Heavenlyflower9 Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 Not only do I have to deal with my husband, i'm having problems with my son (6) talking back and giving me attitude. How can i get him to stop? I've noticed that he does over hear us sometimes yelling or raising our voices. We're trying very hard not to. If he starts, i try to talk to him in a normal voice. Hoping he'll see that it not nice to yell. It's so frustrating! I don't know what to do?
Merin Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 Not only do I have to deal with my husband, i'm having problems with my son (6) talking back and giving me attitude. How can i get him to stop? I've noticed that he does over hear us sometimes yelling or raising our voices. We're trying very hard not to. If he starts, i try to talk to him in a normal voice. Hoping he'll see that it not nice to yell. It's so frustrating! I don't know what to do? Time to set your limits with your Son for whats okay and acceptable and what isn't... While I don't know the details of whats going on between your husband and yourself, you NEED to talk to your husband about your Sons behaviour as well, your Hubby is the Male in the family that your son is looking to for how a male behaves and whats okay.... so if your hubby is talking to you in a disrespectful manner and you're allowing that then in your sons mind this is okay and acceptable behaviour. Time as well for you to set hubby straight on what's okay and acceptable from him.... When your Son is behaving in a disrespectful manner and talking back to you, correct him right away... don't bargain with him. State in a calm voice that that behaviour and/or tone of voice is NOT okay with you and you're not going to allow him to continue with it... again do not bargain with him, reason with him or beg him to stop.... be confident and strong in your words. If he continues with his behaviour or back talk then take other measures such as a time out, send him to his room to think about things, take away items that are special to him... always follow up with letting him you know you love him and because you do, you're not going to allow him to behave in a bad manner. Good Luck
whichwayisup Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 6 years old and talking back? Start taking things away from him like TV, computer usage, all the good things that he enjoys. Once he realizes that they are actual consquences to his actions (his rudeness, talking back and behaviour) he'll stop. Set rules and make sure he understands them and doesn't cross the line. He's doing it to test everybody and to see how much he can get away with. When he talks to you in a rude voice you tell him when he is nicer THEN you'll talk to him, but until then he can sit somewhere in the house, quietly.
Author Heavenlyflower9 Posted September 8, 2005 Author Posted September 8, 2005 Thank yall for the advice. I'll try that! Hopefully it'll help! Last night before he went to bed, i mentioned that i needed to make his lunch. He's a really picky eater by the way. Eats only certain foods. We've been trying to get him to try new foods since he was a toddler. Anyways... he asked me to please NOT put mayo on his sandwich because he does'nt like it. Well, i made his sandwich and put a little mayo on it thinking he might not notice, plus it's dry w/o mayo. Before we left the house, he looked into his box to check i guess. He started getting mad and began to cry. ":( i don't like mayo". I told him to just try it. Again, having a fit. Me getting really frustrated and mad!! I told him i'll make him a new one w/o mayo, but he better eat it otherwise mommy will be really mad and that he needs to try new foods. He stopped crying and said okay. So we'll see when he comes home whether or not he ate it. Wish us luck! We need it! Thanks again! H
Lil Honey Posted September 8, 2005 Posted September 8, 2005 I agree with the others. He needs to know who is in charge. He probably traded the sandwich or threw it out. If you want him to try new foods, make those foods separate from his main part of lunch. What I'm saying is, I don't like mayo either and if the sandwich is my largest part of lunch, I'd prefer that it be fixed so that I can enjoy it. Now, if you want me to try anchovies, put them on the side and I'll taste them, but please don't mess with my main course. Have you talked to his teacher? Does he talk to her the same way that he talks to you? Or does he save his attitude for you? I had a hard time getting my kids to try new foods. One night, I made acorn squash to go with dinner. I told hubby not to ask the kids to eat it. Hubby took some and I took some. We basically by-passed the kids. It was just enough for them to ask, "Hey, what is that?" We said that it was good and asked them if they wanted to try it. The oldest was willing and when the youngest saw the oldest try it, he did too. Another thing that happened was that my kids were getting pretty nuts about eating only hamburgers, hot dogs and chicken nuggets. (They didn't want meat that needed to be trimmed or cut. *rolling my eyes*) One night I fixed oatmeal for dinner and only one kid ate it. It wasn't enough to keep them from complaining, sooooo . . . we had an oatmeal pizza for dinner one night. I literally made a paste out of oatmeal, spread it on a pan, slopped ketchup on it and baked it. Then when they sat down and saw it, I said, "It doesn't have any fat or bones on it, so you should be fine with it." Neither ate "dinner" that night, but they were happy to have a beef roast the next night for dinner without complaining.
mopar crazy Posted September 10, 2005 Posted September 10, 2005 You have gotten some great advice so far. When your son talks back to you tell him you will not speak to him when he talks to you like that. My kids are older, 12, and 10, and they talk back to me a lot too. I either ignore their behavior or tell them they either talk to me w/ kind words or I will not listen to them. It works pretty well for me. GL
gigilani Posted September 11, 2005 Posted September 11, 2005 Also remember that if you have threatened a consequence for his behavior, i.e. tv taken away, time out.... to follow through. Your inability to hold him accountable for his actions shows him, 1, that you are a liar & 2 that you are weak and this will only make his behavior worse. Also, if your child has a disdain for something, then I wouldn't fix it, however if your child decides he doesn't like something or refuses to try something new, then don't force him to eat it, but, also in turn don't make him or allow him to eat something else to replace that or you will find yourself compromising more and more.
Blackfrost Posted September 11, 2005 Posted September 11, 2005 Your husband absolutely needs to support you in your efforts to teach your son some respect. I also had a small problem with my 5 year old daughter mimicking and following my behavior when I would be sarcastic or cynical to my wife. When I saw this kind of behavior happening from my daughter towards her mother, there was no denying that it came from me - and I promptly changed my behavior, and my daughter quickly followed suit (after having a small talk with her about showing her mother absolute respect.) I've never made a concerted effort to be the lord of the house in my family (most of the punishments have always come from my wife) but strangely enough, my daughter sees me as exactly that. When my wife says "I'm going to talk to your father about the way you are behaving" my daughter breaks down and tears and pleads with her mother, not to tell me she was bad. Raising kids with two parents, is a two parent job. Your husband needs to understand the importance of the influence that he holds in his childrens eyes as well. Good Luck CHeers
clandestinidad Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 I used to be an extremely picky eater...so much so, the doctor ordered that my mom insert rectal suppositories so that I'd go poo:lmao: butt aside from that, from a kids point of view its disrespectful and careless to make a lunch or dinner containing things they dont like. Especially when they've made a specific request, and its not done. I remember that I ate the same things aaalll the time, and for lunch asked my mom to please put less peanut butter on my sandwich b/c its hard to eat (the PB was about 1/2 inch thick for gods sake!). she gave me crap about it, and eventually stopped making my lunches....it hurt my feelings Think about something you hate to eat. Would you like it if your meal was made up of that?? And then to have people at the table griping and yelling at you to eat it all!?! I know I wouldnt!!! And if I went to my parents house and my mom made MEATLOAF (she knows I despise) I'd be offended!! My point of all this rambling is just to put yourself in the kids shoes, and if it would hurt/irritate/frustrate you then dont expect them to react any differently.....just respect their boundaries (and I agree with everyone elses advice about the talking back and being rude)
Author Heavenlyflower9 Posted September 13, 2005 Author Posted September 13, 2005 Thanks again for all the posts! So far things have been going well. I started with the "not talking to him until he talks to me nicely". I've taken his toys away from him for a couple of days. He LOVES his toys. I think he's slowly realizing that it's not good to do that. I made up a calendar with his name on it, a behavior calendar. Everyday depending on how he's acted, if he was bad i'll put a sad face on that date. If he was good, a . And if he was super, behaved very well he'll get a big star . i told him if he has alot of stars at the end of the month mom and dad will buy him a little toy. BUT ONLY!! if he has alot of stars. He seemed to like that. See how long it will last! As for the picky eating part. I'm trying hard not to force him. But, now my two year old sees big brother eating what he wants, she wants to do the same. It's frustrating! He then tells her" no sister you can't eat this, eat what mommy gave you". We told him that it was'nt right. He was eating what he wanted not what mommy wanted him to eat. he just looked at me with a sad face:( and that was that. End! nothing more was said. Thanks again for yalls advice! I'll keep ya updated!
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