Daaanz Posted September 13, 2018 Posted September 13, 2018 I've been with my partner about a year. Things were fine and then a few months ago, we started renting a place together and things have totally changed. He has gotten the worst temper and he flips out over anything. We argue all the time and he gets so angry. He lies to me, then tells me I'm just paranoid. If I have an issue with anything he does, he tells me I'm reading too far in to things. He calls me f****** stupid, deranged, an idiot, a twat. Tells me I'm insane, crazy. I react no differently to things that upset me to how I know any other girl would, but then I start thinking maybe I am crazy, it's messing with my head. Last night he got so angry he smashed up his phone, slammed doors in my face, threw things and walked out. He makes me cry, then laughs in my face and mocks me. I don't know whether it's just me being pathetic, but his temper makes me feel intimidated. He's pushed me once and then tried to convince me I faked it. He's pulled my hair and grabbed me, but then trys to make a joke out of it after. A couple of hours after he always comes back and trys to sort things, but will never say sorry. I've never been in a relationship like this and I'm pretty sure it's not right. I dont want to talk to my family or friends yet, as I don't want to worry them. I've got a 6 month lease with him which still has 4 months left, has anyone else managed to get out of a lease in a similar situation. I can't just leave as I know he won't pay the rent, and they'll come after me, I also know neither of us can afford the full amount so feel like I need to keep him on my side until I can get out without having to pay anything. I feel a little trapped and would just like some advice. This morning was the biggest argument yet, and he was lying to my face about some thing that I 100% already knew the truth about. He is a convincing liar, and if I didn't know for a fact he was lying I would believe him, which scares me. I'm picking on little things more and more which is creating more tension, but I hate being lied to. My head is so clouded I can't think straight and I am mentally exhausted, this is beginning to effect every part of my life. Has anyone been in a similar situation and can offer some support
hippychick3 Posted September 13, 2018 Posted September 13, 2018 Please don’t doubt yourself or blame yourself. This man is ABUSIVE, and it will only get worse. You need to tell your family today so they can help you get out of this dangerous relationship ASAP. The last thing you should do is stay there with him because of the lease. Call your family or a friend immediately and arrange to move out when he’s not home.
d0nnivain Posted September 13, 2018 Posted September 13, 2018 It is unfortunate but money is not worth your life or health. Walk away. If he doesn't pay the rent, the landlord will evict him. Perhaps you can work out a deal with the landlord if that entity comes after you for the money. Maybe he will pay the rent. Still you can't stay. You have to save yourself.
stillafool Posted September 13, 2018 Posted September 13, 2018 If you don't have children with him you can leave. You only have yourself to worry about. Call your relatives and move back home if you have to until you can get money together to live on your own. I will warn you that the abuse will only escalate. Get out now.
stillafool Posted September 13, 2018 Posted September 13, 2018 (edited) Reading over your past threads I see this guy was accused of beating up his ex gf before you got with him. I hope you finally believe that she was telling the truth about him and you are just days away from him using his fists on you. You said in your other thread you are so in love with this guy you can't leave but if you stay with him in 6 months you won't recognize yourself. It is only going to get worse. Now that he is abusing you he probably has another woman he's grooming to be with after you. The same way he was cheating with you on his ex. This is probably a pattern of his. They don't want you anymore after they have dragged you down to nothing. Edited September 13, 2018 by stillafool 1
Zahara Posted September 13, 2018 Posted September 13, 2018 I think about the times my father hit me and my mother. I often thank my lucky stars over and over again because I sometimes ponder on what would have happened to me if one day the worst happened and he hit me in such a way where it broke my neck, or it injured my spine, or caused brain damage, etc. -- anything could have happened in that moment of blinding rage and violence -- you need to stop thinking of money as a hurdle and start prioritizing saving your life. It's also a little concerning that you're questioning such blatant abuse. Speak to your landlord and see if he can help you find a solution. You need to start being proactive because 4 months is too long to be a sitting duck. Your friends and family are there to support you. You have no ability to do this on your own. You don't want to worry them -- buy yet you continue to stay in a volatile and dangerous situation. What happens to them if something unfortunate happens to you. If you worry about their wellbeing, then do the right thing - seek out their help and remove yourself from this man.
stillafool Posted September 13, 2018 Posted September 13, 2018 There are also shelters for abused women. Since you just have yourself to worry about it should be easier to find another place to stay. Don't stay with him just to have a man as there are plenty of them out there.
Orokotikki Posted September 13, 2018 Posted September 13, 2018 You can get out of the lease because of the abuse. This thread itself should be in the abuse rather than breakup section because it is so clearly about abuse. The abuse will only escalate - you are making excuses for yourself to stay longer instead of finding solutions to leave immediately - which is exactly what you should do. If you are anywhere in the US there are women's shelter's which can help you transition and get services to help with breaking the lease, living arrangements etc. Please, please get yourself out of this and retake your life, sanity, and happiness from this persons hands!
preraph Posted September 13, 2018 Posted September 13, 2018 If your name is all that's on the apartment, you can legally evict him. You have to leave. This isn't ideal, but you have to leave. He touches you again, call the police on him! Keep a log of verbal and physical abuse and take it to the police and ask them how to file a restraining order and have them come out if he touches you. You need to let your landlord know right now what is going on. Tell the landlord you may be having to call the police. You might get lucky and the landlord evicts you both and lets you out of the lease that way if violence breaks the rules there. But let the landlord know and see what they recommend. Also, as to your head being a mess -- if you don't already know what it is, look up "gaslighting," because that is a common tactic of abusers, trying to make the victim believe it's her fault or that she's crazy.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 14, 2018 Posted September 14, 2018 You need to get him out of your life immediately. He is going to seriously hurt you soon if you don't. Speak to the landlord and find out what your options are in terms of getting out of the lease. Do not do this by message or email, which your boyfriend could find and read.
vla1120 Posted September 16, 2018 Posted September 16, 2018 To reiterate what everyone else is telling you, leave now! Where I live, abuse is a valid reason to break a lease. Leave before the abuse escalates (and it WILL) and you get seriously injured, or worse. If my daughter were in an abusive relationship, I would hope she would turn to me for help. You need the support of your family and friends right now. Isolating you from them is a tactic of abusers to keep control of the situation. You already know all of this. Please doubting yourself and do what you know you must do for your own protection.
BaileyB Posted September 16, 2018 Posted September 16, 2018 The time to leave was yesterday... This man is emotionally and physically abusive. You must get away from him and get yourself some help. Who cares about the rent - talk to the landlord and make an arrangement to pay your half, if necessary. Find somewhere else to do - your parents, stay with a friend, a woman’s shelter - and leave. Now!
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