sanne Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 I don't know why but today was just one of those days. I woke up feeling a little down and started to think about my ex a little bit during work. It's been a while since we broke up, but I've just come to realize that I have yet to deal with a lot of things that went wrong during the breakup. I have a lot of anger that has been repressed deep inside and it's finally coming out. I kept thinking about specific events in our relationship, and how each of those were marred by lies she told me. She lied to me from day 1, when I told her that I didn't want to get involved in a love triangle between her and her then ex-bf. I said that on DAY 1 for christs sakes! I remember all the times when I used to ask her if there was someone else that she was seeing because I was just so confused by her behavior and you know what her goddamn response was, "Oh cmon, you know me I'm way too busy to be involved in more than one relationship". I would kid around with her about that and she would look me in the goddamn eye and laugh. That damn bitch looked me in the eyes and lied to my face for 6 freaking months. It makes me absolutely livid to think about what a horrific person she is. And what makes things worse, she told everyone that the reason we broke up was because I was a stalker and stalked her at work constantly. I dropped her off at work twice, because she ASKED me for a damn ride. I'm sorry for that rant, I'm just so angry right now. God forbid she contacts me now, I would rip her a new one. I know that anger is NOT healthy and that being angry is not conducive to the healing process. But having these emotions repressed is not healthy for me either. I'm gonna have to deal with the fact that I was literally walked all over by her, and that I allowed myself to be in that position time and time again.
whichwayisup Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 Don't beat yourself up. You saw some good in her and your love for her blinded you. It's not such a bad thing as it will just make you stronger. Deal with the anger, join a gym or get a punching bag. It is part of the process and once you realize that she isn't worth that anger, it will disappear... She is the one who is messed up and has to look in the mirror everyday! You're a good person and you have a heart. She didn't and never will. If she ever contacts you, it won't be worth reacting to it. Ignore her and take a deep breath, walk away... Sorry you're having a rough night. Try and get some sleep.
jhurtinct Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 sanne, getting angry is normal, don't give her the satisfaction thats why LS is here, hang in there, don't let her contact you. you sound like you will make someone that deserves it very happy, for now make yourself happy and try to smile and hold your head up, you can still do that. goodluck, have a better night.
bluechocolate Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 I know that anger is NOT healthy and that being angry is not conducive to the healing process. Legitimate & properly directed anger is healthy & is most certainly a part of the healing process, or rather grieving process, as getting over a break up can be very similar to getting over a death of a loved one: denial, self-pity, anger, acceptance, etc... I'm gonna have to deal with the fact that I was literally walked all over by her, and that I allowed myself to be in that position time and time again. You know what they say - love is blind. I think that every relationship we have teaches us something, whether we know it or not. The important thing is to heed the lessons learned & be better prepared for the future. One day you may even be thankful for what she's taught you.
Author sanne Posted September 7, 2005 Author Posted September 7, 2005 for a long time I was not angry about everything that happened. i gave her a second chance and decided to just ignore the past. now that i've stopped all contact with her, I've realized that I have almost never dealt with my own feelings of bitterness, anger, and frustration about our relationship. at the same time I'm realizing that she really isn't worth being angry about.
bendit Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 GOOD! Think about what she did and ask yourself what took you so long to get angry at what happened? You were conned, as was I by two women. Anger is part of the healing process and its a start. But now you must have resolve to go STRICT No Contact with this evil person. And if you think of her as just that, an evil evil human being, it will make it easier. regards Mike
Rocko Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 I think its great that you're allowing your mind to probe the problems of the past relationship. It will definetly help with your next one :thumbsup:
Author sanne Posted September 10, 2005 Author Posted September 10, 2005 i gotta say, releasing all of my anger and frustration has been a very rewarding experience for me. i've destroyed a lot of the demons in my own head which were telling me that my ex was someone I can now see she is clearly not. it's amazing what love will do to you, and how it will completely blind you of all reason. my ex is someone i don't want any kind of relationship with. i think she's an awful person and an evil human being to do what she's done to me and many others. she has been shown the right path in life yet she has continually ignored it for reasons I cannot even imagine. i only hope she one day sees the error in her ways and seeks major help because she's headed on a path of complete self-destruction. i know i'm not fully recovered yet, i still have my bad days. but my mind is clearer and i am really starting to see myself and my ex in a whole new light. i need to change a lot of things about myself so that i never put myself in that position ever again.
slimjim Posted September 10, 2005 Posted September 10, 2005 dont sweat it man. she may not get what she wants in life, but in the end she will get what she deserves, one way or the other. just look at that guy on survivors that won by trying to play everyone and was a total a**h***. now he is up for tax evasion, and could get 30 years, and $1 mil. fine. i am sure that everyone who knows him is upset!! yes right. it all comes back around sooner or later. just stick to absolute no contact, and believe me, this bitch WILL try to contact you eventually to see if she can still control you. you will find someone better--just think how good it will be with someone that deserves you, compared with what you thought was good with this cow. later
jomaxfury Posted September 10, 2005 Posted September 10, 2005 Sanne, I know the feeling you are going through I was hurt by ex also. As for me it hasn't been to long, but I was feeling really mad, calling her every possible profanity, ever created in english, spanish, and who knows what other language, but I kep it to myself. I sometimes I run into my ex during school and finally decide to just let go of my anger politely by just nodding my head as a way of saying hi. It shows that I am a better person than she is. She was shocked, and you know what. I felt so much better. No more resentment or anger towards her and she knows now that I can move on without her. If you ever see her, just nod your head up and say "whats up" and walk away you will totally feel good. She would know that she aint messing with toy but with a mature person. Suegail made me realize this and it does make you feel good. Also thanks for posting on my thread. I really appreciate your advice and everyone else. Thumbs up that you are feeling better.
suegail Posted September 11, 2005 Posted September 11, 2005 But don't nurse the anger for too long...find a way to get to the next step, some way to accept things. Don't get me wrong, because I think it's normal to feel angry, for a time, but if you get to the point of constant obsession and anger, if you can't let go of that, it's not good... Okay, she lied to you for six months, she lied even when you directly asked her for the truth, and you believed her because you wanted to. Now you understand what the situation really is and always was. What conclusion can you come to but that you are ever so much better off without her? As hard as it is now, someday you'll be grateful because I believe you'll find someone who will offer you respect and love and trust. I really do, but right now it's just a painful time of transition. It's something you have to get through, but over time it will get easier.
Author sanne Posted September 11, 2005 Author Posted September 11, 2005 the hardest part about all of this is knowing that I can never go back even if she came back to me. i'm more angry at myself than anyone else because i let my emotions blind me from the obvious truth.
Author sanne Posted September 12, 2005 Author Posted September 12, 2005 well i officially don't know how long it's been since i've last had contact with my ex. i know it's meaningless, but it's a step in the right direction for me.
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