So this date

September 29, 2018

Talking to them seems to be the problem.

September 30, 2018

Talking to them seems to be the problem.

Seemingly so.

Its no skin off my nose though to be honest, when it does work it works spectacularly well but that hardly ever happens but nonetheless at least I have had a few where it has worked really well even if the outcome never went really well.

In the grand scheme of things I don't regret many of these dating failures barring one.

Edited September 30, 2018 by ZA Dater

September 30, 2018

ZA, why aren't you answering our questions about how exactly you doctored the pics? What did you do? Did you use pics of someone else entirely?

Tell me about it. I asked a dozen times on one of his other threads months ago and got zilch.

So it turns out it's a little colour correction. Really ZA Dater I tried to tell you you're a good looking chap and you don't need to edit. Just use a decent camera and get a good clean shot.

I would be interested to know where the conversation was at when she suddenly up and left. She said she is definitely not what You are looking for. What the heck did you say? Please don't dodge the question again. It's important.

September 30, 2018

when it does work it works spectacularly well but that hardly ever happens but nonetheless at least I have had a few where it has worked really well even if the outcome never went really well.

I've never read one of your threads where things have gone spectacularly well. You might have thought so but the lack of another date strongly suggests otherwise.

October 1, 2018

I've never read one of your threads where things have gone spectacularly well. You might have thought so but the lack of another date strongly suggests otherwise.

Positivity my dear friend, positivity. I have simply decided to not wallow in negativity about things I really have little control over.

This date in question was nice, albeit I never got another one, there have been nice ones in isolation, even if the outcome wasn't nice.

October 1, 2018

Tell me about it. I asked a dozen times on one of his other threads months ago and got zilch.

So it turns out it's a little colour correction. Really ZA Dater I tried to tell you you're a good looking chap and you don't need to edit. Just use a decent camera and get a good clean shot.

I would be interested to know where the conversation was at when she suddenly up and left. She said she is definitely not what You are looking for. What the heck did you say? Please don't dodge the question again. It's important.

The conversation was more me attempting to be flirty, over text she had come across very suggestive so I took that into the date. It was a case of nothing ventured nothing gained. Clearly here suggestiveness over text didn't translate in person.

In the past I would never have tried that but thought this time, why not. At least I saw it as a way of showing interest as opposed to doing an interview which this wasn't really.

October 1, 2018

The conversation was more me attempting to be flirty, over text she had come across very suggestive so I took that into the date. It was a case of nothing ventured nothing gained. Clearly here suggestiveness over text didn't translate in person.

In the past I would never have tried that but thought this time, why not. At least I saw it as a way of showing interest as opposed to doing an interview which this wasn't really.

Ok so inappropriateness really. It does explain why she HAD to go and left abruptly, and why she then wouldn't speak to you on whatsapp.

This is I guess is due to your inability to read social signals and body language. Other more intuitive men would have picked up immediately the angry flash of the eyes, the curl of the lip, the looking away, the disgust... and either joked it away or stopped and apologised. Other more intuitive men would have picked their "flirty" moments more carefully based on the signs she was giving out, or not brought suggestive remarks to the dinner table at all.

You had not developed enough of a bond for her to forgive you the faux pas, so she upped and left.

October 1, 2018

There is flirty, and then there is suggestive. Flirty is fun on a first date, suggestive is usually not. It sounds like you crossed too far over the line...

October 1, 2018

Positivity my dear friend, positivity. I have simply decided to not wallow in negativity about things I really have little control over.

This date in question was nice, albeit I never got another one, there have been nice ones in isolation, even if the outcome wasn't nice.

I'm all for a positive attitude. That's not the same as pretending things have gone spectacularly well on a first date when you never hear from them again afterwards.

October 3, 2018

Ok so inappropriateness really. It does explain why she HAD to go and left abruptly, and why she then wouldn't speak to you on whatsapp.

This is I guess is due to your inability to read social signals and body language. Other more intuitive men would have picked up immediately the angry flash of the eyes, the curl of the lip, the looking away, the disgust... and either joked it away or stopped and apologised. Other more intuitive men would have picked their "flirty" moments more carefully based on the signs she was giving out, or not brought suggestive remarks to the dinner table at all.
You had not developed enough of a bond for her to forgive you the faux pas, so she upped and left.

And you know what....I actually didn't care either. Seeing as she was laughing and smiling I would think you assumption would be way off but hey I did used edited pictures, perhaps she expected something else, I got that feeling from the off and if one thing is true looks are the be all and end all so yes at least I know that is the truth so I can tailor any future dates around the "lost before I start" mantra.

But hey I suppose if I was happy to go out with people I didn't find attractive I could probably have 20 dates but I am not. So yes any date I get with someone attractive to me is considered a win, irrespective if I see the person again.

After years of pulling myself down wondering why dating never worked I now know, I am just not good looking enough so I can be as great a person as anyone else but I will ALWAYS be second best to the better looking guy. Simple reality the way I see it, you will only match with like and seeing as I don't what I match with I am going to forever have this issue so an hour or so with someone I find attractive is better than 20 dates with someone I don't.

October 3, 2018

Hmm very interesting when you add in the details about suggestive comments which occurred prior to her sudden departure and comments on 'I'm not what you're looking for'.

Why do you go with 'you're such an amazing guy but not hot enough like your edited photographs' when you know the facts?

October 3, 2018

Hmm very interesting when you add in the details about suggestive comments which occurred prior to her sudden departure and comments on 'I'm not what you're looking for'.

Why do you go with 'you're such an amazing guy but not hot enough like your edited photographs' when you know the facts?

Because that is the fact, when I started getting suggestive, she laughed smiled but I saw the look on her face when we met up and that told me everything I needed to know.

As I say I actually don't care, if I don't match which what I like then so be it. When I edit pictures and now suddenly am "oh I must meet you" whereas in the past I wasn't even a match. That says it all really.

The issue with me, well I have convinced myself of this is my face, people don't like it, I am never going to be the muscle gym type guy no matter how much I work out.

At the end of the day so long as I am happy I really don't care about what miss brunette who has the pick of any guy thinks. If she spend an hour with me, great, if not I couldn't care less. I am always going to be second best to what they want so why be unhappy about what I cannot control?

October 3, 2018

At the end of the day so long as I am happy I really don't care about what miss brunette who has the pick of any guy thinks. If she spend an hour with me, great, if not I couldn't care less. I am always going to be second best to what they want so why be unhappy about what I cannot control?

Well, this sounds kinda sad. It sounds like you're happy with crumbs. Really?

IDK.

Online dating is all about looks for the most part. If you feel you can't compete in the looks category then put yourself in a category where you can flourish. Online isn't for you. In fact, online is kinda gross.

October 3, 2018

I saw the look on her face when we met up and that told me everything I needed to know.

That's why being deceptive in profile pictures is a waste of your time and hers. Sooner or later the truth comes out.

Because that is the fact, when I started getting suggestive, she laughed smiled

You are misinterpreting discomfort as approval.

As I say I actually don't care, if I don't match which what I like then so be it.

You say you don't care but your actions and numerous threads to the contrary say otherwise. If you didn't care you wouldn't be posting all your failures and you wouldn't keep trying. Surely your time is more valuable than wasting it on a date who never wants to see you again because the guy she was expecting didn't show up because he never actually existed.

When I edit pictures and now suddenly am "oh I must meet you" whereas in the past I wasn't even a match. That says it all really.

This whole picture editing thing you speak of is just plain weird. First you say they're "heavily edited". Someone asks, how do you heavily edit a photo to make yourself look better? Do you change the shape of your face or something? The answer you give is "well it's not heavily edited I just change the background colors etc". So changing background colors suddenly makes you an "oh I must see you" from a "not at all interested"?. See where this "makes no sense" comes into play?

October 3, 2018

Well, this sounds kinda sad. It sounds like you're happy with crumbs. Really?

IDK.

Online dating is all about looks for the most part. If you feel you can't compete in the looks category then put yourself in a category where you can flourish. Online isn't for you. In fact, online is kinda gross.

Id rather have nice crumbs than horrible cake.

No form of dating works for me because nothing I am is appealing to people I find appealing. At least oneline I can live vicariously to an extent and have the odd date rather than have no date at all.

October 3, 2018

That's why being deceptive in profile pictures is a waste of your time and hers. Sooner or later the truth comes out.

You are misinterpreting discomfort as approval.

You say you don't care but your actions and numerous threads to the contrary say otherwise. If you didn't care you wouldn't be posting all your failures and you wouldn't keep trying. Surely your time is more valuable than wasting it on a date who never wants to see you again because the guy she was expecting didn't show up because he never actually existed.

This whole picture editing thing you speak of is just plain weird. First you say they're "heavily edited". Someone asks, how do you heavily edit a photo to make yourself look better? Do you change the shape of your face or something? The answer you give is "well it's not heavily edited I just change the background colors etc". So changing background colors suddenly makes you an "oh I must see you" from a "not at all interested"?. See where this "makes no sense" comes into play?

Not really, at least if I have a few date's here and there is can add something to the conversation when it turns to dating. I usually enjoy the dates, actually going on a date with someone pretty. The whole dating thing is superficial anyway so I may as well embrace that.

I'll try this because at least I am doing something rather than nothing.

At least I don't feel bad about myself because I know they won't want me anyway so I go with no expectation and simply just be me.

No much market for guys who haven't dated so I can go on these dates and at least one day just feel like I tried something rather than did nothing.

October 3, 2018

I guess if your idea of a good time is to spend about an hour of your time with a person who feels deceived and never wants to see you again then your strategy is good.

October 3, 2018

Positivity my dear friend, positivity. I have simply decided to not wallow in negativity about things I really have little control over.

I skipped ahead a bit and stopped on this one because it represents everything that is wrong with your strategy. Why? Because it is not true. You have no positivity. Oh, I get you're trying to see the good from the date but the reason the date sucked - and it did or she wouldn't have ended it early - is because you are steeped in negativity.

Negativity that others get relationships

Negativity that others seemingly modify their pics and it works

Negativity that anything matters

I am sure you have earned that negativity the hard way through many bad dates. But as Mark Twain said, you should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it.

The reason that your dates have not led somewhere is because you lack confidence. And the reason you lack confidence is because deep down you don't think it will go anywhere. The right line to navigate is one where you care A LOT about the goal (a positive relationship) but don't care too much about any one date. That allows you to take them as they are and actually be a responsive date.

From the start, you convey a lack of confidence because you don't look like your picture. Some people can come back from that but not most people, and you are most people. Your baseball metaphor is a bit off. Yes, most batter strike out most of the time but they go into every at bat assuming they will get a hit or a home run. Otherwise they might as well not go up to the plate.

I haven't seen your pics but I have not seen any pics that would prevent any average looking or better guy get dates. I highly doubt it's your pics. And if you're not getting matches, then either figure out why or stop online dating.

I am average looking at best. Not fat...decent job...drive a 2016 Chevy Malibu. I am reasonably tall. But truly, I am average in most ways that we measure men (looks, money, status). Yet in the numerous dates I've been on in the last three years, I have had only 1 person not want a second date. And it's because I step up to the plate expecting a hit yet at the same time knowing that even if I don't, I'll get another chance in the near future.

So work on yourself. Or take a break until the bitterness seeps away, because you can come here and say you're not bitter but I don't think anyone will believe that.

October 3, 2018

Id rather have nice crumbs than horrible cake.

No form of dating works for me because nothing I am is appealing to people I find appealing. At least oneline I can live vicariously to an extent and have the odd date rather than have no date at all.

If that's how you feel then perhaps escorts are a better use of your time. At least you're not deceiving some girl with fake pictures.

October 3, 2018

If that's how you feel then perhaps escorts are a better use of your time. At least you're not deceiving some girl with fake pictures.

Again I don't actually care whether they feel deceived, because at the same time they are showing themselves up as superficial. In my opinion anyway.

Sure, its superficial, which is no worse than I am doing.

October 3, 2018

Again I don't actually care whether they feel deceived, because at the same time they are showing themselves up as superficial. In my opinion anyway.

Sure, its superficial, which is no worse than I am doing.

Let's follow the logic.

If a girl doesn't like you, she's superficial. That means it's perfectly ok for you to deceive her by posting profile pictures that don't represent what you really look like. When the girl sees you, and realizes she's been deceived, and disappears forever after sticking it out for one date, it's perfectly fine with you because you don't care because you enjoyed the date.

Is that about right?

October 3, 2018

I skipped ahead a bit and stopped on this one because it represents everything that is wrong with your strategy. Why? Because it is not true. You have no positivity. Oh, I get you're trying to see the good from the date but the reason the date sucked - and it did or she wouldn't have ended it early - is because you are steeped in negativity.

Negativity that others get relationships
Negativity that others seemingly modify their pics and it works
Negativity that anything matters

I am sure you have earned that negativity the hard way through many bad dates. But as Mark Twain said, you should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it.

The reason that your dates have not led somewhere is because you lack confidence. And the reason you lack confidence is because deep down you don't think it will go anywhere. The right line to navigate is one where you care A LOT about the goal (a positive relationship) but don't care too much about any one date. That allows you to take them as they are and actually be a responsive date.

From the start, you convey a lack of confidence because you don't look like your picture. Some people can come back from that but not most people, and you are most people. Your baseball metaphor is a bit off. Yes, most batter strike out most of the time but they go into every at bat assuming they will get a hit or a home run. Otherwise they might as well not go up to the plate.

I haven't seen your pics but I have not seen any pics that would prevent any average looking or better guy get dates. I highly doubt it's your pics. And if you're not getting matches, then either figure out why or stop online dating.

I am average looking at best. Not fat...decent job...drive a 2016 Chevy Malibu. I am reasonably tall. But truly, I am average in most ways that we measure men (looks, money, status). Yet in the numerous dates I've been on in the last three years, I have had only 1 person not want a second date. And it's because I step up to the plate expecting a hit yet at the same time knowing that even if I don't, I'll get another chance in the near future.

So work on yourself. Or take a break until the bitterness seeps away, because you can come here and say you're not bitter but I don't think anyone will believe that.

All very sensible and somewhat true. Sure I can get matches with unedited pictures, none of which I want to go on a date with. So why waste my time with that? Irrespective what I do I wont get better matches. I can go out, look good, show confidence and I wont get anywhere there either because I don't drink. Or there is someone better looking. Or I am not the life of the room.

So yes the wisdom I have taken is I'd rather slightly BS the entire thing on superficial grounds so I can get dates with some people I do find attractive than waste time on people I don't find attractive by being genuine. I have tried to play this game being me but you know what that's got me nowhere because the entire thing is superficial and I wont ever win there.

This girl adored me on text, talking about weekends away, going trail running and yet....yes my point was proven and it will always be proven like this.

I am indifferent, if they don't want me I simply couldn't care less, there is nothing about me to like apparently so I am not going to grovel and try make them like me, spent enough time doing that already.

In terms of work I have done enough and I am happy who I am and how I come across. So I get a few coffee dates like this, at least I can chirp up something when everyone is talking about their latest dating experiences.

Why invest in something which has no prospect of success? When it comes to dating I have never been able to get what I want so why bother investing.

October 3, 2018

Let's follow the logic.

If a girl doesn't like you, she's superficial. That means it's perfectly ok for you to deceive her by posting profile pictures that don't represent what you really look like. When the girl sees you, and realizes she's been deceived, and disappears forever after sticking it out for one date, it's perfectly fine with you because you don't care because you enjoyed the date.

Is that about right?

Correct. Two wrongs are wrong. For the change its not me having to go out with people who I don't want but in the face of no other options. Worse yet still they like me on text and then meet me and yes I get gonged out on looks.

This is certainly a better vicarious way of dating than glancing over at the pretty lady at the coffee shop, at least I get something out of this, though nobody here will understand what I get from it. Mostly I get fake interest from attractive people which is better than genuine interest from people I don't find attractive at all.

October 3, 2018

This is very enlightening. When I was online dating, at least half the women I met looked nothing like their pictures and I knew at first glance I'd never see them again. Just like the women that meet you.

Why didn't I just get up and leave rather than stick it out for a half hour or so, I'll never know. But I've read countless stories about how much deception there is in the online dating world with endless questions by those who have been deceived, all to the effect of "why bother deceiving your potential dating partner, they're going to find out when they meet you?".

Now I understand. These people have given up on meeting anyone, they've been rejected so many times they figure 1 date is better than no dates.

It really IS that simple.

Edited October 3, 2018 by Mardelis

October 3, 2018

Got a feeling self negatively comes through in your face to face stuff too, that shyt really puts out a vibe even if we think we're hiding it people will pick it up.

You've really gotta lose that stuff.

and hell yeah same with things we say or push before time when the vibe isn't even set yet, and too much is 50x worse it can send anything there was into oblivion in 100th of a second.

And like someone was sayin if you can't fun your way out of it then , it's a dead duck no goin back.

Best too you don't try taking anything as you put it, to dates people can be all bravado in messages but in person there's a whole new time thing needed, feel, just take a happy positive self and go with it let things warm up naturally don't push anything unless you get the Que is probably safest for you.

The girls could explain it better.

But lose this negativity and self doubt man you may as well jump of a cliff carrying that shyt around.

Sign In

So this date

Recommended Posts

5x5

ZA Dater

guest569

Mardelis

ZA Dater

ZA Dater

elaine567

BaileyB

Mardelis

ZA Dater

guest569

ZA Dater

brigit87

Mardelis

ZA Dater

ZA Dater

Mardelis

lurker74

brigit87

ZA Dater

Mardelis

ZA Dater

ZA Dater

Mardelis

Chilli

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...