about ex bf's behaviour

[daedsea_93]

3 weeks ago my bf broke up with me. It was a very amicable breakup over text although in reality I felt like **** and got ill. It didn't surprise me because he had been asking me every now and then if maybe I just " wanted to be really good friends" for about a month really. The first time he mentioned it was after I nagged at him for something then he got depressed and told me he felt suicidal/numb . I thought to myself he wants to breakup because he is feeling down because when we see each other he enjoys himself and is happy+enamoured with me.I convinced him not to make any important decisions if he was feeling like that .His reasons for a breakup were that he wants to be single again/wants to try a relationship with a boy(he's bi)/lost interest in me.anytime he brings these things up its via text NEVER FACE TO FACE.

 

The breakup happened over the holidays when I was abroad and hadn't seen him for 2 weeks.He kept on going on about having conflicting thoughts during that time. one moment he missed me and wanted me there, the next he wanted to breakup. He got distant which made me clingy (tbh i was also very bored and wanted someone to talk to 50%of the time it wasn't pure clinginess ). Any time i ask him how he is he says either "fine i think" or "idk"

 

It was 3 days before going back from abroad that he texted me that he had been having conversations with a girl on instagram asking if I minded since she is "quite attractive" and they have a lot in common.This gave me a really bad feeling. I was incredibly frustrated about how distant he was with me as if it was too much of an effort yet he could talk that much with that other girl. So(knowing he was asleep and wouldnt wake up till much later) i sent texts expressing my frustration/inability to see a point in living and then deleted them. In the texts i also talked about how much i love him and miss him. Unfortunately he saw the texts on his notifications and read them.I was mortified at first but in a way relieved because I had been bottling up those feelings inside me for some time.i called him and apologized.then he lied about his mum taking his phone away so to avoid contact with me.I already didn't believe him because he ha lied to me in the past and became very panicky.He then responded and voila breakup.we decide to stay friends(rn i honestly dont see why id want to be friends with him tbh).

 

After the breakup he told me he kind of has a crush on that girl(who lives in another ****ing country delusional cunt)and sent me a screenshot of one of their convos which had love hearts and giving each other the goodnight. Things he had stopped doing with me.

 

Day after the breakup we just had a chat about movies.When i came back he came to pick me up with my mum(not his choice I had asked him loads of times if he could come before the breakup).He gave me a big hug but was distant. At my house he told me he cares about me and loves me like a sister. also that he won't get jealous if I get in a relationship with anyone even his friends (erm excuse me WTF).he said he will miss hugging and ****.

 

Then next day we went out as friends. Really awkward and he was moody.Had a nice chat on the way home. I was about to leave when he gave me a big hug and put his forehead against mine. THIS MADE ME SO CONFUSED. the next day i avoided contact but he messages me talked in great detail about getting his exam results back and going to a jap restaurant with is dad. I was pretty unresponsive. I then told him his texting was weird(he said he thought it was fine and he's doing it as a friend) and he got the messaged that I wanted no contact for some time. I messaged him some days later telling him i have to give him his shirt back and he was pretty cold and distant.

 

I have done some amount of stalking with the other girls account.He has commented on some of her pics with love hearts and puts likes to all her posts. He thinks she finds him special because she calls him with a nickname but she seems really really popular and just one of those people who use loads of love heart emojis and type lovely kind of **** when replying to people. He said himself that he is just friends with her for now. she lives in another country so its not like they can meet up any time soon.I feel betrayed and would happily see him die in a car crash at times tbf.

 

I genuinely do think he is depressed( he is always so ****ing miserable)

 

what do you think? Will he get lonely and come back? I dont think I'd take him back but I feel worthless considering how he just found someone else to talk to. just a week before breaking up he was going on about marriage and travelling together:confused:

 

 

saw on insta he posted quite a few stories of himself with friends"squad" is he over or is it a coping behavior?

Edited September 6, 2018 by daedsea_93
EXTRA INFO/UPDATE

[Zahara]

I would recommend that you stop stalking him and her on social media and start focusing on accepting your break-up. All this sounds very immature and if you want to work towards healing, you need to block and move on.

 

I mean what kind of a dbag do you have to be to nonchalantly tell someone that's hurting, days after the break up (and via text!) that they're interested in a cute girl and then go a step further by sending a screenshot of their lovey dovey conversation?

 

He is not interested in you anymore or the relationship. He's been pretty clear about that -- don't pay attention to the bits of affection he gives you. Dumpers are pretty good at giving you crumbs to keep you in limbo just so that they can have you on the sidelines while they pursue others.

 

Please move on from this guy. He sounds like a tool.

[daedsea_93]

it wasn't even days after it was moments after.I was being as nice as possible about the breakup because I felt that begging and pleading wouldn't be fair towards him.He kept on checking up on me the days after(out of guilt really, he said it himself he feels guilty and like he did something bad).I'll try my best to move on and ignore him but at the moment i'm just really hurt and I hate how we go to the same college so I see him walking past.

[Zahara]

it wasn't even days after it was moments after.I was being as nice as possible about the breakup because I felt that begging and pleading wouldn't be fair towards him.He kept on checking up on me the days after(out of guilt really, he said it himself he feels guilty and like he did something bad).I'll try my best to move on and ignore him but at the moment i'm just really hurt and I hate how we go to the same college so I see him walking past.

 

There you go. That tells you how much of a clown he is.

 

Block him on everything. Ignore him as much as you can. Stop checking on his activities online.

[Ralph79]

3 weeks ago my bf broke up with me. It was a very amicable breakup over text although in reality I felt like **** and got ill. It didn't surprise me because he had been asking me every now and then if maybe I just " wanted to be really good friends" for about a month really. The first time he mentioned it was after I nagged at him for something then he got depressed and told me he felt suicidal/numb . I thought to myself he wants to breakup because he is feeling down because when we see each other he enjoys himself and is happy+enamoured with me.I convinced him not to make any important decisions if he was feeling like that .His reasons for a breakup were that he wants to be single again/wants to try a relationship with a boy(he's bi)/lost interest in me.anytime he brings these things up its via text NEVER FACE TO FACE.

 

a) He's emotionally unstable.

b) He doesn't know what the hell he wants

c) He's a spineless coward

 

He kept on going on about having conflicting thoughts during that time. one moment he missed me and wanted me there, the next he wanted to breakup.

Again, he doesn't know what he wants

.I already didn't believe him because he ha lied to me in the past

daedsea_93, Why are you even wasting a minute of your time with a guy like this ?

After the breakup he told me he kind of has a crush on that girl(who lives in another ****ing country delusional cunt)and sent me a screenshot of one of their convos which had love hearts and giving each other the goodnight.

Ok, so aside from being a lying, unstable , spineless coward who doesn't know what he wants, he has the gall to send you the screenshots of his private conversation of the girl that even before the breakup he knew might make you jealous and subsequently went after? Notch up inconsiderate as well.

 

I was about to leave when he gave me a big hug and put his forehead against mine. THIS MADE ME SO CONFUSED.

This guy will keep leading you on, even if he doesn't want anything to do with you until he starts getting adulation from the foreign girl. You will be his walking cane until he either gets another and throws you away or learns to walk on his own [figuratively speaking of course] at which point he will also discard you. He won't even be interested in being friends anymore.

 

what do you think? Will he get lonely and come back? I dont think I'd take him back but I feel worthless considering how he just found someone else to talk to. just a week before breaking up he was going on about marriage and travelling together

I also agree on the fact that he needs to mature. However there's a little bit of maturing needed on your part as well.

You have set him as the "reference point" from which you gauge weather or not you are of any value. By your current reasoning, if a lowlife like him thinks you aren't worth his time, then you are worthless.

 

The error in your logic is that a lowlife like your Ex is incapable of reasonably evaluating qualities in people. If an alcoholic chooses alcohol instead of his family, it doesn't mean that his family is worthless, it just means that his priorities are messed up. And in your case, if a douche bag like your Ex discarded you because he found the foreign girl more interesting, it doesn't mean you are worthless, it means that he's an idiot.

 

I don't know you, I haven't seen or met you. But based on the actions of your Ex, I don't need to know anything more about you to say that:

a) You need to work on your self esteem, because if you are going to empower a lying, unstable, inconsiderate , spineless coward , and let him dictate your worth, trust me, you will end up losing all self respect and dignity eventually.

b) For closure's sake on your part, I will share this with you: He's not going to have an easy time with ANY woman he meets in the future, including this foreign girl, once he's comfortable enough to confess he's Bi inclinations. Not all women take these conversations lightly. But enough of him.

c) Stop perusing and snooping on his life. Let him be. He's not worth your time. She's not worth your time.

 

Believe it or not, you have been held back by this relationship but you can't see it yet because you are still in the middle of all the chaos. Once you have developed the discipline to move on, you will be able to step out of the storm and be grateful that you are no longer at your wits end trying everything imaginable for the sake of saving what is clearly a poor and dysfunctional relationship.

 

When you find a guy that is honest, respectful of you (and of himself), determined and has ANY common sense for a change, you will laugh when you realize how easy it is to be happy with someone who WANTS to be with you.

[ExpatInItaly]

-he had been asking me every now and then if maybe I just " wanted to be really good friends" for about a month really.

 

-he wants to be single again/wants to try a relationship with a boy(he's bi)/lost interest in me.

 

-It was 3 days before going back from abroad that he texted me that he had been having conversations with a girl on instagram asking if I minded since she is "quite attractive" and they have a lot in common

 

just a week before breaking up he was going on about marriage and travelling together:confused:

You cannot take a guy seriously who precedes talk of marriage and traveling with all the over points above.

 

I don't mean to be unkind, but he's been trying to get rid of you for a while now. It was ungracious and cowardly, and he should have been more considerate and ended it definitively. But the writing was on the wall. He did the immature thing by waiting until he found someone else he was interested in to finally end it, because the other "hints" he was dropping about wanting to break up weren't working. He realized you weren't going to end it, so he had to.

 

You should hope he doesn't come back. He's not boyfriend material for you, and he will bounce again.

[daedsea_93]

Thank you, I really appreciate that you took time to help me.Fortunately i have friends that can help me as well(they also told me to block him which is something i will bring myself to do)

[daedsea_93]

I couldn't let go of him especially after he put all those stupid ideas of marriage and a future in my head( in my subconscious i had to make it work for the sake of those things)

There were times I felt like breaking up because there were many of his behaviours that put me off being with him, but i can't let go of people for ****.

 

and no you're not being unkind I do know he was trying to get rid of me for a while(i suppose i couldn't accept it)

[daedsea_93]

Thank you so much. I definitely romanticize our relationship too much right now when I should be fully acknowledging how dysfunctional it was and how I can and should find a much more suitable partner who won't behave like this. Before though I need to mature myself and will work towards improving my friendships(which had become stagnant in the meantime)