Author Angels_heart Posted September 5, 2018 Author Posted September 5, 2018 NC is not a "thing", it is not a noun. People either communicate,...or they don't. There is no "timer" ticking on anything and there is no bell that rings when the timer runs out. Stop trying to look for hidden meanings. He is saying he misses the "good times" you had together but he doesn't believe it can work. The comment about his mother being in the hospital is just him hoping that would inspire a little empathy in you so that claws don't come out if you respond,...this way he can leave you unblocked and you can be civil to each other while you both go on with your lives, rather than having ongoing drama. It doesn't mean anything more than that. Good point. Thanks :-)
Gretchen12 Posted September 5, 2018 Posted September 5, 2018 A peace offereng. People don't want unresolved bad feelings.
Cupid's Puppet Posted September 6, 2018 Posted September 6, 2018 This morning I woke up seeing an email from my ex. I don’t know why he wrote to me, maybe he thought I hadn’t received his answer since I hadn’t written back. I received his mail on another gmail account I have. He mentioned his mother being in the hospital, said he loved me and missed me, but couldn’t see how it could work out, and why cutting ties with was easier than to fighting about it”. What the h… is THAT all about…??...! I don't know why people like to drag you into their confusion. This sounds like an attempt to keep you on the back burner. Don't fall for it unless you like to be strung along. Your story kinda reminds me of my own. To this day I have no idea who dumped who. I feel like I was blocked before I sent the "let's breakup" text. I also regretted sending that text because I still don't know if he read it and got mad or if he never read it at all. One thing I know for sure is that people who love us don't treat us like this. There was a time in the relationship that I didn't want to talk to him for a whole day, and I really don't remember why. He called my phone that whole day until I answered. People in love fight for their love. So you got to ask yourself why this time it was so easy for him to walk away.
Author Angels_heart Posted September 6, 2018 Author Posted September 6, 2018 A peace offereng. People don't want unresolved bad feelings. Thank you for your peace offering Yes ending things in peace would be the best solution.
Author Angels_heart Posted September 6, 2018 Author Posted September 6, 2018 I don't know why people like to drag you into their confusion. This sounds like an attempt to keep you on the back burner. Don't fall for it unless you like to be strung along. Your story kinda reminds me of my own. To this day I have no idea who dumped who. I feel like I was blocked before I sent the "let's breakup" text. I also regretted sending that text because I still don't know if he read it and got mad or if he never read it at all. One thing I know for sure is that people who love us don't treat us like this. There was a time in the relationship that I didn't want to talk to him for a whole day, and I really don't remember why. He called my phone that whole day until I answered. People in love fight for their love. So you got to ask yourself why this time it was so easy for him to walk away. I think you are right. As PRW suggested in a previous thread I too read my exes mail as "missing the good times” but nevertheless that we wouldn’t work out. Though concluding that it was sent as some kind of “reconciliation – let’s get on with our lives without the drama”. My first intuition was not to answer his mail, but with the above in mind I thought it might be the kindest to acknowledge that his mother was sick. So I wrote a short "sorry to hear about your mother, love you and miss you too". Just before I went to bed I received a mail from him and this morning I woke up to three more. All of the basically saying the same, pointing out my mistake, how miserable it’s made him but that can’t see us moving forward. I havent responded to any of them.... Because you are rigth. Regardless his anger issues, pride or ego or whatever issue that makes him a poor communicator, he would never treat me this way if he really loved me.
PRW Posted September 6, 2018 Posted September 6, 2018 All of the basically saying the same, pointing out my mistake, how miserable it’s made him but that can’t see us moving forward. That's wacky. Now it sounds like the original contact was "bait", and when you "took the bait" he stayed up all night sending you messages while you were asleep telling you it was "all your fault",...and he is "miserable because of you". Can't see us going forward??,...there is no "us" at this point. I modify my original assessment,...He now sounds drunk, high, or just manipulative. Don't respond to him.
Author Angels_heart Posted September 6, 2018 Author Posted September 6, 2018 That's wacky. Now it sounds like the original contact was "bait", and when you "took the bait" he stayed up all night sending you messages while you were asleep telling you it was "all your fault",...and he is "miserable because of you". Can't see us going forward??,...there is no "us" at this point. I modify my original assessment,...He now sounds drunk, high, or just manipulative. Don't respond to him. Thanks, he just sent another one. I never saw that one coming - his responds to a very objective letter from me, trying to “reach out” and make amends, keeping the “blame” on my side. You are right. I never thought of it as him being abusive in any way, but his last mail just made it much easier for me to walk away and made me happy that I trusted my gut feeling 8 weeks ago. It was hard at first not to respond, but as you say it’s bait and he is only looking for a responds - any kind, so he can justify himself and pound on me once more with his words. It hurts but I’m glad I’m moving on from him.
PRW Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 Thanks, he just sent another one. I never saw that one coming - his responds to a very objective letter from me, trying to “reach out” and make amends, keeping the “blame” on my side. You are right. I never thought of it as him being abusive in any way, but his last mail just made it much easier for me to walk away and made me happy that I trusted my gut feeling 8 weeks ago. It was hard at first not to respond, but as you say it’s bait and he is only looking for a responds - any kind, so he can justify himself and pound on me once more with his words. It hurts but I’m glad I’m moving on from him. This is the pattern that Narcissists use. I don't know that he is one, but it is definitely their pattern. There are actually support groups out there for victims of these people because the manipulative tactics are so powerful and destructive. Google the explanations of how the Narcissist operates,...it is actually kind of fascinating, and understanding it can keep you from being a victim of it. Narcissists aren't just simply "stuck on themselves" as people think, it is far more complex than that.
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