SadDancer Posted September 14, 2018 Posted September 14, 2018 (edited) Hi all I dated a guy last Summer, it ended when he suffered erectile dysfunction issues and could not handle it. First he ghosted me, then he started messaging me vague reach outs and DMing me on insta commenting on how hot and good I look but never arranging to meet or being evasive. I was sad at the time as I genuinely liked him and I let him know if he ever wanted to meet properly to let me know, I unfollowed him, deleted his number and moved on. It all ended last Oct. After I had finished feeling sorry for myself I realised in a way it was nice to be done as there were a couple of red flags I had overlooked, for example his apartment was always immaculate. To a crazy standard. I have never known anything like it, never ever a single thing out of place, and he seemed to potentially be quite controlling, although this was more of a feeling. He had a 21 year old female lodger that he banned from ever having sex in his flat and talked about getting cctv above his door that sent images to his phone to see if she bought anyone home :/ After that he continued to message me in a vague fashion until December sometimes asking if I needed a lift or some such non reason, once stating it was 'a real shame it didn't work out', I was always polite as I felt like I had no reason to not be, but eventually he messaged me and asked if I'd like to go over for some fun. I declined, wished him luck but said I was looking to build something with someone and that I thought it would be best if he didn't message me any longer. Aside from the fact it was emotionally draining, it also felt very distasteful. I assumed he had gone, however randomly he would send me little emoji's on social media, never any text just heart eyes or weird little wow faces. In March, he tried to add me on facebook, I declined, twice before I blocked him on fb. I don't follow him but I suppose I felt like blocking him on insta was quite mean and he wasn't doing any harm. If I am honest, I think part of me wanted to think he was being nice in a strange way. After I blocked him on fb he went away again aside from watching my stories on insta, until last night. I was dancing with a friend and posted a video, he obviously went to my friends page, viewed 9 months of her posts, sent me a photograph of me and some friends from her profile from last year and asked about one of our mutual friends 'hey how are you, can you tell me... who is that hot blonde'. So I blocked him on insta too. I KNOW I shouldn't be peed off, but I am! Maybe it's ego, but he treated me so badly at the end, not to mention his psychological games since he blamed me for being unable to perform. A fact I didn't acknowledge until later as I was so into him. I ignored many signs! But he basically told me I was no good so he couldn't perform (after months of being fine!) and then made comments on my images about how hot I looked, reducing to odd emoji's and friend requests and now this. I wold not pee on this guy if he burst into flames... I just don't get how he thought that would pan out. Sigh. I just needed to vent. Edited September 14, 2018 by SadDancer
ExpatInItaly Posted September 14, 2018 Posted September 14, 2018 He's a creep, plain and simple. And unfortunately, this how creeps behave. Do not respond to him.
Author SadDancer Posted September 14, 2018 Author Posted September 14, 2018 He's a creep, plain and simple. And unfortunately, this how creeps behave. Do not respond to him. Oh he's fully blocked, on everything now. I don't have his number so I can't block him on my phone though unless he does use it. It just made me feel rubbish, although maybe that's the intention. Or maybe he really did want me to put them in touch, I really can't fathom.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 14, 2018 Posted September 14, 2018 Oh he's fully blocked, on everything now. I don't have his number so I can't block him on my phone though unless he does use it. It just made me feel rubbish, although maybe that's the intention. Or maybe he really did want me to put them in touch, I really can't fathom. Based on how he also tried to blame you for his ED, I would say that's exactly his intention. This dude is a few fries short of a Happy Meal.
Author SadDancer Posted September 14, 2018 Author Posted September 14, 2018 Based on how he also tried to blame you for his ED, I would say that's exactly his intention. This dude is a few fries short of a Happy Meal. Haha Well it worked, I felt rubbish. I know its just a bit of ego, I think its the sense that someone could be so cold, and so … strange! Not sure if its a weird game to him or he's a genuine nutjob. Or both! It just shook me up a little.
Standard-Fare Posted September 14, 2018 Posted September 14, 2018 Your description of this guy paints a really creepy picture, overall. This is more than "Exes urghhhh!" If he continues to try to contact you in any way, you should consider that veering into the harassment/stalking level. The two of you broke up nearly a year ago, you've warned him clearly not to contact you, and you've been forced to block him on various platforms. If anything further happens, you need to be thinking about more serious protective measures, like involving the authorities. For real. And what the hell was up with "banning" his 21-year-old female lodger from having sex? Excuse me, what?! Tell me how he tried to explain that one.
Author SadDancer Posted September 14, 2018 Author Posted September 14, 2018 Your description of this guy paints a really creepy picture, overall. This is more than "Exes urghhhh!" If he continues to try to contact you in any way, you should consider that veering into the harassment/stalking level. The two of you broke up nearly a year ago, you've warned him clearly not to contact you, and you've been forced to block him on various platforms. If anything further happens, you need to be thinking about more serious protective measures, like involving the authorities. For real. And what the hell was up with "banning" his 21-year-old female lodger from having sex? Excuse me, what?! Tell me how he tried to explain that one. Well he said he had mentioned in the advert for a lodger that he didn't want someone that would bring people home (I was actually house hunting at the same time, I saw his ad and it certainly did not say this), even so, he claimed he had mentioned it when she viewed the property. She is 21 and at uni (he is 30) and of course on her second night she bought someone home. He was angry and said it was disrespectful and rude. I said it was fine and normal. She left with him the next day and they'd come in quietly at about 1am. I suggested he talk to her about it as sex is part of a normal and healthy adult life and agree terms they are both happy with and he said he couldn't talk to her as it would be awkward, so his solution was to install CCTV that captured an image every time the door was opened and have that image sent to his phone. He was going to tell her it was for protection and to save on contents insurance.
Thingsfallapart Posted September 14, 2018 Posted September 14, 2018 Wow, OP, I have to say that you sound like a very cool and down to earth woman. This guys sounds extremely creepy and like something from a horror movie... if he had a smelly basement you probably should have worried big time. Anyway, you were really kind and patient with this guy despite all his failings... I’m sure there are lots of guys who would love a woman like you Lots of luck
OatsAndHall Posted September 14, 2018 Posted September 14, 2018 Your description of this guy paints a really creepy picture, overall. This is more than "Exes urghhhh!" If he continues to try to contact you in any way, you should consider that veering into the harassment/stalking level. The two of you broke up nearly a year ago, you've warned him clearly not to contact you, and you've been forced to block him on various platforms. If anything further happens, you need to be thinking about more serious protective measures, like involving the authorities. For real. And what the hell was up with "banning" his 21-year-old female lodger from having sex? Excuse me, what?! Tell me how he tried to explain that one. Be careful of this guy, OP. The behavior you're describing goes above and beyond annoying and frustrating and straight into stalker territory. Hunting down videos of you through another person's account is creepy and obsessive.
Author SadDancer Posted September 14, 2018 Author Posted September 14, 2018 Wow, OP, I have to say that you sound like a very cool and down to earth woman. This guys sounds extremely creepy and like something from a horror movie... if he had a smelly basement you probably should have worried big time. Anyway, you were really kind and patient with this guy despite all his failings... I’m sure there are lots of guys who would love a woman like you Lots of luck Haha aww thank you! He didn't have a basement, perhaps that would have sent me running!
Author SadDancer Posted September 14, 2018 Author Posted September 14, 2018 Be careful of this guy, OP. The behavior you're describing goes above and beyond annoying and frustrating and straight into stalker territory. Hunting down videos of you through another person's account is creepy and obsessive. Yes he's certainly acting weirdly. But I don't know if he was looking for videos of me, I don't know why he went back so far on her insta page. The photo he sent me was from the end of last year of a group of me and my friends asking who the 'hot blonde' was, another friend all together. Although that friend has been in my photos before, he has never commented on her previously.
Standard-Fare Posted September 14, 2018 Posted September 14, 2018 Well he said he had mentioned in the advert for a lodger that he didn't want someone that would bring people home (I was actually house hunting at the same time, I saw his ad and it certainly did not say this), even so, he claimed he had mentioned it when she viewed the property. She is 21 and at uni (he is 30) and of course on her second night she bought someone home. He was angry and said it was disrespectful and rude. I said it was fine and normal. She left with him the next day and they'd come in quietly at about 1am. I suggested he talk to her about it as sex is part of a normal and healthy adult life and agree terms they are both happy with and he said he couldn't talk to her as it would be awkward, so his solution was to install CCTV that captured an image every time the door was opened and have that image sent to his phone. He was going to tell her it was for protection and to save on contents insurance. ^^ That is SO. MESSED. UP. Even if you remove all the other stuff, that alone would be enough reason to flee this man.
Author SadDancer Posted September 14, 2018 Author Posted September 14, 2018 ^^ That is SO. MESSED. UP. Even if you remove all the other stuff, that alone would be enough reason to flee this man. I do hear ya. Honestly at the time I was really into him and by then we'd been together 3 months. It got progressively stranger. In hindsight, there's a whole lot I missed and I realise now he did me a favour.
OatsAndHall Posted September 14, 2018 Posted September 14, 2018 Yes he's certainly acting weirdly. But I don't know if he was looking for videos of me, I don't know why he went back so far on her insta page. The photo he sent me was from the end of last year of a group of me and my friends asking who the 'hot blonde' was, another friend all together. Although that friend has been in my photos before, he has never commented on her previously. Well, either way, he's spending his time digging around your social media circle. That's creepy... His comment is the icing on the cake.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 16, 2018 Posted September 16, 2018 I do hear ya. Honestly at the time I was really into him and by then we'd been together 3 months. It got progressively stranger. In hindsight, there's a whole lot I missed and I realise now he did me a favour. Next time, don't overlook the red flags. This dude is very strange and it seems you sensed that early on.
Author SadDancer Posted September 17, 2018 Author Posted September 17, 2018 Next time, don't overlook the red flags. This dude is very strange and it seems you sensed that early on. I did. I actually have had a few very lovely dates with someone that I think has really good potential, and no red flags so far! So I am really excited for that. Better to focus on great things!
Recommended Posts