Lamartine Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 I have been dating my boyfriend for six months. This weekend is my birthday. He planned nothing--no card, no flowers, no gifts. Let me be clear that I a not looking for material things for him: I am simply looking for acknowledgment of my first milestone with him. He could have written a home made card and planned a night for us to stay home together and watch movies or play board games. He said he just got caught up in work and forgot. All of us work/go to school/have other responsibilities. However, when showing a loved one we care, we make the time to do it--and the time could be minimal. He is a good man, but he does get hung up on work. He comes home some nights, talks about nothing but his job, and then watches several hours of TV (chosen by him) in salience. I'd already begun to feel unimportant, and this has exacerbated that feeling. I'm worried that he won't be able to meet my emotional needs. Do you think I am exaggerating? 1
clia Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 You said your birthday is this weekend, so has he already told you he's not going to do anything for you for your birthday? I mean, there's no reason why he still can't go out and get some flowers or a small gift or take you out to dinner or something.
Gaeta Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 He is a good man, but he does get hung up on work. He comes home some nights, talks about nothing but his job, and then watches several hours of TV (chosen by him) in salience. I'd already begun to feel unimportant, and this has exacerbated that feeling. I'm worried that he won't be able to meet my emotional needs. How can you consider him a good man if he's self centered and spend all his free time watching tv? A man isn't a *good man* just cause he observes the law and pays his taxes. A good man is one that is sensitive to your wants & needs, one that cares and shows it with actions and words. My BF hates everything that is b'day and holidays. On my b'day he'll wish me happy b'day 10 times but there won't be a gift or restaurant at the end of the day. I have learn to accept him as he is and to be ok with it all because otherwise he's an amazingly attentive man that would move mountains for me. 1
Author Lamartine Posted September 7, 2018 Author Posted September 7, 2018 You said your birthday is this weekend, so has he already told you he's not going to do anything for you for your birthday? I mean, there's no reason why he still can't go out and get some flowers or a small gift or take you out to dinner or something. He told me. He said he'd make it up to me, but he travels internationally often and will be gone quite a bit in the next two months. I don't know when he'll have a chance.
preraph Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 If your Bf is already ignoring you and taking you for granted at six months, then imagine how much worse he'll be in three years. Don't expect him to change. You are simply seeing what he's like for the first time. Likely he'll always ignore you until he has a sex or companionship need and isn't taking your needs into consideration at all. Be sure you're on birth control if you are going to keep seeing him because he would be a "checked out" father. 1
Zahara Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 He said he just got caught up in work and forgot. All of us work/go to school/have other responsibilities. However, when showing a loved one we care, we make the time to do it--and the time could be minimal. If it's important and a priority to someone, they will remember. I'm sure he does not forget his deadlines or his meetings. Forgot just means it's not important to him. Besides, 6 months in and he's already showing signs of apathy. He is a good man, but he does get hung up on work. He comes home some nights, talks about nothing but his job, and then watches several hours of TV (chosen by him) in salience. I'd already begun to feel unimportant, and this has exacerbated that feeling. I'm worried that he won't be able to meet my emotional needs. He may be a good man in other areas of his life but does he make a compatible partner in a relationship -- the kind that you want and desire? Two different things. It doesn't look good. If he truly is too "busy", too distracted with work and only has the energy to watch TV, then he is likely unable to focus on building a relationship, or fulfill your emotional needs.
clia Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 He told me. He said he'd make it up to me, but he travels internationally often and will be gone quite a bit in the next two months. I don't know when he'll have a chance. So are you even going to see him this weekend? This just seems incredibly inconsiderate. It wouldn't take much at all for him to do something for you. I mean, he could arrange to have flowers delivered to your house, or even pick up flowers on his way over to see you, or take you out for a nice dinner somewhere. It seems like maybe he just doesn't want to put forth the effort. IMO, this is not a good sign.
Highndry Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 For my exes birthday I took her out of town for a quick getaway, took her shopping, to the movies, restaurants, etc. For my birthday she did next to nothing, even after asking me what I would like. Good riddance. 1
Malin889 Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 He couldn't have made you dinner at home? Nothing?
zivo Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 You need to tell him this and not us. Tell him how you feel about this situation and tell him that you expected him to at least do something small, to show that he cared. See what he says and then come back here and tell us what you think you should do. Not having this response from him makes it very hard for us to tell you anything. Get his side of the story first, what if he just doesn't really care for bdays and doesn't even want you to do anything for his bday? I think thats fair, some people don't find the day special.
Happy Lemming Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 My girlfriend always gets her birthday gift early... There will be something on sale that she'll want, so I get it early for her. This year she got a new purse, early (that was on sale). Last year, she dropped her phone and I got her a new one, early. When her birthday actually arrives I still cook her favorite dinner, make a cake and have a small gift for her to open. Birthdays are special and yes, even at six months dating he should have remembered and did something. It's really not that hard... You can always go with a birthstone ring, necklace or earrings if you are completely stuck for ideas. My girlfriend loves opals... If I get stuck I can always get something with an opal. Sapphire is September, that one is easy... Plenty of pretty sapphire items that aren't too expensive.
bathtub-row Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 I used to date a guy who joked that he was going break up with me just before Christmas and then get back together after Valentine’s because that covered all the holidays, plus my birthday. But we’d be back together by the time his bd rolled around. I found that extremely funny and had a good laugh about it. In truth, though, he was very giving and, obviously, very funny. Most guys are aware of the importance of birthdays and holidays but your bf seems to be completely obtuse in this area, to the point of blatantly continuing to ignore it once it’s pointed out to him that he “forgot” about it. I don’t think it’s so important that he forgot but I think it’s very troubling how he chooses to downplay it completely even though he knows it’s important to you. This isn’t a very good sign.
smackie9 Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 I have never dated a guy that didn't do anything for my birthday. After only dating for 3 months, my husband bought me an expensive bottle of perfume (picked it out himself and it was lovely) and took me out for a nice dinner, then met up with friends for drinks. Not bad for a 20 year old guy dating (me) turned 26. This guy can't make you feel special? dump this chump.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 I've also never been with a man who didn't do anything for my birthday. I think a man like this just doesn't "get it," and possibly never will. I think you'll have to either accept it or not. I wouldn't be able to accept it. It would feel much too cold for me. 1
d0nnivain Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 Have you ever told him your expectations around birthdays & holidays? Sometimes people get disappointed when a new SO fails to meet expectations the new SO knew nothing about. I'd be hurt too but you needed to speak up before hand. I'd let this one slide but do tell him how you expect birthdays & holidays to be handled
Kelliousme Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 No you're not exaggerating. My first boyfriend wasn't the "birthday celebration" type. Regardless, I showered him with gifts and even baked him a cake for his. For mine? He didn't even mention a word. I stuck around thinking all I have to do is tell him how it's important to me and that he'll do it next year. But the same thing happened again for the next 2 years. Shame on me. Don't be like me. Break it off if he can't satisfy you emotionally. If he's too hung up on work and doesn't even have 10 minutes of his day to think of you and do something for you on the one day out of a year, he's not worth it. And he may be a good man, but def not a good boyfriend. 2
mortensorchid Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 I will tell you this about birthdays and holidays. It's ok if people don't celebrate them, but it's not okay if and when they actually occur. There is a reason (other than religious reasons - ex. My friend from high school is a pagan and choses not to celebrate Christmas but her elementary school aged kids come home crying because of this - they're too young to understand certain reasoning behind it) behind every behavior. And these reasons are this: 1) He hates holidays / celebrating things in general - That means he's not happy with himself. And he doesn't want others to be happy so he ruins the occasion with this mentality if I can't be happy no one will be. 2) He doesn't acknowledge it at all - Like the posted just above me with my last serious bf I gave him a present at Christmas, but he gave me nothing. He treated me badly and broke it off because I wasn't taking care of him a few months later. Not in the major ways, like letting him move into my house after a few months - instead he found someone else who did. He wanted Nana not a woman. Won't make that mistake again.
greymatter Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 If you do bring it up to him, I wouldn't message it as an expectation that he celebrate your birthday. I would nicely let him know that birthdays and holidays are important to you, and ask him what they mean to him. It should be a friendly discussion. Communicate what is important to you and see how he responds. I'm in a relationship that is at the 6 month point and he took me out for a really nice dinner on my birthday. I will do the same for him on his birthday which is coming up. I asked him about birthdays when I knew mine was getting close and how he celebrated or was celebrated when he was married and also in his family of origin when growing up. His ex did nothing for him. During that discussion we saved each other's birthday dates on our phones, prompted by him, which I definitely was pleased with. I am not into little gifts and random stuff and neither is he, but spending time together (and going out to dinner, which we don't do all of the time) and taking a romantic walk afterwards made it feel festive. Your BF could have taken you for dessert or cake or done something at home. It's possible he comes from a family that didn't celebrate or his history is to do nothing, but I would want to find out about that and then decide what to do with that info. I couldn't be with someone who wasn't willing to celebrate things that are important to me, even if some of my other needs were being met. But you have to prioritize needs and rank how important things like this are to you. Still, it doesn't take much to make the day special. I'm sorry OP, because I know that it doesn't feel good.
coolheadal Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 I have been dating my boyfriend for six months. This weekend is my birthday. He planned nothing--no card, no flowers, no gifts. Let me be clear that I a not looking for material things for him: I am simply looking for acknowledgment of my first milestone with him. He could have written a home made card and planned a night for us to stay home together and watch movies or play board games. He said he just got caught up in work and forgot. All of us work/go to school/have other responsibilities. However, when showing a loved one we care, we make the time to do it--and the time could be minimal. He is a good man, but he does get hung up on work. He comes home some nights, talks about nothing but his job, and then watches several hours of TV (chosen by him) in salience. I'd already begun to feel unimportant, and this has exacerbated that feeling. I'm worried that he won't be able to meet my emotional needs. Do you think I am exaggerating? For one thing Virgo you and I have Happy Birthday Greeting.. Yesterday was my Birthday as well I know the feeling.. I like to have a Birthday just like you. I got knock on the door it was a Birthday Cake with my name on it. One of my friends got it for me. Made the current girl friend wonder who sent that to me! LOL.. I had a quiet day.. I like things to go smoothly... I had 3 cakes one from someone I use to know and 2 from current girl friend with her family.. You need to understand he's out of town a lot you know that so you need to chill and if you wanted more then go and hang out with your friends and family.
alphamale Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 My girlfriend always gets her birthday gift early... There will be something on sale that she'll want, so I get it early for her. This year she got a new purse, early (that was on sale). Last year, she dropped her phone and I got her a new one, early. When her birthday actually arrives I still cook her favorite dinner, make a cake and have a small gift for her to open. Birthdays are special and yes, even at six months dating he should have remembered and did something. It's really not that hard... You can always go with a birthstone ring, necklace or earrings if you are completely stuck for ideas. My girlfriend loves opals... If I get stuck I can always get something with an opal. Sapphire is September, that one is easy... Plenty of pretty sapphire items that aren't too expensive. man, I wish I was your gf
Happy Lemming Posted September 9, 2018 Posted September 9, 2018 man, I wish I was your gf Well she took good care of me on my birthday. I got the three things I really wanted... Steak, Guinness and sex... I baked my own cake.
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