So this date

September 16, 2018

I decided to regroup, take stock, throw old ideas away and come up with new ones. From the outset I need to say I don't feel the absolute need to date, its no longer bothering me that I haven't had a relationship.

There are people around who's company I enjoy when I see them and for the rest well I do things on me own that I enjoy doing.

So I decided to try a less business like approach, to get this to work I found someone interesting on Tinder, got chatting 2 days ago and met her this evening. Yes I resorted to using quite heavily edited pictures but the conversation was good and overall it went well however.

She ended the date early because she starts work early. Cool except she now appears to be ignoring me on whats app. Ok no problem I'll leave it.

I tried a much more personal approach, she was laughing, playing with her hair constantly. Overall I thought it went well, there was something nice about her, different sorts of interests very self assured and confident, conversation went well, she did a lot of talking.

I do however think I messed it up somehow, the texting suggested she wanted to do coffee and move to a more activity based date which was the plan. Not sure how to explain this but just seems to me I missed something here, just needed a last bit of edge to really win her over, the abrupt way she ended date was ominous. We chatted about lots of things, what we liked, places we have been , places we wanted to visit, work we do, things we enjoy doing.

At the end of the day, no matter it was an experience, I did some things better I think but I am missing an edge, part me think its sex appeal but I am really not sure.

September 16, 2018

You can't win over just anyone...only the one that is interested. She wasn't interested.

If you need a critique, PM me some links to photos and profile or whatever you have. I will give you some valid tips, from a female's perspective.

September 16, 2018

You can't win over just anyone...only the one that is interested. She wasn't interested.

If you need a critique, PM me some links to photos and profile or whatever you have. I will give you some valid tips, from a female's perspective.

"With all due respect I don't see things going further between the two of us, I think we are both looking for something else and the person that I think you are looking for is definitely not me."

She was quite happy to get all suggestive for a day before hand on text prior to meeting up, telling me how exciting I was.

One thing this forum has taught me is to simply just let stuff like this go. I just find it ironic she loved all the text stuff but didn't like the reality, I have to say though that this has happened quite a bit in the past.

Positives, she was really pretty and I actually found her attractive.

You of course are 100% right! I just thought she was interested, she was very interested prior to meeting up.

September 16, 2018

Is there a possibility she might be turned off once she saw you in person, because of your “using quite heavily edited pictures”?

September 16, 2018

So you are thinking....she was interested enough to respond to you, so the profile must be working. You had good conversations prior to the date so on an intellectual level, she found you interesting. During the date, you both were able to carry on a conversation, have a few laughs, but it got cut short, and she bailed on you for a second date. So you have come to the conclusion it's possibly your appearance...well maybe...it could also be the sound of your voice, bad breath, bad teeth, the clothes you wear, maybe your look is dated, or you are out of shape, your body language is off who knows. The only thing I can think of is to ask a close female friend for an honest opinion.

September 16, 2018

Is there a possibility she might be turned off once she saw you in person, because of your “using quite heavily edited pictures”?

Not sure, anything is possible I guess. Large part of me sometimes wishes there was some more blunt honestly in rejections, sure it wont happen but would be nice sometimes I think.

I sent her other pictures before we met and "I really like what I see".

My guess is it just didn't work in person, I think all of us know when something goes really well, for me this went well but there was something I didn't have to bring to the table and I am not sure what that is.

September 16, 2018

So you are thinking....she was interested enough to respond to you, so the profile must be working. You had good conversations prior to the date so on an intellectual level, she found you interesting. During the date, you both were able to carry on a conversation, have a few laughs, but it got cut short, and she bailed on you for a second date. So you have come to the conclusion it's possibly your appearance...well maybe...it could also be the sound of your voice, bad breath, bad teeth, the clothes you wear, maybe your look is dated, or you are out of shape, your body language is off who knows. The only thing I can think of is to ask a close female friend for an honest opinion.

Not sure if she bailed on me for another date, there as a lot to like about her and I am really hard to win over. This one I really felt had some potential, she smiled and laughed a lot, I teased her she teased me, I actually tried to flirt. I avoided using the crossed arms body language, she didn't do that either.

Its just frustrating.

September 16, 2018

I know for me, heavily edited pics are a turn off. I’ve been on dates with many women who clearly edited their pics and while I get that everyone wants to “sell” themselves, I just think certain lines of misrepresentation should not be crossed. I’ve also developed a keen eye for edited pics, and usually swipe left on them.

What is it about your appearance that you think you need to edit? Get to a stylist, the gym if you don’t, maybe a personal shopper. Take up the previous poster who offered to look at your pics. Why not!?!?

This reminds me of the movie Slow Learners. The opening scene is all about this. Great movie on dating and transformation which can be both good and bad.

September 16, 2018

I know for me, heavily edited pics are a turn off. I’ve been on dates with many women who clearly edited their pics and while I get that everyone wants to “sell” themselves, I just think certain lines of misrepresentation should not be crossed. I’ve also developed a keen eye for edited pics, and usually swipe left on them.

What is it about your appearance that you think you need to edit? Get to a stylist, the gym if you don’t, maybe a personal shopper. Take up the previous poster who offered to look at your pics. Why not!?!?

This reminds me of the movie Slow Learners. The opening scene is all about this. Great movie on dating and transformation which can be both good and bad.

I did it simply to try and get better matches. Which has happened to an extent my choices are better now than what they were with natural pictures. I had superficial, really I do but I also realised the entire concept of dating is built on how you look so one might as well bend to that as far as possible.

I have done the stylist, done the shopper and I am slim.

A huge part of me just thinks I lack the flirting ability in person I have when I text. Its been amazing what I could accomplish on text in the past and with this lady but every time it falls to pieces in person.

Tomorrow is another day, another week and another start. Ultimately I'd like the intimacy which comes with dating but if I don't find it, its not a big deal, not going to put myself down but it would be good to know why I never seem to get there.

September 16, 2018

I did it simply to try and get better matches. Which has happened to an extent my choices are better now than what they were with natural pictures. I had superficial, really I do but I also realised the entire concept of dating is built on how you look so one might as well bend to that as far as possible.

I have done the stylist, done the shopper and I am slim.

A huge part of me just thinks I lack the flirting ability in person I have when I text. Its been amazing what I could accomplish on text in the past and with this lady but every time it falls to pieces in person.

Tomorrow is another day, another week and another start. Ultimately I'd like the intimacy which comes with dating but if I don't find it, its not a big deal, not going to put myself down but it would be good to know why I never seem to get there.

Would you describe yourself as confident!?!? I can tell you, women find confidence sexy and attractive, it’s at or very near the top of the list for them. I’m not suggesting one be a jerk, snob or a dick, not at all, but having a certain level of confidence and how you carry yourself. I’ll be your wingman...haha.

September 17, 2018

Pretty simple , it just wasn't there in person , it's gotta happen all the time in this electronic age,

forget it.

Meeting someone is all just about how you feel and they feel side by side.

Sometimes that's gonna be crap or at the least just a flat nothing much.

And pics, even though a lot of the women use old or very jazzed up pics , if it was me instead l'd try to just go for a good angle and stuff like that, that way they're still real and so no shocks when you meet up.

September 17, 2018

Pretty simple , it just wasn't there in person , it's gotta happen all the time in this electronic age,
forget it.
Meeting someone is all just about how you feel and they feel side by side.
Sometimes that's gonna be crap or at the least just a flat nothing much.
And pics, even though a lot of the women use old or very jazzed up pics , if it was me instead l'd try to just go for a good angle and stuff like that, that way they're still real and so no shocks when you meet up.

Thing is its never really there in person so I am starting to try and look into understanding why. The positives here outweigh the ultimate negative so there are some good things to take away from it. I do sometimes wonder though what these people are actually looking for or if that sort of rejection is the more gentle type.

I have tried the good angle thing and didn't yield any better results. In all honesty I have moved dating from a "want to have" to a "curious nice to have" so if I things don't go well then life just carries on.

September 17, 2018

"With all due respect I don't see things going further between the two of us, I think we are both looking for something else and the person that I think you are looking for is definitely not me."

This is pretty blunt. What did you convey to her that you were looking for?

She ended the date early because she wasn't interested -- it had nothing to do with having to work early the next day.

September 17, 2018

This is pretty blunt. What did you convey to her that you were looking for?

She ended the date early because she wasn't interested -- it had nothing to do with having to work early the next day.

I too agree that if they leave early it is a sign that they are not interested. Sure there may be a genuine situation when they have to leave early but in the vast majority of cases in my experience their reason for leaving early is an excuse.

If they come up with a reason to leave early, then prospects for a second date are poor.

September 17, 2018

This is pretty blunt. What did you convey to her that you were looking for?

She ended the date early because she wasn't interested -- it had nothing to do with having to work early the next day.

I never know what people are looking for, the way she was carrying on via text she seemed to be looking for someone to go on road trips with, work out with and generally get to know.

My past experience and more rational thinking suggests you either do well at a first date or you do spectacularly badly, there doesn't seem to be a middle road.

I'll take a few lessons from this one, I tried a few different things but truthfully I don't think there was much a connection, there wasn't that wow. Then again I have only really had that once ever so I might yet be wrong.

September 17, 2018

I never know what people are looking for, the way she was carrying on via text she seemed to be looking for someone to go on road trips with, work out with and generally get to know.

No, she said she is not what YOU are looking for. I'm assuming she wouldn't have gone on the date with you if she realized that based on your profile, so I'm wondering what about your conversation led her to that conclusion. What did you tell her, directly or indirectly, about what you were looking for?

September 17, 2018

No, she said she is not what YOU are looking for. I'm assuming she wouldn't have gone on the date with you if she realized that based on your profile, so I'm wondering what about your conversation led her to that conclusion. What did you tell her, directly or indirectly, about what you were looking for?

OP: Did you ask her those interview type questions (e.g., 5-year plan) you discussed in your other epic thread? Did you ask what books she’s reading? Politics??

September 17, 2018

No, she said she is not what YOU are looking for. I'm assuming she wouldn't have gone on the date with you if she realized that based on your profile, so I'm wondering what about your conversation led her to that conclusion. What did you tell her, directly or indirectly, about what you were looking for?

I think its about the way I come across, this has happened too many times for it NOT to be me. I have no idea what people so dislike about me and I find myself becoming more indifferent. Essentially friends would have been nice.

September 17, 2018

OP: Did you ask her those interview type questions (e.g., 5-year plan) you discussed in your other epic thread? Did you ask what books she’s reading? Politics??

Absolutely not!

I left those topics at home. I managed to get her to laugh quite a bit which was surprising.

September 17, 2018

Well in fairness to ZA, I do get the sense that he took an approach on his date that is different from his previous approaches he used to take on his dates. So, big ups to ZA for that. It sounds like the way things went is an upgrade from previous dates.

At least I think. So she played with her hair and seemed to be having a good time but then she said she had to leave early "for work tomorrow"?

That said, just going by what I read here, it sounds to me to be an improvement from what we have read in previous threads from the OP. Unfortunately, a "good" first date that doesn't lead to a follow-up is rather typical of OLD.

MEanwhile RE the 'I'm not the girl you asre looking for' text from her, this is a random thought that I suspect applies here: All the "game" in the world can hardly cover for basic incompatibilities for long. If she is a 20-something young woman who is outgoing and who likes to go out and party and she is looking for likewise in a guy she dates, then there is hardly anything ZA can 'do' to get her to see him as her potential partner--ZA is a cerebral introvert which a lot of women love, but this woman isn't looking for that, and that impression of ZA is going to come out basically no matter what.

ZA, did you kiss her? Did you at least try to kiss her?

Edited September 17, 2018 by Imajerk17

September 17, 2018

Is she quite a bit younger? Mid-20s?

September 17, 2018

Its not that you don't have sex appeal, its just that sexual chemistry doesn't just happen to everyone you go out with. I know guys I have gone out with and there was no sexual chemistry but it built to that. Depending on the girl and situation, it could take some time for a female to warm up to you. If she left early in the date, I don't think she was enjoying it. And she did ignore you. There are other girls out there waiting for you and waiting to meet someone new. Just give another a chance and see if she pops up one day.

September 17, 2018

Is she quite a bit younger? Mid-20s?

She is 33.

September 17, 2018

Absolutely not!

I left those topics at home. I managed to get her to laugh quite a bit which was surprising.

Yay! Progress.

September 17, 2018

Is there a possibility she might be turned off once she saw you in person, because of your “using quite heavily edited pictures”?

That seems obvious. ZA, why would you do that? You know that never works. No one likes it you did it, and then no one falls in love with you despite you don't look as good as your photos. That simply doesn't work.

That said, just sounds like you weren't her cup of tea. But please, start with honest photos!

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