Is she interested?

[MJGUK]

At the moment I’m not sure whether this girl is interested in me.

 

I met her a month ago and it initially seemed she was interested. The first day I met her I noticed she was looking at me a lot. I would often catch her looking over at me and whenever I caught her, she would smile and look away. At first, I thought she was just being friendly but over a period of a week she continually kept staring at me. I also started to notice she was always around me. She would either be standing/sitting close to me and when she walked past she would be that close she was pretty much walking into me.

 

After this I assumed it was a sign she liked me. So, the week after I decided to talk to her. At the end of our conversation I asked her if she would like to get a coffee sometime. She agreed, gave me her number and seemed genuinely happy. Then the very next day she added me on social media, so I thought ok she is actually interested. However, a week later she became distant. She started taking ages to respond to my messages, even taking a few days. After getting slow replies, I decided to be direct with her and ask her whether she was interested in getting a coffee or not. She replied saying she’s not sure what she wants but did tell me she liked me. So, know I’m unsure what to do. Should I be persistent with her due to her initial interest or should I just drop it, assuming she is not interested.

[PRW]

After this I assumed it was a sign she liked me. So, the week after I decided to talk to her. At the end of our conversation I asked her if she would like to get a coffee sometime. She agreed, gave me her number and seemed genuinely happy. Then the very next day she added me on social media, so I thought ok she is actually interested. However, a week later she became distant. She started taking ages to respond to my messages, even taking a few days. After getting slow replies, I decided to be direct with her and ask her whether she was interested in getting a coffee or not. She replied saying she’s not sure what she wants but did tell me she liked me. So, know I’m unsure what to do. Should I be persistent with her due to her initial interest or should I just drop it, assuming she is not interested.

 

1. She started out interested.

2. You hesitated too much which made you look weak, indecisive, and lacked confidence. This is a big turn off to women, but she cut you some slack at first.

3. You dithered on setting a date. Saying "would you like" and "sometime" is not "offering" a date, you were only suggesting the "concept" of a date. This again makes it look like you are indecisive and lack confidence.

4. She seemed happy at first because you at least showed some interest, but once the initial emotion wore off and she had time to think about how it went, she lost interest.

5. The slow replies combined with, "...saying she’s not sure what she wants but did tell me she liked me", means "No" , and you're "nice" (nice = not bold enough), but she is not interested (even if she was initially).

 

Leave her alone. Don't ignore her when you run across her, but just act as if it never happened. Anything other than that will dig you a deeper hole. If she behaves interested again in 1-2 weeks or so, then try again, but do it as I describe below.

 

In the future, respond quicker and more decisive. You don't ask for a date,...you "offer" a date. You are inviting them to spend time with you,...you are not asking them to be so kind as to let you spend time with them. It is a mind set you have to learn to have, even if that means you have to "fake it till you make it". Do not do "friend dates", do romantic dates. You want the first impression of you to be of a romantic connotation,...you do not want them thinking of you as someone who belongs in the "friend zone" and that is exactly what day-time "coffee dates" imply.

 

So you "offer" a date at a specific day, time, and place. Nothing "wishy-washy". If she has a calendar conflict she will either give you a counter offer or she will silently, without telling you, change her calendar to accommodate you (and don't ask her if she did that if you think she did). When a person wants to spend time with someone, they will make the time.

 

Friends first,...then Lovers,...is a fantasy and generally never works.

Lovers first,...then Friends if it doesn't work out,... is reality.

[smackie9]

Your worst mistake was adding her to social media. Don't ever do it. There are times they see things they don't particularly like, or makes them unsure of you. You are best to make the date right there, pick a date and a time, have the date. Keep the mystery....don't text them for days not hammering down a time to take them out. Get to know them on dates, not with a bunch of texting. Being less available make you more desirable.

[MJGUK]

I don't think I was that hesitant to be honest, it was like 4 days after I first met her. Also as I’ve only just met her I wanted to make sure there was concrete signs before I asked her out and not mistake her for being friendly, which I’ve done before.

 

Now, when I said, 'would you like to get a coffee sometime' and her agreeing, I did then say something along the lines of ‘nice, we should go and try out this new coffee shop next Friday’. She said yes to this and we then found a suitable time for both of us to meet up. So I don’t think in my eyes at least, I was being indecisive. (To be fair I didn’t include the second part in the initial post, so you wouldn’t have known that).

 

Regarding the coffee date its worked fine in the past and I don’t think that was a problem at all. I find coffee dates take the pressure off, which allows you to get to know one another and then if everything does go well can lead to a romantic date. Anyway, it shouldn’t really matter what sort of date you go on, it’s just about meeting each other and finding out if there is spark. Also, as were young (She’s 17, I’m 19) I thought coffee would be suitable for us both.

 

With the social media thing, she added me, not me adding her. Now, regarding me texting her, I actually didn’t text her that much. I initially text her saying it was me, so she had my number on her phone and telling her it was great meeting her and I look forward to the date, which she replied to. It wasn’t until I text her a couple of days before the date, when she didn’t reply. I asked her whether Friday was still good for her, but she didn’t respond, which eventually led to the ‘I’m not sure what I want’ excuse.

Now, reading your responses I’ll most likely leave her alone, but there is something telling me to be persistent. The reason for this is she did show quite a lot of initial interest and if I would show her I’m genuinely interested in her, would It not make her think about her decision. This could be positive or negative, but at least I'll get a more definite answer. Also, as I barely know her I don’t really have anything to lose.