He stood me up, now he wants a 2nd chance

[shellybing]

I made a date via OLD a while ago with a guy.

 

I pay my sitter, make the arrangements, etc. And I get ready to show up. I drive half way there and he has not confirmed, or texted me back in a couple of days, so I head home when I realize I am driving far away to get stood up.

 

So I took a break and re opened an account and here he is he messaged me. Same dude, same pic.

 

I tell him that I am the one he stood up last fall and give him an ear full about wasting my time and money, and now he wants a second chance.

 

Do i give it or no, he says it was a mis understanding and that he could not answer his messages at his work location due to service issues, but I seem to remember it being a string of messages just asking to confirm times and letting him know I have booked my baby sitter.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

His excuse doesn't fly because he still had plenty of time after the fact to contact you and apologize or re-schedule. The fact that he thinks you will buy that lame is excuse is a bit insulting.

 

It also sets a bad precedent that you will likely be a pushover if decides to flake in the future. A decent guy acts decently. It's that simple. Someone who can't even manage basic manners isn't a person I would want to date, but it's really up to you to decide what characteristics are important to you in a man.

 

For those reasons I wouldn't give him another chance. It has to be your call though.

[MidwestUSA]

If I read that right, you drove half way there, and turned around?

 

How do you know he didn't show?

 

You'll see varying opinions here on confirming dates just prior to the day of. Some people won't go without a confirmation, others say they are a person of their word, and once plans are set there's no need to confirm.

 

It sounds like you're hazy on the details of exactly what transpired.

 

If you give him a second chance, plan to have him meet you somewhere that's not a far drive for you. Insisting on a confirmation doesn't guarantee he'll show, however. As for a babysitter, do you have full custody? If not, make plans when you don't have your kid(s).

[shellybing]

I mean it could have been a mis understanding, but I am not the kind of person who would book my baby sitter if I did not have a solid date and time. I cant remeber the exact conversation, but I did eventually block him from my phone. Today when he messaged me again, I checked in to my phone and his name was still there and the last blocked message at 5:57 came through when I unblocked him. It read " Hey I was still working, I'm sorry! I said after 5, thinking we would decide a time to meet there. That was the last message I had from him, and it was blocked, becasue it was already 5:30 and I was driving home. . . .I clearly remember all of this becasue it is rare for me to go on an OLD and because my sitter is expensive AF I pay her $25 per hour. Which is alot, for 4 hours to go on a date, 2 for the date and 1 hour there and 1 hour back.

 

But I am not the kind of person who would pay that kind of dough out to a baby sitter just to not have a solid time. . .I know myself well enough to know that we had agreed at 5, or if it was left open, I would not have booked my sitter.

 

So, i guess it could have been a mis understanding, but he is messaging me now and apologizing. I am mad though, and I do not take kindly with people being flaky with my time and money.

 

I will let it simmer for a bit, and see what he does. It has been a year though, and he has apologized even after all this time.

[shellybing]

If I read that right, you drove half way there, and turned around?

 

How do you know he didn't show?

 

You'll see varying opinions here on confirming dates just prior to the day of. Some people won't go without a confirmation, others say they are a person of their word, and once plans are set there's no need to confirm.

 

It sounds like you're hazy on the details of exactly what transpired.

 

If you give him a second chance, plan to have him meet you somewhere that's not a far drive for you. Insisting on a confirmation doesn't guarantee he'll show, however. As for a babysitter, do you have full custody? If not, make plans when you don't have your kid(s).

 

I do have full custody, I bear the full expense of my children as well, with no help.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

Do not give him a 2nd chance! When a guy (this applies to women too) doesn't respect your time like that, he isn't worth it. Plus 99% of the time when a guy flaked on the 1st date, he did the same thing the second time around.

[shellybing]

I got half way there because I had realized I was being insane driving an hour to meet someone, whom I knew was not going to show, based on his actions. And he did not show up, as outlined in the last post, about unblocking his number and his message coming through.

[MidwestUSA]

I got half way there because I had realized I was being insane driving an hour to meet someone, whom I knew was not going to show, based on his actions. And he did not show up, as outlined in the last post, about unblocking his number and his message coming through.

 

Yea, then no second chance. And don't ever agree to drive an hour to meet someone, that's just crazy!

[mortensorchid]

Hmmm … This is … Difficult to read in some ways.

 

So you were halfway there and then turned around? Because you had a bad feeling? Having a bad feeling is one thing, but since you were driving quite a distance to meet him I agree that he should have confirmed via text that you were still on. Did he know you were traveling such a great distance to see him? I would confirm this with someone who was doing just that, even if it was only a 10 minute drive. It's a courtesy.

 

So you went to same website / dating app that you met him on and he sent you another "Hi how are you" message like he's making a first contact? If so this guy is a Repeat Offender : he knows who you are already, knew that he had attempted to make contact with you at some point but it tapered off and now wants a second chance. There was some guy I had an OLD with a few years ago - YEARS ago - who expressed interest and I had to remind him that we had already met. Since I never heard a word from him again I assumed NEXT.

 

I would hope he would have given you somewhat of an explanation as to how/why he didn't show, if in fact he did not show. Even if it's as lame as saying his cat was sick, I think someone deserves that at least.

[smackie9]

No you don't! First impression should count and what he did wasn't impressive at all. Nope, just delete/block him, maybe he will learn something about dating etiquette from this experience.

[Interstellar]

This guy is out. You’re right to get rid of him. NEXT!

[shellybing]

Hmmm … This is … Difficult to read in some ways.

 

So you were halfway there and then turned around? Because you had a bad feeling? Having a bad feeling is one thing, but since you were driving quite a distance to meet him I agree that he should have confirmed via text that you were still on. Did he know you were traveling such a great distance to see him? I would confirm this with someone who was doing just that, even if it was only a 10 minute drive. It's a courtesy.

 

So you went to same website / dating app that you met him on and he sent you another "Hi how are you" message like he's making a first contact? If so this guy is a Repeat Offender : he knows who you are already, knew that he had attempted to make contact with you at some point but it tapered off and now wants a second chance. There was some guy I had an OLD with a few years ago - YEARS ago - who expressed interest and I had to remind him that we had already met. Since I never heard a word from him again I assumed NEXT.

 

I would hope he would have given you somewhat of an explanation as to how/why he didn't show, if in fact he did not show. Even if it's as lame as saying his cat was sick, I think someone deserves that at least.

 

I drove almost all the way there and turned around before I got to the restaurant, and yes he did know becasue I made it clear it was a long drive for me becasue I do not like driving across town like that, but becaseu he was working that day, I made an exception to go closer to him.

 

Then, after that he did not talk to me for a wile, and I took a break from OLD and shut down my account. So then he messages me again, stands firm that it was a misunderstanding about the time, and we should have decided that AT 5, and not to show up at 5. I blocked him, and when I got the message from him after matching for a 2nd time, he tells me all this and apologizes. Then, I look in my phone to see if I still have it saved and becasue I was trying to remember his name, so I unblocked him from my phone,and that is when the message came in that he said at around 6pm we were supposed to talk after 5 about where to go and what to do.

 

But I know myself well enough to know that i would not have paid a pretty penny to my babysitter if there was not a solid time for that.

So i feel just a little gas lighted, but I could also be over reacting.

[bathtub-row]

He probably had another date and you were a back-up. He’s most likely just playing games. Move on.

[mortensorchid]

Well misunderstandings are one thing but if he is contacting you again as if nothing happened, that's another. Is he doing that? If he is contacting you again as if nothing happened the first time, then remind him that you're not interested because he didn't communicate correctly the first time. If he is asking for another chance then you shouldn't give him one.

[shellybing]

I have a date tomorrow from OLD. The guy is promising.

 

I told the guy who stood me up that I might give it another go, if my dad did not go well.

 

Just being very up front, with a big maybe.

[shellybing]

Whilst we were speaking, I asked him why he even bothered talking to me, I was sure my face had not changed and he recognized me.

 

He said "because I like you, I guess."

 

I told him I don't have time for guessing, so it is doubtful.

[Ruby Slippers]

No way in hell. A big strike like that means he failed, game over, forever.

[shellybing]

I agreed to another date (lol I know I am dumb) date and time TBA

 

We'll see. Not getting my hopes up.

[SteadyPace]

First impressions are pretty important. This person did not leave a good one. It’s probably best to let them sit in friend zone for awhile so you can get a better sense for what kind of person he is..

[todreaminblue]

i'm in for giving guys a second go if i agreed to date them in the first place...a lot can change in a year including people....in saying that ...its time he came closer to you if you have agreed to a second date if the same thing transpires that happened last time .....its good bye to him and wish him well...deb

[guest569]

You're still angry a year later, so no way! I wonder if he has been single this entire year, wasting other people's time on the website. I'm sure he could have stepped away to make a phone call and let you know he would be late or whatever. Or if his job is the type where he could get held back and no phones he shouldn't have schedule a date on a day he was working.

[shellybing]

You're still angry a year later, so no way! I wonder if he has been single this entire year, wasting other people's time on the website. I'm sure he could have stepped away to make a phone call and let you know he would be late or whatever. Or if his job is the type where he could get held back and no phones he shouldn't have schedule a date on a day he was working.

 

He said he would drive here this time. . and while i was talking to him, he said the reason for the confusion was because he was out of service at his job site.

[Syre17]

No you don't! First impression should count and what he did wasn't impressive at all. Nope, just delete/block him, maybe he will learn something about dating etiquette from this experience.

 

Totally agree with this. I’m a guy and had a situation not quite the same but I’ll share since I think it’s relevant to your post and question. Matched with a woman, exchanged numbers, lots of rapport, good engagement and a first date was set. Things continue to go very well the next few days leading up to aforementioned date. Evening prior, I get a txt, tells me “the man of her dreams has reentered her life” and says she can’t meet me after all. She apologizes and I say no problem and wished her well. About a week later I hear from her out of the blue, says she made a huge mistake, really enjoyed our online/txt chemistry and wants a chance to meet me...yada yada. I politely declined. Short of anyone being on their death bed, I have issues with people breaking first dates. To me, it’s like a job interview (sort of). I get that there may be a legitimate reason on occasion but it sets a bad precedent and an imbalance right out of the gate IMO. For example, so I forgive you for breaking the first (and most important date since it is the first one)...what happens down the road, the second or third time a committmemt of this or any other sort isn’t kept? I wouldn’t reward this type of behavior with a second chance personally. I will say that I am amazed in this day and age with cell phones and what not how incredibly flakey people can be. I don’t buy his excuse. There’s a saying I believe and always think about...”what we permit, we promote.”

Edited September 16, 2018 by Syre17
Grammar

[guest569]

He said he would drive here this time. . and while i was talking to him, he said the reason for the confusion was because he was out of service at his job site.

 

So you stood him up?

[shellybing]

no I did not stand him up.

He said there was no service at his job to confirm or communicate further about the time. Which was 5pm. He said he thought we were supposed to touch base per se at that time, rather than a date at that time.