smile95 Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 As much as LS helps me vent, do you think that it is just making me think of him more by talking about it to everyone? I like to vent and get opinions, but sometimes I wonder if writing make me think of him more? Is it ok to vent outlous or should I not? Wonder if it is hurting my progress? I just wish I could turn him off in my head... Not saying so no one helps me! I could not even explain how much this site has saved me!!!!
upsetnhurt Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 BETH, I thought about this too yet I strongly believe it is healthy to have an outlet to talk about your feelings. There is no way to simply put it out of your mind as I believe it has to happen naturally. You affliction for LS will dwindle within time as you continue down that healing process.
Outcast Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 In your case, I think you read about people who go NC and find that their partners come back and that you keep hoping that he'll come back. I think you really should see a counsellor to help yourself shake yourself loose from this guy because it seems clear you are unable to do it on your own - or with LS.
Guest Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 It depends on how you use it. If you feel this is detrimental to your healing then you need to leave. LoveShack will be here waiting if you feel you need to come back. It is a tool and tools are only as good (or bad) as the person using it.
sundrop Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 For me I think it helps. It's a place where I can vent and get others peoples outside perspective/oppions. It helps me look a things from others peoples point of views, and maybe answer a few questions. I agree it all depends on how a person tends to use LS. I use it for advice and to vent so I can deal with these feelings I have so I can try to let go and move on.
kscholze Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 I am so glad I found this place. so many people with similar problems. It is a great tool for me to use during hard times. But I dont think it should be abused. only use it when you need it or it will become a crutch
bendit Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 As much as LS helps me vent, do you think that it is just making me think of him more by talking about it to everyone? I like to vent and get opinions, but sometimes I wonder if writing make me think of him more? Is it ok to vent outlous or should I not? Wonder if it is hurting my progress? I just wish I could turn him off in my head... Not saying so no one helps me! I could not even explain how much this site has saved me!!!! Beth, it is quite possible that your ex has a NPD.. as such, it might make sense for you to check out other resources that focus on this specific kind of relationship. These relationships, and I am recovering from two because I didn't recover from the first one before falling again, are very very difficult to get your arms around. But there are people out ther who have experience in support. PM if you want a reference. regards mj regards mj
sundrop Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 it is quite possible that your ex has a NPD.. Sorry but what is a NPD?
bendit Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 narcissistic personality disorder. Sundrop, I read your post and it is possible that your ex has this too.. pm me is you want another resource.. regards Mike
JS17 Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 There's a good thread on Narcissistic Ex-BFs... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t68754/
sundrop Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 narcissistic personality disorder. Sundrop, I read your post and it is possible that your ex has this too.. pm me is you want another resource.. regards Mike Hey Bendit, I just read up on NPD, This would be my exhusband, to a T (I was looking for his picture on be on the website) Not my ex boyfriend, he has trust issues. Thanks though.
upsetnhurt Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 Sundrop, I got a good laugh out of bendit telling you that your ex has NPD .
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 Look at it this way. Your either going to vent to your friends who will tell you "He's a jerk. Your too good for him" B/C Their your friends and won't tell you that your at fault for the realtionship ending (Not saying it is but you get the gist) Or impartial people who have gone through this (that's why were all here) and will give you and honest answer.
sundrop Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 Sundrop, I got a good laugh out of bendit telling you that your ex has NPD . Me tooo... Made me smile. But the funny thing is he hit the nail on the head about my exhusband.
sundrop Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 Look at it this way. Your either going to vent to your friends who will tell you "He's a jerk. Your too good for him" B/C Their your friends and won't tell you that your at fault for the realtionship ending (Not saying it is but you get the gist) Or impartial people who have gone through this (that's why were all here) and will give you and honest answer. my thoughts exactly.....
Author smile95 Posted September 7, 2005 Author Posted September 7, 2005 Outcast-In your case, I think you read about people who go NC and find that their partners come back and that you keep hoping that he'll come back. Hard not to believe this when he ALWAYS comes back-lol I do get a lot from venting on here....Maybe as I heal, I will not need to depend on you all for the help and can cope alone, but for now, it seems to help me out to get everyones opinion. thanks As for NPD...I have done posts on this actaully! I believe he has it. I have done plenty of research on this.
Author smile95 Posted September 7, 2005 Author Posted September 7, 2005 bendit-I cannot send you a PM? You must have that turned off? Can you PM me and I can reply????
Author smile95 Posted September 7, 2005 Author Posted September 7, 2005 bendit---what info can you give in a nutshell about NPD? I have read info onine and my ex falls into this category, but I am not sure he would know it or ever admit it. Signs I see......He never thinks of my feelings....always insecure...promises me trips and gifts and never follows thru.....obsessed with his job and $ and how people view him and his social status.....he takes part in diff community activites and appears to be such a great guy to people who really do not know him......he says we never have problems and will not discuss anything and just says"we are fine, i love you"....he goes periods of time ignoring me and makes me think I did something wrong. I am so heartbroken and no one understands how I love him. i do not either. I guess it was part of his charm...I do beleive he loves me(in his messed up way). I go back and forth with him and nothing changes. How did you gt over your exes? How is it different than getting over a "normal" relationship? Is it differernt? Do you know how I feel about hating him and loving him?We are not together and I do not want to go back. But from his pattern, I know he will call again and I want to be able to stop going back to him for my wn good. I admit I miss him and love him, but I also know that it is time to go for good this time.
Art_Critic Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 Beth, Do yourself a big favor and stop focusing your attention on your ex. Day after day you are focused on him instead of yourself You should be focusing your attention on Beth, Who is a wonderful, loving person who had a bad relationship with a bum. The bum should remain nameless and BETH should be the focus ..
whichwayisup Posted September 8, 2005 Posted September 8, 2005 I think LS helps most people, but then, depending on their situation, some stay around, re-reading their posts and/or reading other situations similar to their own. At times it's helpful but at other times when the poster should be taking a step back, they continue reading ... That may not be helpful as letting go, moving on takes longer than it should. My suggestion to those who have healed but still want to be on LS, stay away from certain sections that could trigger past feelings and emotions and go play about the more fun sections (watercooler, rant/confessions, sex threads, spiritual, politics etc...) on a regular basis.
heartnsoul Posted September 8, 2005 Posted September 8, 2005 I think in reading some of the stories on LS (second chances imparticular) one could easily begin to feel a sense of false hope. I have found that to be the case with me anyways. In that aspect, LS could be a hindrance in the healing process. However, writing your thoughts down and getting honest replies can also be cathardic. In short....I think only you can determine for yourself if it's helping you or holding you back
sanne Posted September 8, 2005 Posted September 8, 2005 i agree too much LS can be a bad thing. at some point your going to have to stop using it as a crutch and embrace the world around you. i find it very theraputic to come and read posts here. many times when i'm in a down kind of mood i can always find something that will cheer me up here. i'm also the kind of person that needs constant reminders to keep me on the right path, since I have a habit of veering off course.
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