Want Want Want

[digger]

Just need your comments. I think I know what Im gonna do:

 

My daughter has made an effort to see me once since the year began. Maybe twice. She sympathizes what Ive been thru but NO real effort to come see me, call me, etc.

 

To the point: She called yesterday and it seems she only really calls when she wants something. She has a chance to go to Europe with school freinds and professor next summer. Her mom thinks it will be a good experience for her but will only foot half. She wants me to pick up the balance...that means over $1000 she wants from me. Folks, her "runaway wife" mother makes close to 50k. Im running a struggling business and can only afford to pay myself about 20. Nearly all of that goes for rent, gas, food etc.

 

The daughter has never known the value of work. When I grew up if i wanted something I worked for it. My first motorcycle for example. My daughter is nearly 18 and just got her first job. Her mother quite frankly never cared that she did anything. My first job was all i had to spend and my parents never handed it over.

 

Its just gonna **** off my daughter when she sees her mother forking over half and me offering nothing. Its not that i dont want to, its because i CANT and i dont believe in this method anyway.

 

Im sure I'll look like the bad guy again.

 

I have half a notion to tell her "get your mothers boyfreind to pay the other half". After all, thats how this all started. Begin!

[bluechocolate]

You've seen your daughter twice in 9 months & she calls you up to ask for $1,000!

 

The daughter has never known the value of work.

 

Time she was taught it then. If Mom won't pay the full whack then she should work & save for the rest. She has a job, next summer is a year away, plenty of time to save up.

 

Its just gonna **** off my daughter when she sees her mother forking over half and me offering nothing. Its not that i don't want to, its because i CANT..

 

If you can't afford it then you can't afford it. Your daughter is nearly 18, old enough to understand the economics of this situation.

[alphamale]

just tell her that due to financial constraints you cannot give her the $1,000 and she'll have to find some other way to come up with it.

[Lil Honey]

I agree with the others.

 

I would be really tempted to point out to her that she hasn't even made much attempt in contacting you, however I don't know if mentioning that will make things better. (I can be good at being blunt.)

 

Tell her that $1,000 divided by 36 weeks (roughly the numbers of weeks before her trip) is 27.78. She can save that much to put toward her trip from each week's paycheck from her job. It will teach her to save for things that are important to her and it will teach her to budget the rest.

[quankanne]

if she wants it badly enough, she can work to pay for the rest of the trip. Just because you're Daddy doesn't mean you're obliged to foot the bill for this kind of excursion.

 

however, if you're able and want to give her a bit of mad money to spend while abroad, that's your perogative because it's freely offered, not an expected/demanded thing.

[Teag]

I agree w/ you & the others. She's old enough to understand since you can't afford it. Thats alot of money to ask for. She's got a job, let her save up for it. I'm 23yrs old now & have paid for everything I have myself. I bought my first car when I was 18. My parents didn't have the money to buy me things like that nor did I expect them to. I now have a good job & am good w/ handling money b/c my mom taught me responibility when I was young. And nows the time for your daughter to learn too.

[alphamale]

if she wants it badly enough, she can work to pay for the rest of the trip. Just because you're Daddy doesn't mean you're obliged to foot the bill for this kind of excursion.

word, QUANK....he also does not want to set precedence for her future behaviour. Like calling him every time she needs money. Once that habit is set it will be hard to break.

[sundrop]

If you are able to.....

Tell her you will match what she saves... If she can save $500 and prove to you that she has, then you can match it... That is what my parents did once when I wanted to go on a trip with some of my friends for graduation.

Also,You will be amazed at how much loose change will acumulate everyday if you empty out your change into a jar. I was able to save $700.00 one year.

 

 

But I agree she should have to work for what she wants, especially at her age.

[Shana]

Kids today DO NOT KNOW THE MEANING OF WORKING FOR WHAT THEY WANT!!!

 

I would give her nothing, I would tell her sorry but you knew this was coming up and you made no attempt to save for this trip, therefore, do not expect me to dish out the 1K for you. I worked since I was 11 years old for everything I have and have wanted and I feel like something such as this trip is not deserved.

 

Kids today have no respect for their parents or their belongings because they are not the ones who fished out the money to buy their things..

 

Want want want .. you hit the nail on the head...

 

I would be blunt and say NO.

[Mz. Pixie]

Digger-

 

Do not be tempted to give in because it will make you look good to your exwife- who you do still want back. That will backfire on you........

[Outcast]

You don't do kids favors by handing them stuff. My folks couldn't afford things for me either. I wanted to go to Hawaii - I worked for a couple of years and saved up for it while also paying board at home. I wanted to go to university - I worked and saved and paid my own way. I needed braces - I paid for them out of my own wages. And I appreciated and valued both the things I achieved and the pride I got out of doing it myself.

[Lil Honey]

My daughter is 21. When she graduated from high school, I told her that I would help with her further education as much as I could, but I made it clear that I am not wealthy and it wasn't going to be a free ride.

 

During high school, she had taken dual enrollment classes in which she received both high school credit and college credit. By the time she graduated, she had about 1/3 of her college credits completed already. She went on with her education, and paid for it herself - a show of independence and determination. She just started classes for her Master's . . . and I couldn't be prouder.

 

I have to say that when my daughter started working and then moved out on her own, she learned valuable lessons about money and how it doesn't grow on trees . . .

[digger]

I think i figured out why mom would only foot half. I went to her 'job' website today--shes no longer listed. I called the place and asked for her. "shes no longer with the company" im told. I was schoked. Shes not the moving around type and you damn well betcha if she got a better job, I'd KNOW it by now. Well, where did she go I asked. We dont know, they said.

Sounds like the ax to me. Somehow Im feeling a little vindicated about what i believe to be true.