Garcon1986 Posted September 22, 2018 Posted September 22, 2018 Why are you getting together with that 23 yo again after breaking up with her so recently? Is it that same 23 year old that you mentioned in the other thread? Why is she attractive to you if she puts you in an emotional mess? 1
Author lostandconfusedsoul Posted September 22, 2018 Author Posted September 22, 2018 Why are you getting together with that 23 yo again after breaking up with her so recently? Is it that same 23 year old that you mentioned in the other thread? Why is she attractive to you if she puts you in an emotional mess? Yes it’s the same chick in the other post. She’s the love of my life... when I’m no around her it’s painful.. when she’s with me I’m complete it’s so hard to explain... I just wish I knew what the future looked like so I can figure out where to keep my head
Garcon1986 Posted September 22, 2018 Posted September 22, 2018 well do you really want to have these massive emotional swings forever? No woman is allowed to diminish your ability to be a man. Ever. You can have feelings, but she is never allowed to take away from your manliness.
William Posted September 23, 2018 Posted September 23, 2018 Moderation has merged three different threads into one consolidated discussion on this breakup so let's continue the discussion on the breakup here. There may be some overlap and/or duplicate material. Thanks!
BaileyB Posted September 23, 2018 Posted September 23, 2018 If she was really the love of your life, then I doubt you would have cheated on her more than one time with different girls. It sounds like she made a good decision. You need to get yourself together and get your emotions under control before you are ready for any kind of relationship. She clearly has some stuff to sort out too. I am sorry that you are feeling hurt. Take care of yourself.
Marc878 Posted September 23, 2018 Posted September 23, 2018 Yes it’s the same chick in the other post. She’s the love of my life... when I’m no around her it’s painful.. when she’s with me I’m complete it’s so hard to explain... I just wish I knew what the future looked like so I can figure out where to keep my head I got news for you. She's not the only one out there.
Author lostandconfusedsoul Posted September 23, 2018 Author Posted September 23, 2018 If she was really the love of your life, then I doubt you would have cheated on her more than one time with different girls. It sounds like she made a good decision. You need to get yourself together and get your emotions under control before you are ready for any kind of relationship. She clearly has some stuff to sort out too. I am sorry that you are feeling hurt. Take care of yourself. I didn’t cheat on her physically... she cheated on me physically though. And it was 1 time between the both of us. I’m not innocent I’ve done some horrible ****... but that doesn’t change the fact that I love her... it just makes me an idiot at times.
Author lostandconfusedsoul Posted September 23, 2018 Author Posted September 23, 2018 well do you really want to have these massive emotional swings forever? No woman is allowed to diminish your ability to be a man. Ever. You can have feelings, but she is never allowed to take away from your manliness. I agree but there’s something about her... for example she’s at a wedding right now... I haven’t heard from her in 6 hours... sent her a picture of a little candle light snack fest of all her favourite stuff..... nothing... see her online on occasion on Facebook but no reply...
Garcon1986 Posted September 23, 2018 Posted September 23, 2018 Find out what you want. If you want to keep cheating on women and sleep around, have at it. Be a man and be ready to face the consequences of your decisions, including all the emotional baggage that comes with this approach. The women who agree to this sort of thing will be sharing their emotional baggage with you, and these swings will go on for as long as you allow it to. Sleeping around and finding a loving, dedicated woman, are two mutually exclusive things. If you want to find a dedicated woman, she will never ever put up with what you are doing. I need you to align your expectations with reality, and try to get some realistic expectations. Any woman will question your core strength and innate masculinity if you get flustered if she doesn't call you back in six hours. Remember a new bus comes every 15 minutes. Are you going on the right route for you? 1
BaileyB Posted September 23, 2018 Posted September 23, 2018 I didn’t cheat on her physically... she cheated on me physically though. And it was 1 time between the both of us. I’m not innocent I’ve done some horrible ****... but that doesn’t change the fact that I love her... it just makes me an idiot at times. It makes this a really unhealthy relationship. Despite the fact that you think you love her, this is not healthy for either of you and it will not go the distance... I'm sorry.
Author lostandconfusedsoul Posted September 23, 2018 Author Posted September 23, 2018 Find out what you want. If you want to keep cheating on women and sleep around, have at it. Be a man and be ready to face the consequences of your decisions, including all the emotional baggage that comes with this approach. The women who agree to this sort of thing will be sharing their emotional baggage with you, and these swings will go on for as long as you allow it to. Sleeping around and finding a loving, dedicated woman, are two mutually exclusive things. If you want to find a dedicated woman, she will never ever put up with what you are doing. I need you to align your expectations with reality, and try to get some realistic expectations. Any woman will question your core strength and innate masculinity if you get flustered if she doesn't call you back in six hours. Remember a new bus comes every 15 minutes. Are you going on the right route for you? This is not multiple times as stated above... it was once 2 years ago.. we both cheated on each other once years ago. What exactly am I doing wrong here if I may ask?
Garcon1986 Posted September 23, 2018 Posted September 23, 2018 I agree but there’s something about her... for example she’s at a wedding right now... I haven’t heard from her in 6 hours... sent her a picture of a little candle light snack fest of all her favourite stuff..... nothing... see her online on occasion on Facebook but no reply... If I can only point out one thing to you, it would be this. That would be my single most important take home point. If a woman treats you in such a way that you get flustered if you don't hear from her in six hours... I think you need a lot of work on your emotional center. You are too easily hooked on one woman. Being hooked on one woman so badly that you aren't emotionally centered is something extremely detrimental. A reliable Built Ford Tough woman will want to know her man won't be easily pushed off his emotional center. This is precisely why women who protect their emotions insist on not having sex on the first date, they don't want to get emotionally hurt. Please please consider working on your emotional core strength. If you are this easily flustered it's a red light for getting into a new relationship. pause and think about this. You are emotionally hurt right now. I recommend doing something that really makes you happy, and then work on what I said. 1
Author lostandconfusedsoul Posted September 23, 2018 Author Posted September 23, 2018 Well I guess that’s that... no response all night, called her to see if she was okay. Buddy who’s there drinking told me she’s hammered and drinking still. She replied to me with “I’m half asleep, we’re not together trying to give distance” Glad I wasn’t down enough and was worth breaking even more... should have known it was just gonna be sex and nothing else until she could get it elsewhere like tonight with her prone way of hooking up with her brothers friends..
elaine567 Posted September 23, 2018 Posted September 23, 2018 Death can often put things into perspective for people. Her father did not approve of you, her father is now dead, she needs to make amends to him and she probably feels by excluding you she is now following his wishes. She is now evaluating your off and on mixed up relationship and she has chosen to end it. Also she is only 23, she has been with you for 4 years, she is young and I guess settling down is not on her mind anytime soon, her father's death and this glitch gives her an excuse to end it. Family is really important, especially to women. Few women want to bring up kids without a loving family around them. Staying with you would involve arguments, stress and even feuds, so she is choosing not to go there. Grieve, heal and move on...
Author lostandconfusedsoul Posted September 25, 2018 Author Posted September 25, 2018 So question for anybody who can help me here.. I’ve been NC for 3 days or 2 days not sure lol I know woohoo not a big deal but it’s hard as ****! She messaged me the first night with her generic apology saying she didn’t mean to disrespect me or hurt me and this is why she didn’t think seeing each other again was a good idea... to which I ignored Now tonight she messaged me again saying I left a pair of boxers at her place and that she’s pretty sure she recognized an animal at the humane society in town..... what the **** is going on here... is she trying to friend zone me?
Garcon1986 Posted September 25, 2018 Posted September 25, 2018 Is it the end of the world if she friendzones you?
Author lostandconfusedsoul Posted September 25, 2018 Author Posted September 25, 2018 Is it the end of the world if she friendzones you? That is not an option for me... and she is aware of that.
MountainGirl111 Posted September 25, 2018 Posted September 25, 2018 What's is so WRONG with being friends?!? Maybe that's the only type of relationship she feels like doing right now fist of all because of her grief. Secondly, she might be confused by you, as well. Lots and lots of confusion, to me, is not a good sign that you will have peace in a relationship. Think about this. You didn't go to her dad's funeral. Did you help her with her grief? Did you reach out to her? Did you ask her how she was feeling? Hypothetically if my BF didn't attend my dad's funeral...I would be disappointed as well as confused...I think it would not be out of line for her to question your care and loyalty at that point. In many/most situations actions speak louder than words. But, what it done is done or what is not done is not done...either way....lots of confusion is not good...it's definitely not good for anyone's mental status. Makes one's head spin. So, both men AND women need to be straightforward with one another. They need to be direct at times..but in a nice way, direct...it's can be done without being mean or too stern.
Author lostandconfusedsoul Posted September 25, 2018 Author Posted September 25, 2018 What's is so WRONG with being friends?!? Maybe that's the only type of relationship she feels like doing right now fist of all because of her grief. Secondly, she might be confused by you, as well. Lots and lots of confusion, to me, is not a good sign that you will have peace in a relationship. Think about this. You didn't go to her dad's funeral. Did you help her with her grief? Did you reach out to her? Did you ask her how she was feeling? Hypothetically if my BF didn't attend my dad's funeral...I would be disappointed as well as confused...I think it would not be out of line for her to question your care and loyalty at that point. In many/most situations actions speak louder than words. But, what it done is done or what is not done is not done...either way....lots of confusion is not good...it's definitely not good for anyone's mental status. Makes one's head spin. So, both men AND women need to be straightforward with one another. They need to be direct at times..but in a nice way, direct...it's can be done without being mean or too stern. Of course I asked her how she’s doing, I spent 3 nights with her before this little situation. Holding her, listening to her I bought and registered a star in her fathers name for her and surprised her with it... she is very aware that I am disappointed in myself for not actually making the best decision.. I’ve cried to her because of it... My intentions and my shoulder have been available for her 24/7 until now
Garcon1986 Posted September 25, 2018 Posted September 25, 2018 She's acting confused because you are simultaneously showing her the weakness of being emotionally flustered, and also showing her the strength of being there for her. She has legitimate grief but also is questioning if you are a built Ford Tough man.
Author lostandconfusedsoul Posted September 25, 2018 Author Posted September 25, 2018 She's acting confused because you are simultaneously showing her the weakness of being emotionally flustered, and also showing her the strength of being there for her. She has legitimate grief but also is questioning if you are a built Ford Tough man. So what do you think I should do? Continue NC? Move on and heal or reply?
CantTakeMySmile Posted September 25, 2018 Posted September 25, 2018 yes, NC. If you want to be in a relationship with you, she has not shown you that she ahs changed her mind, so NC. If you don't' want to be in a relationship with her, you already said you did not wish friendship, so again, NC. Personally, I don't see any other options. But, if you don't' know if it has been 2 or 3 days since you stop contact then you are doing ok. At least you are not counting the days.
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