Breakup

[Sassafras111]

I have known my ex for about 12 years we dated for 4 years. We never really fought and got on well. He called me his best friend, he said he wanted kids with me and to build a life with me. Cut to the break up he called me unattractive, boring and negative. I cried of course. He cried too way more emotional than I have ever seen him. A week later I found out he had been cheating on me for months, when his new girlfriend tagged him in a post about how great their love is. I only contacted him to get my stuff back. It took over two months to get him to contact me. I finally told him I would call his mom and tell her everything if he did not get the stuff back. When I finally saw him he was angry and mean to me. I told him I was moving my job is transferring me about three hours away. I swear he was joyous. I guess he hated me the whole time we were together, but I can not understand how you are with someone you hate for so long. The problem is I will have to come back to this town all the time because my parents live here. They are in there 80s and need my help. He is all over social media media loving everything the new girlfriend does and taking her kids places after only three months. I have unfollowed him but he keeps popping up. We have tons of mutual friends and family. The whole thing is just embarrassing. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? Why does he hate me and want to hurt me so much? Will he ever come back into my life to apologize? I donÂ’t want him back but I want some tricks to stop thinking about him.

[Young mind]

Your exes behavior isn’t as rare as a pigs wings, sorry about that, I mean to say, it will defeat the purpose of him leaving you , if he didn’t act all happy in social media and mean, that’s how dumpers make their point . This you will realize in a while. The most important thing is concentrating on yourself now.

 

There aren’t any certain tricks, your mind is independent and that means you can’t simply forget someone you’ve been with for so long, what do you have power over?, your life now,your career , your precious parents, why not concentrate on those things, put in all your energy.

 

First comes acceptance, accept the finality of the break up, attempt to move on with your life, if you ready posts here you will find several advices on how you will .

[preraph]

I'd tell everyone what a jerk he was, maybe keep some future woman from getting hurt. Then HE can be the one that wishes you didn't have family in the same town. I'd tell everyone he cheated for months and then was heartless in the breakup and can't be trusted. I'd tell everyone he's probably cheating on her too, that just because he shows being happy on social media means nothing because he did it with you too. I am all for retaliating on personal stuff and getting a little feeling of justice back.

 

Do not let a man who has proven he has bad morals make YOU feel bad about yourself. He is the one who is bad and has no ethics and hurt you. You cannot take anything he said to you personally from such a lowlife. All you need to work on is spotting the red flags earlier, so sit down over the next few weeks and ask what you missed or ignored that you shouldn't have. Your only flaw was you trusted and loved him too much. So don't let his opinion make you feel less than. You have the moral high road here. You are the better person. Even if you tell everyone what he did, you are still the better person than the one who did it.

Edited September 5, 2018 by preraph

[Ralph79]

A week later I found out he had been cheating on me for months, when his new girlfriend tagged him in a post about how great their love is.

 

When I finally saw him he was angry and mean to me. I told him I was moving my job is transferring me about three hours away. I swear he was joyous. I guess he hated me the whole time we were together, but I can not understand how you are with someone you hate for so long.

 

He didn't' hate you Sassafras111, he hated what he became because of the affair. Some people tend to hide their guilt behind a facade of anger. Accuse someone who is guilty of something they shouldn't do and some people will protect themselves by getting offended, getting angry and acting righteous. Do it enough times and they believe their own BS.

 

He has to divert attention away from the fact that he cheated. That's why he's spamming social media. Trying to paint his GF in a certain light so that his social circle accepts her as she's introduced to them.

 

Best advice in this case is not to stoop to his level. Always carry yourself with dignity and respect, and I wouldn't bother trying to explain to people in his social circle what really happen. The truth will be exposed by the way you both deal with this situation. Take the high road, don't engage in social media he said/she said fights. And don't approach any members of his family. Even though they might say otherwise to your face, they will ALWAYS have his back.

 

Lastly, I do with Young mind. This is the time to focus on your life. Your career, your parents, your hobbies, your problems, your dreams and goals.

 

I respectfully disagree with preraph about retaliation, because although you might get some immediate satisfaction by "throwing a little wrench" in his plans, in your current state it could easily backfire in so many ways. You could feel regret if you go too far, and some people might even misinterpret your actions and you might end up validating his decision inadvertently in their eyes. But that's just my opinion.

 

P.S.: Regarding "tricks" to help avoid thinking of him. This isn't really a trick that's healthy, but if you want to stop thinking of him, involve yourself in other people's problems. Read this forum. Submit opinions and advice on different topics. Get your mind off your problems and understand that you are not alone in dealing with your situation. However at some point you WILL have to resolve your internal conflict. Perhaps it could do you good to put it off for now.

Edited September 5, 2018 by Ralph79