Lightly Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 Red flags on the 6 th date. Okay so I’ve know this guy a couple of weeks I’m pretty sure he will ask me to be with him soon. Yesterday we went to a bar and everything was going fine until around being there twenty minutes in. About 10 pm this woman walks in with a guy and they walk past our table and the guy I’m seeing starts staring this lady down from the time she walked in until she sat down. So i shrugged it off and assumed maybe she caught his eye or something. But, every few minutes he would peep around my chair to look at this woman. So i asked him “do you know her or something ? You keep glancing at her really hard?” He said “well yeah that’s kind of my ex” and i said “how is she kind of your ex?” He said “well we weren’t exclusively dating but i broke up with her because i felt like our relationship was going nowhere” and i said “Ohokay” We ended up having a great time at the bar until it was time to go this is where the red flags come in. The guy I’m dating starts talking about his “kind of ex”. He says “i don’t know why she’s with that loser, she’s too good for him, i hope he’s treating her right, i hope she knows he only wants one thing” And i said “ why do you care?” And he said “i don’t i just don’t want her to be stupid “ So i shrugged it off we got up and left. While in the car he called this girl (kind of ex) i know it was her because he told me while in the car that he’s going to call her So he called her ,she answered and he started fussing at her , he said “i guess you got a new friend huh?, what happened to you texting me yesterday? , so i guess you only talk to me when you’re not going out with your new friend and don’t have nothing to do , I’m just convenient ? Idk if she was answering his questions or what and he said “well you’re lazy if you can’t text me back but go out and text someone else” TL:DR; He hung up the phone and drove me home and hasn’t called texted me since the bar, I’m super lost what did i get myself into? What the hell happened a few days ago
MidwestUSA Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 I'm sorry this happened to you. He obviously still wants her, and seeing her with someone else sent him into overdrive to get her back. He hasn't been out of touch with her. You got caught in the middle of his game. Be happy he hasn't texted you, he made it easy. If he tries to come back with some sort of explanation, tell him where to go. And he probably will be back, when her trail goes cold again. Ugh. Inexcusable behavior. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 Who knows what this guy wants with his ex? Who cares? Here's what you do know (and what you felt). The way your guy brazenly checked out his ex (without volunteering what was going on) ... totally inappropriate ... and potentially humiliating to you. And despite your post, this behavior of staring at the ex was already a red flag. The conversation at the bar was inappropriate and weird (for a guy supposedly separated from his ex). The concern he has for her is inappropriate. Making a call to her while you're in the car ... absurdly, wildly, inappropriate ... You got lucky that he showed his attachment to the ex to you at the bar ... and later with the outlandishly inappropriate call in the car. Celebrate your luck. Don't return the call. Take a breadth. You just dodged a bullet aimed at your heart. This was not gonna end well for you. Any signs of this weirdness towards the ex before this night? 1
Noproblem Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 Do you really need to ask? Next! Unless you are willing to share him or willing to wait until they get back together and he says his farewell or worse he goes NC without any plausible explanation! 2
ExpatInItaly Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 It's obvious he is still hung up on her, OP. He couldn't have made it any clearer, bar actually telling you he's still in love with her. Don't continue seeing him. 1
d0nnivain Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 He wants more then she is willing to give him & he's still hung up on her. Don't worry that he's not calling you. He's doing you a favor by opting out of your life. Let it be & go find somebody else. Better you found this out 6 dates in rather than 6 months in 1
Author Lightly Posted September 17, 2018 Author Posted September 17, 2018 Did he choose this bar? No actually i did
Author Lightly Posted September 17, 2018 Author Posted September 17, 2018 Who knows what this guy wants with his ex? Who cares? Here's what you do know (and what you felt). The way your guy brazenly checked out his ex (without volunteering what was going on) ... totally inappropriate ... and potentially humiliating to you. And despite your post, this behavior of staring at the ex was already a red flag. The conversation at the bar was inappropriate and weird (for a guy supposedly separated from his ex). The concern he has for her is inappropriate. Making a call to her while you're in the car ... absurdly, wildly, inappropriate ... You got lucky that he showed his attachment to the ex to you at the bar ... and later with the outlandishly inappropriate call in the car. Celebrate your luck. Don't return the call. Take a breadth. You just dodged a bullet aimed at your heart. This was not gonna end well for you. Any signs of this weirdness towards the ex before this night? No and i hose the bar which is weird. But we have talked about our past and he told me he was going out with another woman. He asked her to be with him but he realized quickly it wasn’t going anywhere. He admitted he met me while in the process of leaving her but i didn’t see red flags before
olivetree Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 Please, please do not give this guy another chance. He's hung up on his ex. And top it all off, he disrespected you throughout the date by staring at another woman the whole time he's with you and then calling her in front of you clearly upset and jealous... he couldn't even wait till he dropped you off! That is just all around humiliating. 1
Cling Film Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 Why the hell would you want anything to do with this guy? Jesus you can’t make some of the stuff up on here. 2
Gaeta Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 He admitted he met me while in the process of leaving her but i didn’t see red flags before Of course you didn't see the red flags before you only had 6 dates (2 weeks). Now you move on and find someone that's not on the rebound and looking for a band-aid-girlfriend. 1
kendahke Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 TL:DR; He hung up the phone and drove me home and hasn’t called texted me since the bar, I’m super lost what did i get myself into? What the hell happened a few days ago OMG! Messy messy messy!!!! I'd have gotten up to go to the bathroom and called an Uber to come get me. Clearly, he is nowhere near being done with her if he's melting down on the phone with her and you're right there. You were just a prop for this drama. The main storyline here is him and her. 2
Lotsgoingon Posted September 17, 2018 Posted September 17, 2018 I think all the responses here (including my own) are on the money. I will add one point. It is NOT unusual for people to say (even to themselves) that they are over an ex and are therefore ready to date someone new ... when in fact they are still emotionally tied to the ex and still wanting to rekindle things with the ex. People mislead themselves all the time on this question ... because they want to be over the ex, they want to move on ... (sorta!) ... and they may even have let go a little bit ... But wanting to move on doesn't mean you've really done the underlying emotional work that allows you to move on. So this guy could have been clueless about his ongoing attachment to his ex ... but his phone call to the ex while you were in the car ... that was totally inexcusable. You should write up that phone call experience and sell it to a sitcom. It's the kind of experience that is incredibly awkward and painful and confusing in the moment ... But with the distance involved in watching TV characters in this situation, the thing becomes funny. 2
Author Lightly Posted September 17, 2018 Author Posted September 17, 2018 Yeah from his reaction if i even end up with him id clearly he the Rebound 1
Versacehottie Posted September 19, 2018 Posted September 19, 2018 OMG! Messy messy messy!!!! I'd have gotten up to go to the bathroom and called an Uber to come get me. Clearly, he is nowhere near being done with her if he's melting down on the phone with her and you're right there. You were just a prop for this drama. The main storyline here is him and her. you are in the process of dodging a bullet. Seriously don't try to fix anything with him. He's messy 1
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