Leojax Posted September 11, 2018 Posted September 11, 2018 So she and I got into an argument about a week ago. I live about 2 hours away. I left late and I got caught in traffic. She got upset and said I'm always late and this messed up our dinner plans. I started making jokes which I guess she didn't find funny. I was about 30 minutes away from her and she really ticked me off so I told her I wasn't coming anymore and she said "okay", I said "okay" and hung up. That was 6 days ago. We haven't gone this long without talking before. I guess it's over?
Cling Film Posted September 11, 2018 Posted September 11, 2018 Sounds like you are both stubborn people. I don’t know, maybe give her a call? 1
Emmafive Posted September 11, 2018 Posted September 11, 2018 Sounds like you are both stubborn people. I don’t know, maybe give her a call? Why do you think that they're both stubborn? Why don't you think she's just done with the relationship? (My cousin is going through a similar situation so I'm curious) 1
Happy Lemming Posted September 11, 2018 Posted September 11, 2018 2 hours away is a bit far... I tried the "long distance" thing once, it was a 5 hour drive; I used to stop at this gas station 45 minutes out and tell her where I was and my approximate time of arrival. She'd check the local traffic and estimate when I'd get there. We got along great and had a lot of fun, but in the end, the drive was too much and wore me out. She'd be all excited & ready to go places and do activities and I'd be worn out from the drive. I'm wondering if your gf understood that a 2 hour drive can wear the driver out a bit. She sounds kind of selfish. She should have been more accommodating, since you were doing the long drive. When she realized you were stuck in traffic, she should have cooked something for dinner instead of complaining that you couldn't take her out, somewhere. Is she one of those "me, me, me" people?? Be glad you are out of it... Next time try to find someone closer...
Author Leojax Posted September 11, 2018 Author Posted September 11, 2018 (edited) 2 hours away is a bit far... I tried the "long distance" thing once, it was a 5 hour drive; I used to stop at this gas station 45 minutes out and tell her where I was and my approximate time of arrival. She'd check the local traffic and estimate when I'd get there. We got along great and had a lot of fun, but in the end, the drive was too much and wore me out. She'd be all excited & ready to go places and do activities and I'd be worn out from the drive. I'm wondering if your gf understood that a 2 hour drive can wear the driver out a bit. She sounds kind of selfish. She should have been more accommodating, since you were doing the long drive. When she realized you were stuck in traffic, she should have cooked something for dinner instead of complaining that you couldn't take her out, somewhere. Is she one of those "me, me, me" people?? Be glad you are out of it... Next time try to find someone closer... She's from the city where I'm at and vice versa so she was just down here last weekend and I'll be moving soon. She was saying how I keep arriving hours late messing up the plans to go anywhere so we never do. I told her I'd be there at 8:30 so I called at 8:15 to let her know I'm 40 minutes away and stuck in traffic. We had plans to go to dinner. She said we never go out and I told her it's a good thing she goes out with her friends all the time and said why can't we just order pizza and stay in. I said we'll go out to which she said you've been saying this for months that we'll go out and we haven't and I don't believe you. That's when I got ticked off and called her brat and started making jokes and told her I wasn't coming. Edited September 11, 2018 by Leojax
Emmafive Posted September 11, 2018 Posted September 11, 2018 (edited) 2 hours away is a bit far... I tried the "long distance" thing once, it was a 5 hour drive; I used to stop at this gas station 45 minutes out and tell her where I was and my approximate time of arrival. She'd check the local traffic and estimate when I'd get there. We got along great and had a lot of fun, but in the end, the drive was too much and wore me out. She'd be all excited & ready to go places and do activities and I'd be worn out from the drive. I'm wondering if your gf understood that a 2 hour drive can wear the driver out a bit. She sounds kind of selfish. She should have been more accommodating, since you were doing the long drive. When she realized you were stuck in traffic, she should have cooked something for dinner instead of complaining that you couldn't take her out, somewhere. Is she one of those "me, me, me" people?? Be glad you are out of it... Next time try to find someone closer... She doesn't sound selfish at all. OP sounds like he's immature and inconsiderate given his update "She was saying how I keep arriving hours late messing up the plans to go anywhere so we never do. I told her I'd be there at 8:30 so I called at 8:15 to let her know I'm 40 minutes away and stuck in traffic. We had plans to go to dinner. She said we never go out and I told her it's a good thing she goes out with her friends all the time and said why can't we just order pizza and stay in. I said we'll go out to which she said you've been saying this for months that we'll go out and we haven't and I don't believe you. That's when I got ticked off and called her brat and started making jokes and told her I wasn't coming." Edited September 11, 2018 by Emmafive 1
basil67 Posted September 11, 2018 Posted September 11, 2018 A friend of mine is considering dumping her guy because of his chronic lateness. It sounds like this most recent episode was the straw which broke the camel's back. Then it comes to light that you call her a brat, joke about her concerns and cancelled your visit. I guess she viewed your last interaction as a breakup and isn't going to bother with you anymore. 2
Author Leojax Posted September 11, 2018 Author Posted September 11, 2018 A friend of mine is considering dumping her guy because of his chronic lateness. It sounds like this most recent episode was the straw which broke the camel's back. Then it comes to light that you call her a brat, joke about her concerns and cancelled your visit. I guess she viewed your last interaction as a breakup and isn't going to bother with you anymore. Why, because when I said I wasn't coming and she said okay to that?
basil67 Posted September 11, 2018 Posted September 11, 2018 Why, because when I said I wasn't coming and she said okay to that? Yes. She's been unhappy with your chronic lateness and lack of wanting to do nice things. Your actions of calling her a brat, joke and then cancelling on her was the last straw and she's walked. 2
zawadi16 Posted September 11, 2018 Posted September 11, 2018 No, because she's fed up with you and hasn't spoken with you in six days. And because you apparently have no concept that she's been unhappy with you not wanting to do nice stuff and your chronic lateness. Well he hasn't talked to her in 6 days either. Isn't safe to assume that there's a good chance she thinks OP just doesn't care so she thinks it's over?
basil67 Posted September 11, 2018 Posted September 11, 2018 Well he hasn't talked to her in 6 days either. Isn't safe to assume that there's a good chance she thinks OP just doesn't care so she thinks it's over? Also true. But I reckon she put down that phone and followed with a couple of expletives towards him. His ongoing lack of care for her (quite reasonable) needs and lack of apology for six days tells her that the end is mutually desirable.
BaileyB Posted September 11, 2018 Posted September 11, 2018 So there is... "I'm driving two hours to see you and the traffic is bad. So, I'm calling to tell you that I'm stuck in traffic and I'm going to be a little late tonight..." This, should be easily forgiven. But then, there is chronic lateness, which becomes really annoying over time... Because, what it says to your partner is - "My time is more important than your time." If this is the situation, it may have been the last straw... But to call her a "brat" - well, that's not likely to go over well anytime... Particularly when you are making her wait because you are late for dinner. I have a feeling that you are going to be looking for a new girlfriend... 3
Versacehottie Posted September 11, 2018 Posted September 11, 2018 Why, because when I said I wasn't coming and she said okay to that? You haven't heard the often told joke of that women have 40 versions of "ok, fine", almost all of which mean it definitely is not fine. Yeah, you got one of those. She is not ok or fine with it I see both of your sides. It must be frustrating to drive to see someone you are dating that you really care about and be stuck in traffic and when you do the responsible thing by letting her know a corrected time of arrival, she is pissed. Then you makes jokes to lighten the mood and to try to make the situation better and it upsets her more (hey, I thought she loved my sense of humor, you were probably thinking). On the other hand, she has been telling you for what seems like a while in her mind that she wants to have dates with you, but the distance and your lateness makes this very difficult, if not impossible. When she is disappointed, you make light of it, don't sooth her temper/mood and call her a brat. Then you threaten her that you aren't coming. At the best long distance relationships are tough. At the worst, they are impossible or break down very easily. Even when they are somewhat temporary. While i think you both have valid points, i don't think you are managing how to deal with one another very well with regard to this situation. I can think of a lot of ways to better communicate about this situation. Right now I think you should be the bigger person and call her & apologize for your part that was wrong. It doesn't make you weak at all, which i know is a reason why some guys don't want to do it "first". Also I would say that in the future, it's not a good idea for the health of the relationship to bail and shut down communication like you did. It's effectively a threat. So she took you up on it and now you are in a mexican standoff, each one of you backed into a corner and basically still in a fight. Sometimes just staying with it through a disagreement or drop it but continue on with your plans is the way to go. Well most of the time is what I'm saying. Good luck
Gretchen12 Posted September 11, 2018 Posted September 11, 2018 It's an on-going problem. The woman has no reason to believe the OP will suddenly start arriving on time or early enough for an evening out. So if she wants real dates, she needs to find a new guy. 1
Author Leojax Posted September 11, 2018 Author Posted September 11, 2018 (edited) You haven't heard the often told joke of that women have 40 versions of "ok, fine", almost all of which mean it definitely is not fine. Yeah, you got one of those. She is not ok or fine with it <SNIP> Thank you. This is exactly how things went down in my mind. I was being an ass with my jokes but I was trying to be an ass. She usually finds me funny and I thought she would've thought it was funny too. It's just hard getting off of work and then making the trip and getting there on time. I mentioned to her that when she's down here it would be a lot easier for us to go out and I promised her that I would (she's only been down here once). I've even tried to just drive to her at 4/5 am just so I could sleep next to her. I know it's not going out but I still want to see her. It's just hard to get to her in time during the week. Edited September 12, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Author Leojax Posted September 11, 2018 Author Posted September 11, 2018 It's an on-going problem. The woman has no reason to believe the OP will suddenly start arriving on time or early enough for an evening out. So if she wants real dates, she needs to find a new guy. I'll just c+p what I just posted. "It's just hard getting off of work and then making the trip and getting there on time. I mentioned to her that when she's down here it would be a lot easier for us to go out and I promised her that I would (she's only been down here once). I've even tried to just drive to her at 4/5 am just so I could sleep next to her. I know it's not going out but I still want to see her. It's just hard to get to her in time during the week"
Versacehottie Posted September 11, 2018 Posted September 11, 2018 Thank you. This is exactly how things went down in my mind. I was being an ass with my jokes but I was trying to be an ass. She usually finds me funny and I thought she would've thought it was funny too. It's just hard getting off of work and then making the trip and getting there on time. I mentioned to her that when she's down here it would be a lot easier for us to go out and I promised her that I would (she's only been down here once). I've even tried to just drive to her at 4/5 am just so I could sleep next to her. I know it's not going out but I still want to see her. It's just hard to get to her in time during the week. There are at least two dimensions of what is going on here. There is what you said and did and how it was perceived by you/her. There is also getting stuck in what was said & done during the disagreement (wanting to be right essentially or have the other person understand and agree with you, see your pov). What would be best at this juncture, is to listen to each other with what you can do to prevent these feelings where neither of you feels appreciated. You are both doing things that in each of your perspectives mean to you as individuals that you appreciate the other. Such as you driving a long way to see her and wanting to spend time with her doing nothing but be with her (very sweet). On her end, she is excited to see you & wants to "do" something with you, probably as an attempt to build your bond and experiences together, show you off, make unforgettable memories. She may be afraid that if you are phoning the together time in by wanting to stay home with her or if you are late, that she doesn't mean much to you or the relationship doesn't or that she will get stuck with a guy who is lazy about "us" or is boring to be with. So you are still explaining your position to us on this thread. What are you going to do? Or are you going to be stubborn and lose this girl?
ExpatInItaly Posted September 12, 2018 Posted September 12, 2018 As others have pointed out, her silence now isn't the result of just this one episode. It's due to ongoing frustration. Your ill-time "joke" was not a good idea under the circumstances. It likely came across as dismissive and belittling. Are you frequently late? Do you frequently make plans and not follow through? Regardless of the reason (for a moment, anyway), you would be wise to read between the lines here OP, and understand that your girl is fed up.
Jane Deaux Posted September 12, 2018 Posted September 12, 2018 Are you going to call her and try to make amends? You can't know for sure that she is done until you call her and see if she is willing to give it a chance. It seems like you both need to be a bit more understanding. You turned around and went home and didn't call her either. So she is probably also under the assumption that you are done. 2
coolheadal Posted September 12, 2018 Posted September 12, 2018 I'll just c+p what I just posted. "It's just hard getting off of work and then making the trip and getting there on time. I mentioned to her that when she's down here it would be a lot easier for us to go out and I promised her that I would (she's only been down here once). I've even tried to just drive to her at 4/5 am just so I could sleep next to her. I know it's not going out but I still want to see her. It's just hard to get to her in time during the week" All you need to do is just don't make plans until you can be there on time. So she has to think about your job, the traffic and the distance. You can't get there when she wants you to be. Compromise is your friend here. Rushing to be with her just makes it worst in her eyes you both need to agree and understand what your limits are. She needs to be more understanding to what you can do for her and be with her and she the same. Try to make it work and just try to remember you only have one chance in life to make it work out! Good Luck!
smackie9 Posted September 12, 2018 Posted September 12, 2018 OP I don't know why you are frittering around here when you should be putting your big boy pants on and call her...yes CALL her, not text. We don't have your answer....she does. 2
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