What can possibly be going on between them? am I just being insecure?

[theashley85]

Hello. Ok, so my boyfriend has a female friend which happens to had been his real state agent like a month after him and I started dating, but he told me they are also friends, they're around the same age group, he is older than her and me, so when my bf did his housewarming party, he invited me and my family plus his family and friends including her, I got a bad vibe when I saw her trying to get her nose in everything in the house, like she was trying to win his family over, bring all the things, food, etc, I saw clearly that she was trying to get his attention all the time,she clearly likes this man, and I noticed him tense, likes stressed in the party and my aunt which is older told me that she clearly noticed that he did looked tense and nervous,anxious.

 

 

 

This girl is always messaging him, telling him her problems about her adopted kids, family issues, she even send him a text asking him if he was free at night so they can go out, my boyfriend is very noble, good person and wins a good salary, i told him the day after the housewarming party that I did not like her at all. I don't even talk to my boyfriend this much, or message him, like this woman does!! MAYBE I SHOULD START DOING IT MORE OFTEN.

 

 

 

This woman even wanted to be his roommate in the new house he bought for US, she wanted to live in a bedroom efficiency type, mind you this woman has like 4-5 adopted kids.I recently saw some of the messages she sends him, and she seems desperate for his attention, always initiating contact with him, they used to text through Whatsapp but now they text more through normal text message, but this past weekend we went to Disney world and he had told her that we were going with his friends , we left on Friday and that same day in the afternoon she texts him on Whatsapp and says : “”Hi, what are you doing?” in Spanish and my boyfriend saw the message but did not reply since we were in disney with his friend, but still HE COULD OF REPLIED TO HER, BUT DIDNT! I WONDER WHY?, so i guess she saw that, and then on Sunday she text him again saying: wow you don't say hi anymore!, Ok. And that's it.I wonder why he did not reply her? And why in some of the previous messages that she has been asking him if they can hang out, he tells her he is too busy, that he has too much work, and he has brushed her off a couple of times as I saw in the messages.

 

 

The thing is that well, he did in fact answer her on Tuesday:mad:( we came late on Monday) and then he replied to her '' Oh sorry for not answering, that he had been in the Disney parks til late and plus his battery was dead. And then he invited her to eat to ''thereby talk about business'',(she offered him if he wanted to join her on her towels business'') so she replied'' that she couldn’t cause she was going to go out with her cousin and her cousins husband'' and he replied “Ok you let me know,If not we go tomorrow ( which he meant yesterday) but I went out with him yesterday, just to see if he was going to give me an excuse, thereby I would have known that he in fact was going to go out with her.

 

 

I don't know what to do, I feel confused,insecure,should I talk to him openly about all of this with honesty or just wait til I see more of their interactions through their conversations and see if something is really happening?

[MidwestUSA]

He took YOU to Disney, didn't he? He ignored her messages while you were there.

 

OP, the housewarming was in July, and you've posted about this before.

 

And, your words: I don't even talk to my boyfriend this much, or message him, like this woman does!! MAYBE I SHOULD START DOING IT MORE OFTEN.

 

Maybe you should!

 

I think we established that you don't initiate contact for some reason. Has this changed? Have you started taking the lead? The more contact you have with him, the less time he has for her. I don't want to minimize your feelings, but you do seem to read a lot into very little. And you sound very insecure. At 47, and with a home she helped him purchase, your guy may see this woman as a business acquaintance. She may be pushing for more, but you admit he brushes her off quite a bit. When he does communicate, it may be out of politeness.

 

Yes, you should have an honest talk with him about your insecurities. Perhaps suggest that you, he, and this friend of his have lunch together. See how he responds. And you really don't have a say in whether he sublets out part of his home, although I would hope she wouldn't bring 4 or 5 kids with her!

 

You need to get a handle on this. He may indeed decide a secure woman closer to his age suits him better than an insecure woman 17 years his junior.

[smackie9]

If he is the whole package, looks, money, he's going to have other women interested. My guess is that he just that kind of guy...can't say no not to look like an a hole. He's been keeping her at arms length hoping she will simply get tired of it and move on.

 

 

 

I don't know if you have any grounds for boundaries because none have been crossed.

 

 

 

Maybe bring up her desperate behavior but be sympathetic to his situation that he probably doesn't know how to deal with this woman "pawing" at him so to speak. He's just being a nice guy all around. Have to communicate, he's not a mind reader.

[Orokotikki]

I am hoping this goes without saying... if his friend moves in, you need to move out and move on.

[kendahke]

You dont' mention how long you and this man have been seeing one another. How long have you been together? Is he on the same page as you as far as what you are seeking from this?

 

I'm not seeing your boyfriend leading her on or encouraging her outside of normal business interactions. Yeah, so she was extra at the house party... she probably wanted to be liked by his family--nothing wrong with that--you're all adults here.

 

As long as he's not blurring any lines or allowing her to blur any lines with you, then you're making a problem where there is none. If he was letting her disrespect you and saying nothing, then you'd have an issue.

 

Right now, I don't see any. She can talk out the side of her head about moving in, but unless he says "yes, you can move in, here's how much the rent is and here are the keys", then let her talk out of the side of her head. It means nothing without your boyfriend's consent, and so far, he hasn't given that.

[kendahke]

OP, the housewarming was in July, and you've posted about this before..

 

I thought this tale was familiar...

[Dis]

Maybe I'm in the minority here but I wouldn't be too happy about this either

 

This woman definitely seems to be attempting to creep up on him. I'm sure if he said yes let's go to your place and 'hang out'. She'd answer the door in a thong and nothing else. You're not stupid for thinking she wants him. The writing is on the wall. Not sure why that fact is being played down. A man talking to a woman who wants him when he's in a relationship with another woman is unacceptable. He should be telling her he only wants to communicate about real estate matters and nothing else. What she's doing is unprofessional but he's not enforcing boundaries either.

 

When in a relationship, why is it okay to stay in communication on personal level with another person who wants something more? That's not okay. At all.

 

At the end of the day you really can't do anything about this, OP. If he hasn't developed the respect for you to tell this woman who probably wants to sleep with him that he can't chat anymore, then he doesn't care about you as much as you think he does. It's irrelevant if he would take her up on the offer or not. It's about respecting your partner.

 

I personally would let him go. Not out of insecurity but because I have more respect for myself than to be with someone who's chatting with another woman who wants to jump him.