Am I supposed to initiate the next date?

[Lorenza]

I let him know that a moment ago. It's not fun to write that kind of messages, especially when you meet the person several times and spend more time with them. I'm a bit sad. But it's the right thing to do. I wrote it in a nice way, or at least I hope so

[bathtub-row]

To me it's not about the money, I just want someone who's caring and can take the lead when needed. Here where I live it's not as common for guys to pay for dates as it is in the US but I do accept if someone's offering it with sincerity. If it sounds like they're just asking but expecting me to say no, I say no. But a lot of men won't even offer it, cause it's not expected of them, so I usually pick up my part of the bill without hesitating.

 

I wish women would get this through their heads: IT’S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY!! It’s about a man showing that he wants to take care of a woman, who’s respectful, a man being responsible. Even if the man and woman both make equal salaries, the man needs to show his desire and ability to take care of the woman in his life. It speaks volumes about his character - and this is what you’re trying to discover about him, his character. Even if he can only afford McDonald’s and he takes you there. Fine. He’s being responsible, decisive, and respectful. Men who are drama kings and mama’s boys expect the woman to take the lead, to make decisions, and to pay. For most women, passive, uncaring and indecisive men can over burden her and she’ll eventually wear down from carrying too heavy of a load. If her character is strong, she needs to be with a man who’s stronger than her.

 

If it’s not common in your culture, then so be it. Sounds like a fine batch of men.

[Lorenza]

I wish women would get this through their heads: IT’S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY!! It’s about a man showing that he wants to take care of a woman, who’s respectful, a man being responsible. Even if the man and woman both make equal salaries, the man needs to show his desire and ability to take care of the woman in his life. It speaks volumes about his character - and this is what you’re trying to discover about him, his character. Even if he can only afford McDonald’s and he takes you there. Fine. He’s being responsible, decisive, and respectful. Men who are drama kings and mama’s boys expect the woman to take the lead, to make decisions, and to pay. For most women, passive, uncaring and indecisive men can over burden her and she’ll eventually wear down from carrying too heavy of a load. If her character is strong, she needs to be with a man who’s stronger than her.

 

If it’s not common in your culture, then so be it. Sounds like a fine batch of men.

 

In my own culture it's customary for men to pay, but I'm living abroad in a very feministic country. I believe a lot of men don't even offer because they don't want to insult your independence. But as I said, if a guy offers to pay and it sounds genuine I accept, of course.

In this case I felt put-off because even a friend or a collegue would offer me a drink instead of just buying one for himself/herself. I would either buy a drink or not get any at all. It's so awkward to get something for yourself while the other person sits there emptyhanded. During our dinner, I got my milkshake and he order any, so I couldn't really enjoy without sharing it with the guy.

[alphamale]

I wish women would get this through their heads: IT’S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY!!

 

it's always about the money

[MaleIntuition]

I wish women would get this through their heads: IT’S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY!! It’s about a man showing that he wants to take care of a woman, who’s respectful, a man being responsible. Even if the man and woman both make equal salaries, the man needs to show his desire and ability to take care of the woman in his life. It speaks volumes about his character - and this is what you’re trying to discover about him, his character. Even if he can only afford McDonald’s and he takes you there. Fine. He’s being responsible, decisive, and respectful. Men who are drama kings and mama’s boys expect the woman to take the lead, to make decisions, and to pay. For most women, passive, uncaring and indecisive men can over burden her and she’ll eventually wear down from carrying too heavy of a load. If her character is strong, she needs to be with a man who’s stronger than her.

 

If it’s not common in your culture, then so be it. Sounds like a fine batch of men.

It says absolutely nothing about character. Nothing whatsoever. You can teach a monkey to plan dates and pay for them.

[Timshel]

It says absolutely nothing about character. Nothing whatsoever. You can teach a monkey to plan dates and pay for them.

 

 

Lorenza wasn't dating a monkey, was she.

 

 

It did not flow so the sooner an incompatible partner is weeded out, the better.

 

 

To each their own and best against drama, infidelity and divorce for it.

 

 

 

Stay true to yourself Lorenza, it's the only way you will meet someone who will put up with you for a lifetime. Vice Versa, of course.

[FMW]

I am amazed that not only did he not offer to buy you a drink when you said you couldn't spend any more money, but that he actually bought one for himself while you sat there with nothing! You are absolutely right, female friends would even buy the other a drink in that situation or at least skip it for themselves as well. He's clueless along with being passive.

 

You made the right decision to not see him again.

[CollinW]

I wish women would get this through their heads: IT’S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY!! It’s about a man showing that he wants to take care of a woman, who’s respectful, a man being responsible. Even if the man and woman both make equal salaries, the man needs to show his desire and ability to take care of the woman in his life. It speaks volumes about his character - and this is what you’re trying to discover about him, his character. Even if he can only afford McDonald’s and he takes you there. Fine. He’s being responsible, decisive, and respectful. Men who are drama kings and mama’s boys expect the woman to take the lead, to make decisions, and to pay. For most women, passive, uncaring and indecisive men can over burden her and she’ll eventually wear down from carrying too heavy of a load. If her character is strong, she needs to be with a man who’s stronger than her.

 

If it’s not common in your culture, then so be it. Sounds like a fine batch of men.

if you're an adult you shouldn't need a man to show you that he's willing to take care of you. You should be taking care of yourself.

 

This idea of willingness never extend to both directions. If a man said a woman needed to cook every meal in order for her to show she's nurturing and accommodating he'd be called a sexist. But society is still stuck on this antiquated idea that men need to do all the work and pay for everything. Luckily times are changing. If rather be alone than minimized.

[Lorenza]

if you're an adult you shouldn't need a man to show you that he's willing to take care of you. You should be taking care of yourself.

 

This idea of willingness never extend to both directions. If a man said a woman needed to cook every meal in order for her to show she's nurturing and accommodating he'd be called a sexist. But society is still stuck on this antiquated idea that men need to do all the work and pay for everything. Luckily times are changing. If rather be alone than minimized.

 

I want a man to take care of me. And I'd take care of him too. I'm nurturing and I want that back. Taking care of each other has nothing to do with adulthood and independence. A relationship is supposed to enrich your life, otherwise it's not worth it. I enjoy when a man is caring and protective, I can cook him all the meals he wants and iron all his shirts. But I also work and have my hobbies, so it's not like I want to live in the 50's, which is what some people assume when I tell them I'd like a man to take care of me.

[salparadise]

It’s about a man showing that he wants to take care of a woman, who’s respectful, a man being responsible. Even if the man and woman both make equal salaries, the man needs to show his desire and ability to take care of the woman in his life. It speaks volumes about his character

 

Wrong, it speaks volumes about your character.

 

By what authority do you believe the world owes you a free ride, to lay back and do nothing but criticize while a man is supposed to prove his willingness/ability to carry you? Geesh! It's the 21st century; where does one get such a blatant attitude of entitlement?

[basil67]

I wish women would get this through their heads: IT’S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY!! It’s about a man showing that he wants to take care of a woman, who’s respectful, a man being responsible. Even if the man and woman both make equal salaries, the man needs to show his desire and ability to take care of the woman in his life. It speaks volumes about his character - and this is what you’re trying to discover about him, his character. Even if he can only afford McDonald’s and he takes you there. Fine. He’s being responsible, decisive, and respectful. Men who are drama kings and mama’s boys expect the woman to take the lead, to make decisions, and to pay. For most women, passive, uncaring and indecisive men can over burden her and she’ll eventually wear down from carrying too heavy of a load. If her character is strong, she needs to be with a man who’s stronger than her.

 

If it’s not common in your culture, then so be it. Sounds like a fine batch of men.

 

This is quite an exaggeration. A man who wants a woman who is his equal is not by definition passive, uncaring and indecisive. He could easily be a man who's caring, thoughtful, independent, driven and decisive and simply wants a partner who's like him. A partner who doesn't need a man who will take care of her.

 

Your passive, uncaring and indecisive guy comes with a different group of red flags...and wanting an equal isn't one of them.

 

I would consider myself an abject failure at life if I needed a man to take care of me. A good man adds to my life, but I don't need him to out there making plans for us. That's a job we share.

[bathtub-row]

Wrong, it speaks volumes about your character.

 

By what authority do you believe the world owes you a free ride, to lay back and do nothing but criticize while a man is supposed to prove his willingness/ability to carry you? Geesh! It's the 21st century; where does one get such a blatant attitude of entitlement?

 

You, like most people, completely misunderstand what I’m saying. Carry on. I’ll not explain myself further.

[guest569]

I just think it is really rude and awkward of him to sit there having drinks when you've said you can't afford one.

 

Whatever about the gender stuff. I just think this is strange of him. Even my [male] boss, on way more money than me.. if he says he can't afford a beer or coffee I will shout rather than say 'suit yourself' and guzzle down a few beers while he sits there. Haha!! This guy had multiple drinks right? So why not just have 1 and buy you 1 too? If it's even about the money.

[Dis]

The date was quite fun, but mostly due to the activity we did. Other than that, I don't think I'm gonna meet him again. He's trying to get closer to me and show affection, also he talks how I'm gonna meet his friends and stuff like that, but there are things that just kills the vibe for me.

For example, he doesn't know what to ask me. He tells a lot of stories about himself and I ask questions to take it further, but afterwards I just have to volunteer my part. He laughs at my jokes, so I end up fooling around instead of having a real conversation, cause I just don't want to sit and listen to more travel stories or stories about his friends etc. I want to talk about something personal, where we can both actively participate. He's definitely trying his best to keep me interested but it's not working. It will surely work for someone else, just not for me personally. My brain automatically friendzones a guy I can't talk to about some deep personal stuff.

 

There were some other things that indicated incompatibility. We had dinner and an activity, which ended up being really costly, or at least I thought so - I'm just a student with an extra job for an income. But he really wanted to go get drinks afterwards as well. When he was about to order, he asked me if I'm gonna get something, but I said that I can't spend more money tonight and he was like "Oh, ok, I understand". I know I said I don't expect a guy to pay, but I did make some snacks and a termoss of tea for our walk in nature, also shared with him my milkshake at the restaurant, so it would have been nice if he suggested to get me at least a soda or something (I don't drink alcohol). We sat there at the bar, he had his drinks and I had nothing.

Also, I had a surgery a week ago and I need to take painkillers every 5 hours for the pain I'm still experiencing. I started getting the pain pretty suddenly and needed to take the pill asap, but I didn't have any water with me since we were in the middle of doing the activity. He didn't figure out to get me some water, instead went on with his turn. I ended up getting the water for myself. Even a friend would go get it for me, but he just genuinely doesn't understand.

So when he tried to kiss me goodbye, I turned the cheek cause I was just not feeling it. Afterwards he sent me all the pictures he took of me and wrote how I should always take him to places so he can take pictures of me, but I was super short with him

 

Ooooo this is bad, really bad

 

I wanted you to give him chance but after reading this...no way

 

Ok, Lor...next!

[MaleIntuition]

I just think it is really rude and awkward of him to sit there having drinks when you've said you can't afford one.

 

Whatever about the gender stuff. I just think this is strange of him. Even my [male] boss, on way more money than me.. if he says he can't afford a beer or coffee I will shout rather than say 'suit yourself' and guzzle down a few beers while he sits there. Haha!! This guy had multiple drinks right? So why not just have 1 and buy you 1 too? If it's even about the money.

 

He definitely sound a bit social awkward. But, as Lorenza said; some girls over there might even get insulted if you try to pay for them. Couple of month ago, I tried to buy a young girl coffe, she refused to let me. Refused!

[Lorenza]

Ooooo this is bad, really bad

 

I wanted you to give him chance but after reading this...no way

 

Ok, Lor...next!

 

I also wanted to give him a chance, even though I felt we're most likely incompatible. I wanted to be wrong, but unfortunately. Definitely - NEXT