deesw8 Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 There is a guy in my grad school whom I met in orientation, seems to be following me and trying to get to my friends so he can know me better. He has not asked me out directly. He is younger than me. I think he has certain family background which makes him conservative about people and he has to be careful with the kind of women he dates, but still, I feel puzzled about why he has to do it this way instead of just asking me to a coffee. I guess on my side, I feel some kind of attraction, but I'm not sure if it's coming from loneliness, or being kinda impressed by his intelligence and what he could offer? The other day, it was so obvious when he saw me, he was more nervous than usual, and we both felt the awkwardness so much that we found it difficult to talk to each other. But we had to kinda hide it cuz friends would notice. But frankly I think he has more of a crush on me than the other way around. I feel a bit torn about this, cuz it's the beginning of my grad school year, I still want some time to keep my eyes out for other potentials, and I think I could do better. But in a way though, my instinct tells me he never had a serious girlfriend, and he is looking for one and that is very special, what should I do?
basil67 Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 If you're interested in him, ask him out for coffee. Or perhaps to a bar....I wonder if a bit of alcohol would loosen him up a bit
d0nnivain Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 Smile at him & say hi. Let things build gradually. When I was younger & I wanted to gage a guy's interest without asking him out, I'd let it slip where I'd be over the weekend -- bar or party -- & see if he showed up. You can try that. 1
smackie9 Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 If you think you can do better, then do just that. Don't make any effort for him, and make eye contact with other guys to see what takes.
Author deesw8 Posted September 8, 2018 Author Posted September 8, 2018 But i have no one to compare against yet.. how would I know who is right for me?
basil67 Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 But i have no one to compare against yet.. how would I know who is right for me? So you've never had a boyfriend either? You learn who is right for you by dating and being in relationships. Sometimes, you'll find someone who is right for you quickly and sometimes you'll find it after quite a few relationships.
smackie9 Posted September 9, 2018 Posted September 9, 2018 But i have no one to compare against yet.. how would I know who is right for me? The one that doesn't make you feel awkward when they talk to you. It will be the one you click with, feels like the conversation flows, and you seem to lose sight of time with every conversation you have. It will be that guy.
preraph Posted September 9, 2018 Posted September 9, 2018 Yeah, my instinct tells me he's never had a girlfriend, period, and is super awkward and fearful. For me, this would be a huge turnoff, especially if he's too fearful to ask me out but not enough to follow me around, which is creepy. If you like this in a man, then you're going to have to take the lead from now on. So don't do it unless you can live like that.
mortensorchid Posted September 9, 2018 Posted September 9, 2018 There is no harm in just saying hello to someone the next time you are physically close to one another. You don't know this person AT ALL, do you? It would not help to be near him, say hello and see what he does/says or how he responds to that. Then you will know of his level of interest or any maturity / socially awkward issues he may or may not have. But first you have to actually KNOW SOMETHING about him before you go any further. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted September 11, 2018 Posted September 11, 2018 Your classmates don't care about you and x flirting or having awkward energy between you. In fact, if they're that observative, then they have already noticed the awkwardness between you two. Just a thought: awkwardness is a part of attraction very often. There's a famous Seinfeld episode that mentions this ... Seinfeld called the awkwardness of attraction-interest in someone "an awkward pause." You go out ... see how much you enjoy yourself. At end of date, you decide: do I want to go out again? If no, you stop. If yes, or you're curious, you advance to second date. After second date, you come home and you ask yourself: do I want to see this person again? ... Rinse and repeat. There isn't a foolproof way to know ahead of time whether you'll like someone ... Some of have guesses and develop criteria and systems for predicting who we'll like ... but those systems often fail. Just based on seeing him, you interested in going out say for coffee or drinks with him? Sometimes (though not always) wishy-washy interest is a sign that you're not that interested in him.
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