain12 Posted September 17, 2018 Author Posted September 17, 2018 Since you posted about him, why did you and your ex break up? We fell out of love. Lots of bickering, less romance, etc. He is still my good friend to this day though and we'll see where the future leads, but I think we're for the most part content on where we stand.
Author dancingintherain12 Posted September 17, 2018 Author Posted September 17, 2018 Guys who are really interested don’t move slow. They are typically hot and heavy in the beginning stages. They don’t start off lukewarm. It doesn’t sound like this is guy is that into you, OP. And that’s okay. It happens. Just let this one go and put yourself back out there. When the right guy shows up, you won’t be questioning his interest level. He didn't start off lukewarm, if anything I did. I was hesitant to give him a shot, he was texting me week after week making plans and I always left it vague. He did drift away this past week, but hes back in contact. The other guy I am/was dating though, started off very luke warm, which is why I'm gave it a shot with this guy I'm posting about in this thread.
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