Malin889 Posted September 12, 2018 Posted September 12, 2018 Ok so I decided to give another dating app a go, and I started talking to this guy on the app, he seems intelligent, good conversation, is looking for the “same thing” I am (a relationship) yada yada...anyway we just started talking yesterday, and today he tells me the name of his son, that his wife cheated on him and that’s why he got divorced, and then asks me how much I bought my condo for (that’s no stranger’s business) then goes on to say “I used to own a house but sold it, now I live in an apt, and then he tells me his address. ??? Not just the town, but his exact address, apt number and everything. So I wrote back and said, you shouldn’t tell strangers your address.” Does anyone else find this odd or am I just looking for something to be amiss?
ExpatInItaly Posted September 12, 2018 Posted September 12, 2018 It's odd. Listen to your gut. Something is not right here. I would not continue communicating.
PRW Posted September 12, 2018 Posted September 12, 2018 (edited) It is not odd. It is just a guy that is trying way too hard. That doesn't automatically make him bad,...it just means he doesn't know what he is doing. If he has been married for say,...10 years,...or something like that,...just think how the dating environment was 10 years ago compared to now. He is probably way, way, way out of practice. There was a time I would have (and did) make the same mistakes. If there was a way to screw it up,...I probably did it at some point along the way. Asking how much on the condo may just mean he may be interested in doing the same (he lives in an apartment), and is curious if he might be able to afford something similar to what you have. Giving his exact address is just an example of the differences between men and woman. Men typically do not live in fear to the degree that single women do. We aren't that worried about people knowing where we live. If some guy comes snooping around we might just kick their a**. As far as stalkers, I told someone once that if I ended up with some woman stalking me I would just mark it on the calendar and declare it a personal holiday or something,...just honestly not that worried about it. It doesn't sound like he asked you directly for your specific contact/address details, so he is showing you that respect. His offering of his details to you is kind of an opening offer for you to give him your same information when you feel ready. Until you meet the guy in person, a lot of this is guesswork. Just make sure the first date is in a very very public place. Meet him there, he does not pick you up. Tell him at the last minute that you may be a few minutes late (maybe 5 minutes or so) and that he should wait for you at or just inside the door. If he tells you where he parked,...park somewhere else not near him so that he does not see what you drive or can see your plate number. If the first date goes well and you feel safe around him then you can relax some of those precautions (he will notice if you don't relax them). If you don't feel good about the date, just don't give him a second date (but don't indicate that while still on the first date). Edited September 12, 2018 by PRW 1
Author Malin889 Posted September 12, 2018 Author Posted September 12, 2018 It is not odd. It is just a guy that is trying way too hard. That doesn't automatically make him bad,...it just means he doesn't know what he is doing. If he has been married for say,...10 years,...or something like that,...just think how the dating environment was 10 years ago compared to now. He is probably way, way, way out of practice. There was a time I would have (and did) make the same mistakes. If there was a way to screw it up,...I probably did it at some point along the way. Asking how much on the condo may just mean he may be interested in doing the same (he lives in an apartment), and is curious if he might be able to afford something similar to what you have. Giving his exact address is just an example of the differences between men and woman. Men typically do not live in fear to the degree that single women do. We aren't that worried about people knowing where we live. If some guy comes snooping around we might just kick their a**. As far as stalkers, I told someone once that if I ended up with some woman stalking me I would just mark it on the calendar and declare it a personal holiday or something,...just honestly not that worried about it. It doesn't sound like he asked you directly for your specific contact/address details, so he is showing you that respect. His offering of his details to you is kind of an opening offer for you to give him your same information when you feel ready. Until you meet the guy in person, a lot of this is guesswork. Just make sure the first date is in a very very public place. Meet him there, he does not pick you up. Tell him at the last minute that you may be a few minutes late (maybe 5 minutes or so) and that he should wait for you at or just inside the door. If he tells you where he parked,...park somewhere else not near him so that he does not see what you drive or can see your plate number. If the first date goes well and you feel safe around him then you can relax some of those precautions (he will notice if you don't relax them). If you don't feel good about the date, just don't give him a second date (but don't indicate that while still on the first date). Hold on so you’re saying that he might just be a little rusty in the dating department but then you’re also saying to park far away from him and meet him in a very very public place. So, give him the benefit of the doubt but still be scared?
Zapbasket Posted September 12, 2018 Posted September 12, 2018 Hold on so you’re saying that he might just be a little rusty in the dating department but then you’re also saying to park far away from him and meet him in a very very public place. So, give him the benefit of the doubt but still be scared? I think even having to ASK this question suggests you should delete and block him and save your time for someone who has a better handle on himself on a dating site. 1
Dis Posted September 12, 2018 Posted September 12, 2018 Please stop talking to this guy and block him Something isn't right They just caught a serial killer in my state. A guy that used OLD to lure woman in Please be careful 1
Author Malin889 Posted September 12, 2018 Author Posted September 12, 2018 I think even having to ASK this question suggests you should delete and block him and save your time for someone who has a better handle on himself on a dating site. I agree! I don’t want to be very very careful of someone I’m going on a date with. I mean, I’m always careful, but I don’t want to be scared when going on the date! What’s the point?!
hippychick3 Posted September 12, 2018 Posted September 12, 2018 Super odd. I would definitely not meet up with him. I'm curious how he responded when you advised him not to give his address out to strangers.
Author Malin889 Posted September 12, 2018 Author Posted September 12, 2018 Please stop talking to this guy and block him Something isn't right They just caught a serial killer in my state. A guy that used OLD to lure woman in Please be careful Oh. My. God. What’s ironic is when I told him “you shouldn’t give strangers your address”, he said “Its Ok, I don’t think you’re a serial killer ha ha.” That completely creeped me out. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t the only one who thought it was weird!
Dis Posted September 12, 2018 Posted September 12, 2018 Oh. My. God. What’s ironic is when I told him “you shouldn’t give strangers your address”, he said “Its Ok, I don’t think you’re a serial killer ha ha.” That completely creeped me out. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t the only one who thought it was weird! You shouldn't have to ask if this is weird or not, OP You should use your common sense, as a human being to know something is not right and act accordingly Please, please be careful out there
Author Malin889 Posted September 12, 2018 Author Posted September 12, 2018 You shouldn't have to ask if this is weird or not, OP You should use your common sense, as a human being to know something is not right and act accordingly Please, please be careful out there I use my common sense, and of course I know this is weird! :-) But I feel like so many red flags or little creepy things have popped up with online dating prospects lately, or someone says something that is inappropriate, that I need the reassurance that its yet another weirdo and it's not me going crazy, lol. Everyone cant be inappropriate and creepy, can they? :-) 1
Zapbasket Posted September 13, 2018 Posted September 13, 2018 I use my common sense, and of course I know this is weird! :-) But I feel like so many red flags or little creepy things have popped up with online dating prospects lately, or someone says something that is inappropriate, that I need the reassurance that its yet another weirdo and it's not me going crazy, lol. Everyone cant be inappropriate and creepy, can they? :-) I'll be the first to admit I hate online dating, and I don't "get" online dating...but my sense is that you have to expect there to be 1,000 weirdos / losers / creeps / potential serial killers / stalkers / users / gold diggers, etc., for every ONE decent person who's worth meeting once in person to see if there's any chemistry and they are who they say they are. That means "delete and block" should comprise about 85% of your time on the site when logged on. The great thing is: you're not hurting anyone's feelings; you don't have to confront anyone; just delete and block, delete and block. Like a purely digital game of loser whack-a-mole 1
Cling Film Posted September 13, 2018 Posted September 13, 2018 Please stop talking to this guy and block him Something isn't right They just caught a serial killer in my state. A guy that used OLD to lure woman in Please be careful lol yes that’s what I was thinking when reading OPs comment. Serial killer written all over it. Guys rusty as previously mentioned and is probably thinking it’s a good idea to get his flags out the way early to see if you would still be interested. He’s got a kid and is wounded still after his wife done the dirty on him. Hardly serial killer threat I would think.
Andy_K Posted September 13, 2018 Posted September 13, 2018 (edited) Jesus. If this is all it takes for a delete/block these days, no wonder the internet is full of women who 'can't find a decent guy' The reality is, the majority of guys who use online dating sites are online because they're not on Casanova levels of smoothness. They cannot read your mind. They haven't developed the same level of paranoia about 'internet people' as you have. Expect the occasional slight faux pas from a guy who hasn't dated in a decade. What's the big deal here, he told you the name of his son and how his marriage ended? Most likely thinks he's just opening up and sharing a bit of information. That he told you his address? I submit my address online to dozens of websites every year, I have no real idea who has access to that information. I'll happily give it out to a pizza delivery guy I've never met. So what? He hasn't encroached on your personal boundaries at all, besides perhaps asking how much you paid for your place, which is a minor thing. Especially given most guys are perfectly happy to share that sort of information with each other. Perhaps he's crazy and perhaps he isn't. But I see nothing anywhere near substantial enough to condemn the guy so far, especially if he seems otherwise intelligent and a good conversationalist. Edited September 13, 2018 by Andy_K
JuneL Posted September 13, 2018 Posted September 13, 2018 This guy is weird or socially awkward for sure. But giving out his address is not as bad as one thinks. I spent 3 weeks on OLD, and the few guys I was seriously chatting with all gave me their full names without me asking, when we’re just starting to chat. If I were a crazy stalker, I could easily look up their addresses (and names of their direct adult relatives) online using some free background search site; a lot of court records (like divorce records) are public and readily accessible online too.
SevenCity Posted September 13, 2018 Posted September 13, 2018 This guy is weird or socially awkward for sure. But giving out his address is not as bad as one thinks. I spent 3 weeks on OLD, and the few guys I was seriously chatting with all gave me their full names without me asking, when we’re just starting to chat. If I were a crazy stalker, I could easily look up their addresses (and names of their direct adult relatives) online using some free background search site; a lot of court records (like divorce records) are public and readily accessible online too. Perhaps the reason he gave out the address was so she could look him up and feel safe? Other than not being good at dating, he doesn’t appear to be a murderer with the info given. As far as being safe, you see strangers in public all day long who could be rapists, serial killers, felons, etc. Did you run a background check on the guy on line next to you at Starbucks? How about the guy in the produce section at the supermarket? You see strangers all day. Sure, don’t give out your personal info, but if you assume every guy is a serial killer since he’s not a charmer it will make dating more difficult. Actually, serial killers are often quite charming. 1
PRW Posted September 13, 2018 Posted September 13, 2018 Hold on so you’re saying that he might just be a little rusty in the dating department but then you’re also saying to park far away from him and meet him in a very very public place. So, give him the benefit of the doubt but still be scared? You need to look at the whole package of what I said instead of cherry picking. The key to my post was this: "Until you meet the guy in person, a lot of this is guesswork." Then I gave her a list of common sense precautions to take with ANY first date with ANY guy. So in the end I gave the guy the benefit of a doubt,...instead of convicting him on someone else's account of the story,... and then told her to be careful and gave her a series of precautions that any sensible woman should take. I stand by what I said.
JuneL Posted September 13, 2018 Posted September 13, 2018 I was just trying to say giving out his address may not be as off as one might think. Indeed, when those guys gave me their full names without my asking, I did get the feeling that they trusted me and that they had nothing to hide. Perhaps the reason he gave out the address was so she could look him up and feel safe? Other than not being good at dating, he doesn’t appear to be a murderer with the info given. As far as being safe, you see strangers in public all day long who could be rapists, serial killers, felons, etc. Did you run a background check on the guy on line next to you at Starbucks? How about the guy in the produce section at the supermarket? You see strangers all day. Sure, don’t give out your personal info, but if you assume every guy is a serial killer since he’s not a charmer it will make dating more difficult. Actually, serial killers are often quite charming.
PRW Posted September 13, 2018 Posted September 13, 2018 I was just trying to say giving out his address may not be as off as one might think. Indeed, when those guys gave me their full names without my asking, I did get the feeling that they trusted me and that they had nothing to hide. That is exactly what I would think. He never asked her for her information that I can see. If he meant harm he would try (manipulation) to get as much details about her as he could as soon as he possibly could before she could think too much about it and refuse. Such as "Here's my address,...what's yours?" The guy still comes across to me as one who is unskilled at dating but is probably harmless. Yet I didn't tell her to be too trusting, and to take common sense precautions.
PRW Posted September 13, 2018 Posted September 13, 2018 Perhaps the reason he gave out the address was so she could look him up and feel safe? Other than not being good at dating, he doesn’t appear to be a murderer with the info given. As far as being safe, you see strangers in public all day long who could be rapists, serial killers, felons, etc. Did you run a background check on the guy on line next to you at Starbucks? How about the guy in the produce section at the supermarket? You see strangers all day. Sure, don’t give out your personal info, but if you assume every guy is a serial killer since he’s not a charmer it will make dating more difficult. Agreed,...on each point.
PRW Posted September 13, 2018 Posted September 13, 2018 (edited) Hold on so you’re saying that he might...I didn't notice the username when I replied to this so didn't notice you were the OP. I still stand by my comments,...just switch the pronouns from "her" to "you" Edited September 13, 2018 by PRW
PRW Posted September 13, 2018 Posted September 13, 2018 Another thing to think about is why in the world would someone who meant harm give all their own personal information first (without asking for yours) so that you would know exactly who they were and where to tell the police to go to find him? A crooked person would give fake information about themselves as "bait" that would immediately be followed up by asking for your information.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 13, 2018 Posted September 13, 2018 I'd definitely delete any guy who asked how much I paid for a condo/house/car/etc. Most men on dating sites won't make the cut for most women. It's a search for a needle in a haystack. 1
ozzies Posted September 13, 2018 Posted September 13, 2018 Guys rusty as previously mentioned and is probably thinking it’s a good idea to get his flags out the way early to see if you would still be interested. He’s got a kid and is wounded still after his wife done the dirty on him. This would be my guess. He's just over-sharing, and if you're new to messaging on those apps, it's easy to mis-fire, especially if you're someone who communicates using a lot of sarcasm, etc.
Zapbasket Posted September 13, 2018 Posted September 13, 2018 At the end of the day, dating is all about intuition, not what or who someone objectively "is." Yes, sometimes intuition can get clogged or "mis-routed" due to old fears that have nothing to do with the situation at hand. But generally, intuition is an accurate and excellent tool to help us move toward people and situations that are good for us, and away from people and situations that might not be so good for us. If OP felt uncomfortable about this guy and their interaction, then that trumps any other consideration. Sure, most people on dating sites in the grand scheme of things are pretty much just like us, just trying to get by and find companionship, and they mean no harm. That doesn't mean we should consider that each one is datable. If someone makes you uncomfortable, even through no fault of their own (maybe they have a weird lisp that makes you cringe to hear, for instance), that's plenty of reason to block and delete.
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