ExtraSpice Posted September 10, 2018 Posted September 10, 2018 I had posted earlier about this person I went out with for two dates and then she didn't respond at all. I thought the dates went well but maybe she didn't feel any chemistry and lost interest or whatever the reason she didn't respond to me asking her out again. Today I have an event I have to go to and she may be at this event as well. Well I got a text about an hour ago saying: "Hey 'Name', will be nice to see you tonight for the take down :)" I'm just like what? Is it just meant to be nice so its not awkward when we see each other at the event or ..... A little confusing to me?
Whodatdog Posted September 10, 2018 Posted September 10, 2018 Dont overthink things. If you see her just smile, say Hi how are ya? and move on. 3
Dis Posted September 10, 2018 Posted September 10, 2018 Her Plan A probably didn't work out so she's swinging back to you Or she's just bored Never be someone's Plan B or rainy day texting option Date someone that likes you enough not to disappear 4
Versacehottie Posted September 11, 2018 Posted September 11, 2018 I think she is probably covering her bases so that things aren't awkward at the event. I agree that you should confidently say "hi, how are you doing?" and somewhat move on. If she makes much more effort to talk to you, you can indulge it if you feel like it. But I would deal with her with caution--this bs sounds self-serving and based on her track record with you, I would take it with a grain of salt at this point until you get significant and concrete evidence that she likes you. 4
Author ExtraSpice Posted September 11, 2018 Author Posted September 11, 2018 So I essentially just acted confident and normal. And to be honest I wasn’t exactly faking it. I just went on about as though it was another event. We were a group of 6 and she was one of them. Afterwards 4 of us stayed and just got some drinks and apps. She acted pretty much like she had done before and on the dates. Jokes, slight flirtation, comfort, eye contact blah blah. Basically as though the text never happened. Which is confusing to me still. Either way the night ended and she walked me to my car and I dropped her off as she lived closed to where I had parked. Nothing happened past that but signs of interest seemed obvious to me, unless I’m a total idiot. All of that does not explain why I never got a response to the text. And I feel the chance that someone would not get a text is slim to none. Now I wonder whether I should leave it be and let it die. Or later on in the week ask her out once more and if I get an iffy response or no response then it’s obvious it’s a game. Thoughts?
ChatroomHero Posted September 11, 2018 Posted September 11, 2018 Now I wonder whether I should leave it be and let it die. Or later on in the week ask her out once more and if I get an iffy response or no response then it’s obvious it’s a game. Thoughts? You already got an iffy response twice, once when she ignored your text and then texted you before the event and at the event when she didn't ask you out or make it very clear she wanted to go out again. Look at it like this, were it not for the event, would she have ever texted you again? I think going after her you'll be barking up the wrong tree and get nothing but 'mixed' messages and non-responses or vague responses to your texts asking her out again. I'd move on.
Author ExtraSpice Posted September 11, 2018 Author Posted September 11, 2018 Look at it like this, were it not for the event, would she have ever texted you again? I think going after her you'll be barking up the wrong tree and get nothing but 'mixed' messages and non-responses or vague responses to your texts asking her out again. I'd move on. That is a fair point. If she had not messaged me in the days following my text then realistically she would not have messaged me if there was no event. She has not expressly stated that she wants to go out again, but at the same time I feel most people are not that direct. There were a lot of hints here and there during the conversation that showed her interest in going out. Regardless the story considering the texting is different. So either I am seeing things that are not there or she is just giving mixed signals for whatever reason, whether that being she has someone else on the hook or she is undecided. Logic tells me to let it be but my gut tells me something just feels off. Impulses aside I think I am leaning towards letting it be.
BMI03 Posted September 11, 2018 Posted September 11, 2018 There were a lot of hints here and there during the conversation that showed her interest in going out. You are likely not wrong in picking up on her interest here, but the question you need to ask yourself is: are you ok being a Plan B? In all likelihood, she enjoyed the dates with you, but a better option came up after the last date. She decided that you were no longer worth her putting time and effort into because she wanted to peruse someone she considered better than you, so she dropped you. That other Plan A didn't pan out, so now she's considering you again. So she may totally be interested in you again, but do you really want to be with a woman who will be continually eyeing other options and measuring you up against them to see if she should stay or move on? Not the kind of position I would like to be in.
Author ExtraSpice Posted September 11, 2018 Author Posted September 11, 2018 Of course being plan B is something that a person would not want. For some reason my mind is unnecessarily putting a lot of thought into it. As though if I don't try again I am gonna miss some sort of an opportunity. But then again do I want an opportunity with someone who blew me off and is giving mixed signals. Probably not. My thoughts are just bouncing from one point to the other but after I am done with the overthinking and the infatuation, I'm sure I'll settle on whats best. Thanks for the input!
Rockdad Posted September 11, 2018 Posted September 11, 2018 I think she is probably covering her bases so that things aren't awkward at the event. I agree that you should confidently say "hi, how are you doing?" and somewhat move on. If she makes much more effort to talk to you, you can indulge it if you feel like it. But I would deal with her with caution--this bs sounds self-serving and based on her track record with you, I would take it with a grain of salt at this point until you get significant and concrete evidence that she likes you. Oh boy does that ever resignate with me. 1
Saracena Posted September 11, 2018 Posted September 11, 2018 I think she is probably covering her bases so that things aren't awkward at the event. This. She's probably a bit anxious about meeting you given your prior history. 1
Versacehottie Posted September 11, 2018 Posted September 11, 2018 So I essentially just acted confident and normal. And to be honest I wasn’t exactly faking it. I just went on about as though it was another event. We were a group of 6 and she was one of them. Afterwards 4 of us stayed and just got some drinks and apps. She acted pretty much like she had done before and on the dates. Jokes, slight flirtation, comfort, eye contact blah blah. Basically as though the text never happened. Which is confusing to me still. Either way the night ended and she walked me to my car and I dropped her off as she lived closed to where I had parked. Nothing happened past that but signs of interest seemed obvious to me, unless I’m a total idiot. All of that does not explain why I never got a response to the text. And I feel the chance that someone would not get a text is slim to none. Now I wonder whether I should leave it be and let it die. Or later on in the week ask her out once more and if I get an iffy response or no response then it’s obvious it’s a game. Thoughts? I think you handled it well. I like that you were confident and just did your thing (no reason to shy away from the group OR get all excited about being around her and think things have changed back to what they were before). So even though you think you saw signs of interest I would say the ball is still in her court. Unless she is beyond shy (which she sounds like she is not or is at least comfortable with you enough that she could go out with you twice, text you to cover her bases and hang out with you all night in that small of a group), then the ball is in her court completely. I think she might be on the fence about you--for whatever reason---and since that is position I would not ask her out again this week. Play the long game. She needs to show you more. In other words, if she needs more convincing let her work on it in her own head, don't try your hardest when she is wavering--which IS what she is doing. Good luck! 1
OnlyHonesty Posted September 11, 2018 Posted September 11, 2018 Now I wonder whether I should leave it be and let it die. Or later on in the week ask her out once more and if I get an iffy response or no response then it’s obvious it’s a game. Thoughts? When someone communicates that you are not worth their time, attention, energy or company, generally you don't go and then reward them with it. I see this as a matter of basic self respect and boundaries. This is where a lot of people go wrong in dating. 5
Versacehottie Posted September 11, 2018 Posted September 11, 2018 When someone communicates that you are not worth their time, attention, energy or company, generally you don't go and then reward them with it. I see this as a matter of basic self respect and boundaries. This is where a lot of people go wrong in dating. This truth could solve so many of the reasons why people need help on the forum altogether. Great post! 1
Highndry Posted September 12, 2018 Posted September 12, 2018 I'd never, ever ask a woman out again who blew me off. Unless she comes calling, apologizing and begging for another chance, I'd not even entertain the thought. 1
Rocker71 Posted September 13, 2018 Posted September 13, 2018 I'd never, ever ask a woman out again who blew me off. Unless she comes calling, apologizing and begging for another chance, I'd not even entertain the thought. I wouldn't even entertain her then. Cuz I'd be the one she settles for. And thats not the position I'd want to be in. Either it happens the first time around or never.
rightondude Posted September 14, 2018 Posted September 14, 2018 When someone communicates that you are not worth their time, attention, energy or company, generally you don't go and then reward them with it. I see this as a matter of basic self respect and boundaries. This is where a lot of people go wrong in dating. Yeah but what if they're hot and you're probably _not_ worth their time but you catch them in a moment of weakness? Then you act awesome and totally redeem yourself and you both live happily ever after? That happens sometimes, right?
OatsAndHall Posted September 14, 2018 Posted September 14, 2018 You're probably on the dating Rolodex right now. She's probably dating multiple people, found someone (or someones) she was more interested in, it didn't work out so she flipped through the Rolodex, right back to you. This has happened to me on occasion and I don't take offense but I don't respond when they pop up as it has turned into a vicious cycle for me. One woman disappeared after three dates but popped up a month later and bombarded me with texts. We went out again, had a good time (things got hot n' heavy) but she disappeared on me again three days later. She texted me again two weeks later and I just ignored her.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted September 14, 2018 Posted September 14, 2018 She was never interested in you, just was nice cause she saw you and she got a ride out of it! I have had that happen to me too, guy ghosts me, then I happen to see him later (one guy nearly a year later) and he starts texting me like nothing every happened. I know if I hadn't seen him, there would have still been silence and I would have been forgotten. I pretty much blew him off because 1st off I have a bf (met the guy before my bf) and I refuse to play second fiddle to anyone. I certainly wouldn't give her another chance because she'll just ghost and pop up whenever she feels like it.
depcharger Posted September 15, 2018 Posted September 15, 2018 I had posted earlier about this person I went out with for two dates and then she didn't respond at all. I thought the dates went well but maybe she didn't feel any chemistry and lost interest or whatever the reason she didn't respond to me asking her out again. Today I have an event I have to go to and she may be at this event as well. Well I got a text about an hour ago saying: "Hey 'Name', will be nice to see you tonight for the take down :)" I'm just like what? Is it just meant to be nice so its not awkward when we see each other at the event or ..... A little confusing to me? Just ask yourself this question Would she say or do that with DRAKE? You think she would ghost or talk nonsense to him? She most likely wouldn't and is just being lame with you Be smart, cut your losses.
rightondude Posted September 15, 2018 Posted September 15, 2018 y'all act like this dude *is* Drake. People come and go all the time. Yeah ghosting may suck but we all have our reasons as singles for looking for better then reconsidering ... or settling for less. Relationships are fluid in this day and age. PERSONAL TALE: I have been ghosted by several women I was way into. I cried and wondered why. Eventually I re-established contact somehow, either through a random text from me or from them. I have slept with 2 of them since then and formed a decent friendship with another. With online or really any dating nowadays, people want to keep their options open and more than anything else, want to avoid confrontation. YOU WILL NEVER KNOW THE REASON SOMEONE GHOSTED YOU. Hell they may not even know why they did it! I've straight up asked, like a chump, and got nothing of value in return. Why? Because it does the ghoster NO BENEFIT to tell you why they did so. So what do you do? Just improve yourself! Daily! You know what might suck about you, or what you'd like to do different, or what you should do instead of sitting around thinking why you might suck! DO IT! And if the ghoster by some weird means comes back into your life ... if you got nothing better going on, go for it again! Why the hell not? 1
Rocker71 Posted September 15, 2018 Posted September 15, 2018 y'all act like this dude *is* Drake. People come and go all the time. Yeah ghosting may suck but we all have our reasons as singles for looking for better then reconsidering ... or settling for less. Relationships are fluid in this day and age. PERSONAL TALE: I have been ghosted by several women I was way into. I cried and wondered why. Eventually I re-established contact somehow, either through a random text from me or from them. I have slept with 2 of them since then and formed a decent friendship with another. With online or really any dating nowadays, people want to keep their options open and more than anything else, want to avoid confrontation. YOU WILL NEVER KNOW THE REASON SOMEONE GHOSTED YOU. Hell they may not even know why they did it! I've straight up asked, like a chump, and got nothing of value in return. Why? Because it does the ghoster NO BENEFIT to tell you why they did so. So what do you do? Just improve yourself! Daily! You know what might suck about you, or what you'd like to do different, or what you should do instead of sitting around thinking why you might suck! DO IT!And if the ghoster by some weird means comes back into your life ... if you got nothing better going on, go for it again! Why the hell not? You make a good point. Life is short. Make the most of all our interactions. Don't take ourselves too seriously. Thanks
guest569 Posted September 15, 2018 Posted September 15, 2018 If I go on a great date or two, I will be pretty obvious about my interest.. Also I would totes bang Drake.
marxman2015 Posted September 20, 2018 Posted September 20, 2018 Did you mean she did not respond when you ask her out? or it was just in the midst of a text conversation? When she doesn't respond at all (ghosting), most likely, it is over. That is a BIG red flag to not proceed. Unless, she make it up for you BIG TIME, like offering to cook your favourite dinner for you, and she has to give a reasonable explanation for why she had ghosted. Now she is coming back at you, I would say if you really want to go on with this girl, you should tread lightly. Chances are she will ghost on you again.
PRW Posted September 20, 2018 Posted September 20, 2018 I had posted earlier about this person I went out with for two dates and then she didn't respond at all.Well I got a text about an hour ago saying: "Hey 'Name', will be nice to see you tonight for the take down :)" I'm just like what? Why are you "just like what?" This isn't that complicated. You went on only two dates, she is not your girlfriend, you are not her boyfriend. Maybe she might go out on a 3rd date and maybe she won't. The text was a perfectly pleasant text to get and the only right answer to it is, "Cool, see ya then". She probably isn't interested in dating you but think's you might be fun to just hang out with in groups as a friend. If you are all twisted up over this simple situation then that may be what she saw in you on those two dates and is why she might not want a 3rd one.
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