Opened up to me then called me a Stage 5 Clinger to mutual friends and sister!

[MaleIntuition]

I dated a guy for a month who told me he did all the perfect boyfriend things because he thought he was supposed to. Not because he actually liked me. I dated a guy for 9 months who told me he loved me but at the end of it told me he only did it because I pressured him to. Then I dated a guy for two years who never said he loved me but now that I'm trying to move on all of a sudden wants to try again even though I know it's more out of possessiveness than actual love. My first love of two years to this day isn't over me but even he dumped me because I wasn't Christian. My rap sheet is awful.

 

Yes maybe I don't know how dating works but it just seems everyone around me is finding real love and I'm just stuck in quicksand. It shouldn't be this hard.

Dating is hard. Some are just “lucky”.

 

The issue you had now is that you tried to skip over the get to know one another phase; the dating - and went straight to pretending/acting like you where in a relationship.

 

You should not introduce family to someone you’ve just met. You don’t bring them on games night with your friends... yet. And you don’t expect them to instantly call you back or text: These are all relationship stuffs (games night as a possible exception). Point is; shortcuts aren’t the solution.

 

It’s fairly obvious that you are comming from a place of desperation. It’s likley that will shine through in how you behave. Go on that date. Realise that there are plenty of interested guys out there. Rejection is a part of dating, there is no way around that.

[SweetCharity]

Dating is hard. Some are just “lucky”.

 

The issue you had now is that you tried to skip over the get to know one another phase; the dating - and went straight to pretending/acting like you where in a relationship.

 

You should not introduce family to someone you’ve just met. You don’t bring them on games night with your friends... yet. And you don’t expect them to instantly call you back or text: These are all relationship stuffs (games night as a possible exception). Point is; shortcuts aren’t the solution.

 

It’s fairly obvious that you are comming from a place of desperation. It’s likley that will shine through in how you behave. Go on that date. Realise that there are plenty of interested guys out there. Rejection is a part of dating, there is no way around that.

 

I'm not desperate. The game night was my sister's idea. If I hadn't invited him someone else in the circle would have but everyone insisted I do it.

[ExpatInItaly]

For whatever reason, he wanted out and decided to rewrite history and blame it all on you for being clingy.

 

But really, there were red flags all over this guy from the beginning. Meeting Mom on the second date is ridiculous, and a sign to pump the brakes in a major way. The pet names, the family meet-ups - way too much in the span of 14 days. It gives a false sense of intimacy that can't possibly be there yet. People who dive right in tend to jump right out just as quickly, as you're seeing. You can't have known if you were kindred spirits when you barely know the guy at all.

 

In the future, weed out the guys who come at you full-force. In my experience, they are bad news.

[smackie9]

I dated a guy for a month who told me he did all the perfect boyfriend things because he thought he was supposed to. Not because he actually liked me. I dated a guy for 9 months who told me he loved me but at the end of it told me he only did it because I pressured him to. Then I dated a guy for two years who never said he loved me but now that I'm trying to move on all of a sudden wants to try again even though I know it's more out of possessiveness than actual love. My first love of two years to this day isn't over me but even he dumped me because I wasn't Christian. My rap sheet is awful.

 

Yes maybe I don't know how dating works but it just seems everyone around me is finding real love and I'm just stuck in quicksand. It shouldn't be this hard.

Your problem is that you believed their BS. No one dates someone for 9 months because they were pressured into it. And btw, your first love shouldn't be your last love anyways. If he was truly that Christian he wouldn't have dated you in the first place. It's all bull crap ola and you shouldn't be carrying that around with you, my god woman.

[MaleIntuition]

I'm not desperate. The game night was my sister's idea. If I hadn't invited him someone else in the circle would have but everyone insisted I do it.

 

“That I just want to be loved”

“I’m ready to give up at this point”

 

The above quotes gave me the impression, perhaps I’m wrong, but your mindset is not optimal for dating right now. I’m not trying to be rude, but perhaps needy is a more accurate description.

[JuneL]

I think it’s not such a great idea to tell someone you’re dating that you’ve been hurt by guys and you don’t want to be hurt again. This comes across as very needy and won’t change the outcome (whether he’s going to hurt you) anyway. It puts too much pressure on the guy.

[mortensorchid]

If you say you did not call him 16x, I believe you. I have no reason why based on what I have read that you would lie about something like that.

 

This is painful, absolutely, but you must also realize that for whatever reason this was not meant to be and you have to move on. As to seeing him again being that he is friends with others that you know? You may not be able to avoid that, but if and when you do just be polite. Someone ripped me to shreds a few years ago, I still see her once in a blue moon and I just smile and wave at her across the room if and when, because I have class. If he continues to spread these facts about you, let your actions and character speak for themselves.

[stillafool]

I'd be upset with my sister and everyone else who is giving him a hard time about you. Their complaints to him are making it seem like he destroyed you or something with his actions and I'm sure you don't want him to think you've given him this much thought. I wouldn't. I would just speak politely the next time I see him and move on never giving him anymore eye contact all evening.

[preraph]

You need to stop listening to what guys say (after you've told them what you want them to say practically) and slow down and go by what he does when he's NOT being coached or guilted into it by you. If you want to see what a guy is really like, pressuring or rushing them or telling them "I like this or that and I hate this or that because my ex did that" backfires on you. You're just telling them how to play you. Opening your play book. It's not smart.

 

It takes a long time to see the real guy usually, like a couple of years and having been through some bad times that would bring out the worst in a person. It takes seeing how they are when you're ill, apathetic or empathetic. How they are when a car breaks down, irate and out of control or constructive.

 

Stop telling guys what other guys did to you and the mistakes they made with you. See what this guy is like by giving him room to be himself without your influencing that. Keep your boundaries and cut them off once they cross it, but no need to tell them ahead of time.

[SweetCharity]

I'd be upset with my sister and everyone else who is giving him a hard time about you. Their complaints to him are making it seem like he destroyed you or something with his actions and I'm sure you don't want him to think you've given him this much thought. I wouldn't. I would just speak politely the next time I see him and move on never giving him anymore eye contact all evening.

 

Yeah she told me she wanted to say something to him because she has forbidden all of her boyfriend's friends from hitting on me but he assured her he wouldn't hurt me. The day after he blew me off he went to their house and looked at her and said, "I like her...I just wanted to set down boundaries." It set her off. I wish she hadn't done it. I was more upset that he felt the need to tell everyone he needed space and boundaries when the person he should have said those things to was me.

[SweetCharity]

“ I’m not trying to be rude, but perhaps needy is a more accurate description.

 

I've always hated that word. It gets under my skin to the point where I don't even know how to function anymore. I don't know how to be normal. For the longest time my family wanted me to just get away from my ex. My mom tells me guys are lining up. My sister says everywhere we go they look at me. I need some binoculars because I can't find them. But I agree, I'm not in the right mindset to date. I don't know why I even want it anymore. All it does is bring me pain.

[preraph]

Take a break and save up and do something fun like travel. It will give you a greater perspective.

[mrs rubble]

I've always hated that word. It gets under my skin to the point where I don't even know how to function anymore. I don't know how to be normal. For the longest time my family wanted me to just get away from my ex. My mom tells me guys are lining up. My sister says everywhere we go they look at me. I need some binoculars because I can't find them. But I agree, I'm not in the right mindset to date. I don't know why I even want it anymore. All it does is bring me pain.

Preraph is right, give it a break for a while, concentrate on things that you like to do, join a club or take up a new hobby, anything to take your mind of dating. I think he was a jerk. I don't think you are any more "needy" than he is, he was introducing his mother on the second date!!

[FMW]

Yes, take a break. Take some time to get to know and understand yourself on your own, not in relation to someone else.

 

It's not a permanent break. You'll know when you're ready to date again and you will be in a much better place emotionally to have a healthy relationship.

[Deepremorse5]

A funny thing once my ex-husband said: Guys are amazing people when you speak with them in private. Lovey-dovey and romantic. But in a group trying to act cool in front of their friends, they behave like a******.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yeah she told me she wanted to say something to him because she has forbidden all of her boyfriend's friends from hitting on me but he assured her he wouldn't hurt me. The day after he blew me off he went to their house and looked at her and said, "I like her...I just wanted to set down boundaries." It set her off. I wish she hadn't done it. I was more upset that he felt the need to tell everyone he needed space and boundaries when the person he should have said those things to was me.

 

The thing is, you need to take it much more slowly to mitigate the potential for getting hurt like this. Dating and falling in love is always a risk, of course, but diving in and not taking a more measured approach increases the risk because it prematurely sets our expectations too high.

 

My guess is that this would bother you less if you had read the warning signs and paced yourself with him. He still pulled a jerk move, but I have a feeling you'd much more easily put the whole episode (and him) behind you if you'd acknowledged earlier that maybe this guy wasn't a great candidate anyway.

[SweetCharity]

A funny thing once my ex-husband said: Guys are amazing people when you speak with them in private. Lovey-dovey and romantic. But in a group trying to act cool in front of their friends, they behave like a******.

 

This. Absolutely this. Privately he was sensitive and mature. Behind my back in front of his friends all of a sudden I'm a clinger who needs to give him space.

[stillafool]

If he wants space give him space the size of Texas.

[SweetCharity]

If he wants space give him space the size of Texas.

 

Yeah, I'm never contacting him again. I tried to block him on Facebook but it wouldn't let me. Hopefully when I see him I'll have the strength to look right through him.

[smackie9]

Look at this differently...you dodged a bullet. This guy is just a bad person all around. He has not only manipulated you, but all his friends too. Sounds like his is a narcissist/psychopath. He won't own up to anything he does, bold face lies, back stabs and acts like it's someone elses fault. He goes around charming the pants off everyone, when he has other intentions. I think everyone that knows him should be taken back by his behavior, and send his a$$ off down the road.

[damni]

I agree to take a break from dating, you do not need to have a man by your side constantly...especially after a abusive relationship where your bull**** radar is damaged.

 

For next time, do not trust men who rush to introduce you to family etc. Honestly at that point it means nothing, he may have introduced loads of girls before, you do not know and it is love bombing.

 

NEVER chase a man, if a man does not confirm a date etc then let him go. A man who is interested will chase you, I promise you that.

[preraph]

I honestly think what may have happened to both you and him is because other people were encouraging you both how great each other was, that you both went into it kind of assuming this is IT, met families, etc. because you both hoped the mutual friends/family was right and you were a good combination. So you both plunged in too fast without even knowing each other.

 

One thing you need to always remember (and everybody), just because going out on a date is hard for you, like if you're shy or a virgin or just had your heart broken in two, doesn't mean that you should elevate the date to be more than it is. I think sometimes when it's hard for people to take that step, the way they work up the courage to even do it is imagine the person is going to be the one they end up with.

 

A date is not a marriage proposal or any type of commitment whatsoever, not that they will not cheat on you, not that they will love you, not even that they will try their best to be a good person.

 

A date is just two people getting together to start finding out who the other person is, that's all. Don't attach importance to it. Feel free to walk away after one date and say , Sorry not a good match. Don't get feelings hurt if that happens to you. A date is not a commitment or a big step.

[SweetCharity]

I honestly think what may have happened to both you and him is because other people were encouraging you both how great each other was, that you both went into it kind of assuming this is IT, met families, etc. because you both hoped the mutual friends/family was right and you were a good combination. So you both plunged in too fast without even knowing each other.

 

One thing you need to always remember (and everybody), just because going out on a date is hard for you, like if you're shy or a virgin or just had your heart broken in two, doesn't mean that you should elevate the date to be more than it is. I think sometimes when it's hard for people to take that step, the way they work up the courage to even do it is imagine the person is going to be the one they end up with.

 

A date is not a marriage proposal or any type of commitment whatsoever, not that they will not cheat on you, not that they will love you, not even that they will try their best to be a good person.

 

A date is just two people getting together to start finding out who the other person is, that's all. Don't attach importance to it. Feel free to walk away after one date and say , Sorry not a good match. Don't get feelings hurt if that happens to you. A date is not a commitment or a big step.

 

I can see that. My sister would push me to ask him something instead of just having her boyfriend do it.

[preraph]

It was built on a false foundation, and it came tumbling down. Better luck next time. Take it a little slower, and rest up first.

[Rocker71]

Yeah my sister warned him I've been through a lot and not to mess with me. That I just want to be loved. He brushes it off and messes with me anyhow.

 

Wow! Where are the women like you? That just want something honest instead of playing around with 10 guys at once!?

 

You're a diamond in the rough!